All Comments on 'Evil Woman'

what a dumb protagonist

Super ending, real justice! The curse of the “Living Dead” for her seems quite appropriate.

The ending felt totally sloppy to me.

All of a sudden, he becomes an assassin, the murderer of the girls' parents.

But no worries,

he is a good father-in-law.

5 pages too long!!!!!!!

Very good story. While it rates5*, I wish more were available.

no confrontation, just murder... and she's evil. I feel the wifes plan of foisting her kids on her mom was only added so we would feel less guilty about the outcome.

It was a wonderful story till page 9. Then it went into the shithole!

One can make out the writer had backed himself into a hole and did not know how to extriCte himself…Easiest ending is to kill …no questions and no answers. That’s why I am giving this turd u dropped a zero…for wasting over 1 hour of my time!!

Excellent story. Fully deserving of five stars.

Love the ending, but you could've pretty much cut out half of the buildup, especially the Julie like plots that went nowhere. All his ado about not trusting bitches he fall faster for Melanie than a meteorite.

Good story, well written

Riveting.

The ending twist suddenly made a somewhat a good cheating wife storyline into a Poe-sque kind of a horror tale.

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But what Kebin did was so horrific and grotesque. Despite his well-intent reasons still I don't think even God can forgive the deeds. Even though Melinda truly deserves some consequences, she doesn't deserved that lifetime paralysis not even Jon deserves death. Kevin could have find ways to take his business off their hands, let them be together because both Melinda and Jon will find a way to wreck their relationship.

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But nice work Gumbo25.

Thanks for sharing...

Grate story! A strong 4*. I had to ask myself why I didn’t give you a5*. The reason is that I thought it was well written & very entertaining, however, the perpetrator never understood why he was outmatched ,he just simply dies with no acknowledgement? ( The truth is always a revolutionary!)

Okay. D

Good story well presented. Them hs fantasy gals will bring you down every time.

A lot of dross to wade through before the nice ending.

5 stars. Story could have been tighter. I skipped from page 6 to 9 and felt I didn't miss anything.

A long read but well worth the time. Excellent overall. And to cap it off an ending worthy of one of the masters of horror, SK.

I think it’s a very entertaining story. Please keep writing.

Ignore the idiots. Jeez.

Different kind of story. Closer to 4 then 3 so I gave it 4. There were areas where it slowed down and should have been edited better to keep it flowing smoothly. On a scale of 1 to 5 it was a 3.7

It was a good story, only about eight pages too long.

5 stars. That was quite the revenge, part of me wants to say a living hell trapped in your own body is too much. What she had planned was horrible but was it worth that level of torture? Decades trapped in your own body potentially. Dunno, just horrific. Honestly think death would have been a better ending for her but thats just me being a softy.

Could have cut out a lot of nonsense but besides that not too bad. Little over the top but that’s what you get in the LW section.

It started well. Slowly building to….something.

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But it never really got there. The relationship with Melinda never made sense…the fool fell for his high school image of her. The Taylor character was a cipher. And while the method of his response to Melinda and her ex husbands plan was unique and so very effective….by that time the reader really didn’t care.

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And we didn’t care because we never really bought into the MCs schtick. He was boring. And an emotional child.

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Coulda been better. But it ended up only a solid 3 ***

please write more. really enjoyed

Yeah, great BTB, the perfect one.

On the strength of the ending, a perfect 5/5 is in order.

Well done!!!!

Great tale!

Really enjoyed the back story & build up to the final scene.

Honestly, that scene was projected, but still, all the pieces came together very well.

Please keep writing!

Cold bastard, great response to selfish cheating bitch and idiot ex husband. Probably could have shortened it by 2-3 pages, but loved the burn! Especially loved the fact you made Melinda live and face the music! ELO would be proud!

Good story. A little slow in places and longer than I normally read. But, still a good story. 5*

Gave it a 5 for citing a great ELO song in the description:)

Of all the women he had contact with .I would never figure Nicole. They never went out, never really dated, we’re separated from any communication. So why this hook up. And why would she get involved with a guy with 2 kids. Gee these ending is impossible. You killed a great story.

Page 8

Marry not the girl who was pretty early and had money growing up.

Page 8

You are definitely keeping me guessing between two people. We will see.

4 stars - I liked this story.

Please keep writing, but try to use less harmful means of exacting revenge.

"I knew by now the proper response. Stay silent." 🤣 So true.

Well, you faked me out till late in the story, but what about communication with eye movement or blinking?

Had no problem finishing this page turner. Well done.

I never understood the "hi there, my wife is a cheating slut, let me now regale you for 12 pages about how she was a cunt to me in high school but my dumbass married her anyway, because we all know the way to make an audience invest emotionally is to let them know what dumb unlikeable fuckwits we are before trying to build that repore"

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This is why Morty killed the lighthouse keeper

So.... Taylor never thought to consider that she told Kevin of Melinda's and Jon's plans, and they ended up getting the most severe case of "shellfish poisoning" from the shrimp Kevin brought? Lucky duuude. Of course, in that part of the USA, the police have all be laid off and replaced with community intervention specialists and DEI coordinators. Totally believable in that context. Great story. A bit long with the extraneous backstory, but your quality of writing makes that slog worth it. 5++++/5!

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Had me worried with how much the MC kept shouldering the blame with his travel and business troubles, and with how much shit he put up with when it was obvious what was going on. And that's really what drags this whole thing down. It's about 7 pages too long, taking multiple paragraphs to explain/set up things that would've been just fine with a couple sentences.

But it was nice to see a smarmy prick and an ungrateful bitch suffer the consequences of their actions. When you poke the bear, you accept any and all possible outcomes of that decision. Maybe you get away unscathed. Maybe you walk away with a few scars and a story to tell. Or maybe you end up as dinner.

To be honest, even he deserved it I didn't want Jon dead. And I would really liked Kevin tell his wife that now she had the life she deserved for what she had already done and wanted to do to him.

I know nowadays people think that they know better than our ancestors because we all can read and write but no, my friend! We aren't.

In the old days, only a virgin could be married but as things have changed, at least try to find a wife in woman of as less years as possible. There's a greater chance of success with her than a fucked up bitch with kids and a husband in tow.

This was one of these stupid stories told by wimps to justify their cheapness.

You had no reason to kill these two ( husband & wife) if you'd gone out and found yourself your own woman

Enjoyed it. We’ll written. What the MC did to his wife is horrifying, but it is fiction. Also, I kept thinking I’d read this same story once before, even knew some of the plot before it unfolded. Weird.

It didn’t really make sense. If I looked at it from M’s perspective, it made sense to go back to JP. I mean what is the basis for respect for our hero? He does everything asked by M. He never challenges her, nor the kids’ behaviour, and invests in a risky business venture that becomes a nightmare… hmm. And then ignores his wife to save his business. So. Why are we on this dude’s side again? After all, it is his house, she is not going to get more than half and JP will self destruct. There will be pain, but life is like that. Murder and prison is a better option? How does that help the kids? I guess you say that he has cracked under the pressure. After all, as others have stated, M is still very much able to communicate (unless she cannot blink or move anything at all—but how do you explain the eyes of hate our hero feels from M in that case or the warmth for the kids? Breathing for that matter?). So, a bit too all over the place for my liking…

Good one but too long and drawn out.

Enjoyed your story, can't find anything to criticize. Well done 5 *****

But nixrox, the revenge was painless. Neither JP nor Mel felt a thing.

Nice feint keeping Taylor around and going back to the one who actually did go out with him rather than use him.

Could have been tightened up a bit but I can see where it would be difficult to pick exactly what to cut without turning into a more clichéd version.

☆☆☆☆☆ for the creative solution.

He's got to be stupid... how did he not know good ole Jon Pierre was banging his wife?.. he really needed someone to tell him? Jon Pierre treating him like a guest in his own house didn't ring any red flags? 😂😂😂😂...Her suddenly praising him instead of wishing him death didn't ring any bells?... he's a stupid stupid man😫... I also would of rather when Jon Pierre started spending his "visitations" at his house he should've put an end to that shit ASAP.. I wouldn't of gave 2 shots and a bag of dicks he was their father... it's my fucking house. He was way too fucking passive.. what she was doing was NOT appropriate. It was clear they were rekindling their relationship... all he did was just nod his head and kept it moving... most would've lost their shit at the disrespect... I also don't care for stories where people die. I think death is just way too easy.. a life of unhappiness and misery is more appealing to me. Her punishment should've been letting Jon Pierre have her.. he honestly should've NEVER married her in the first place🤷🏽‍♀️😫.. she wasn't interested in him in high-school, but suddenly now that she's stuck with 2 kids, damn near broke, with a loser ex, he looks like prince charming?😂😂😂😂.. he didn't think that was odd?I never understand guys like the MC... Melinda was never interested in home throughout high school, sge married a loser who doesnt spend time with his kids or can keep a job to take care of them. Suddenly, here here comes, moving up in his company, has a good job, his own house.... of course he's looking like a light at the end of her hell... Maybe because I'm naturally paranoid, I question everyone and everything, especially when shit isn't making any sense.. I definitely would've questioned her motives.. he should've at least made sure he had a prenup.. look who she dated/married... her judgement is clearly not the best.. I also wouldn't of wanted Jon Pierre's left over 😏... the story itself started off a little boring honestly. There was a lot of, I don't have a girlfriend.. he gave me desperate for a relationship tease. This woman treated him with indifference, why he pined over her was beyond me.. he acted as if she was the only pussy in the sea....I didn't like how it took so long for him to realize what was going? He has to be completely blind by not trust and love but by stupidity not to have seen what was happening... the story was ok... nothing I'd read a second time... I'd advised readers to just skip a few pages.. nothing happens until towards the end anyway.. I kept reading it picked up.. sadly no...

wow way way way too much build up and only 1 page of the "evil woman" of the title lol and no aftermath this feels like a part one except it 8 pages too long. just wow that build up lol a lot of rehashing things in there as well

Very well done FICTION. Why do these commenters get bent out of shape over violence in fiction? She wasn’t a cheating slut when mc hooked up with her. That came later. Seems like the perfect outcome to me. Even if she could communicate what she believes happened, there would be no evidence left. The girls get to grow up in a stable family. I agree with a prev comment that him spending time working on saving his business is not a fault. 5. Entertaining read.

When you push a determined man too far, don't be surprised when he pushes back even harder!

5

By the end of page 4 I could tell this was going to be some juvenile drama about high school loves and romances unrequited, betrayed, and at the end salvaged. So I skipped to page 10 and sure as shit there it was, already wrapped up in a cheer leader's panties. Thanks for making it so easy not to waste my time reading about what a dumb shit this cuck was. I mean we knew by page 2 that Mel was a useless piece of high school click shit, so why bother with dragging out the obvious? It was tedious and shallow, and way the fuck too long.

I did notice that one small detail was omitted: when and how did he divorce Mel? Or was his old prom date fucking a cheating husband, or did the asshole lie to her to get in her pants? Of course so far all the pitiful cuck has done is gotten a look at her now middle-aged tits. As long as Mel is alive and incapacitated how does he justify divorcing her, especially to the daughters he claims to care so much for? I guess he could divorce Mel quietly, not tell the daughters, but then how does he explain this new woman in his life, who calls herself his new wife? Ten pages, and you don't even anticipate or include details that really do affect the final outcome of the plot. Weak. But thanks for the effort.

As I read this I couldn't help but think that this poor guy could have used the red pill story from a few days earlier. Hehehe. It was good, though. Long? Sure, but this author at least understands development and pacing.

Just read this a second time and realized it reminded me of the writings of John D McDonald in the fifties. Really good story.

Good read thanks!

Good read nice BTB story! 4*

Oh my God this was easily your worst story you have ever done. It's way too Long for this sort of story and the main character Kevin is incredibly dangerously stupid in all aspects of his life.

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In many ways this sort of reminds me of the Frazier Crane story where Frazier and his brother Niles run into the high school heart throb who was a gorgeous woman then and a gorgeous mature woman now but she's an absolute shrill and a heartbeat in every possible way. And Frazier and his brother Niles are sexually consumed and obsessed with this woman from high school ignoring all her horrible flaws.

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When they finally hook up Melinda and Kevin and she says I wonder why we'd never got together in high school why the fuck oesn't he say anything?

They aren't married he has not developed any emotional attachments to her it's meant to hurt 2 wonderful daughters it's just a one night stand and hook up so why not tell the truth?

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And WHY THE FUCK does he accept the other guy as being finally mature and growing up and believing hes going to be a good influence on the daughter's lives and on his family? Is he the head of the family the husband and the father and the breadwinner or is he just a paycheck?

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Quite frankly if the wife were to believe that Kevin is a submissive and a weak man she would Have every reason to believe that's the case. Every time she puts him down every time she spends more time with the other guy all he does is back away from the confrontation. Even the daughters are getting disgusted with him.

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If he is truly concerned about the changes going on in his wife and the other guy why doesn't he take steps to protect his business? If the marriage is in trouble and headed for divorce ....why doesn't he do anything about it?

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Quite frankly we see these kinds of terrible ridiculous pathetic stories from losers like Matt Moreau and George Anderson.

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What a truly disappointing pathetically stupid story. And instead of finally taking care of things he decides to kill the other guy Paralyzes wife for life?

Hell of a story 5* 50 stars even. I kinda wish JP was paralyzed as well. Death is too easy a punishment, but Melinda was roasted but good hahaha

A good story.

Kevin isn't the first man

to choose partners badly.

I see one like him

every time I look in a mirror.

We stupids must stick together.

So top ratings from me.

My earlier comments either got lost or censored, since they don't appear here. Meanwhile, I've marked what I'd scored as a 5 (because it's Gumbo) down to a 4. Mostly because with 10 pages, should have been more than a rehash of his previous posting, "It's A Jungle Out There" (again the foreign elder, again the foreign poison). Melinda's paralysis recalls the cheating wife's disfigurement in "Gypsy." Again, amused that the pool of available women seems restricted to ones the MMC knew in high school - and it's not just G25, lots of LW stories have this. Why not college? Seems more likely, wider selection, away from home, more freedom.

QuickMagazine

Ignore the critics, Gumbo25, it was a quality story.

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As for length, there is a little box at the top right at the beginning that tells you how many words the story will have. If it is a three digit number, it's one page and if there is more than five digits in the number, then it's going to be more than a handful of pages, so act accordingly, if you struggle with long reads. Like all stories that return to the high school beginnings to build background, the amount of detail needed is debatable, but in this case it building the characters in an interesting way.

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I don't think the pacing is completely to my taste, but then I didn't provide this tale of tropical revenge. Enough of Gumbo's work is to my taste to allow me to drop a five start on it. Keep it up.

Good to see you back. Always enjoy reading about your boring provider protagonists. I liked the variant that he wasn’t a builder but a hardwood provider this time.

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Your stories are about the only ones that challenge the “adultery is not a capital crime” dogma. Somehow your antagonists are just so evil, and the prospective outcome of their dastardly plots so harmful to the innocent that I end…up…actually…enjoying…the imagination…of those malevolent eyes….

Five stars from this reader. I loved how he dealt with evil, and arrogance.

Excellent story, but too long! 4 stars.

Weird story. Guy went through life wearing bigger and bigger "Kick Me" signs until he finally had enough and bought an assault rifle and killed everyone. Or something like that.

Ending was a bit farfetched, however in the spirit of fiction I liked it. Conniving bitch and the husband moves on. The girls get a better situation. Good deeds become a bell weather for his success.

Easy 5*** Great job on this one!

Good story.

But he was passive over and over and over. He let stuff happen. Then he blew the playhouse down.

Oh come on! We were rooting for the guy all along and then he goes and does this?! Fuck you

Entertaining- far fetched but good reading. I have to agree with other comments that MC was passive throughout but sometimes enough is enough! Taking the girls would make a great trigger for a change in behavior. At least that is how I am going to see it!

I doubt it have been that easy to get by with it since they would know he went to South America and had access to international poisons. Unless it was though Jon had an allergy to seafood was not aware.

Overall was entertaining so goal achieved for my reading!

Please do keep writing and I will keep reading

Definitely fiction, but as you said, it's your world. Bottom line, very entertaining read!

Definitely had areas worth five stars, but all the distracting grammar errors and the murder or Jon Pierre and the disabling of Melinda that came right out of the blue ruined the story.

Not a fan of murder as a solution, it's too easy. I know this was already a long story but it would have been nice if he found a different way of resolving the problems with his wife and her boyfriend. 3* because of the lazy ending.

Okay, I guess. But his prolonged obliviousness and the fact that he even allowed JP so much access to his home really detracted from the story. You could have easily created a different situation that didn't make him out to be dumb wimp.

I also have a hard time understanding a young man that doesn't want to at least have one biological child of his own. Why would you marry a woman that had her tubes tied so early?

JP got off easy compared to her. Her punishment was pretty darn cruel but i can understand why he did it. She was going to take everything away.

The "good guy" who is getting the raw deal resorts to an exotic toxin to murder one foe and paralyze another. Am pretty sure that makes him no longer a good guy.

Great story, worthy of 5 BIG FAT BLAZING STARS!

The police interview Mel's friends discover her plan to leave her husband. Discover MC had just returned from Brazil. Go to the lab, since the source of the poison hadn't been found, review other possible sources and tract it to frog poison like that used by the tribe MC had just visited. Slam dunk. I know this is fiction but this is just a bit too obvious.

Great story!!!

Turns out, he's just as evil all along. Dumb fuck deserves to be hoisted by his own poison as well.

Terrific tale, well told with a beautiful revenge twist truly deserved by the two scumbags!

Great writing… liked most of the story, but not the ending. The best revenge would have been ending Mel and Jon’s plans, but keeping them alive to suffer daily. Just goes to show you to protect yourself both emotionally as well as financially. Women are hypergamous.

What comes around comes around. Be careful who you try to stab in the back. Glad to see the Good Guys win. 5*s

Another very good story, and I like how the native tribe was helped (though in real life it isn’t such a rosy picture). With the wife paralyzed, I expected him to give her a schadenfreude monologue, since she is a captive audience. Rather than anger, I think the real reaction would be terror: being trapped in your body is a nightmare. The slight misdirect at the end, “Who is he going to be with?” Wasn’t really necessary. I actually thought it’d be Julia!

Justice!

G

Great BTB

One of the best punishments I’ve ever read! Decades of being stuck with your own thoughts, and little input. I wonder how long it will take for her to realize that she brought it upon herself?!?

ZK

Dr. Greg House would have figured i out. 😂

The body trap treatment was excellent, the whore had it coming and he saved the daughters from her as well.

Very well thought out story and retribution for the evil doers

Thanks for writing

Yeah but you know what they say...."once a killer always a killer," or maybe it was something about a cheater always being a cheater.

Superbly constructed story. My single, sole issue, is how you pushed the MC into nearly immediate "falling for her" in just 4-5 dates. The immediate hard ons were over the top and Mellissa? Come on! You could see her coming a mike away. When she let her ex back into her life ANY doubt would have been erased. Love the poison and in thus case I think the best solution set. It would have been poetic justice to tell her, at the end, that he knew all about her plans and he was responsible dor her current, and permanent, condition.

Using the poison was the only viable opion to protect the girls as well as his business and his loyal employees.

Very well done story!!

A well built story, with a little suspense and a great ending. Thorley enjoyed the read, along with the ending. Thanks for your writing.

A totally disproportionate punishment of course, but the kind the incel crowd here loves.

Entertaining, and the well-crafted storyline made me stick it out until the end. Fabulist when it needed to be, and pedantic when that was required. Very well done.

Awesome. Perfectly proportioned and symmetrical retribution and solution to what otherwise would have been a long term intractable problem. And . . . justice served.

Well played.

I imagine his joy every time he visits, relishing her misery and boredom. She wastes away while he lives the good life. This is a BTB for the ages.

Best ever.

9 pages of a diary and 1 page of murder

Betabux marries a single mom who previously wanted nothing to do with him and she eventually ditches him for the bad boy. Many such cases, fortunately for Kevin, he had a true friend that provided a way out for him.

5 stars.

Well done. A very good story well told. Thank you.

The title could have been "evil guy."