English Pub Landlady Ep. 11

Editor's note: this fictional work contains scenes of completely fictional incest or fictional incest content.

I was relaxing in the garden after lunch. I had my book. I was thinking about a G&T but I don't want you thinking that I have a problem so I let it pass. You can guess where Harry was.

My 'phone rang. It was Glenda and she was in a right state.

"I've done something really bad," she said.

"Who died?" I replied.

"No, nothing like that."

"Well, that's OK. Now calm down and tell me about it."

"Craig gave Jem the morning off. But there is something really important that they need to do together this afternoon.

"I went over to Jem's place to take him some lunch. He said he couldn't help Craig because he had a problem. Then he opened his dressing gown and showed me his dick.

"He had been watching stuff on the Internet and now he couldn't get rid of his hard-on no matter what he did, he said.

"I told him Craig was relying on him. And he shouted at me that I would have to sort it out then.

"So I did. It didn't take much. Nearly as soon as I started wanking him, he came," said Glenda.

I told her, "No, real harm done then. If it's only the once."

"Well, it's the first time since I've been seeing Craig," she said, "Jem used to pull the same stunt occasionally when we lived in the flat.

"He would get me to buy those DVDs from Mucky Malcolm for him. I didn't mind. He had to learn somehow and there wasn't a man about to give him advice.

"If we had to be somewhere important he would say he couldn't go because he had the same problem. So I had to do that thing for him.

"That was alright but there were a few times when I just couldn't make him cum.

"Jem would say that the only solution was for him to fuck me.

"Well, I wasn't going to allow that.

"Once I got over it by holding his prick tightly between my tits and letting him fuck them. He came all over my chin.

"On another occasion he persuaded me to let him put it between the cheeks of my ass. That was OK until his humping forced me flat on my face. The tip of his dick was right up against my bumhole. Fortunately, Jem realised what was about to happen and shot his load with excitement. It was that close to disaster," she said.

I reassured her, "But it didn't happen so don't be so hard on yourself."

"All this went on while I wasn't getting any sex myself. It made me as frustrated as anything. Between you and me, I nearly let him have his way with me once or twice," Glenda replied.

"Still you are getting a load now with Craig, so don't worry about it," I told her.

"Well, that's part of the problem. I want to be fair with Craig. We promised each other that we would be completely honest and open about sex. I don't know if I should tell him about today and if I do, should I tell him about the past?"

"Now you listen to me," I told her, "Craig is a good man. You know that he's really open minded. He knows that you have needs and desires. Why else would he let strange men fuck you. He also knows that you're done everything you can for Jem. Tell him the truth. He loves you and he will understand."

"You're probably right," Glenda said.

"You know that I am. Now where are you? I am going to come and give you a hug."

"I'm in the tearoom across the street."

"Are you fucking mad?" I shouted.

"You told me all that with all that with those women listening?"

"No, it's OK. I'm the only one in here. Helen is out the back with Mardy; she said something about putting stock away. And I've been speaking quietly. You're the one being loud."

"Stay there. I'm coming over," I said, shaking my head.

When I was halfway across the street I thought, "She could have come to me."

After I hugged her I said, "Why didn't you come into the pub rather than 'phoning me?"

"I couldn't do it face to face. I was afraid that you would think that I'm a dirty slut."

"But you are a dirty slut. I've always known that but I would never think badly of you."

She had a little cry and I gave her another big hug.

"Thank you for being a good friend," Glenda said, "I know my secrets are safe with you."

After she'd left, I rang the counter bell and Helen eventually came out from the back of the shop.

I asked her for a pot of tea. I couldn't be bothered to go home and make my own. Besides, after what Glenda had told me, I was feeling quite twitchy.

"I'm glad it's you," said Helen, "I don't think that I've ever thanked you properly for everything that you've done for W.I.

"At tonight's meeting I am going to propose that you are made an honorary member. I know that you are not a big fan but you deserve to be recognised."

"I appreciate the thought. I won't have to go to any events, will I?" I asked.

"No, like I say, it's purely honorary," she replied.

"Then thank you," I said.

"If there's anything else I can do, please ask."

Helen jumped in with, "Well, there is something you could do for me, personally."

"Go ahead," I said hesitatingly.

"I don't like to ask but a little bird told me about the lock-ins at the pup. I just wondered, if you wouldn't mind, could you tell Gerald and I when they are going to happen?" She said shyly.

"We would love to come. If you know what I mean,"

I thought for a minute then said, "It doesn't quite work like that. They are not really scheduled, they just happen on odd Saturdays."

Not strictly true but I saw no reason to confide in her.

"You could both just come along every Saturday and see what transpires but I don't really encourage women in my pub under normal circumstances.

"Seeing Gerald and Harry are such good friends, perhaps you could send Gerald every week. If it looks as if a lock-in will take place, Gerald could secretly text you and you could just sort of turn up later."

"Oh, that would be lovely," she kind of squealed.

"You do know what goes on at the lock-ins, don't you?" I said.

"Yes, at least I hope so," Helen answered.

"You will need to be prepared every Saturday, just in case. I don't want you turning up cold. Maybe you could watch a dirty DVD or something on the Internet while Gerald is in the pub? It would be great if you could also get quite drunk as well," I added.

"Yes, super, anything you say," she gushed.

After all this depraved talk from Helen and Glenda I felt as if I needed some spiritual guidance so I went straight from the tearoom to the vicarage.

-

The next day I was relaxing in the garden after lunch. I had my book. I was thinking about a G&T but I don't want you thinking that I have a problem so I let it pass. You can guess where Harry was.

My 'phone rang. "Not again," I thought. But it was Imogen. She wanted to know if we could have lunch one day soon. She had news about the box of papers that Rose had given me. I told her that I could be in Dorchester the following day. This suited her.

Imogen was full of her old enthusiasm. She had given the documents to an expert on paper conservation but it turns out that most of them weren't on paper but on things she called vellum or parchment. Much older than we thought. All the experts were amazed. She said a lot of them dated from before the great vowel shift. I had no idea what the fuck she was on about; it sounded a bit crude to me. Evidently, a few hundred years ago the way they said words changed. I said, "Whatever!" It was too technical for me.

What was getting their academic knickers in a twist was that all of them appeared to have been written by women and back there that was bloody rare. And by country women, unheard of.

Anyway, as you know, I like a bit of history but this was a bit beyond me so I asked her to change the subject.

"Glad too," she said, " that's the other reason I got you here." I'd fallen for it again. Someone had got my attention and then slipped in their real request.

"Go on, hit me with it," I said.

"Well next month I'll be forty."

"I always thought that you were forty already."

"Cheeky old bitch," Imogen said.

"As I'm after a favour, I'll let you off.

"I understand that you organise Birthday Parties."

"I have done one but how did you know?", I said.

"Rita told me every detail. Right down to the last fuck. I would have loved to have been there but I understand why other women weren't allowed.

"That's my dilemma. A. it's been done and B. I've met some great girls since I've known you and I wouldn't want them left out of it."

I said, "So let me get this straight. My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to arrange a mind blowingly filthy party for you that includes women."

"And the Hoss," Imogen added.

"And the Hoss?" I repeated.

"Yes."

"Apart from that I would have carte blanche to do whatever I want?"

"As long as it's really perverted," added Imogen.

"Leave it with me," I finished with.

-

The following Saturday night Harry was really excited. He got to spend the whole evening talking to Gerald about golf clubs and then he took him down to the cellar to show him his equipment. I try not to judge. When they came back up they had obviously started talking about golf clubs again because I heard Gerald say to Harry, "Well, from what you told me we should both buy Harley-Davidsons."

Gerald later told Harry that by the time he got home Helen was nearly pissed out of her head but really ramped up. He said that he sucked her tits, licked her fanny and fucked her ass and she didn't complain once.

The following week both Gerald and Harry went back to his place. Harry said they really abused her. Evidently, she was up for anything. Gerald made Harry push his whole hand up her while Gerald fucked her ass. Then Gerald put his hand in her fanny and clenched his fist. Harry said it felt really wierd fucking her bum like that but he liked it.

I told Harry not to get any ideas about doing that to me but that she should go down well at next Saturday's lock-in.

-

The first Saturday of the month came soon enough. The bar was packed. Imogen looked really tarty but in a nice way. Her clothing was sexy but very accessible. The blokes managed to get to her intimate place every time she stretched to retrieve a glass. Not just the men. Helen had arrived quite quickly after Harry gave Gerald the nod. Shortly followed by Mardy. She was sitting next to him having her fanny teased. Mardy encouraged her to grope Imogen whenever she got near.

Rita was receiving her usual attention but she thoughtfully kept changing seats to give everyone a chance of a wet finger.

I had saved a seat at the bar for Glenda who left it quite late. As soon as she arrived I interrogated her. Craig was smiling broadly as he helped her onto the stool by her tits so I guessed things didn't go too badly. He went and sat next to Helen.

"So?" I said to her.

"He's a lovely man," she said.

"I know that but what did he say when you told him?"

"He just laughed a little because I was afraid to tell him. Then he said that when Jem started working for him he had told Craig that he had been fucking me twice a week for years and that I was a bloody good shag.

"Craig said that he was delighted when we met at that New Years Eve because he hadn't had any sex for ages and he really wanted to try me after Jem's glowing review. He also said Jem was spot on in his opinion of my merits.

"I wanted to find Jem and murder him. But Craig said he wasn't too upset that it wasn't true: the fucking me bit that is.

"He said young men are full of tales of their prowess and he was slightly embarrassed that he believed it. He thought that I should just let it go. He also said that I was a great mother and that he was quite happy for me to do whatever I needed to do, whenever I needed to do it. As I said, lovely man.

"Then he handed me the blindfold and said get dressed girl I'm taking you for a drive.

"I was back in the Land Rover with my stockings and boots on, my slit uncovered and my tits out for all to see when we pulled out of the yard.

"Craig was reassuring. He said that he thought I was a great shag but he was biased. Jem thought his mother was a great shag although he hadn't tried her yet. Several blokes down the pub thought I was a great shag but they were usually drunk by the time I had my legs in the air.

"He said that I just lacked confidence and that I was the one that needed to be convinced that I was a great shag. So we should try to get some more opinions.

"We had only been driving for about ten minutes. There hadn't been many spots where we slowed up so I guessed that Craig's main objective wasn't to show every passing stranger my tits. Nevertheless, I was glad that the Land Rover had sturdy leather seats because I felt like I was sitting in a puddle of my own juices.

"Craig pulled to a stop, got out and came around to my side. He opened the door and helped me out. I was gently bent over the bonnet.

"He then called out, 'there you go lads help yourselves'. I fairly soon felt hands on my hips as someone slipped a prick into me.

"He was very enthusiastic. Obviously, I had been fucked a bit lately but that was in the pub by men that I knew. This was something else. I couldn't see this guy. I was outdoors and I was fairly sure I was being watched. It was thrilling. If Craig wasn't there it would have been bloody dangerous but, because he was, it just felt dirty.

"When matey had finished, Craig asked him blatantly how I was for him.

"The bloke said I was a fantastic fuck. My tits and ass were world class. He told Craig he was a lucky guy.

"I was glowing by the time the next man was taking a turn.

"Craig told him to fuck me hard. He said I loved it. The guy did as he was told

"Was she worth the extra effort? Craig asked as the bloke came in me.

"Not half, said the man. He said that he been hanging around this carpark for years and he'd rarely had a better shag.

"Anal? the next man enquired. But Craig told him that this already was the luckiest day of his life and that he shouldn't push his luck.

"Fair enough, the man said. He fucked me quickly before Craig changed his mind. When he finished he told Craig that there was no need to fuck my ass as my cunt gripped like a vice.

"I don't know if there were any more men there but Craig put me back in the Land Rover.

"As we were driving off I asked Craig if he knew any of those men. He didn't but he said two of them were carpet fitters. It was on the side of their van. The cheeky bastard was wearing a suit. He looked like a sales rep for some company.

"I told him that I'd never been fucked by a man in a suit before. He just laughed and said he knew I liked the kinky stuff.

"The journey home was much slower. I still had my tits out and my slit on show. Because of the blindfold I had no idea where we were or who could see me. At one point Craig stopped to pick up petrol and just left me sitting in cum and fanny juice with the windows down. I was aware of people quite close to me. I could hear some of them breathing. I hated it but, God help me, I loved it more.

"After about an hour and many stops we arrived back at the farm. Craig carried me back into farmhouse and fucked me on the end of the kitchen table with my legs in the air.

"Afterwards, he made me promise never to be ashamed of anything sexual. He told me that I had a great body and that I was born to fuck. He just hoped that it would be him doing most of it. And if he ever got too old to do it he would still want to watch others do it to me.

"Lovely man," concluded Glanda.

"I don't want to say I told you so but......." I said.

I wondered if I could get Harry to carry me from the car like that and say poetry like that. It was the most romantic thing I'd ever heard. I'm not often jealous of other women but I was just now.

When I surveyed the room things were getting heated already. I couldn't see Helen anywhere. Then I noticed that she had her head in Ted's lap.

"Edward," I shouted, "you should know better than that. Kindly tell that old hooker that we usually wait until the doors are locked."

Ted said "It's past closing time and no-ones called last orders yet. You've been too busy chatting with Glenda to notice. Kindly get off your delightful ass and lock the door. I can't be the only one who's reaching the point of no return."

Everybody laughed.

That's what I love about being a landlady, the mixture of flattery and bloody cheek that you get.

Helen rather monopolised the evening but the girls all knew that was the way it went sometimes. Men being men they drifted towards anything different. Mind you if there had been a strange man there Rita would have fought Helen for him.

I don't think any of the ladies actually went short of cock.

-

Several weeks had passed since Imogen asked me about a party for her special birthday. It had to be novel. She wanted women involved and I presumed men but she didn't specifically say that. She wanted the Hoss involved so presumably it had to be at Yew Tree Farm. And it had to be really perverted.

I'd been racking my brains. Every idea that I came up with had several of these requirements but not all of them.

Slowly a plan started to form but it needed a lot of work. It also needed a bit of technical knowledge. Above all it required a lot of money.

This morning I had visit Ted at Yew Tree Farm. He was in the barn. Firstly I needed his permission to use the place. I should have done it earlier but I rather took it for granted. Naughty me.

"No bother," he said when I asked.

"I spoke to Violet last night. She sends her love."

It had been a few weeks since I'd 'phoned Vi, I felt a bit guilty.

Ted went on, "We spoke about the old days and I felt quite nostalgic."

He nodded towards the Hoss. "Do you have time for a quick one," he asked.

I replied, "Oh go on then."

He was quick but never mind. As he was unstrapping me I said, "Shit, Shit, Shit."

"Was it that bad?" Ted said, looking crestfallen.

"No, it was lovely, as usual," I replied.

"I've just remembered that it's Glenda's Birthday."

"I didn't think that you were fully into it," said Ted.

"Sorry, but I must rush into Dorchester," I told him.

Then I was gone.

I managed to buy a massive bouquet of flowers from Marks & Spencer and scribble something into a card.

Henchard's farm seemed deserted. The Land Rover was nowhere to be seen,

I tried the front door of the farmhouse thinking that I could just leave the things inside and call her later. It was locked.

It was the same with the back door. That's unusual in the country but I thought maybe they didn't want Jem snooping around while they were out.

As I turned to leave I noticed that a kitchen window was open slightly. The sash was held up by a stick. There was a gap of about a foot. Looking through I could see that the kitchen table was about three feet from the window.

I could just try to throw the flowers onto the table but I couldn't be sure where they would land. I did want them ruined.

It occured to me that if I reached in I could probably place them on the edge of the table.

I tried but I wasn't quite close enough. So, I put the flowers through, followed by my arms and head. Still a foot short.

I put my shoulders into the window. As I did I must have caught the stick. Down came the sash. It only fell a few inches but it knocked the wind out of me but it didn't do any real harm. Try as I may, I couldn't generate enough pressure with my legs and back to lift the window.

The good news was that I could now reach the kitchen table so I put the flowers down. The card was still on the floor outside.

My options were very limited. All I could really do was to stay where I was until Glenda and Craig came back. It was going to be a long afternoon. I took the strain off my back by resting my hands on the edge of the table. I was far from comfortable.