by kinkybunny123
A great story which shows, at least in my opinion, somebody pulls on strings to run our life. He had to quit his job to get back to spend the last days with his love. We often think, if something happens, why we have not been earlier or later but in our book of life we had to get there at the needed time... In my opinion our book of live started long before our parents made love to get us, which is for me the first step in our life..
Made this old man cry! Absolutely an outstanding tale. So many people, too many, chase the elusive dollar and live a miserable existence instead of finding the path to true happiness. After you have enough money, live for love and laughter. Leo discovered this much too late.
We’ll done. Married to my small town ninth grade sweetheart for 61 years, this love story brought tears to my eyes, but joy to my soul. Thank you. Five stars. Merry Christmas.
The only shore fact of life is that it will end. Touching story excellently told. Thank you.
Touching. Pulls at the heart strings. Truly a well thought out and well crafted story. Your message about love and how it can take a detour until it finds the right direction is inspiring. K
This story is a tragedy first and foremost with the romance being bittersweet at best. WAY too sad for me. Wasted lives....
Great story, and well written.
The only thing that I can think of being negative is that (unless I missed it) you never found out if the he was the father of Lisel.
Looking forward to more of your fine stories!!
Brought back many memories of my late wife and her 11 year fight against breast cancer. A touching story, well done.
Too sad a story to even comment on. I didn't like Leo - not the old one we never meet and the new one who thinks he can gain peace for himself and Julie when it really is too late. 3*
Didn't care for it. Cheating, smoking, sex tapes and the female MC dies of cancer. What was there to like about this story? 1*
There's going to be some long years ahead for Leo. At least Julie got some comfort at the end. Is it any wonder Lyle split? It wouldn't take much to realize what a nine month old baby at seven months meant. Supporting his wife's bastard was just not his thing. Well written tearjerker about lives that went wrong! He cheated her out of the loving relationship she had every reason to expect and she cheated him out of his daughter's childhood. At the end was it too little too late or just a little in the nick of time? 5 stars.
WOW!
The author has really grown in the last year!!!
Overcritical's remark shows how well the author reached her goal.
She writes about those on the edge of society, the one's like Leo that the overcriticals of this world don't like.
His comment is in the sense the best complement!
Someone Who Likes a Good Story
I admire the effort but there's a lot more work to do developing your craft. The prose was written in a way that made me feel you were trying to write a literary masterpiece. Don't try to be the next Hemmingway or Dickens. Write from your heart and let the words flow without the flowers and unicorns. Next, there were so many plot gaps that Lyle could drive his truck through them. Why would he walk away from his wife, who was cheating, and leave her everything? Makes no sense a top executive would do that. Better to turn the evidence over to an attorney and let them fight for at least half of everything. Given you said he left the ex everything, where did the money come from to support Julie's medical bills, lavish wedding and such? You mention Liesel possibly being his daughter yet he never brings it up to Julie? You never reveal the interaction between them at the wedding? Did Liesel look like him? Did they have a relationship after her death? You get the picture? 3.4*
Thank you for this heartbreaking story it brought tears TO THIS 71 year old Marine.I went through three surgeries for a very rare and super aggressive cancer back in 2018 and I have no Family.
Lovely story and inspiring I am 68 year old technology person and fully understand how one can get caught up on the 24 hour on call 7 day a week response to the data center. A lot of marriages have been broken up because of it, and it retrospectively thinking about how management expected work to be performed on Friday and Saturday nights into Sunday mornings for maintenance. I feel underpaid, under appreciated, and abused by management. And it took a toll on my mental health, life, and career.
The story above the horizontal line, with many of the darker lines not recycled, seems drawn out and would have been better streamlined.
Hi, kinkybunny, this one’s been on my reading list for a few weeks and I finally took Leo’s idea of slowing down for a bit to read it. You had a very nice concept that weighs heavy on the heart, and it made me feel said for Julie and Leo despite the bit of time they finally got to spend together. I was hoping for a Christmas miracle that would give them a little more time together but was glad to see it was realistic in that regards.
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There were a number of issues that needed cleanup to close plot holes and make it more readable. Keep writing and practicing your craft, and make it a habit of reading your work with a critical eye to try to make sure the words flow and that they aren’t stilted or repetitive. If you team that with the good stories you have to tell, you’ll continue to see improvement over time.