End of Innocence Ch. 09

Chapter IX, Solemn Oath

As our mother dropped to the floor with a sickening thud, my attempts to intervene caused me slide directly into her body like lovers intertwined. The sickening stench of cordite was present throughout the room. A burnt foul reminder, laden and heavy with the fragments of lasting false incriminations, of a final brutal act of hatred that contaminated the radius of the entire chamber. An animosity brought to life as a possessed creature operating out of a sense of betrayal. My senses were shattered as I labored to breathe. The pain in my left shoulder steadily increased in crescendo until I could feel nothing but the throb and stabbing of countless wasps digging at my reason. Slowly, I became aware of our mother's body turned outward from my own. Her once brilliant flowing russet hair lying upon my face intermingled with gore of her final demise. The blood seeping and pooling with a life of its own, it edged outwards in a circle, like a flowing cerise halo around her head. As the pain roared through my body, it forced my thoughts together, to begin to interleave, coalesce, and form into words, phrases, and sentences that spoke to me through the screen of my mind.

With my right arm, I gently disentangled from my mother with great caution and reverence. She was no more our enemy than our father. As he was victim of a careless fate, so was our mother. She died of a broken heart. No amount of chemicals or alcohol could deaden the loss that had tragically overtaken her. Thoughts about Ashley intruded in my mind: Could this be our lot?

I could not look upon her face. I knew that if I did, the nightmares that would pursue me would companion me for the rest of my life. The robe that I had put on prior to the culmination of this horrid event was covered and dripped with mingled blood that continued to ooze with each beat of my heart. I stood up gradually, first to my knees and then to my feet. I was immediately overcome by a violent dizziness and a nauseated response. My guts split and rumbled churning bile into my throat that burned and sliced at my esophagus until I could no longer hold my gorge. I labored into the master bathroom and vomited into the sink. I grabbed a towel, opened the shower door, and turned the water on immersing it in the waterfall of the stall. I brought the drenched cloth to my face to wipe whatever disgust that remained there and after turning off the water; my attentions were quickly focused back on Ashley. Perhaps three or four minutes had passed since this deadly dance waltzed its final step. The compression of time that I felt caused it to feel much longer.

Ashley laid still on her chest, her breasts propping her to the left. Her soft cheek pressed against the floor, blood seeping down the other, streaking her golden mane. Bits of wood and detritus from the leaded projectile were scattered about. She had collapsed completely when she saw the gun brought up against her mother's head. I wrapped my functioning arm around her back bringing her up to my chest while reaching to the door with my fingers of my disabled arm, closed the scene behind us not allowing Ashley to gaze at the wrecked image of her mother. It was enough to understand the happenings that took place that evening, my angel would carry the burden for eternity, but she should not be condemned to witness the finality of it all. The one mercy allowed her at its end. We had lost two parents that loved and were loved in return. Tremendous guilt slugged and tore at my emotions. I had not protected my little sister as I promised I would. I had not prevented another senseless tragedy from gripping our family. The immense failings that I felt squeezed and mocked my worthiness. I was beginning to question my stability as the dark hand of despair reached for my heart.

I managed to drag Ashley back to our room laying down first the weight of her head, back, and waist on the bed. I reached over to swing her legs around and quietly lowered them as well. She looked asleep except for the splintered face, yet her beauty radiated outwards despite the injuries. Holding the towel I had around my shoulder, I dampened another one from the hallway bathroom and brought it back to the room. I placed it ever so gently against her face and reached to the table near our bed, picked up the cellphone, and called emergency 911. The soothing cool liquid revived my angel, drawing her back into the night from the pits of her subconscious. She groaned as she re-entered our space and opened the depths of her eyes; the blue, dusky with sorrow. Seeing the bloodied shoulder of her brother and wincing from her own discomfort, she bolted upright and hugged me gingerly; careful not to squeeze where it might cause additional pain, and held on. We wept silently knowing it was unnecessary to give sound to horror, we understood what had happened. She quietly, almost meekly pronounced, "Big brother, my loving brother, you threw down your life to save mine." I pulled back from her a bit; I had no words to say. I kissed her face and held her tight until the police and emergency crews finally arrived.

Ashley answered the ring at the front entrance with me bringing up the rear. The discomfort in my shoulder had reduced to a dulled reminder of the original pain. The police entered first; there was a firearm incident, while the paramedic crews quickly gained access when they were cleared. The team split up and triaged the two of us together. After analyzing our vitals, I was strapped to a gurney and my little sister was permitted to walk behind. The police cordoned off the area, inside and out, with quiet respect. They would not remove the evidence or our mother's body until we had left. As the ambulance drove away with the two of us, I noticed a black van come towards our home. I never tried to direct Ashley's attention to it but managed to have her attention focused on me rather than the white lettering on its side: Los Angeles County Morgue.

At the hospital, we were quickly treated. Ashley's wounds were cleaned, sterilized, and it was determined that she did not need stiches, that a butterfly bandage would hold the tissues together until they properly healed. It was thought with a little luck, my angel would have no visible reminder of what had taken place.

I received a glancing impact from the projectile which resulted in little structural damage but a graft had to be performed to close the wound. The scar that resulted to my physical presence was nothing compared to the injuries to our cores. My little sister was released after a few hours but would not leave her big brother. She stayed with me in my room for three days. The hospital staff took pity on us and offered her a cot but she refused and snuggled against me in the same bed for my entire stay. I had little to say to my angel. I struggled with depression that somehow I failed her once again. That deep abiding love that is Ashley refused to let go, she was determined to call me back, to place me at her side, to find some vibrancy, and bring it into the light. If necessary, she would take the fight into the somber echoes that wound around me and defeat them herself. Part of me embraced her tune, the optimism and fight that were so much a part of her, the other half, stewed in a sense of unworthiness, wondering how this angel could want someone that could not keep the terrors at bay.

The gentleness of her voice was soothing, healing in fact. Ashley held tightly to my hand as I had once, not too long ago, and spoke, "I love you, no one matters but you and I in this sordid world. We are love, Big Brother, we are always love." With these words, I kissed Ashley deeply, passionately, without restraint, working through the grimacing pain, embracing it, just to feel her sensitive lips, the heat of her mouth, the probing of her tongue. Through all the pain and suffering, through the trials and loss, something had changed in our bond, the sense of merger was growing stronger, words were beginning to fail at what we were becoming, emotions now communicated at a surpassed level needing no sound to influence, something very true had occurred and we captured it with strengthening acceptance.

We were released to return to our home. Dread crept over our thoughts. There were no cordon tapes remaining, we were free to enter. The detectives had questioned us in the hospital and satisfied with the answers closed the case. No newspaper reported the attempted murder of Ashley or the suicide itself. The event was closed with a report in the death certificate as accidental by gunshot. The coroner felt pity at the youth of the two of us and filed the report as stated.

There is an organization funded by donations and recovered drug money that provides professional sanitation of a crime scene at no cost to the victims. All evidence of that night had been steamed, vacuumed, and washed away. The destruction caused by the impacts was repaired. Had a person entered the house without knowledge of what had transpired, they would have concluded that all was well in this dwelling. We saw the results of the cleaning crew's efforts and were grateful. We closed the door to our parents' room. We would have to return in time but for now, the entrance was shuttered in hopes of keeping the wraiths that existed in loving form from another day, from another time, imprisoned in the exultant past.

It was early afternoon when we returned. Ashley unlocked the door while I paid the cab. We walked into the entryway and sat down in the family room closely to one other. The doctors had given me a sling to wear while my shoulder healed but mentioned to me that if I was careful, I could go without. It felt somewhat better to have the arm immobilized; otherwise, I constantly felt my arm pulling at the repair. The pain was much more tolerable and I had not taken any Oxycodone since we had left the hospital. Ashley got up and made us something light to eat, a couple turkey sandwiches, chips, and glasses of milk. She returned next to me and we ate without hurry, just being near one another was enough.

The day hurried into night, we each took our turn preparing ourselves for sleep. Ashley dressed in a sleek nightgown that was translucent that exhibited her feminine features, her unique curves, the tantalizing stature that she owned. I was dressed simply in my boxers and had removed the sling before I entered the shower. We gathered ourselves on the fortress of solitude that held our sorrows and looked deeply into one another's eyes. We both understood the emotions of the other while we reached deep to convey what we wanted to say.

Ashley kneeled besides me on the bed, holding both of my hands; she stared deeply into me, "My Sweet Big Brother, the man who saved my life, the beat of my heart, and the keeper of my soul. I love you with all my being, with everything that was, is, and will be, to carry who I am, to share all that I am, in this life and the next, I give myself freely to you." With what she had said, how she had said it, healed whatever cracks that had been opened, and any doubt that I ever had was wiped away with those phenomenal words.

I inhaled for a moment and then held my breath. Her gaze commanded me, "My Dear Baby Sister, the angel that came into being, the love I waited for, the love who holds me, you are all that I could ever want, hope for, and dream about. You carry my heart, my love, and my soul. I love you with everything that I am, to share all that I am, in this life, and the next, I give myself freely to you." In this instance of time, we gave meaning to all the minutes, days, and years of the past. All the laughter, the countless hours shared, the caresses, the soft kisses, the holding of hands, the tragedies, the victories, all the events in our lives had led us to this point. At this very moment, in this second, there could be no other, we were complete.

She removes her coverings and lays flat on the bed. He quickly removes what he wears and lies to her side. Their faces and lips closing the distance between them, the love that is to be consummated is not that of just two lovers, but two who are now and forever sworn as one. They intertwine as his hands strokes her hair pulling her closer and her doing the same. Their lips, bodies, and legs are together as one. Each kiss and exploration of their hands expresses with supreme tenderness while discovering the body of the other with no rush. They bring a touch to the face, a kiss, followed by lick of the tongue reveling in the sensations and closeness that it brings to them. Lips, to the nose, to lips again, chin, ears, forehead, moving to the neck and back again, each sharing bringing new delights of mutual desire. Moving to her breasts, kissing, holding, caressing, flicking each tiny morsel of her, hungry to experience and understand this delicate and firm body as never before. The angel is mimicking the same line, the same unhurried motion, capturing each feature and response into her. Seeing each body as extension of the other, the differentiation begins to disappear as they melt into one another.

Below the breasts of this woman, a sister perhaps, but she has earned the right to be an equal; her belly lay smooth and flat. The warmth of the skin, a line traced in the center from her athlete's body showing power and femininity of her abominable muscles eagerly awaiting touch and caress. Hearing her purr and moan with each new discovery asking for more and delivering in return driving the two that are sharing this bed into higher and higher understanding, reaching past the physical into the boundaries of the ethereal, she has given totally of herself to each new adventure. Moving a hand down to explore her blonde soft hair, to feel the pelvic push back with each gentle brush, creating a sensation for giver and receiver, each hair igniting the nerve behind it, causing a rising of desire and willingness to share, with the statement of love powerfully behind it.

Going further, being pushed further, touching the bed between her legs, to feel the wetness that already is there, but she must wait to let the desire's gait increase, going further down, kissing her legs, letting a tongue touch her knee, folding her leg to kiss behind it, caressing her to her feet, kissing and licking her toes, and moving between to stroke her inner thighs, building a picture of her splendor in his mind.

When every part, every square inch of her body has been touched, tasted, and consumed with passion, only then, can she feel the sweet ecstasy of first a finger, than a kiss, and finally a ravaging mouth that is consumed with her taste and her pleasure. Licking, probing, feeling the force of her hips grind against the tongue and mouth, seeking a merger between giver and receiver, demanding, building, sculpting, promising, and delivering the repeating climax that was before only a thought that lived elsewhere but now has taken shape in reality, impossible to control, not wanting to be controlled, while the flow from deep in her is testament and reward to the giver.

Hearing the sounds of love, with each soft moan, a yes being given in increasing desperation, sweet names being called, the Maker being praised, she pulls him into her so that the union between two people, to simultaneously exist as one, a pouring of energies with each stroke, at first slow, taking some time to tease, and pushing deeper, while she forces herself steadily onto the instrument giving both lovers an increasing urgency, causing the bodies of both to tense, muscles to lock, hearts racing in unison, until both are released into a shuddering orgasmic completion, the release of his gift, and her acceptance of it brings both bodies crashing together drenched in mutual sweat and liquid embrace.

Love had been transformed; it had gained a defined holiness, through a solemn oath sworn by two.