Evergreen Kiss

She sighed a tired little sigh and said "Thank you, sweetie. I don't know what I did to deserve somebody who's so good to me."

I sliced up a mango for dessert, and we watched some TV, snuggling on the couch, and then went to bed. Meaghan was exhausted, so I gave her a massage, like she had given me two nights before. I'm sure I wasn't as good at it as she was -- her hands are larger and stronger than mine -- but I rubbed some body lotion into her back, and that made it easier. I would have been quite happy to make love to her into the wee hours of the morning, but I knew she needed sleep, especially since she had to get up early the next morning and start work on her new project. So I kissed her ear and held her until she was asleep, which wasn't very long.

We spent almost every night together for the next few weeks. Friday, Saturday and Sunday we were at my place, and Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday we were at hers. I had a semi-regular weekly jam session downtown with some friends on Thursday nights, and Meaghan insisted that I go, so I spent Thursday nights at home alone, and I missed her terribly. Fortunately, relief came the next day. I cooked for her most nights, but we went out on Wednesdays, like always, and usually at least once on the weekend. She even cooked for me one night after she finished her project.

The guys made some comments to me at Wednesday afternoon coffee, but I didn't tell them what was up. Apparently I had a big goofy smile on my face all the time. Meaghan was too busy to come to coffee for the rest of the week; if she had come, the guys probably would have figured out who was making me smile so much. She finally did come to coffee the next Wednesday, and we were pretty obvious. We couldn't really help ourselves. Nobody said anything, but one by one, Meaghan and I saw the guys get understanding looks. Carl was the last to notice -- he was kind of spaced out during coffee, thinking about something he was working on. I held Meaghan's hand as we walked back upstairs, and he finally got it. He stopped at my door and asked "So, ah, you and Meaghan?"

"Yeah."

"Wow. Good for you."

***

I usually spend Saturday afternoons with my grandmother Nana. I go over to her house in West Seattle, we have lunch, usually out somewhere nice, I spend the afternoon with her, we cook a light, early dinner, and I come home. The first Saturday, I was really conflicted about it, but Meaghan shooed me out of the house. She wasn't done with her project, and she needed to hand everything off on Monday. So she set up her tablet in my den, got to work and told me to go visit Nana like I always did, and not to come home until I was ready.

The next Saturday was different. Meaghan didn't have any work she needed to get done over the weekend, and I wanted to spend the day with her. I also wanted her to meet Nana, who was really my closest family. So over Wednesday night teriyaki, I asked her. "This Saturday. Would you like to go to West Seattle with me? To meet Nana? You don't have to."

"I'd love to."

"Are you sure? If you're not ready, we can wait."

"I'm sure. Quit fussing, sweetie."

I called Nana on Thursday and told her I was bringing a friend with me on Saturday. Nana told me she was quite happy with that idea, and she wanted to make lunch for the three of us rather than going out.

We woke up a little earlier Saturday morning than we needed to, and spent the time in bed, gently loving each other, before we got up and took a shower together.

I usually drive to Nana's, but it was a nice enough summer day, a little cloudy, so we took the Water Taxi. We had a short walk down to the ferry terminal, and a beautiful trip across the bay. It only takes ten minutes, but it's really nice to be out on the water, especially when the sun breaks through the clouds. It's a bit of a walk to Nana's house from the West Seattle dock, but not a big deal for two girls who hike every Sunday.

I knocked on Nana's door two minutes before I said we would be there, and she answered the door smiling. Nana is a little old Japanese lady, just a bit shorter than I am, and when she smiles at you, you just want to hug her. And that's what I did when she opened the door.

Her face is softer and more weathered than I remember it in my head, from when I was a kid, but it's still as pretty and kind as it always was. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail and braided, a thick black rope shot through with strands of white.

After letting hugging her and letting her go, I said "Nana, this is my friend Meaghan Williams. She's the girl from work I've told you about."

Meaghan reached out to shake her hand and said "It's nice to meet you Mrs. Graden. Sarah has told me a lot about you."

Nana ignored Meaghan's outstretched hand and said in her warmest voice "Oh, come here, girl, and give me a hug!" Meaghan complied, a little surprised. When Nana let her go, she said "Please call me Nana, dear, or at least Nanami. Everything was so formal and proper when I grew up, and I've had enough." Giving me a look, she added "Besides, this one's been calling me Nana since she could speak." Nana certainly seemed to like Meaghan. This was good.

We went into Nana's kitchen and I pulled some groceries out of my bag and put them away -- stuff you can only get at an Asian market, which is a long drive from Nana's house. I also gave her a small box of glacéed apricots, which are probably her favorite treat in the world. That brought a smile to her face.

Meaghan and I sat down at Nana's kitchen table for lunch, and Nana pulled three bowls and assorted other stuff out of the fridge and cabinets and started assembling lunch. A few minutes later, she put three bowls of cold sesame noodles on the table, topped with pickled vegetables, sesame seeds and a few other things, along with three glasses of iced tea.

Meaghan took a bite, with chopsticks -- Nana generally wouldn't put out forks, even for somebody she'd never met -- and said "This is delicious. I can see where Sarah gets her talent for cooking from."

"I can't take that much credit. Her mother and father and I did teach Sarah how to cook from the time she was little, but she can cook just about anything now, while I stick mostly to the foods I grew up with."

Meaghan added "I can also see where she gets her hair -- your braid is very pretty."

"Thank you, dear. That's very nice of you to say. I refuse to be one of those little Asian ladies who cuts off all her hair as soon as she turns fifty."

I actually giggled a little at that -- I had heard that particular rant a thousand times before, sometimes in much stronger terms.

When we finished lunch, Nana collected the noodle bowls and put them in the dishwasher, refusing to let me help, and brought out a bowl of fruit for dessert. Cherries. Meaghan beamed and whispered to me "Did you tell her?"

I whispered back "Nope. That was all her."

We chatted for a while, but I eventually ran out of ways to avoid the big subject. Meaghan went quiet, knowing what was coming.

I started, "Nana, there's something I need to tell you."

"Yes, dear?"

"Meaghan and I, we're ... well, we're, um, dating."

Nana's face was a mask. I was scared out my wits -- what if she disapproved? She really was the most important person in my life, after Meaghan, even more than my parents. She hadn't really liked Brian, but she had always been polite, and that was hard enough. If she didn't like Meaghan, that really would destroy me.

"I see. And how long have you two been ... dating?" There was no expression at all in her voice -- no approval, no condemnation, nothing.

"Two weeks, Nana." I couldn't look her in the eye.

Her voice took on a little edge of exasperation. "Sarah Miyuki Oda, you've been talking about this girl like you've never talked about anyone in your life, almost since you met her. Every Saturday there's a wonderful new story about Meaghan, and your face lights up when you tell it. And you've only just done something about it in the last two weeks? Sometimes you can be so dense."

All the crossness drained out of her voice, and she continued "I'm so happy for you both. Sarah has never really been in love with anyone in her life, and I was worried she might never find anyone. I'm thrilled that she has you, Meaghan."

I did notice that Nana didn't count Brian when she said I'd never been in love. But I couldn't really hold it against her; she was right, even if I didn't know it at the time.

Not quite sure she completely understood, I said "Are you sure you're not upset that I'm a lesbian?" It sounded really strange to say it out loud for the first time.

"Sarah, I know what it means when you say you're dating. I supported the marriage initiative last November, just like you did. What kind of hypocrite would I be if I treated my own granddaughter differently? If you love Meaghan, then you love Meaghan, and so do I. That's all there is to it."

After that the dam burst, and all the stress that I had been holding back washed away. I knew now how Meaghan felt when her she came out to her parents.

I got up and gave Nana a big hug, and said "Thank you Nana. I love you."

She held me and said "I love you too, dear."

We talked easily for a while after that, Meaghan and I telling Nana about how we fell in love, and how I kissed her on our Sunday hike, and Meaghan's life story, and all the rest. Leaving out the juiciest bits, of course.

Nana turned to Meaghan and asked "Does she treat you well, dear? If she doesn't, she'll hear from me."

"Yes, Nana, she's very good to me. She cooks dinner for me and takes care of me when I'm stressed about work."

"And is she good in the bedroom?"

"Nana!" I snapped, my face burning. How could she even ask such a thing??!?

Nana turned back to me, looking a little amused, and said "It's important in a relationship, dear. And I'm old enough to have learned to stop fussing so much about sex."

"Well, I haven't! And you never asked any of my boyfriends that question."

"Men are simple, dear, and get what they want pretty easily. You never brought a man home worth asking anyway. Women are more complicated. And I don't suppose you're very experienced at it."

I sat back in my chair with nothing to say, wanting to crawl under the cushion.

Meaghan answered, her voice full of honey, "She's wonderful Nana. She gives me everything I need."

"Well, that's good. I think you two are going to be happy together."

Nana sent us home early that afternoon, telling us to enjoy our time together. I couldn't look her in the eye before we left, but I knew she meant well. Mostly, anyway.

The trip back across the bay was even prettier than the trip to Nana's house. The clouds had burned off a little, and there were a bunch of sailboats in the bay to the north. We went for a long walk that evening, and went out for sushi for dinner. We didn't make love that night -- I don't think my blush from Nana's question went away completely until the next morning, and I was unsettled enough that cuddling was about all I could physically manage.

***

The next Thursday, Jenna texted Meaghan that she wanted to go out for dinner on Friday. She had just won a big new account at her day job, managing an office supply company, and wanted to celebrate at her favorite Mexican place. It's Mexican Mexican food, not the usual Americanized stuff, and Meaghan and I both like it a lot.

Kate got there first. She had just started in on her margarita when Meaghan and I got there. She was sitting at a table in the corner, away from any other diners. I slid into the corner, and Meaghan sat beside me. We both ordered margaritas when we got the chance, and some of their yummy queso fundido con nopales. The topic of conversation while we waited for Jenna was Kate's dog Bob. He's an adorable little mutt, and Kate fusses over him constantly. That was fine with me -- I love dogs, but it would unfair for me to have a dog with my condo and work schedule. Maybe someday Meaghan and I will have a house with a yard, and we'll get a dog, but for now I get my puppy fix vicariously, on walks around town and through friends like Kate.

Jenna finally showed up about fifteen minutes later. She gave Kate a peck on the cheek and sat down across from me. "Sorry I'm late. The new account means a lot of extra income, which is great, but it also means a lot of extra work until I can hire another person to spread the load. I've been really looking forward to dinner..."

She got a very intense look in her eye as she looked across the table at me. "Wait . . . you . . . both of you. You're together, aren't you?"

Meaghan and I hadn't done anything to arouse suspicion since we got off the bus on our way here -- we weren't even holding hands under the table, like we usually did. But somehow Jenna knew.

Meaghan spoke first. "How did you know?"

Jenna replied. "I don't know -- there's just something . . . different about you two. Especially Sarah. I don't know what it is, but it's there."

Kate looked shocked for a second, and then giggled a little and asked "How does it feel to be playing for our team now, Sarah?"

Jenna reached over and slugged her in the arm. Not hard, but enough to make an impression. "Meaghan's in love, and Sarah's going through one of the biggest things life can throw at you, and you're giggling at them. Grow up."

Kate said "I'm sorry, guys. I've been out for so long that I sometimes forget what a big deal it is when you realize what you are. I really am happy for you."

I wasn't bothered -- I was used to Kate by now. She didn't mean any harm. But I did want to give her a serious answer, even if it was a non-serious question.

"It's not that different, really, except for Meaghan. Nothing has changed about how I see the world. I still don't look at girls, except for my love." I smiled at Meaghan and took her hand under the table.

"I can call myself gay or lesbian, and it's a little weird because it's so new, but it fits, mostly. If Meaghan were ever gone from my life . . ." I kissed her hand and held it tighter at even the thought ". . . and I ever fell in love again, it would probably be with a man. So maybe that makes me bi, but that fits even less well -- it makes me feel indecisive, and I am absolutely certain of whom I love. So I guess I am a lesbian for now and for as long as Meaghan is with me, which I hope is a very, very long time."

"I know life's going to be different and strange and sometimes difficult. I, we, haven't gotten any random hate yet -- we're in Seattle for goodness sake -- but I know it will come. Unless it gets violent, which is fortunately pretty rare, I think I can handle it. I hope so, anyway. I'm female and part-Asian, in a very male industry, so I've been called hateful things before."

Meaghan stayed quiet and let me speak. We hadn't really talked about what it would mean for me to be gay. I think she knew I needed to work it out in my own head. I guess I had done that, especially after telling Nana, and I was ready to talk about it tonight. She put her arm around my shoulder and gave me a little hug when I finished.

Jenna was looking at me like I was an alien. After a while, she said "I wish I could have been that self-aware when I was figuring myself out. I was a giant ball of self-destruction as a teenager, even before I knew I was gay, just because I didn't fit in. I wasn't girly, and I didn't understand why I had to be. And then, when I started to like girls, well . . . My parents kicked me out when I turned eighteen, and I can't really blame them for it. I was not a good person back then, and let's leave it at that. We're okay now, me and my parents, but it took a long time.

Every girl has her own coming out story, but there's always some angst. You just seem so . . . calm. Maybe being an actual grown up when it happens makes it easier."

"It wasn't all calm, believe me." I looked to Meaghan for reassurance before I continued. "I worried for weeks before I got up the courage to actually tell Meaghan how much I loved her."

The waitress came by, so Jenna ordered a beer and we all got dinner. Jenna rolled her eyes when Meaghan and I ate off each other's plates.

While we were eating, Kate asked "Have you told people yet?" Mindful of Jenna's earlier comment, she added "coming out to your family can be a big deal, even for somebody as calm as Sarah."

I said "The big one was last weekend, when we told Nana, my grandmother. I'm actually closer to her than my parents, so it was important. She loves Meaghan, and she's happy for us."

Meaghan added, with a smile, "She asked me how Sarah was in the bedroom. I've never seen Sarah so embarrassed."

I just looked at her and said "Oh My God, Meaghan. You are never going to let me live that down."

Kate giggled, and this time Jenna joined her.

***

That night after dinner, Meaghan seemed friskier than usual. On the walk home, her hands made their way to places that were not entirely appropriate for a public street, and she kissed me passionately even before the elevator doors closed in my building lobby.

We made love often, of course, but after the first week of need and passion, we slowed down. We got to know the details of each other's bodies better, more than just the parts between the legs, and took our time making love. Orgasms were more likely to be slow rolling waves of pleasure than sharp explosions. It was wonderful, but that night, Meaghan needed an explosion. Or several.

After we got home, Meaghan used the bathroom and brushed her teeth, very quickly, and then it was my turn. When I came out, she was waiting for me, naked and wild. She kissed me hungrily, and we were in bed before I could even get out of my clothes. I stripped off my shirt and bra while Meaghan helped me out of my jeans and panties. She kissed my mouth again, and my face and neck and ear. And then she whispered "Do you trust me?"

"Of course I do." Meaghan could do anything she wanted to me.

I wound up on my back, with my eyes closed and my body singing and nipples hard from Meaghan's touches and kisses. I felt her tongue between my legs, gently probing inside me, and then sliding upwards, towards my clit. And then I felt something cool and metallic enter me. I had never used a vibrator before -- they always seemed superfluous somehow. My fingers worked just fine for getting myself off, so why did I need a piece of equipment? But if Meaghan wanted to use hers on me, then that's exactly what I wanted her to do.

I heard a little buzz and the thing sprang to life inside me. My insides immediately went wobbly. Meaghan started to move it around, and my whole body tingled, centered on whatever spot the tip of the little buzzing object of pleasure was touching. Meaghan worked her usual magic with her tongue and her fingers, but now she had this additional thing to drive me crazy. She used each weapon of her arsenal in each sensitive spot, from deep inside me to my clit, knowing just when to move on to the next spot. When the explosion finally came, I clenched down on the vibrator as my whole body tensed, and it made me come that much harder.

Meaghan was on top of me kissing my face and mouth before I completely recovered. I saw her eyes, even wilder than before, and I knew what she needed. I grabbed the vibrator, still inside me, and dove between her legs, without even a stop at her wonderful breasts. I was rewarded with a moan as soon my tongue made contact, and very quickly she was squirming and moaning as I licked at her opening and slid the vibrator across her clit. She actually surprised me the first time she came -- there was no build up, just a loud "aaaahhhhh" and a spasm through her body. I pulled the vibrator away, and my tongue, but the finger that was inside her stayed, ready to please her again as soon as she could bear it.