Everything I'm Not

"She fought it from the start. It just wasn't dignified enough. She hated it when he stopped wearing suits and started wearing overalls. She became openly disrespectful, calling him a dirty redneck to her friends and coworkers.

"It ended at the company Christmas party a few years ago. She hadn't told him about it, changed at work, and was strutting around with her lover when he walked in the door.

"She tried to cover, but too many people heard her say she was divorcing him. He was trying to behave calmly, but she knew the cat was out of the bag. She became loud and abusive. He really didn't respond until her new man got into the act, sneering at him as he explained he was just too far beneath his wife to ever be good enough for her. Then he screwed up really badly. His exact words, and I know because I was there, were:

"'She deserves an urbane, cultured man that's going somewhere in life, not a dirt grubbing redneck. I'd teach you some manners, but you're so far beneath me I wouldn't dirty my hands on you.'

"I swear, I thought Eric swelled up three times his size, but he held it. I thought the upper managers were going to have a stroke. Then he just looked at the two of them and started laughing."

"He gave them a few words of advice.

"'I've never seen a couple who deserve each other more. Tell me, Mona, how are you ever going to trust a man who seduced a married woman? What makes you think when you hit your use-by date he won't start looking for a newer model? And you, asshole, she let you seduce her, thinking she was getting a better deal. What happens down the road when she decides to trade up again? You're both fools. Smart money says you two won't last three years. When you do split, that faint noise you hear in the distance will be me, laughing my ass off.'"

Betty grinned at the memory. "If he was trying to bait the asshole into swinging, it worked. Bad mistake on his part. It's a good thing the glass in this building is shatterproof because Eric tried his best to throw him through it, and we were on the thirty-fifth floor. The glass literally vibrated when he hit because I saw it.

"He never got a punch in before he was out cold. Eric was escorted out and the whole thing was hushed up, mostly to keep Mona out of the papers. He was told never to enter the building again.

"So you see, Susan, he would probably rather go into a cave full of rattlers than enter this building again. Bad memories all around."

I didn't know what to do. I saw him at the gym and apologized. He brushed it off as nothing.

"It was anything but nothing, Eric. It was a painful episode in your life. If I had known, I would never have asked you to go to a place that held so many bad memories."

I was holding his hand, looking intently into his eyes. He looked a little guilty and patted my shoulder.

"Don't worry over it, you didn't know. But, I'll make you a deal. If you go to the Small Farmers Alliance dance with me, I'll think about going to your Christmas party. But I have to have assurances that I'll be welcomed."

I was so happy I gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Deal! I'm sure I can smooth it out, remember what I do for a living. Now, tell me more about this dance, over lunch."

I was so happy even the Zumba instructor didn't bother me.

*****

We were becoming an item. He took me to the farmers' ball and I had a blast. It was at a country western bar that had been reserved for the night, and everybody had a really good time. I surprised everyone with my line dancing talents.

"Don't look so surprised Eric, even a big city girl can like country music. You should see my Salsa routine."

I was taken totally by surprise when the band went on break and he popped some money into the jukebox. Tito Fuentes, who would have guessed.

There was a pretty good contingent of Hispanics in attendance, farm workers and their wives and dates, and they whooped and clapped before rushing the dance floor. I was being dragged along.

"Time to prove up, Missy."

He was good, and I barely kept up. Gasping for breath as we sat down, I chugged half a beer. "You are quite the interesting man. I would never have guessed."

"Jose and Maria, along with their daughters, taught me. I really enjoy it."

I had met them, and they were nice. I didn't care for the daughters. They were both beautiful and were really familiar around Eric. The oldest danced with him once, and she was practically screwing him on the dance floor. She gave him a big kiss when it was over, flashed her eyes in my direction and swayed off the floor. His eyes followed her bottom all the way to her table.

I was furious and then realized I really had no claim on him. Right about then it hit me I was in love with him. It washed over me with a shock. I was unsettled for just a minute, then peace came over me.

I was an intelligent, driven professional with a lot of skills. I decided to make it my goal to get him to love me back, using all my professional and physical assets. He was mine, whether he knew it or not. Let the hunt begin!

*****

The November and December meetings went very well, the menus were planned around what would be available.

New Year's Eve was coming. We had gone to the company Christmas party. It wasn't all roses and happy talk, but we got through it.

The single ugly incident came about when we met up with the cousin and best friend of the man his wife cheated with. He was still angry they had been shipped off to the end of the world. Drinking heavily, he made an error in judgment.

"Did you miss her so much you had to get a clone? She'll leave your redneck ass too, and I'll laugh when she does it. It's not right, what you did to them."

I held my breath waiting for the explosion. When I didn't hear furniture breaking I opened my eyes. Eric was laughing.

"I didn't do anything to them until they tried to rub my face in it and she tried to rape me in the divorce. Everything that happened was all on them. All she had to do was look me in the eye, tell me she didn't love me anymore and leave. I would have respected that, even if it broke my heart.

"But no, she had to sneak around like a common slut, and he went along with it. Proves he was a low-life asshole. They really do deserve each other. I checked the weather in Alaska before I came here. In their part of the country, there was three feet of snow, a blizzard coming, and then temperatures were going to plummet to twenty-five below. It was sixty-two degrees this afternoon. If I'd had the time, I would have played a round of golf. You have a good evening, now."

That stung. Her new husband was an avid golfer, bragged that was one of the main reasons he had transferred down here. Wonder how long the golf season was in Alaska?

We turned to walk off when he decided to lunge at us. I was watching, and turned. I made use of my self-defense class moves and redirected his momentum. He sailed into a wall. Hopping up, he tried to charge again, when someone grabbed his arm. He swung blindly and punched our regional manager right in the nose. Luckily, he didn't have much force behind it, but it had to sting.

He was grabbed by a dozen people and escorted out. Realizing his career was probably over, he rained curses and threats all the way out of the room. I was mortified, seeing my own career end.

I started apologizing, and Eric shushed me.

"Mr. Johnson, this was all my fault. Susan was just protecting herself and her guest. I accept full responsibility."

He was holding a cloth to his nose.

"Nonsense! It was all her. If she hadn't stopped him from attacking you, we would be facing another serious lawsuit. She saved us considerable time and money, not to mention public embarrassment."

He grabbed my hand.

"Way to go, second cousin. I'll remember your actions during your next review. You can bet I'll be really polite."

That's why he's regional manager, I guess. He diffused the situation, removed the problem, and redirected everyone's attention by distributing the annual bonuses.

When I opened my envelope I was shocked. My bonus was almost three times what I expected. I looked askance at the CEO of our branch. He was smiling. "You've done a good job for us, Susan. You deserve this, just don't expect it every time." He paused, and grinned. "Unless you do something really spectacular, of course."

*****

I was shocked when I asked him where he wanted to go for New Year's Eve.

"Nowhere. Usually, by then I'm partied out. I generally spend it alone, and think about the year past, and what I want to accomplish next year."

The disappointment must have shown on my face. He took my hand. "Of course, I wouldn't be averse to having a party for two, if you're interested."

Duh, duh, duh. What do you think?

We had played a little but hadn't actually made love. He would heat me up and leave me so frustrated I would almost kill the batteries in my vibrator. I knew the ghost of my cousin's past had a lot to do with it. Once again I mentally kicked her ass.

I had never been to his farm. Forty-five minutes out of town, it was like a different world. Skyscrapers gave way to fields and patches of woods, with houses widely spaced.

I saw his sign. Fat Jack Farm. I asked him once why he named it that. "I had a white Highland terrier, Jack. When I registered my farm, the agent said I had to have a name. I looked around and he was the first thing I saw. Your cousin hated him, tried to make me get rid of him or banish him from the house. It was the first time she found out I could actually say no to her and mean it."

"I told her I had the house and dog before I had her, she knew it, she could have said something early on. It shut her up."

I could still hear the sadness in his voice when he talked about it.

"Where's Jack now?"

"He was ten years old then. He lasted another year after she left. He had tumors and was in a lot of pain. I would have paid anything to have him healthy, but the vet said it was inoperable. I couldn't stand to see the old guy in such pain, so I put him to sleep.

"I did it myself, I owed him that. I asked the vet to give me the syringe and some privacy. I gave him the shot and petted him until he stopped breathing. His tail was wagging and he licked my hand right up to the very end. The vet, bless her, was smart enough to leave me alone for thirty minutes. I took him home and buried him on the hill behind my house. Even got him a little stone."

It made me cry, hearing the story. "Do you have another dog now?"

"No, I couldn't, afterward. I've thought about it lately, though. Maybe in the future."

He told me to wear something casual, and warm.

There was a storm coming in, and the weather was calling for snow, three inches. Five days ago the sun was shining and the temperature was in the low sixties. Now it was in the high twenties and not supposed to move much in the next three days. Welcome to winter in the South.

This part of the country didn't get much snow, so it was a big deal. I laughed as I passed the supermarkets and watched the scramble to get bread and milk. Where I grew up three inches wasn't even considered a real snow. Eric explained it.

"Down here, it snows so rarely it's a big deal. Sometimes two or three years go by and it doesn't snow at all. That means we have no experience with it, and why I tend to stay off the roads. We just don't understand why we don't stop when we're doing sixty and hit the brakes."

He greeted me at the door with a very nice kiss. The first few flakes were starting to fall, feathery touches of cold. He took my case. "Come on, I want to be there before the snow gets thick."

"Where are we going? I thought we were staying in?"

He gave me the little half-smile I loved. "Oh, we are. Just not here. Come along now."

He hustled me out the back door, throwing my case on the back of what looked like a miniature truck.

We drove through a couple of fields, then a patch of woods, going steadily uphill. We topped out in a little clearing, in front of a log cabin.

Twenty by twenty-four, there was a large fireplace on one end, and an antique iron frame bed on the other, covered in colorful quilts. In between was the living space, complete with a small kitchen. It had a hardwood floor with old fashioned rag rugs scattered about. The bathroom was an attachment on the back of the cabin.

The fire was going, and the lights were on.

"This is beautiful!" I said as I stood in the middle of the room, trying to take it all in.

"Thanks," he said, "My version of a Man Cave, I guess. I come here from time to time, usually when I need to think. You're the first woman to ever cross the threshold."

I can't tell you how warm and fuzzy I felt when he said that.

I learned he had built it with friends over a two-year period, in his spare time. Powered by a generator and solar panels, it was completely off the grid.

He opened the curtains and flipped a switch. The whole yard lit up. We had a glass of wine, and sat in front of the fire, watching it snow. You can't imagine how peaceful it made me feel. We finished the bottle, sipping slowly.

There was no television, but he had a stereo on, tuned to a station that was doing a countdown.

As midnight came, and the count began, I climbed into his lap.

"This is how I want to start the New Year" I whispered, as our lips met to the announcer saying,"...one! Happy New Year!"

It was slow, sweet, a kiss with a lot of promise. When we broke I snuggled into him, saying, "Happy New Year, my darling."

I felt his arms tighten on me. "And to you, my love."

Did I hear him right? Was I really 'his love?'

I had to ask, "Really?"

He tilted my head up for another little kiss. "Really."

Then the kisses got more intense, increasing until we broke apart, gasping. I stood and took his hand, pulling him off the couch and to the bed. I started tugging at his sweater. He caught my hands.

"Are you sure?"

"As sure as I've ever been in my life. Now, love me. And you don't have to be gentle, I can take it. Naked, NOW!"

Despite my statement, the first time was gentle. He caressed my whole body, paying attention to every detail. I moaned as he tugged my nipples, before taking them in his mouth, nibbling, swirling his tongue. I screamed when his tongue hit my clit, after extensive attention was paid to my lips, his tongue began pushing into me repeatedly, licking my moisture into his mouth. I died the little death when I climaxed on his tongue.

As soon as I got my breath, I tried to return the favor. I could tell he was really getting into it, but he pulled me up, gently.

"Later, my love, right now I have an urgent need to be inside you."

He entered me easily because I was so wet from our foreplay. We started out slowly, savoring the feeling, but after a few minutes I was thrusting up, urging him to go faster. Shortly after I had a small climax, followed a few minutes later by the big one. We exploded at almost the same time. When we calmed down, he slipped off me, cuddling me to him.

I couldn't help it, I started crying. He was instantly concerned. I slapped his chest, playfully. "Silly man! Don't you know women cry as many tears of happiness as they do sorrow? Right now, I'm very, very happy."

We made love twice more, experimenting with positions, doing anything we thought would pleasure the other. I went to sleep exhausted, curled into his arms.

I woke once, alone. I looked over and he was standing at the window in his naked glory, watching it snow. I was admiring his tight butt, backlit by the soft glow of the fire when I drifted back into slumber.

When I woke next, it was COLD! The fire was the only heat source the cabin had, and it had died down. I felt him wake, and the chill when he threw back the covers. I watched him, shivering, naked, as he rebuilt the fire from the embers. He dove back into bed and wrapped me in an embrace.

I shrieked as his cold body hit mine. He was laughing.

"It'll be warm in just a bit," he assured me.

I was rubbing his chest before my hands went South. "I think we should generate our own heat," I said, as I climbed on top of him. It was another hour before we got out of bed. His tiny bathroom wasn't big enough to shower together and I pouted.

"Wait," he said, grinning. He went out to a small shed, and came back, dragging a huge, old fashioned tin tub.

I made coffee while he filled the tub from the bathroom, adding water he had heated over the fireplace.

In forty-five minutes we were happily sitting in the tub, me in front, leaning into him. We played with each other while we watched the snow, still falling. The forecasters missed just a bit and we got six inches instead of three.

We got a little carried away. I'm just glad we were young and flexible. We still nearly flipped the tub. It took us almost an hour to mop up the excess water.

I didn't have to be in to work for three more days. We spent two at the cabin, playing inside and out. He took the little truck and tied a sled to it, then dragged me up and down hills while I screamed in laughter. We threw snowballs. He showed me how to make snow cream, and I was a pig, eating so fast I got a headache. We roasted weenies and made popcorn in the fireplace. In between, as often as we wanted, and we wanted a lot, we made love.

Finally, it was time to return to the real world. I hated it. He had to almost pry me off him. "When will I see you again?"

I must have sounded pitiful, but he grinned. "I guess it'll be about five-thirty or six, depending what time you get off. Want anything special for dinner? I don't have a commute, so I'll start it."

I almost passed out. Was I moving in? Before I could get a clarification he gave me a big kiss. "Roast chicken it is then. Have a good day, honey."

He went back into the house whistling.

*****

Betty knew. I could tell by her smile. She lasted until lunch. I was right in the middle of a bite of lasagna when she asked me. "So, how does redneck loving stack up to the city boys?"

I choked while she laughed, pounding me on the back. When I got my breath back I chewed her out. "Bitch! I could have choked to death. And there is no comparison. Rednecks Rule! How did you know?"

She smirked. "An idiot could tell, just from your expression. You may have just as well had it written across your forehead. I JUST BANGED ERIC SUMMERS!"

I colored a bit. I told her about our weekend. She was almost weeping when I was done. "That's just so sweet! Think he'll let me borrow the cabin? I've kept Jim on a pretty tight leash since he got so drunk Halloween. Maybe it's time to relight the fires. After all, I do love the idiot."

"Not for a few weeks" I grinned, "I haven't quite broken it in yet."

I know I worked, but I couldn't tell you if anything got accomplished. I stopped by my apartment, filled a garment bag and a case. I looked around, glad my lease would be up soon.

I came through the door to a delicious smell, following it all the way to the kitchen. The table was set, the food plated, and he was lighting a candle. He gave me a nice kiss. I started to say something but he stopped me. "Don't talk, eat!"

The chicken melted in my mouth, the salad crisp and delicious. I complimented him. "You don't spend as much time as I do around chefs without picking up a thing or two. Emily gave me the recipe."

We gathered up the dishes, I washed and he dried. After tidying up we sat on the sofa snuggled together. I was very happy but still wanted to know if we had a future.

"Eric, honey, I don't want to rock the boat, but where do you see things going?"

He sat, composing his thoughts. "I don't know. If someone had told me six months ago I would be in love, especially with another Johnson girl, I would have laughed my head off. I know you're not her, thank God you're nothing like her. If it weren't for your similar looks I wouldn't believe you're from the same gene pool. I don't mind telling you I love you because it's true."