English Pub Landlady Ep. 08

I think that we know each other pretty well by now. If you've read the other little stories in my English Pub Landlady Series I know you won't think badly of me if I tell you a secret. Just between you and me, you understand?

The other morning I had showered and was sitting at my dressing table. I was painting my nails with the new bright red nail polish that I'd bought the day before. I still don't know why, and you mustn't laugh, but I just dabbed some on my left nipple. It tingled a bit but it felt quite nice. The naughty girl in me thought, "Why not paint them both?"

So that's what I did. Checking them from every angle I was quite pleased with the result. Then reality kicked in. I wasn't exactly sure how I was going to get it off again.

To make things worse, the chemical feeling on my nips had started my medical condition. I had rather painted myself into a corner. Harry was off playing golf with his new best friend Gerald so he wouldn't be of any help. I could get dressed and drive around the countryside but the local schools were on half-term holidays so the rural carparks would all be full of picnicking families. I don't mind an audience but I do have my limits.

You're not going to believe this but there was a sudden knock on the side door of the pub. Looking out of the window I could see a parcel delivery van parked in the road. I quickly slipped on a dressing gown and went down to answer the door. There was a young man standing there holding a package. As I took the parcel from him he asked me to sign for it. I put the box on the floor in front of me. In doing so one of my bright red shiny nipples flopped into view.

"Blimey," said the man, "I've never seen anything like that before."

"You'd better come in and have a closer look," I said, pulling him into the pub.

I pulled off my robe and went for his trousers. As soon as I had them around his ankles I pushed the man down onto the floor. Checking to make sure his cock had reached its full potential, I stepped over his body and squatted on his erection. Interlocking my fingers with his, I steadied myself while I bobbed up and down. As I was controlling the whole thing, what was best for me wasn't best for him so he came faster than we both would have liked. Still, the injection of cum was just what I needed to put out the fire. But somehow I felt a little short changed so I turned around into what I believe is called the sixty-nine position. I tend to think of it as mutual cleaning.

Nevertheless, whatever you call it, the young man went for it. Getting his tongue into my hole and then giving my clitoris some very expert attention. I could feel his todger responding to my sucking action. By the time an orgasm ripped through me he was fully hard again.

Not wishing to waste an opportunity, I got back on the horse. As he reached a second climax I did consider changing ends again but thought better of it.

I encouraged him to get dressed and fuck off. As I was showing him the door he suggested that he could come back another day. Assuring him that he would never be that lucky again I pushed him out and bolted the door.

"Is it OK if I finish cleaning in here now?" a voice came from behind the bar.

"Oh shit," I said, "I forgot that I hadn't seen you this morning."

Rita replied, "I just went to take the rubbish out and when I came back you were training for The Grand National."

"How long have you been watching?" I asked.

"Not that long."

"So, how come you have your jeans unbuttoned?"

"I'm only human. It was that or push you off him," Rita grinned..

We both laughed like schoolgirls. I slipped my dressing gown on. Rita nodded towards my tits and said, "That's going to be a bugger to get off."

"Yeh, I don't know what possessed me. It seemed like a good idea at the time," I replied.

Rita came back with, "We've all done it, love."

She and I had become very close since the New Year's party. Rita now felt she could be cheeky with me and I encouraged her.

In early January I had invited her and Imogen to lunch in Dorchester. Glenda was working. As the dust had settled, I wanted to talk to them on neutral ground about moving forward with the Saturday night lock-in idea. Those two greedy girls wanted to make it every Saturday night. I felt that it would be more exciting if it was less regular. I also explained to them that a pub wasn't a democracy so we agreed on the first Saturday of each month. We wouldn't tell the customers in advance and as they were men they wouldn't be able to work out a pattern. Imogen and Geoffrey would take on their previous roles, but I would give her free reign to wear what she liked. Rita would just turn up each time with Brian and Glenda.

After that we had quite a girly chat about clothing etc. Imogen was very concerned that she didn't know how to dress sexually. I suggested she look at YouTube videos of Dr Janina Ramirez, who managed to be a very well respected ancient historian and still look like a dirty bitch. I was close to asking the two of them on a girls' shopping weekend but thought I would wait a bit.

Just before we went our separate ways, I handed Imogen a DVD. "I thought you and Geoffrey may like to watch this together some evenings. It is the only copy," I said.

Imogen thanked me and then said, "You know what the book said about putting English Mustard on sore nipples? Well it didn't really work. It made them hurt worse and they went yellow. I wish that I'd just left them alone."

"Still, I quite like them being longer."

For a clever girl she can be quite naive sometimes.

Since then we had had three lock-ins which had gone really well. The girls had revelled in their new found freedom and Geoffrey and Brian had loved to watch. Glenda was was happy just to get out every month, have a few drinks and get fucked once or twice or three times. She stuck to her favoured legs in the air position. The nymphos could do all the kinky stuff, she felt. I presumed she was talking about Imogen and Rita.

"Do you think that I should use nail polish remover?" I asked Rita.

"No idea, I've only ever put lipstick on mine," she answered.

"Thanks, you're a great help."

"While I've got you here. I've been meaning to ask you about your birthday, do you have anything planned?" I went on.

Rita looked a little dejected as she said, "Not really, I suppose we'll just go for a meal or something."

"How would you feel if I arranged a big surprise for you?"

"Like what?" she enquired, tentatively.

"Something really dirty and really messy," I replied.

"I would involve Brian but that's all you need to know. Other than that you would have no control over it and you would have to consent to everything that happens to you without knowing what it is before hand."

"You will have to trust me," I added.

Rita beamed, "Yes, yes and yes please."

-

The next day, I was standing outside the pub trying to decide if it needed repainting. I heard someone calling me. I turned to see a woman hovering by what used to be the Village Shop. She beckoned me over to her. It was Helen.

Helen is a lady in her late fifties. As well as being Gerald's wife she is also the 'Chair' of the Women's Institute. As she is a woman and only women are allowed to join the W.I. I'm not sure why she's not called the Chairwoman. But evidently she would rather be referred to as a piece of furniture.

Don't tell anyone but I am slightly afraid of the W.I. I'm not sure why. Helen makes me a little nervous too. It may be my imagination but I always feel as if she's looking down her nose at me. I really wished that I could get some advantage over her.

"Good morning Helen. What can I do for you?"

"Good morning," she replied.

"At last week's meeting we were discussing the Village Shop."

"It used to be the heart of the village. There was a suggestion that maybe the W.I. could rent it and revive it as a community run project staffed by volunteers."

"Do you know who owns the building?"

"Yes, I do," I answered, a little warily.

"Who?" said Helen.

"What I mean is, I own it," I said.

Looking surprised she said, "You do? How come?"

"Well, when the shop closed the business was in a real financial mess. I knew that it couldn't be saved but I didn't want the place turned into a house, or worse a pub. Glenda lives in the flat above the shop and I didn't want her losing home as well as her job. So I bought the premises."

"I suppose that I hoped that one day it could be reopened. Shopkeeping is really not my thing though."

"If you all want to give it a go, I would be happy to let you have it rent free. I would pay the rates, or whatever it's called these days, as well if it would help. I wouldn't want to get anymore involved than that."

Helen was genuinely shocked. I was a bit myself, I'm not usually that public spirited.

"You would do all that?"

"Sure, anything to promote village life even if I don't get involved in too many local activities," I replied.

"That's tremendous," Helen said.

"There is one other question that I wanted to ask but your generosity has made it a bit more difficult," she added.

"Try me," I said.

"Well. I thought that the venture would stand a better chance if we could use part of the shop as a tearoom. It would give our ladies somewhere to meet during the day. But as you run a hospitality enterprise I didn't want to step on your toes."

"As long as you're not planning to open at night or serve beer, I don't see the problem."

"Absolutely fantastic. Now we need to get fund raising," Helen shrieked.

I nearly suggested that she could have a raffle with her services for the day as the prize but I thought better of it. Harry tells me that he's also a Wheater, so I think Gerald must have fucked me, but I wasn't sure how she felt about that sort of thing.

I shelved the idea of repainting the pub front but thought that I'd better get someone to give the shop a spruce up.

-

That evening I caught Brian in the bar and asked him if he would like to come up to the flat for a chat.

"Brian," I asked, "how do you think the lock-ins are going?"

"Absolute magic. I love watching Rita enjoying herself. But what I really like is when I meet one of the blokes it the street and I know that he's thinking, "I've fucked your missus."

"One chap even stopped me and told me how much he'd enjoyed having her while I was watching. I could feel my nuts tighten."

"It is my ambition to get every man in the village to shag her at some point."

"Good," I said.

"Well, you know it's her fortieth birthday next month. What have you got planned?"

"I just thought I'd get her some flowers."

"Jackass!" I said angrily.

"She has given me permission to plan a big surprise with you."

"Has she?"

"Have you heard of the Yew Tree Farm Hoss?"

"Yes, probably one of the best ten quids I ever spent," he laughed.

Is there anyone who didn't have a go that day?

"As her birthday is on St Wite's Day, I thought that we could do something like the old ceremony."

"We could get some cards made inviting all the village men to drop into the farm between, say, twelve and three. That way it wouldn't interfere with what the Wheaters have scheduled for the evening."

"We would need to make it clear that it was a Secret Surprise for Rita's Birthday."

"You could strap Rita to the Hoss. I could lay out some food and drink. We could have a big sign telling the guests to make full use of everything on offer."

"If you like, you could watch from the Hay-loft."

"No, no, no," said Brian, "I don't want that."

"I want to sit where I can look them in the eye while they are tupping her."

"They need to be in no doubt that it's my wife they are fucking."

"Whatever you wish," I conceded, slightly bemused. Men are funny creatures.

-

The big day finally came. Brian had spent the previous week making a list of every village male over the age of eighteen. He had taken great pleasure in handing out the invitations.

I had him lay out a table down one side of the barn for the food and drink. There were a few chairs but I didn't envisage anyone spending the whole time there. I thought it would be more like the St Wite celebration in the book. That involved passing men just casually drifting in and fucking the farmer's wife during the course of the day. They would just leave again straight afterwards.

At about quarter to midday, Rita arrived. She had obviously given her Birthday Party outfit a lot of thought. She was wearing a princess tiara as well as a great big pink ballerina tutu which had several layers of under skirt. She was wearing white stockings. She had gone a bit overboard with the princess theme as her shoes were really sparkly high heels. The whole thing was topped off with a pink crop top. None of it was my choice but somehow it suited her.

When Brian pulled the cover off the Hoss, Rita nearly exploded with excitement. She did a dance on the spot and shrieked, "Oh my God. My mother told me about this but I never knew that it still existed. Please please tell me I'm going to be strapped on to it."

I said, "Oh yes. Whether you like it or not. But if I'd known you were going to wear that costume I would have arranged for a Unicorn Horn to go on it. Hopefully, one will turn up."

Brian was thinking ahead, "I love your top but I think that you may want to lose it before we start. You'd better discard your drawers too."

Rita didn't need to be asked twice. She whipped it over her head, nearly dislodging her tiara in the process. For a forty year old her tits gave a delightful jiggle as they settled. She dropped what there was of her knickers and kicked them halfway across the barn not far from where Imogen's probably still were.

Brian took her hand just as if she was a real princess and escorted her to the Hoss. She bent over the saddle and he pulled the great strap across the small of her back. He started to pull the layers of skirt up over it so that they wouldn't be in the way.

"Brian," I said, "don't you think it would be much nicer if each man had to lift the princess's tutu to gain access?"

He thought for a moment and then smoothed the whole thing down again. "You have such marvellous taste in these things."

He attached the remaining restraints.

I went to the front of the Hoss and without giving Rita any option started the goat milker. The cup snapped easily onto her nipples. I switched on the main motor but turned the vacuum down to 20%.

As the left, right, left, right action began Rita cood, "That feels lovely."

By the time I returned to the front, Brian was seated in the great chair that had been placed at right angles to the Hoss and only about three feet away. He had his trousers undone and his todger out. Presumably, so it wouldn't get impeded when the exciting stuff began. He was holding a pair of police handcuffs. "Would you mind fixing my hands behind my back so that I don't get tempted to wank?" he implored.

I shrugged my shoulders but did as he asked.

"I'm going to watch from the Hay-loft and, as you requested, I will tick each man off your list as he takes a turn. I may get tempted to wank but I don't care."

I had a comfortable seat with a good view over the barn. There was a TV screen next to me with a camera trained on Rita's front end. This was so I could ensure that she was OK. There was no recording equipment.

We waited. And we waited.

Just when I feared no-one would turn up, old Tom arrived. He had persuaded Harry to give him a lift.

He put his glasses on to read the massive sign. I could see the confusion on his face. When confronted with free food, free drink and free sex, he wasn't sure what to do. Eventually, he poured himself a drink and sat down.

Harry had no such problem. He knew that this may be his one and only opportunity to go first at a gangbang. So he went for it. He was straight up to the Hoss with his dick out. He nodded to Brian the way that men do when they can't think what to say. Lifting Rita's skirt, he gave a last shake of his penis to ensure it was as big as it was ever going to get. Then he was into her. Brian announced to Rita exactly who was fucking her, which seemed to spur Harry on.

Old Tom, realising his error, had his cock out and was stroking it into life. He must have had another of those pills because it looked pretty respectable pretty quickly.

No sooner had Harry finished than Tom was into position. Brian told Rita who her latest jockey was. For an old bloke he made quite a good job of it. As soon as he'd spunked in her, Tom thanked Brian, smoothed the tutu down and went back to his food and drink.

I was quite pleased for Rita. It was good that she'd had two smallish pricks to start her off. Brian was enjoying the show because his todger appeared to be at full stretch.

A further twenty minutes passed by before the next guest arrived. He was a young chap who worked overseas a lot. I had to check the list twice before I remembered his name. He looked a little unsure of the situation and so he helped himself to a drink. Harry suggested to Tom that they leave. Tom was reluctant but eventually they left the bloke to it.

As soon they had left the new man made his way forward. He said hello to Brian and then dropped his jeans to reveal quite a long cock with a large head on it. Brian informed Rita who it was that was going to next.

He said, "This will be good, Rita, he has never fucked you before and I think you are going to enjoy it. I know I am."

I could see Rita's eyes open wide as the man lifted her skirt and entered her.

As soon as he started to bang away at her backside he began to berate Brian.

"I'm going to give your wife the fuck of her life. Her cunt will never be tight again."

"How does it make your tiny dick feel to see the slut used like this?

"Are you watching me?"

He kept this up all the time he was doing the business. To give him his due, he kept going for quite awhile. It was a good job Brian couldn't reach his cock. I swear I saw him trying to blow on it.

His tirade of abuse towards Brian was having an effect on Rita too. I could see the ecstasy on her face.

As the man stepped away he said, "Sorry about that Brian. Nothing personal, I just get carried away when I'm having sex."

"No, that's fine," said Brian, "I loved it. Please remind me what you said every time you see me alone."

I think the young man was embarrassed because he left fairly quickly.

There wasn't much of a delay before Farmer Norman turned up. Norman runs a beef farm on the edge of the village. Brian used to work for him after he left Agricultural College and before he got his own farm so he has always treated Norman with deference.

Norman poured himself a beer and then proceeded to inspect Rita's back end like he would a heifer at market. He uncovered her bum completely and slipped three fingers into her fanny.

"Farmer Norman has given up his valuable time to come and give you one Rita. I really think that you should thank him," said Brian.

"Thank you very much Farmer Norman," called Rita.

Norman released his large prick. He stepped forward manfully and slipped it in. He was quickly into action.

"This is a good idea Brian. Now I know how my prize bull feels."

"I may get one of these contraptions for my missus. You could come and return the favour some time. Although she's a lot slacker than this little one. But I'm not surprised after some of the uses I've put her to over the years."

Brian said, "Oh yes, I remember some of those things you used to let us youngsters watch. Poor woman."

The thought of it drove Norman over the edge as he grunted and clung on to Rita.

As he moved away he slapped her on the ass and said, "Best rump I've had in a long time."

"Thank you for having me," shouted Rita.