English Pub Landlady Ep. 08

There was a slightly awkward moment when Jem strode in. "Hi Bri," he said,"are you sure you're OK with this? I've often had a wank thinking about shagging Rita but I never thought it would happen."

"I'm sure Rita's had the same thought before. I'm fine with it but I'll just check with her," Brian replied.

"Rita, is it OK if Jem has a go next?"

"Oh for God's sake don't let his mother find out," Rita said.

"Have you fucked a woman before, Jem," asked Brian.

Jem answered, "No, but I've seen lots of videos."

"Go for it then," said Brian.

To give the lad his due, the long years of training had paid off. He knew just what to do.

As he came in Rita he made quite an unusual grunting noise.

"How was it?" asked Brian.

"Much better than wanking. I didn't think a cunt would be so warm and wet," said Jem.

"Remember, it's our little secret. You understand?" instructed Brian.

"Please carry on having dirty thoughts about my wife but keep them to yourself."

AUTHOR'S NOTE. Sorry if you have a fetish for incest but they are first cousins once removed, which in these parts is not even close to it.

Then followed two or three fairly quick fucks. The name of each one Brian told Rita. He was determined that she should know who had been up her and that they would be in no doubt that she knew. I think he wanted her to feel a bit dirty everytime she bumped into all those that had shagged her. I guess he knows what turns her on.

Next in was Mardy, the retired blacksmith. He may well have had a first name at some point but everyone just called him Mardy. A strong man with big arms. Although he was getting on a bit he had the vitality of a man who had spent an active life.

Without ceremony he had his cock in his hand. It was about average size but very veiny. He lifted the tutu and announced, "I'm going to root about in your wife's back passage, Brian, that won't be a problem will it? It doesn't really matter if it is. You can't do much about it at the moment as you're trussed up like that."

"Rita, the blacksmith is going to use your bottom, so brace yourself," said Brian.

"I'm not sure why he would want to do that," she replied.

"Tell him to start slowly, please."

"This will be new to her so start off gentle."

"Will do."

I watched Rita's face on the TV. She must have been really warmed up because although she made a few unusual faces none of them looked as if she wasn't enjoying it.

Then it dawned on me, I'm the keeper of the book, I'm supposed to stop that sort of malarkey. It was too late now.

To give the bloke his due he took at least a dozen slow gentle strokes before he began really letting her have it.

"There you go Brian, I've done you a favour by opening her up for you," he said as he started to leave.

"Thank you. Don't forget to taunt me that you were the first man in Rita's bum whenever you see me," said Brian.

"Are you alright Rita," Brian called as soon as they were alone.

"It was better than I thought it was going to be. But I think that I'll keep that sort of thing for special occasions," she said.

Over the next hour guests popped in and out. Some alone, some in small groups. Most of them took full advantage of free food and drink as well as Rita. Brian looked especially delighted when they said obscene things about him or his wife.

As the next guest lifted her skirt and had just placed his knob between Rita's cunt lips Brian said, "Try to guess who's having you next."

As he thrust forward Rita gasped and cried, "Oh, hello Vicar. I'm so glad you could make it."

There must be something about the bend in the Vicars cock that drives Rita insane because she started to orgasm immediately. She was screaming and shaking and shouting, "Yes, yes, fuck me, Holy fuck me Vicar."

He did just that. He was on a crusade to make her enjoy it too.

When he'd got as much spunk into her as he could, he stood back and pulled up his trousers.

He stared at Brian's throbbing cock and said, "Your wife is the most depraved whore I have ever seen. You deserve that painful looking penis. Not only is she debauching you but she is trying to do the same to me, completely against my will. I hope that she feels really dirty."

"You are absolutely correct. You should admonish me about it every time you see me. Maybe you could tell the congregation that I let anyone fuck my wife in your next sermon?" said Brian.

"I could do just that but judging by this week's attendance there would be no-one to hear it," said the Vicar with a smile.

There was a lull before Helen's husband Gerald cautiously walked into the barn. He just sat down and had a gin and tonic. Getting himself comfortable, he was waiting for something to happen. It wasn't long before young Trev arrived. The men ignored each other. Trev appeared to be in a bit of a hurry but he didn't want to miss out.

He came forward and spoke to Brian, "Sorry Bri, I'm supposed to be working. Is there a queue?"

"No, I think Gerald is just biding his time. You go right ahead."

Trev undid his dungarees and pulled out his cock and balls and shook them into action.

Brian said, "Just hold on a second Trev."

"Rita, Trev has a bloody enormous wanger. I really want him to fuck you with it. I'm going to get him to come round the front and show you it."

"I'm not giving you the choice you're getting it anyway but I would like you to be a little bit scared before he invades your cunt with it."

Trev stood in front of the globe.

"God that's big and his bollocks are impressive too. I think that I'm probably ready for it now," said Rita.

Trev took his place at Rita's back end and started to feed his weapon in.

Rita shouted, "Brian it's fucking incredibly. It is stretching my cunt something rotten. Tell him that you want him to fuck me senseless."

"You heard the lady. Give her everything you're got," Brian told Trev.

And he did. Rita was screaming obscenities at him to encourage him to bang her harder.

"Sorry Bri, I've got to cum up her now. I have to get back to work," said Trev apologetically.

"That's OK. Tell all your mates what a good fuck she is," said Brian.

"How come you don't go to the pub at the weekend

anymore?" he added.

"It's my Mum, since Christmas, she likes me to stay in and watch telly with her on Saturday and Sunday," Trev replied.

As Trev left it became obvious that this was what Gerald had been waiting for. He took off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. He rested one arm on Rita's back and slipped three fingers of the other hand into her spunky gash. This was followed by the remaining finger and thumb. His forearm muscles tightened like he was clenching his fist. Rita moaned with pleasure as he pumped his whole arm in and out of her snatch. Then he pulled out his finger but left his thumb there so that the fingers could massage Rita's clitoris.

It didn't need much.

An orgasm like a tsunami ripped through Rita.

He replaced his whole hand back into her and continued to pump his fist in and out for a few more strokes then he showed mercy on her and stopped.

He dropped his trousers and pulled out a smaller than average cock. Slipping it into Rita, he went through the motions of fucking her. I got the impression that it was because he thought that Brian expected him to rather than it being his thing. As he withdrew, he gave his todger two tugs and then shot spunk all over Rita's ass.

He pulled up his pants and left.

I admired him because he knew his limitations. He couldn't fuck well but he sure could bring a woman off.

Even Brian was gob smacked at what he'd just witnessed. All those big dicks hadn't given Rita that much pleasure.

I had played a sort of pornographic bingo with Brian's list. Ticking each man off as he added his donation to Rita's sperm bank. There was only one absentee.

Ted turned up towards three o'clock. I think that he has a thing about going last, the dirty old git.

He said to Brian, "Rita's minge is wet and sloppy, that's just how I like them."

While he was gently poking her I made my way down from the Hay-loft.

"How is your cock Brian?" I enquired.

"Aching but happy. Did everyone in the village fuck her?" he replied.

"Yes, everyone except for the two blokes who we knew would be away. But you know that they have both had Rita at the lock-ins so we are counting them."

I went around to the front of the Hoss and switched off the milker just as Ted was finishing.

"Thank you everyone, that was the best birthday ever. Thank you," said Rita.

I undid her bindings. She kissed the saddle of the Hoss and whispered, "There is magic in you my beauty."

She asked me, "Did you have time to frig yourself off while you were up there?"

"A lady doesn't tell but my clit is a little sore, thank you for asking," I said.

"I think we'd better get you cleaned up Princess. Ted has brought a bowl and sponge," I told her.

"No, my Prince Charming will do that if you'll kindly leave us alone. Only then will I take pity on his aching cock," she laughed.

"Although, I suspect that it will spring back as soon as any man tells him that they're fucked his wife."

Brian said to me, "There's one thing you could do. Please give Rita the box that's on the table."

Rita opened it and folded back the tissue paper. The was a crystal trophy inside which was engraved with the words.

SPECIAL ACHIEVEMENT AWARD

Fucked by Every Man in the Village

Mrs Wite 'Rita' Everdene

Presented by her proud husband Brian

"Oh Brian, that's wonderful. I can keep it on my dressing table to remind me every day," cried Rita.

"I'm so glad you like it. I was thinking about getting you a tattoo as well," said Brian.

Rita replied, "I will think about the tattoo. It would need to be something tasteful like a little star on my bum for every man. That way I can add to them as the village lads reach eighteen."

-

In bed that night I questioned Harry about the Wheater's gathering which was held down Bridport way this year.

"Everyone said it wasn't a patch on last year. The game of chance was a big wheel with an arrow that looked like it was left over from a village fête. They had a skinny stripper who once she'd taken off her clothes looked like a greyhound who'd had too many puppies. She bent over and made the winner of the game fuck her with a cucumber."

"Everyone was talking about re-electing Ted as High Man next year."

"Was Gerald there?" I asked, trying not to sound too interested.

"Yes he was. Why do you ask?"

"Oh it's just that he's a bit of a dark horse. What do you two talk about when you're shooting golf, or whatever it's called?

"Golf mostly."

"Do you ever talk about sex?"

"Sometimes."

"Does Helen like it, do you know?"

"Well, it's funny you should mention that. The other week we were in the Club House. I had won a bottle of Whisky on the rafle and Gerald and I were sharing it. We were quite drunk. Gerald was feeling a bit sorry for himself and then he started to confide in me."

"He was telling me that he used to be in Insurance. It turns out that every year he would to go to a big Insurance Conference. Helen always went with him. It was held at a different resort town each year. During the day Gerald would attend the conference and Helen would go shopping. In the evening they would play a little game."

"When Gerald took early retirement a few years ago they started to go to random conferences in Bournemouth and play the same game."

"And the game was?" I asked, irritated.

"Oh yes, I forgot I hadn't told you," he answered.

"Evidently, Gerald would sit in the corner of the hotel bar. Helen sat on a barstool at the bar. She likes to pretend to be a prostitute."

"She had to try to turn as many tricks as she could during the evening. Men would chat her up and then they would go up to the punters room and leave Gerald in the bar. As soon as they had done the business she would return to her stool and try to get picked up again. She donates all the money she makes to the Women's Institute."

"At the end of the evening Helen and Gerald go back to their room where she tells him in detail what went on with each of the Johns."

"Gerald has to give her fanny a good working over; he didn't say exactly how. When she has had enough, Helen allows Gerald to wank over her ass."

"I tried to make him feel better by saying that a lot of couples did that sort of thing."

"He told me he knew that but he confided that they had a special rule," Harry concluded.

"And the rule was?" I asked.

Harry went on, "To speed up the number of tricks she could turn, Helen wasn't allowed to negotiate or be fussy. It didn't matter what they looked like. She had to do whatever sexual act they requested at the first price they offered."

"She had to say the same thing to every man. 'What do you want to do and how much do you want to pay'."

Gerald thought it was quite funny that a few months ago three South Korean Toy Salesmen had shared Helen's starfish for twenty quid and they didn't even leave a tip."

I said to Harry, "I suppose you'd like me to do something like that, would you?"

"Oh no," he replied, "well, maybe once might be fun."

I made Harry give my fanny a good working over and then he fucked me.

"I've had a great day. I got to go first at a gangbang, I won the game of chance at the Wheaters and now I've fucked the best pussy in the county," Harry said.

He can be quite sweet sometimes.

The day had gone well all round, I thought. It was touching to see the joy that Rita and Brian got from making each other happy. More importantly, I now had some dirt on that snooty mare Helen.