by Touch_type
This is way too long. Too much waffle.
Also, a couple of weird errors
"We had agreed they would always be friends and, in fact, sealed the deal with the best sex they had had for years."
Who? Why the sudden jump from 'we' to 'they'? Makes no sense at all.
There are other mistakes. I don't know how many. I got bored by page two.
i read it through. :) definatrly not for a quickie, few errors (its your first though),please stop using whilst( sounds like were in the 18 hunreds) but interesting end. tops it
Your first sentence: "I sighed a satisfied sigh... " would be much better this way: "I sighed in satisifaction."
"The house was beginning to feel as if it was, at last, mine " No need for the commas. Should be "... as if it WERE."
"- something firm and slippery can always entertain." What does that mean?
"The waves of nausea which came over me". You need to drop the "which."
" The boredom, and then the bitterness, had been there for a long time. " "THEN" shouldn't be there.
"The property market was at the bottom of it." Should be, "The property market had bottomed out. "
You go from first person ("I") to third ("Susan").
Sorry. I can't go on as there are too many mistakes to recount. Please research proper grammar and sentence construction. I hope this is helpful.
I read your second story first, so was glad to read the back story alluded to while you were learning to be a goalie. Looking forward to the second chapter of you coming of age as an exhibitionist.
Well, I love your story, TT. I appreciate the way you built plausibility so that I can accept that a regular gal might decide to go crazy with a bunch of her ex's friends, and I like how crazy she goes! I'm very horny now.
Also, it helps that you have her engage in some of my favorite fantasies! This is the first of your stories I've read. I'm happy there are more. Love you! BC
All in all a good story that needs better proof reading. Most of it is written in first person but there is a section near me beginning that is in third person. There are other grammatical errors scattered throughout although it is not as bad as some stories that I have read.
An old but not bad group sex fantasy. Any recently divorced horny "girl" might actually do this, especially if it is the x's friends sort of a revenge group fucking session. Luke and Steve, (she should not leave him out, once she gets to know him) may have the best chance at darting her. I read slow and some times speed through the story then come back to it.