Enthusiastic Voyeur

I've been married for over forty years. I was 21 my wife was 19. For most of my life I have considered myself heterosexual; however, my first sexual encounters were homosexual. My first sexual encounter was exclusively with someone of my own gender. I had oral sex with a male friend of mine. We engaged in giving and receiving oral sex with one another for several years. It ended when he moved away.

I liked giving and receiving the blow jobs because it felt good. It was enjoyable, and I don't look back on that activity with shame or disgust. I did know at the time that that type of activity was frowned upon by society. My friend and I were careful, and we kept it our secret. I still look back with no regrets at that part of my sexual evolution.

I don't think that my early experiences had a big impact on my sexuality. I only engaged in homosexual activity with that one person. We had an arrangement and it worked as a sexual release for both of us. Once I started having sex with the opposite gender, I didn't have any other homosexual contact. Primarily because he was no longer an option. Emotionally I was much more interested in females. Even when my only sexual outlet was with another male my romantic interest were girls.

I married young. My wife and I have had a happy life and I'd say a very good sex life. We learned from each other and kept no secrets from each other. I told her about my earlier involvements. She was totally accepting of it and even said she thought that it was natural sexual experience. It was nice to be able to confide in her and realize she was that opened minded. I debated for a long time about telling her, but when I did tell her reaction could not have been better.

Over the years I would have an occasional homosexual sex dream. I'd usually wake up quite aroused. I'd masturbate thinking about that dream. The dreams didn't upset me. I wasn't distraught and questioning my sexuality. I just figured it was a manifestation of my earlier gay sexual experiences. It was just dreams, and I was ok with them. It was a part of my sexuality. Some people might have been concerned about dreams like that, but the dreams didn't bother me.

Decades went by and our sex life and marriage were good. My wife and I had had what I think was a typical sexual relationship, but I think we were a bit kinkier than most as we tested our comfort boundaries often. One night, about ten years ago, my wife surprised me when she pushed the boundaries even further toward the unconventional.

Our sex was starting to get a bit predictable. One night we started making love our typical way getting naked, kissing in bed, holding each other, with foreplay for about five to ten minutes then moving on to concentrating on getting to orgasm.

What changed from the routine this time was during foreplay she said, "You've asked me if I have any fantasies, and I always said I had none, but I haven't been truthful. I've been keeping a fantasy from you."

I asked her what it was. She proceeded to tell how she wanted to watch me have gay sex. She confided in me that she fantasizes about watching me engage in homosexual activities. She said she always suspected that I was a "little" gay. I suppose she felt that way because of what I revealed to her about my early encounters. During our discussions, about my previous homosexual conduct, she insinuated that the behavior went on long enough, and often enough, to be characterised as more than just casual sex. She knew it continue for several years and occurred about once a week. She suggested that we did it so often that there was probably more to it, but she left it at that. In addition to my history, I had also been hinting around about anal sex on me.

She loved anal and as a result she was the one that got me thinking about what it would be like to have anal sex. We have anal sex often. Her favorite is me fucking her in the ass while she uses her vibrator on her clitoris. I'd watch the look her face when I finally slipped all the way into her ass. It looked like she was in ecstasy, and I wanted to experience what it was like. I asked her to put her dildo in my ass, but she refused me. This must have got her thinking I had gay inclinations.

When she confided in me about her fantasy, and due to my earlier homosexual experiences, I was surprised but excited. I was intrigued by the idea of exploring her gay sex fantasy. I was interested in seeing where this might lead us. The thought of it turned me on. I felt it wouldn't be harmful. If fantasizing about it got her excited during sex, then that was good for both of us. If it stayed in the fantasy zone what could go wrong. My reaction to her fantasy was positive and I went along with it.

She said that she thought gay sex was a completely natural sexy thing, and she found the thought of two guys "doing it" very exciting. She described how she wanted to watch me suck a guy's dick and have him perform anal sex on me. She described how she wanted to watch but not participate. This was quite a surprise to me because it came out of the blue. She never hinted about anything homosexual involving me. We talked about my past but that was it. She accepted it but never indicated that she was aroused by the thought of it. She took the discussion further.

She asked me if I ever had sex with a man since we were married. She got serious about the gay questioning. She even mentioned a few of my friends she suspected I might have had sex with. I was shocked she thought that. She asked me frankly if I ever had gay sex as an adult. I told her no. She said she didn't believe me, and she continued probing me by saying, "tell me the truth". I kept telling her no I haven't had gay sex, at least not since my friend moved away before we were married. This line of questioning went on for some time. She kept probing me looking for a hint of uncertainty. It got to a point that I was wondering if she serious or was she was playing out her fantasy? Was this a game she was playing so convincingly that she had me believing she was serious? All this talk of me having gay sex was getting me turned on. I convinced myself she was playing a game, so to make it more exciting, I decided to go along with her fantasy. I acquiesced and confessed to her that yes it was true that I did indeed have gay sex as an adult.

The admission about having gay sex wasn't true; however, I told her otherwise, and I made up a story about a gay encounter I had when we were first married. She listened intently. Her response gave me the incentive to get very graphic with the story. I told her about the time I was away for a summer (I had a job away from home for three months) and how I had sex with my roommate that summer. I told her how we sucked each other's cocks and fucked each other many times. She got very aroused and wanted to hear more.

She got into the story and she either believed it was true or she was play acting very good. She had several orgasms by humping on my leg and touching herself during the story. She continued humping me even after I finished the story. She didn't want to stop. She was the most sexually aroused I had ever seen her. I decided to take this opportunity to ask for something I had craved for a long time. I asked her to fuck me in the ass with her dildo.

For years I wanted to introduce anal sex with her entering me (we had been having anal sex for a long time but only me doing her). She wasn't completely surprised by my request as I have hinted around about this for quite some time. She knew I had this desire because I have tried to get her to go there in subtle ways during our love making over the years.

As I previously stated she was extremely turned on after my gay sex story. I thought it's now or never. I've got to ask her. I've wanted this for so long I couldn't let this opportunity pass. I finally ask for it directly. I asked her to fuck me with her dildo. I told her how I sometimes masturbate by putting her dildo up my ass. I asked her to put it between her legs and do it to me. This time was different to my surprise and ecstasy she readily agreed.

We got the eight-inch dildo out of the drawer. She has used this on occasion but not often as she said it was too big. It was long enough so she could hold it between her legs when she squeezed her legs together. I bent over the bed, she squeezed lubrication out, and smeared it on my hole. She rubbed the lubricant around my asshole, and she inserted two fingers up my ass. I moaned deeply and moved my ass around as she slid her fingers in an out of me. Once she had me loosened up, she came up behind me with the dildo between her legs. She was holding the dildo in her hand, and she positioned it between my ass cheeks. She put it against my anus and pressed forward as she tried to penetrate me.

It started to enter me. It felt good at first but as it got further in it hurt bad as my anus started cramping. I told her to pull out. She did and waited until I told her to try again. The second time it got a little deeper, but she still had to back off. She tried again and again it got a little deeper, but it was still hurting. She backed off one more time and after a moment of rest she pushed forward, this time her cock slipped in past my inner muscle and it felt so erotic having her fucking me.

She fucked me, for the first time, right there with me leaning over the side of our bed. She must have fucked me for ten minutes. I didn't want her to stop, and she didn't want too either. She was really getting into it. She started out slowly and gently, but when I asked her to go harder, she picked up the pace. She became more and more energetic. Eventually she grabbed my hips on either side and started slamming her cock into my ass. I was in ecstasy. She was in a frenzy pounding into me and telling me how sexy it was watching her cock go in and out of me.

Eventually she reached around and jacked me off, and I had an explosive orgasm. I remember thinking I could have gone on like that for much longer. I didn't want her to stop it felt so good. We continued having the hottest sex we ever had. She used her vibrator, and we lost track of how many orgasms she had. I fucked her in the ass, and I came a second time that night, which doesn't happen too often.

This, without a doubt, was the most intense sex we had in our marriage, and this was several years into our marriage. It became a regular occurrence of our sex together. I'd tell her detailed stories of gay sex encounters, she would get very horny, and I'd reap the rewards of her horniness. We had some great sex. We would play out the roles and eventually got to a point where we bought a strap-on. She would use it on me during special sessions.

I liked where this fantasy took our sex life. I enjoyed making up the stories and watching her reaction to them. We watched gay porn together and when she saw a scene that turned her on, she would say how she'd love to see me do that. The gay videos turned us both on. Sometimes I'd embellish my stories and invent more detailed scenarios about the gay encounters I had. These were just stories I dreamed up using real friends in real situations that were familiar to both of us and therefore plausible. It made it that much more exciting.

The thought of having gay sex became more and more arousing to me. It was the excitement of imagining something so forbidden and was an erotic way to get off. Role playing this gay scenario with my wife and a strap-on was as far as we've gone, and for a long time I was satisfied with that.

I'm glad she confided in me and revealed her fantasy as this added a whole new dimension to our sex life. Her honesty allowed me to reveal things I enjoyed too but I was afraid to tell her. Maybe I was even unable to admit some of this about myself. I consider myself a very, very lucky guy to have a wife who was that open minded about sex and was willing to express her erotic side freely.

While we were experimenting with this gay role play, I realized that I really got excited by it. I started fantasizing about it during masturbation sessions. I started thinking about it more seriously. I started to crave it and instead of continuing to just play act I fantasied about making it happen for real. I would talk to her during sex about how I wanted a real cock in my ass. I talked about how I want to suck a guy's cock and swallow his cum. She talked like she wanted it for real too. However, after we were done, she would say she really didn't want to do it that it was just a turn on to fantasize about it. For me I began to secretly crave it. I didn't want it to be just a fantasy anymore. I wanted to try a real cock.

We have been role playing this scenario about once a month since she tpld me of her fantasy. However, within the last year or so her attitude toward our gay role play has changed. She isn't as into it. We have been using the gay scenario less and less. In fact, we only watched gay videos and talk about me engaging in gay sex once in the last several months. She told me that it doesn't turn her on as much anymore. She said that she doesn't want to watch the gay sex videos either. I don't know why she has changed her mind, but I think she is concerned with me. I think she feels I'm starting to change.

When I asked her about it, she said that every time we have sex, I want to bring a gay aspect into it. She said the gay component is taking over our sex life. She said she was concerned because I have my own toys now, and that I developed and unusual interest in my semen. She said she was surprised when I came on her tits and licked it off but even more so when I ate her out after I came in her. She said she thinks I like her ass because it is hairier than most woman and that I pretend that she is a man when I fuck her in the ass. These were valid points she made, but I thought she liked it as much as me. When we are in the heat of the moment it sure seems like she is into it.

She still gets excited by it. The last time we did it was during a date night. The afternoon before we went to dinner, I suggested we watch a movie when we got home. She asked what kind of movie, and I said a gay porno. She said she really didn't want to. I said OK and I dropped the subject. When we got home that night, she said that she'd watch a movie if I wanted to. We started watching and she got as turned on as ever. She was talking about how hot it was and she wished she had the courage to watch me do it but was too afraid to try. We had great sex. A month or so later we were on vacation where we usually get kinkier. I asked her if she wanted to watch a movie, she said no she is done with watching those type of movies. We had good sex and she put a vibrator up my ass, but we didn't do any of the gay sex talk we use to do.

I was perplexed by her change of attitude. I think she is afraid. I think she is concerned about me changing, but it's also because she feels shame about getting so aroused by something so "dirty" and taboo. I think she gets quite aroused by it and those thoughts make her feel guilty. Either reason is a problem because my libido has not diminished at all. In fact, I've been craving it more than ever.

Since she has moved on from our gay sex play, I have delved further into it on my own. Some of my activities of late include watching gay videos by myself while I masturbate, writing Lit stories describing my fantasies, posted homosexual thoughts on Lit Forum, and I've had sex chats with guys on Lit including shared masturbation sessions.

I crave it now. My wife reawakened something in me that was buried for decades, and I do not want to give it up. She started me on this path of gay sex play, and she has left me hanging with no further outlet for my urges. The urge has manifested itself, and now I actively think about it all the time. I feel unsatisfied with our sex life now. I miss our gay role play sessions. I do not want to stop and without her giving me that release I'm completely frustrated. Now when we have straight sex, I feel something has been left unquenched. I love my wife but i also know that im not completely straight either.

I won't cheat on her. I would not actively look for a gay hook-up. I chat with guys and exchange pm's about my desires and get some release through those venues. I consider these episodes as harmless, and I do not consider it cheating.

The only way I envision myself engaging in sex with a man is if it happened impulsively; however, the chance of that happening is very unlikely as it has never happened to me in my entire life. The homosexual acts I did when I was younger was instigated by me. I was the one that initiated it by offering to do him. I probably sucked him off numerous times before he reciprocated. Once he did, we became gay oral sex buddies for several years. Things like that just don't happen. You must make them happen. That would mean planning and taking deliberate premeditated action for it to happen. I'm not willing to do that to my wife even though she has me left me wanting and horny.

Our sex life was above average. I long for the intensity of gay porno nights and our gay sex role play. Sex is a big part of our relationship. It certainly is for me but maybe a bit less so for her. We are happy and there is much more to a marriage than just sex. I am happy with every other aspect of our marriage, and I guess I'll have to cope with just straight sex. Life goes on.

We have always had our separate activities. I think that was part our how we stayed married so long. I like to golf, and she doesn't. Golf is an outlet for me. I play other sports and stay active. I live on a big park. It has miles of bike/jogging paths and trails. It is in the woodlands of a glacial valley with a river running through it. I live on a bluff that overlooks the park. It is a huge park that stretches for tens of miles. You can ride your bike down in the valley for hours and never cross a road.

I like to ride my bike and jog as well. I usually jog three to four days a week. I like exploring the different trails in the park. Some are well travelled, and other trails are secluded. Many of the less travelled trails are single track trails or just footpaths through the woods. I like running on those trails as I don't come across as many people. If I take one of those paths, I usually don't see anybody except for the odd mountain biker.

I've lived on the park for over twenty years. I explored almost every trail either by running on them or biking. I have a few favorite paths. One winds through a remote part of the park through a densely wooded area. What is nice about it is that it is a loop. It starts on a ridge along a cliff then winds to the valley floor at the base of the ridge and comes back out near my house. I take this trail at least once a week.

A while ago I was running on my trail when I came upon a newly fallen tree that was blocking the trail. I had to work my way around it. I noticed another footpath that I hadn't seen before. I followed it for about 100 yards. It ended in a small clearing where there had been some activity as the grass was trampled flat.

I figured it was a spot where teenagers hung out because it was far from prying eyes. There was some litter spread around. I started picking up litter when I came upon a small pile of condoms on the other side of a log. I got a stick and started moving them around. Some were old and others looked fresher. I picked one up with a stick and it still had semen in it. I inspected it for a moment then got the urge to sniff it. I moved it to my nose. I inhaled and it had the distinctive odor of semen. I started to get hard from the smell of it. I had to reach into my shorts and adjust my cock. I counted the condoms and there were eight all together. I thought some teenager was having a lot of fun. I dropped the rubber back on the pile and I looked around for a while. I didn't find anything else interesting, so I left.