All Comments on 'Enshrined'

I remember reading this on the other website you posted it on. It's great

Beautiful

That was a great story in every aspect.

I expected half way through some sort of revelation. Maybe rusty would surprise Simon in his apartment, found him with chaarvi, expecting him to go crazy. When nothing or the opposite happens, some plot when they learn that the new bond they share has altered chaarvi's energy output.

Maybe fuel for part 2? However you decide, keep wrighting you got some great ideas. Hope to see more.

This story is up there with the greats.

It's nice to see you post a story again. I'm not into mind control or domination but your excellent writing ability and focus on sharing love are enough to make this story interesting. I was hoping for them to find a way to allow her to live a normal social life rather than only be a sex slave...it's going to be a lonely boring life for her at some point after she finishes school. Simon will also have to give up his friends at some point.

I don't understand how tit-poking could be exciting much less stimulating enough to cum but to each their own.

I enjoy stories where the person with mind control tries not to abuse it

This was really good. Highly enjoyable. I hope you continue to write and develop this story further. I'd love to see a little more plot development in a future volume. Potential ideas include a change or development of Chaarvi's energy output so she can not go out into society with Steve. Alternatively, maybe some kind of exposure to other supernatural individuals (this might also lead to harnessing the energy better).

Great story thank you

The best story I have read in ages. I couldn't put it down until I finished it. I'm looking forward to a possible second chapter.

This was absolutely lovely, I couldn’t stop reading lol. Thoroughly enjoyed it.

Well written

this is incredible

Great writing

Honestly, I would love to see more of this story if he could help somehow ‘fix’ her or something.

This was a great read! Lovely story. Thanks for this.

Awesome. Great story.

May I offer a suggestion for a sequel? As a not-so-secret romantic, I'm a sucker for a happy ending. So... what if the first person driven crazy by Chaarvi's energy, who had the most violent reaction, was her mother? Maybe her new outlet for all that energy could repair that relationship, when she brings Simon home to meet her mother...

Good story good writing but how about an ending? I’m a sucker for the where they are at thirty or forty years later.

Utterly fantastic piece of writing. I thought I would tire of the constant sex scenes but you added so many variables and extras like their telepathy and his multiple crises of conscience so it kept things fresh and interesting. It did t drag but was lively and more than kept my attention and was a great read. The emotions were strong and came through and you did leave it open ended in case you wanted to add another chapter or story to it. Thanks for putting all the work in making this fine story and for posting it.

Really a great story. Loved the moral considerations off Simon.

Easily one of the best stories I’ve ever read on the site. I’m an absolute sucker for the entire concept of uplifting mind control, and this did it incredibly well!

Really well written story! An hour in I've gotten quite invested in the characters you've described, which rarely happens on this site. Your writing quality could totally fit in with regular fiction stories & books - which isn't usually the case when part of a story's appeal is it's erotica. Surprisingly good!

You write in the third person but with the ability to read/know his thoughts. So far, so good. But every once in awhile you suddenly threw her thoughts into the mix. This was a bit discombobulating. Either remove those passages or make it so that her thoughts are frequently known.

Another issue is the past tense tale suddenly having present tense snippets. For example, you’re describing events in the past and then say ‘this afternoon.’ This afternoon is today! You should have said something along the lines of ‘that afternoon.’

Names should be capitalized. When she called him by her name for him, it should have been ‘Master.’

An intriguing tale generally well written but an editor/proofreader would have made a big difference.

Great. Enjoyed every paragraph.

You are a good storyteller! Thanks

Overall, two thumbs up for an interesting premise written well. It was a pleasant read.

It's a pet peeve of mine, I know, but stories like this aggravate the snot out of me because it's set in the real world... and some guy just discovers that magic is a very real thing. That'd be the single greatest discovery ever.... but he doesn't show an ounce of concern for the ramifications. Mind control? Genuine mental control of another human being? Energy sources unknown to science? You'd think, at the very least, that he'd ask if there were many like her, or what other things in her religion are real.

I loved that he was a nice guy and that they got along so well. If you write more in this universe, I'd certainly read it!

Remarkable story. This one is a rarity here, as it is well and truly beautiful. The only thing I would suggest is to break a story this long into multiple submissions. Other than that it's virtually perfect as is.

I really enjoyed the story. I normally avoid stories that run for multiple pages but you managed to keep them engaging. I'm also curious as to the consequences or rewards of her pregnancy. I will be back for more!!

I very much appreciated this as a change from a lot of the MC stuff that gets shared. The idea that the dominance and control and power exchange can exist simultaneously with kindness, care, affection, and love is sorely lacking in a lot of stories. I'm tired of the revenge plots and the hurtful and harmful stories, so this was a genuine pleasure.

Nice balance of sex and emotion and I enjoyed reading about how their relationship progressed and evolved. For sure, a very different and unique spin on the whole magic /‘mind control genre. Well done.

That was a very imaginative romance. Thank you

This was incredibly sweet, erotic, and delightful. Well written, and thank you.

Loved it!

great story ... the only missing piece is how they are ultimately enough in sync that Chaarvi finds a way to stop trashing everyone who talks to her and thry are able to have a semi-normal life

Very well written---a wonderful seduction of your readers who came for sex and got so much more.

I very much liked the story. I assume that Chaarvi lived alone as living with a roommate would have been impossible. It seemed that Simon had an easy time blowing off his male friends. The final problem is that there was no resolution about Chaarvi and Simon could eventually live a life with any semblance of normalcy. Maybe no one, including the author, knows how to achieve that, but there seemed to be no options for a ‘happily ever after’.

Wow! I hope you continue writing about these two. I would love to see how their relationship and life together progresses.

One hell of a Comeback story - and I'm really glad you did.

Some people might get into the "fated soul-mates" argument, but in my mind it's more of a nature thing. As in, her nature as a nonhuman being of power is governed by unwritten rules baked into her very being. By the contents of the story, her kind seem to have been created as a servant race, presumably as servants of higher gods or those chosen by the higher gods. Her acceptance of the situation, and a possible reason for him to accept her love as genuine, is that it is who she is. It is a real as she is and if she accepts it then he must as well.

You ended this story on a very good ending spot. Five stars all the damn way.

You did seem to hint at a wider supernatural world and while that might be an interesting direction to go for a sequel, I find myself quite curious what you might want to write next.

Thanks for coming back to the website and sharing this story.

Not my usual genre.... I can't even remember how I stumbled across this story but it gripped me immediately. It only got better as I continued reading. Definitely rates 5 Stars! Thank you!

I practice "Kundalini yoga" regularly, and I really wish that this reflected the actual meaning of the phrase, which is "Oneness with the Divine." Practical in the extreme, it's a practice that is nonetheless beneficial in ways that actually exceed those depicted here, and available to all humans, notwithstanding the claims for the "demigoddess class."

Most of all, I wish that the implicit elevation of the "ordinary" student to "shrine of the Goddess" were seen herein as natural and inevitable, because that is the truth of Kundalini - not by accident, but by steady progress in practice.

Absolutely amazing. Best story I’ve read here. Thanks for sharing.

Thank you for writing and posting this. I loved it.

A really great story. I hope you continue writing about Chaarvi and Simon, it seems like there is much more to explore.

Liked it very much, the one thing I think it was missing was anal sex. Any man who had complete control over a woman who would do anything sexually for him would at least think about it, and in this case it would turn into reality!

Enjoyed it, particularly the simplified explanation and use of kundalini yoga. The point when he started telepathically hearing her, I thought, was a slight tipping of the hat at a 'Karna pishachini'.

Delightful story. I particularly enjoyed the progression from Chaarvi‘s perspective of “this is horrible” to “this is bearable” to “please don’t let this end”. It really is the best way out of her selflessly imposed isolation. If their relationship continues to stabilize her energy, she may someday even be able to have other contacts without destroying people.

A really interesting yarn. I suspect Simon and Chaarvi together could sort out Caarvi's mother and possibly turn her into a caring person. That in turn might lower the collateral damage to people who notice Chaarvi.

Great visuals. It was probably the most innovative story I've read on this site.

There are a lot of good series, and some series that just fade away. You have written something solid without the story having to carry on for another 30 chapters.

I was pleased to read and will consider SmashMouth, as you should be encouraged to write more.

Thank you,

Norman_Sands

Good story, well done! Your creativity is great, easy to read and enjoy. I look forward to more from you. Thank you

A great love story. I kept waiting for the bomb to drop and it never did. I got the "they lived happily ever after" that I hoped for.

This story is amazing. Please continue to make more