All Comments on 'Entrapment'

5 Stars! Really well done! Loved the twist, and of course watching the romance unfold.

I had to add this to my favorites, knowing I'll be reading it again.

5 Stars! Really well done. You really are a wordsmith.

I loved the twist, and of course watching the romance unfold.

I've added this to my favorites, since I know I'll be reading it again.

The server froze, so I hope this comment goes through.

Good story!

5

Great story. Very well paced. Like to get to know Elle and Ben better.

That part about being thrilled to do even mundane tasks with her—masterful! I’ve known that for almost 43 years. Easy 5 stars.

Boyd: Thanks!

S&F: Aw, thanks! I like your stories, too. Look forward to reading what you get into the Valentine's Day contest! Good luck!

Excellent

Interesting twist though I thought they hit the sack too quickly for a romance.

A fun romantic piece; nice for the occasion. Liked it.

I enjoyed this til the end. Then I don’t get it. All along didn’t seem he knew her, then he does know who she is. Doesn’t seem to know the business contact is her father, but he did. It all doesn’t make sense. Went from a potential 5* to a generous 3

Just didn't feel that romantic. Lots of lust but the buildup was too quick for a romance IMO

5 stars plus, didn't see that coming

Excellent story with a twist. Enjoyed it immensely. 5stars

That was an excellent story....and the ending was truly a "blind-side." Loved it!! *****

muskyboy and anonymouses (3): Pacing and romance were my biggest struggles in writing this. You absolutely nailed it. I have two people that I need to meet, get together and apart within just a few hours and somehow have it be romantic credible. They had to have sex, because... well it is Literotica. It was fast to have them get together. Maybe I should have put it in the Erotic Encounters category. I'm new at this - thanks for your comments and patience.

anonymous (didn't get not knowing her vs. the end): I wanted the end to be a surprise, so yeah, I made the guy a bit of an unreliable narrator and had him just think about her in the present and I purposely didn't explain the full backstory until the end. It wouldn't be as fun if he thought about meeting her dad earlier in the day and being told to steal her. Well, I couldn't make that as much fun, anyway. Better writers probably could. O. Henry did it better in Mammon and the Archer, for example, but he also didn't need to have people have sex. You're a tough grader, but it's a privilege to be held to a high standard. Thanks for commenting.

TomNJax, Bronco 56, Migbird and the other Anonymouses: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

LordPercy: Thank you! I'd enjoy building out Ben and Elle a bit more, too.

And I always thought I was a good dancer! I guess I just am not expert enough to get a girl to pull me off the dance floor and give me a blowjob after a single dance. I'm truly crushed!

Looks to me like the old guy just used his daughter to get himself an onsite architect. Blind Benny's sure no match for that pair! 5 stars for a hilarious story.

I always like a story with an unexpected turn.

Yes, it was a bit abrupt, but it was fun and happy. That's what Valentine's Day should be about.

-jog

I liked it better after reading it the second time.

That's a great story. 5*

love the twist

Hilarious and devious all at the same time. 5*

Totally confused by the ending. Was it a plot between father and daughter to entrap him?

What fun! You write well and this is a clever story. Thank you for writing and thank you for sharing your work!

Anonymous Dancer: I like to think that in the deal-making, Robinson saw a young man of good character that he would like for a son-in-law and wound him up a bit. If he happened to get an on-site architect in the process… well then!

Anonymous Confused: I think it was just the father. Emma was probably the innocent victim of his romantic set-ups before, but this was the first that it actually worked.

FillDirtWanted: Well, thank goodness it was a short one - there’s a lot of Valentines Day 2023 entries out there! Glad you liked it.

Thanks for the comments, everyone!

Seriously delightful with sparkling conversation and fascinating characters. I am not sure whether it was a father-daughter plot or purely coincidence but that does not really matter.

Very funny!

It's a little creepy that her dad set her up, but the story pulls it off better than I could have written it.

Damn. That's funny.

Cute

Thanks for writing

Really liked this story. Ben is a rare man. I think a couple more chapters should be done. Chapter 2 could be one of those "three months earlier" that would give some background on both Ben and Elle. Maybe Ben being her father's office commenting on the photo. How her father got him in the hotel on Valentines day. And a little more about Elle. Maybe why her father thought she needed to meet Ben. Then chapter 3 could deal with their courtship and finally the wedding. Maybe a flash ahead paragraph or two about their lives and children five years later. Let one child be a boy so Ben can teach him how to treat women! Five stars definitely.

A very enjoyable read.

Clever. And, as usual, well written.

So entertaining. From start to finish. Thank you

Great story with an excellent ending that I definitely did not see coming.

I was reading another of your stories that had popped up on random and decided to see what else you had on offering. I am definitely glad I did..

Thank you for an entertaining read!🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

If it wasn't for the name, I would have been surprised. I kept waiting to find out why se was entrapping him. All else was clear.

Well put together. On the like scale a 2, because I think that 'casual' sex on a first 'date' is not right.

However I do not rate on that scale. My scale is appreciation for what the author have provided to us the readers.

That, obviously, is a 5. Great work, LingeringAfterthought!

The Hoary Cleric

Hoary Cleric - thanks for the comment! Honestly, I don't go for the casual sex immediately thing, either. It strains credibility and feels... forced. It's difficult to write some of these stories and build intimacy naturally and still have a surprise ending. Maybe I should have made him an old family friend that moved away... that might have worked with some tweaks. Eh, that's the problem with rushing for contest deadlines - you miss out on better story opportunities. Still, if not for the contests, I probably wouldn't finish anything. I have a horrifying library of half-written stories.

Bulldog - Thanks so much! I'm glad you had a good time with it!