Escape From Saigon

"I was in shock, frozen in fear, but my parents moved swiftly. They gathered my things and hustled me out the back door to the edge of the village. We made our way carefully to the main road, hoping that the PAVN would be too busy at the village to pursue us.

"It was a forlorn hope. We soon heard the sounds of an approaching patrol. My parents hid me in the brush beside the road, and went towards the patrol to surrender. After reassuring the patrol that they were alone, they were dragged back to the village. I had to bite my hand to keep from screaming."

She showed me her hand, and I could still see the faint marks from her teeth.

"When I felt it was safe, I started moving south, constantly on the alert for any sign of danger. If I felt it was safe enough, I ran on the road. Many times I simply had to hide in the jungle, occasionally finding a trail I could follow.

"I finally made my way to the city, and here I am."

I wanted to be strong for her, but my own tears were flowing freely, and she actually came over and wrapped her arms around me, to comfort me.

I wouldn't let her return to her apartment, instead I brought her belongings to my place, moving her in where I thought I could keep her safe. How mistaken I was.

The morning sun was just beginning to cast its glow on Tran's face when she stirred. She stretched her arms languidly over her head, flashing her beautiful smile at me until a cloud came over her face as her memory of recent events kicked in.

She buried her face in my chest sobbing, then sat up, looking me in the face with tears running down her face.

"Oh, Daniel, what am I going to do? I've lost everything! My parents, my family, my whole village is gone."

"You haven't lost everything, Tran."

She looked up at me.

"You have me, Tran, you'll always have me."

She lifted her head and gave me a sad smile as I wiped the tears from her cheeks. She sat up suddenly and got up off the bed. I wondered what was wrong until I saw her cute butt go bouncing to the bathroom.

That brought my own urges to the surface, but she fortunately didn't take that long and I was able to quickly take care of my business.

We settled into a relaxed domesticity. While Tran was hesitant to give up her virginity, and I honored her wishes, we weren't exactly chaste either. We both slept in our underwear, and there was plenty of kissing and stroking of body parts, and there were many nights that I had to retreat to the bathroom for release before I could sleep.

So, it was a surprise when Tran told me she wanted me to make love to her.

"Are you sure, Tran? I hope you don't feel like I've been pressuring you. I would never do that."

She smiled and stroked my cheek.

"No, Daniel, I know you would never do that, and I appreciate it, though I did feel a little guilty when you would disappear into the bathroom," she said with a sly grin.

I could feel the blush coloring my cheeks.

"It's this damn war." I was shocked, I had never heard Tran swear before.

"It looks like it might never end, and who knows what might happen. I don't want to die without ever knowing all of your love."

"Don't talk like that! You know I'd never let anything happen to you."

"What happens when you go home? Your assignment is up in two months."

"I was planning on taking you with me," I said.

"It's not that easy, Daniel, you know that."

"I . . . I'll find a way," I said with more confidence than I really felt.

"Thank you, my love, I have faith in you," she said, and I just hoped her faith wasn't misplaced.

We decided that Friday night would be the big night, and we returned to the same French restaurant where we had our first real date.

The war had taken its toll. There were fewer people on the streets, and the nightlife had lost its buzz.

Jacques gave me a knowing smile and led us to a secluded table.

Tran had given me a culinary education since we started dating, so I was more comfortable ordering, but I don't think either of us really tasted anything.

When we returned to my apartment, Tran went into the bathroom to prepare. I lit several candles around my bedroom and poured a couple of glasses of wine, and placed them on my nightstand.

I stripped to my underwear and got into my bed. I was as nervous as a high school boy at his Senior Prom, anxious to lose his virginity.

I heard the bathroom door open, and I got a lump in my throat when I saw Tran there, silhouetted by the bathroom light.

That vision was lost when she turned out the light, but was soon replaced by a more angelic vision as she entered the candlelight.

She was wearing a super-sheer short nightgown, reaching to about mid-thigh. Her dark nipples and areolae were clearly visible through the material as they tried their best to poke holes in it.

I could see her pubic hair through both the nightgown and the sheer panties she had on under it, and my cock was hard and tenting my underwear.

I got up and walked over to her, taking her in my arms, and could feel her shivering, even though it wasn't at all cold.

"It's not too late, Tran, you don't have to do this."

"No, Daniel, I want to, I'm just nervous."

"That's very normal," I said, "and I promise to be gentle."

She nodded and followed me to my bed. I lifted the top sheet as she slid in, exposing much of her shapely legs, and I followed, pulling the sheet up over us.

We started out like many of our make out sessions, with passionate kissing and stroking each other, but we both knew this was different. Tran startled me by sitting up and stripping out of her nightgown, tossing it to the foot of the bed.

I had seen her breasts before, and maybe it was the promise of what the night held, but somehow they seemed different, exquisite. Her breasts weren't large, but they were firm and erect, topped by eraser-sized nipples that were flush with her excitement.

As I was tracing circles around her right breast with one hand, I was kissing her left breast. My fingers and lips reached their respective nipples at the same time, gently tweaking one and nibbling the other.

She was writhing gently, and I could sense that she was ready for more, so I shifted around and started kissing down her belly. With just a short detour at her belly button, I reached her panties, the musky scent of her arousal already evident. I glanced up at her face, and she was panting and her eyes were closed.

"Are you sure, Tran?" I asked. "We can still stop."

While I meant what I said, I prayed that she wouldn't want to stop, I was hard as a rock.

"No, Daniel, please don't stop," she said as her writhing increased.

My fingers grabbed the waistband of her panties and gently pulled them down, releasing more of her sweet musky scent.

Her pubic hair was sparse and already damp from her arousal. I kissed the inside of her thighs, then gently licked her lower lips. I was prepared to give her my best, but her lips were already parted and her back was arching with her need, and I decided that could wait for another time.

I swiftly removed my underwear, and kneeling between her legs I rubbed the head of my cock between her pussy lips.

"Tran, there's no going back after this, we can still stop."

She responded by wrapping her legs around me and pulling me closer.

As the head of my cock entered her, she made a small gasp and I stopped until she started moving her hips again. I pulled back slightly, then slowly penetrated deeper, continuing until I was fully seated.

I bent down and kissed her lips.

"Are you okay, Tran?"

She smiled up at me. "Oh, yes, Daniel. Much better than okay!"

I began to slowly move in and out, and she began moving with me. I was amazed at how in sync we were for our first time together, her first time ever.

It didn't take long for her to reach her peak, and I followed soon after, rolling over to lie beside her. I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her head onto my chest.

"Was it all that you expected, Tran?"

"Oh, yes, Daniel." She blushed. "Even though it was forbidden, I've touched myself, but it was never like that! Can we do it again?"

"Yes, but you have to let me recover a bit."

"Maybe I can help? I've heard some of the girls talking . . ."

I was sorely tempted, but I resisted.

"Maybe some other time. I don't want to hit you with too much at once.

I did get it up for a repeat performance before we fell into a blissful sleep.

For the next several weeks we continued to live in domestic bliss, willfully ignoring the tumult going on all around us.

As Tran became more comfortable with sex, we tried different positions, and I found Tran to be a most apt and eager student.

Even though I insisted that it wasn't necessary, she wanted to give me oral sex.

While I'm not particularly well-endowed, Tran had some difficulty at first, especially with keeping her teeth away from my cock, and she wasn't always successful, but I tried to be patient with her.

I was surprised that the very first time she got me off, she ignored my warnings and let me come in her mouth, then swallowed my cum.

"You know you didn't have to do that, Tran, right?"

She nodded and smiled.

"Please don't be offended, but where did you learn that?"

She giggled.

"I'm not offended, Daniel. Girls talk you know, and most of my girlfriends said that guys like that."

"Well, I'm certainly not going to complain, but how about you?"

"I can't say it's my most favorite thing in the world, but as long as you do it for me, I'm happy to return the favor."

That was good enough for me, and as it was getting close for my assignment to end, I began the paperwork necessary to take Tran home with me.

Unfortunately, the world had other plans.

The Communists continued to make gains, and it was only a matter of time before Saigon would fall.

Tran and I tried to make the most of our time together, and our paperwork was crawling through the bureaucracy. I could only hope that it would come through in time.

The word finally came that the Communists were entering the city, and the order came to evacuate. The roads were a no-go, and we were directed to the roof where we would be rescued by helicopters.

I tried to go down to the ground floor to get Tran Van Hoa, but the mass of bodies coming up made that impossible, and I was forced onto the roof.

I refused helicopter after helicopter waiting for Tran Van Hoa, but all too soon the last helicopter was ready to leave.

"If you don't get your ass on board right now, we're going to have to leave you here," some Non-Com shouted over the roar of the copter engines.

Reluctantly, I got on board. It was so full that I was sitting on the floor with my feet on the landing strut.

Just as we started to lift off, Tran Van Hoa came running onto the roof. I tried reaching down to her outstretched arms, but I was held back.

"Forget the gook bitch, we're over-loaded as it is," someone said.

I turned to slug whoever it was, but saw that we were already climbing, and Tran Van Hoa was on her knees crying as two soldiers grabbed her arms and dragged her back into the building.

I sank back to the floor and cried.

My mind was in turmoil for the entire journey back to the states.

I was mad at anyone and everyone. I was mad at myself for not being stronger, for not being able to save Tran. I was mad at my country for getting us involved in Vietnam, for bringing me to Vietnam to meet Tran. No, I could never be mad about that; Tran was the best thing in my life, but now there was a hole in my heart, in my soul that I was afraid would never be filled.

For the next couple of years, I struggled with relationships.

Sometimes it was something so simple as just choosing the wrong woman, but more often it was me.

I sought counseling, and most of them tried to blame it on PTSD, or Survivor's Guilt, but deep inside, I knew what it was; none of them were Tran.

When my last relationship ended with a broken engagement I decided to give up on ever finding someone, and in the words of Thoreau, live a life of quiet desperation.

I was strangely content, until one day while walking through the mall I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I thought I could smell a familiar scent, but that was impossible.

I turned slowly around and stopped with my mouth open.

"Hello, Daniel," Tran said with a sad smile.

She showed the signs of the struggles she must have gone through, but she was still the beautiful woman I had fallen in love with so few, yet so many, years ago, and I could feel the Tran-size hole in my heart fill up.

Somehow my feet carried me over to her, even though I have no memory of it, and we fell into each other's arms, both of our tears flowing freely.

"But, how, where?" I sputtered as she wiped the tears off my cheeks with her thumbs.

"Come, I will tell you all about it," she said. "It's a long story," and we went to the food court.

I got us coffee, we found a table and she told me her story.

"My heart broke when I saw you leaving on the helicopter. I could see you trying to reach me, but it was too late, then the soldiers dragged me back into the building. I was fortunate that I had lost my purse with my identification, and the soldiers believed me that I had no connection with the Embassy and let me go.

"I was able to slip away and make my way out of the city. I had some relatives in Vung Tau, so I made my way there and my relatives took me in. We knew I couldn't stay there long; there were informants everywhere, and it was fairly common knowledge that I had worked for the Americans. It was only a matter of time before I would be reported to the authorities, so my family scraped the money together to book passage for me on a rusty old bucket.

"The captain and crew looked pretty disreputable, and I was afraid the boat would sink if we hit any rough seas, but I really had no choice."

I squirmed, imagining the worst.

"Once we left port, the crew was too busy to bother much with me and were actually quite respectful. After a few not unpleasant days we docked in Thailand and I found myself in a refugee camp."

At that point, Tran started to break down, and I took her in my arms as she sobbed softly.

"Relax, Tran, we don't have to do all this now. Let's find someplace more private. Did you drive here?"

She just shook her head no, so I stood up, helped her to her feet and walked out to my car.

"Where do you want to go?" I asked. "Do you want to come home with me?"

She surprised and disappointed me when she stiffened.

"N . . . No, Daniel, I don't think I'm ready for that yet."

I wondered what she meant by that, but I respected her wishes and drove to a quiet park where we sat on a bench.

After a silence that seemed to go on forever, Tran continued her story.

"At first the refugee camp didn't seem too bad. It was about as clean as you could expect, the food was edible, and most of the people were friendly."

Before I could ask what she meant about "most of the people," she spoke again.

"I soon realized that there were groups, I guess you would call them gangs, that roamed the camp, bullying anybody that they felt couldn't, or wouldn't, resist them.

"Some of it was fairly low-level, pushing people around, stealing food, taking what meager valuables others might have . . .

". . . sometimes someone would try to resist and got beaten for their trouble. Most people decided that it was better to just go along and keep a low profile."

She stopped again, and I could see that she was gathering her strength to tell me something that she knew I wouldn't want to hear, and I was pretty sure what it might be.

"Tran," I said softly, "it's all right. Whatever happened isn't your fault, I could never blame you."

That started a new wave of tears that soon turned into wracking sobs.

"T . . . Take me home, Daniel," is all that she got out before burying her face in my chest.

I stroked her head and back until she calmed down, then I took her home. It was a quiet ride, but at least she wasn't crying as she looked out the window.

When we got to my apartment, Tran was drained, so I had her lie down on my bed. As I started to leave she pulled me back, and I lay down behind her, wrapping her in my arms. Unlike our first time, she didn't place my hand on her breast, and I stayed awake until I heard her breathing even out as she fell asleep.

The next morning as I was preparing breakfast, Tran came into the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee before sitting down heavily at the table.

We talked in generalities while we ate, then moved to the living room sofa to continue her story.

I waited patiently as Tran gathered her strength.

"There were rumors that I had some connections with America, so I was left alone for a while. When it became obvious that I wasn't going anywhere any time soon, I was approached by one of the gangs.

"I had no illusions about what they wanted, and my fears were soon confirmed as the leader approached me . . ."

Tran's eyes filled with tears.

"Tran, you don't need to continue. I understand."

"No! You can't understand, nobody can understand," she shouted as she ran to the bathroom, slamming the door.

I sat on the floor outside the bedroom door, listening to her sobbing.

"Tran, I . . . I know you don't think that I can understand, but I do. I've heard . . . things about what went on in the camps. I don't blame you. I could never blame you."

Her crying stopped, she opened the door and sat on the floor beside me.

Tran wouldn't meet my eyes as she clutched herself as tightly as she could.

"You may feel differently when I tell you what happened, what I did."

I tried to put my arm around her, but she flinched away.

"When the leader approached me, I knew that they were going to r . . . rape me, but he made me an . . . an offer."

"An offer? What could he possibly offer you in those conditions?"

She was crying openly now, tears streaming down her face.

"He said that they wouldn't rape me, if I went with them willingly, and God help me I did!"

This time I wouldn't be denied as I held her close, her tears dampening my shirt.

"Tran, never think like that. Just because they didn't use violence, it makes no difference. You WERE raped."

I was stroking her back as I said, "I understand, I'm trying to understand, but one thing I do know is that I love you, and if anything you did brought you back to me, I will understand, somehow."

While I meant what I was saying, I couldn't deny what I was feeling. I could see that there was a lot of work to be done, for both of us.

We sat in silence for a few moments

"Tran, how did you get here, how did you find me?"

"It was a case of good news with bad timing. Shortly after my . . . rape, a State Department worker came to the camp, looking for people with any connection to the U.S.

"Unfortunately, as I told you, I had no ID, but then he asked me if I could give him the names of anybody who could confirm that I worked there.

"I wracked my brain, and could only come up with a few, besides yours, but he recognized a couple. When he checked with them, they remembered me, and I was fast-tracked to be re-located to the States."

"But, how did you find me?"

"I didn't, not exactly."

"But . . ."

"Let me try to explain. Of course I wanted to find you, but I had no idea how. You never told me where you were from, and I didn't have the resources to do a formal search. I did inquire at the State Department, but they were, shall I say, less than cooperative."

"Yet, you did find me!"

"Sheer luck. I was visiting the Vietnamese Cultural Center and I thought I saw you . . ."

"Yes," I said, "I go there sometimes to help out. It helps me assuage the guilt of what my country did to yours. If you saw me, why didn't you say something?"