Everybody's Crying 01

Everybody's Crying 01

Hi, I'm Cody, I'm Coco on the weekends and if you ever have the chance to graze my skin, you, as a select few others do, might be inclined to call me Coco Butter. Either way, I'm here to assure that I'm the only around these parts who isn't crying, which is a lot more than I can say for many others because everybody's crying lately. They're crying about this and they're crying about that and as usually the case, they are crying about nothing.

Well, except for me because I'm crying about not receiving a party invite to Ray's Luau party because Ray has these stupid mental issues about guys who prefer the "wrong" type of Denim shorts, but I won't be crying for long because I have a secret weapon! His sister, Shelia, who apparently, I married in the third grade. I mean, I remember walking down the hallway with her, but no one ever said it was an aisle.

However, there is a price to pay for using my other secret weapons (Kiki and Keke) because before Shelia will even consider my trickery, I'll have to listen to her ramble on and on about what everybody else is crying about.

"Everybody's crying Coco Butter, everybody I say. My stupid brother Ray is crying, his friends are crying, a few girls are crying, LOL, I'm crying, you're going to crying, Leslie is crying, even though she cries all the time, Jay is still crying and whoa, if he could see you in your morning shorts, well, his eyes would be washing out and I think Kenny is secretly crying because he's waiting for you to give him a wink or a smile. Everybody's crying Coco, everybody. It's boo-hoo all around."

See? And yes, we will have to walk through each one, unless I can come up with a short cut. Quick!

"Well Shelia, I'm not crying and Jay's not crying and Leslie has a medical condition and sometimes loses track of time and forgets to take her meds and I guess I didn't know Kenny was crying, but you know I'm not that way. I just like to look the part, so I'm not crying!"

"Oh, you say you're not crying Coco Butter, but you're crying alright because Jay has been crying about nailing you behind literally anything and you're "not in it" for sex with guys, which I'm not crying about because I'm holding out hope for us."

"Shelia, I am not crying about Jay because it's easy to hold him off. However, I am crying about not getting an invite to your brother's party for at least an hour."

"Oh, hold up Coco, before we get into your issues, I have a few things to get off my chest first. But out of respect for you, I will start with how my brother is crying that the untouchables refuse to work the entry gate as Luau party Lei bikini girls at his party tonight. Also, his friends are crying about that too. And maybe a couple of girls are crying about that. Hmmm, I may have shed a tear as well."

"The untouchables? Do you mean Kiki and Keke? And if Ray is crying about being rejected by them, well, tell him to stop being so stupid about things, especially when talking to identical twins like the untouchables, ugh, I mean Kiki and Keke."

By the way folks, LOL, not only are the untouchables identical twins, their names are pronounced exactly the same. I mean, some people's parents, right?

"Anyways Coco, neither of us have all day to argue about how my brother does stupid stuff because being stupid is kind of his thing and I have a lot "everybody's crying" gossip for this morning, so can we at least agree that you will speak with the untouchables again about greeting people and showing off their bikini bodies tonight for Ray's party? Ah, I'm asking for a friend."

"Will you tell your brother Ray to stop trying to light me and my hair on fire? And will you make me a coffee? And maybe make me a fat slice of that coffee cake on the breakfast Bar? From the end with the most frosting? Mm-mmm?"

"OMG, fem boy or other, MEN! Anyways, of course, I will, but I will expect a kiss for a coffee. MEN!"

Well, it felt like it was going to be a long morning and I needed a distraction and a cup of coffee. And I was hungry, so.

"OMFG! I have to stir your coffee too? Damn, now I'm crying about lazy MEN, fem or not!"

Well folks, what can I say? When everyone does it so often for me, well, I forgot how to do it. I mean, do you move the spoon clockwise or counter clockwise or you know, back and forth?

"Fine, but only because I'm not crying about how a kiss for stirred coffee will lead to something else. And by the way, if you didn't realize that Kenny was crying over you when you wear your dirty blonde hair piece, well, I forget I said anything. And watch how your transfer your lip gloss to me, I mean, I'm yours to be had, but you know I have a boyfriend right now. Oh, and that's a terrible shade for 10am."

Listen folks, I said that I liked Shelia as a friend and I hopefully I mentioned that she was a little off balance, so. However, I admit that I wasn't crying about smacking lips with her.

"Anyways Coco Butter, let's fix all this crying about the untouchables and my stupid brother and his stupid greeter free party, alright?"

Huh? What? I wasn't listening. I was studying the circle motion that the coffee was still swirling in the coffee cup. And, counter clockwise it is then.

"And by the way Coco, as your new secret lover on the side, ah, do you always look like you're going to clean the house when no one is watching? I mean, isn't that old geezer across the street crying about the way prance around the house on Saturday mornings?"

Huh, I wonder if the coffee swirls just had enough time to slow down and Shelia's stirring action was back and forth? Huh?

"Ugh, you know Coco, when I scream MEN, that includes you too! Anyways, are you going to text with the untouchables or not? And make sure they are wearing matching floral Luau bikinis and with color coordinated flip flops and grass skirts or other cover ups because the "break up" rate is high enough in Middleton as it is? I'm asking for a friend."

"Well, I'm not crying about being one of the few people to have Kiki and Keke's phone number so I can text with them, but I have a better story for you. But before I start crying about having no reason to be crying, ah maybe one more and maybe stir it clockwise this time, Shelia?"

"Stir what clockwise? Your next coffee or my ass? Pervert. Not that I'm crying about that."

"Alright, here's the deal. The untouchables came by last night and they were crying because they really wanted to work the Luau party, but they could accept such poor behavior from your stupid brother, so I told them that I would talk to you so that you could talk to Ray so that he could apologize and everything would be cool. And by the way, I said that all of that happened, so I'll really be crying if you let on that I tricked everybody. I mean, everybody's crying anyways, so I fixed things, right?"

I mean, all this "everybody's crying" talk had to come to an end, right?

"And best of all Shelia, you can take all of the credit for fixing things (in case everything goes south quick) and make sure that I get to at least hang out at the Tiki Bar for an hour (and ask Kenny what's up)."

"Well Coco Butter, that does sound like something that nobody would be crying about (except that flirty crap with Kenny), but I just have one more question, OK?"

"I'm here for you Shelia, so as your perverted secret lover cross dresser, throw it at me, babe."

"Alright, well, SOB Coco, is those the untouchables I just spied on your patio sun tanning? I mean, WTF Coco Butter (honey)?"

"Oh, oops, well, they knew they had won and that the crying was over, so they wanted to be bronzed up, that's all (sweetie). I mean, what? There are girls sun tanning on my patio?"

"Well, I should be polite and step outside and say hello then. And maybe spread a little sun tan lotion in some places and then I see you tonight and by the way, don't even think about wearing a coconut or a sea shell top tonight. See you, Coco Butter."

Well, if nothing else, she didn't say anything about how short my shorts could be and best of all, I don't think anyone else was crying.

End Everybody's Crying 01