Exclusive

After a particularly decent meal I had cooked and nice bottle of wine, we sat on the settee Claire was relaxing with her head on my shoulder and she said to me, "Is there anything that we haven't done that you would like to do, in or out of bed? Ones that we can afford of course, any fantasies?"

"Nope, if something comes up I will let you know. Anything you want to try? Any fantasies that you have running round your pretty head?"

"Only about inviting Rock Hudson or Roger Moore to play."

"They're both dead."

"Then I had better find someone alive to invite then" she smiled at me, but I didn't like where this was going.

"Do you remember the words I said after the first time made love? But you never let me finish what I was saying."

"Yes"

"Well I'm going to finish it now, I started with. "Sweetheart, I have been exclusive since that first kiss. And I will always be. Until my last breath I will be exclusive and I expect" and that was where you stopped me, I was going to say "you to be the same, if you can't commit to that, we part now." I thought you wanted to be exclusive. Do you want to invite another man into our bed?"

"I was just thinking it might be fun to talk about it"

"Just talk, or do?"

"Well, do if you agreed."

"Have you thought this through fully?"

"Yes, of course."

"What if I said 'Yes'?"

"I would be the best wife ever!"

"And what if I said 'No', what would happen then?"

"I am expecting you to say 'No' and we carry on as normal."

I was crying now, tears pouring down my cheeks. She said "I'm sorry sweetie, I will take that as a 'No' then. That is what I expected you to say, that's ok." She went to hold me but I pushed her back, she moved to her end of the settee.

I paused a goodly number of seconds whilst I thought about what she said and wiped my tears away, I took a deep breath and said "I have several problems with what you have just said, so sit there, be quiet and let me tell you what they are."

I continued "Firstly, if I say 'Yes' you will be the 'best wife ever', does that mean you haven't been the best you could be for the last 20 odd years? Have you been holding something back for a day like this? I already thought you were the best wife ever, have I been wrong for the last 20 years?"

"No, No it's not like that."

"So you have put 100% into this marriage, Yes?"

"Yes." she replied with a quizzical look.

"So how can there be more, where is this extra 'best wife ever' going to come from?"

She sat there with her mouth open, I didn't give her a chance to talk.

"Next" still in a quiet voice I said" Do you know how fragile the ego, confidence and self-esteem is of a man married to someone as beautiful as you? No probably not. It is rock solid until you put doubt into the mix and your wish to 'play with other men', which I take to mean have sex, has just put a pile driver straight through that rock and shattered it."

I stood up, looked down at her and growled. "So after 22 years am I not good enough, are you fed up with me and want something else? I thought we had done everything we wanted within the bounds we set. Just you and me. What have I done wrong?"

She was doing a good impression of a goldfish with her mouth.

"So how far has this gone? Do you have someone in mind, a place or a time?"

"No, No nothing like that, no plans. There are a couple of chaps at work that have caught my eye. But nothing beyond that, just looking. You have always said that planning was part of the fun."

"Looking!" I growled at her, "So you have been scoping out the talent, so you have been planning."

"No, I haven't been planning. You look at other women."

"To me you looking at other men with an idea of sleeping with them is planning, you may not see it that way but I do. Yes I do look but I don't want to sleep with them. I compare them to you and they always come up wanting compared to the love of my life."

ThenI shouted at her "AND HOW MUCH FUCKING FUN WOULD I HAVE PLANNING FOR MY WIFE TO FUCK ANOTHER MAN?"

She just sat there with her mouth open, I think it was starting to dawn on her what she had done.

I was seething, I was angry, very angry "A question for you then. When we make love have you been thinking about them instead of me, was it their cock in your cunt and not mine?"

"No." She screamed, "I have never thought of anyone else. Please believe me."

I wasn't sure if I did or not.

My hands were clenched into fists, I am not a violent man normally, but I wanted to punch something, to break something.

I lowered my voice "I think you had better leave."

"I'm sorry. I'll go to bed, come with me please so I can make it up to you,"

I calmly said "No, I mean leave, pack your bags and go, I don't care where, perhaps Jackie and Dave have a setteeyou can sleep on. I need a few days to sort this out in my head and it is better if you're not here. I might do something I regret for the rest of my life."

I walked towards the front door, took my mobile phone from my pocket and put it on the table next to the door and turned, looked at Claire. "I'm going for a walk, be about half an hour, don't be here when I get back. Leave a message on my phone where you end up."

I walked and started crying, "What was she doing? Did she really want to sleep with another man? Was she trying to wind me up? Was it a way to confirm my love for her? Shit. Just what was I supposed to do to show her my love, by saying 'Yes' or by saying 'No' was it a trap. Oh Fuck." I had no idea where I walked.

I got back home an hour or so later, was it a home anymore?

I picked up my mobile phone, there was one text from Claire "At J&D's." there was also loads of missed calls and voice messages from my big sister.

The phone rang again. It was Jackie. I was going to have to answer this, I steeled myself and swiped the accept button and held the phone away from my ear. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU FUCKING ARSEHOLE SHE IS DESTROYED, CRYING HER FUCKING EYES OUT YOU SHITHEAD. GET ROUND HERE AND PICK HER UP NOW YOU FUCKWIT."

"You finished?"

"Yes now get round here and pick her up, knob."

"OK, ask her why she wants to sleep with another man. When you have an answer call me back, or better still come round tomorrow, alone!" I hung up and turned the phone off.

I fetched myself a beer and sat and pondered some more, "What was she trying to do? What brought this on," the more I thought about it the more ideas I came up with, but which one was her eventual goal? Which one did she actually want? I settled on two outcomes, either ends of the scale. Was it just a mistake the way she said it? If so then staying married wasn't going to be difficult but she would need to be taught the proper way to discuss things, which is disappointing as I thought we had that down pat after all these years. However, if I was wrong and it wasn't a mistake and she was serious about another man, then the marriage was in real danger of falling apart without some serious work.

I had a few more beers and went to bed, still thinking. I did sleep but it wasn't a restful sleep. I was up at my usual time and put the kettle on and waited for the knock on the door. It came at exactly nine o'clock. That's my big sister. I opened the door with the safety chain on to check if she was alone like I told her, she wasn't, Dave was with her. That was Ok he's a sensible chap.

"Why the safety chain knob?" my darling sister said to me through the gap, I guess she was still pissed at me.

"Just to make sure you are alone. "

"Dave's here, you can see him, now open the door before I kick it in."

"As long as Claire is not out there waiting to jump in."

"No, she is still at home crying."

I opened the door, let them in and went to make some tea, we sat round the kitchen table whilst the tea brewed. "Did you ask her the question?" I asked.

"Yes, of course I did. She doesn't want to sleep with another man. It was just a joke."

"Bollocks. I saw her face. That was no joke. And trust me no-one is laughing right now. So you go back to her and get the real reason."

I got up and went to pour the tea, I heard Dave say to Jackie. "See, told you that wouldn't work."

"Shut up Dave."

"Yes dear." He said. He didn't mean it and we all knew it. Maybe I had an ally there?

Jackie started again "Ok I thought if I could pass it off as a joke it would be the easiest way to get this sorted and before you ask, Claire doesn't know what I was planning."

Dave spoke up, "And before you ask me, I didn't agree with it." That got him a withering look from Jackie. I wasn't going to ask him anyway. I felt he had laid his cards on the table, there was defiantly an ally there.

Looking at Jackie I asked, "So what was her answer, and no bull shit this time."

"Firstly she doesn't want to sleep with anyone else, she expected and wanted you to say 'No'. She is feeling a bit out of sorts, not appreciated and lost. You were supposed to be her knight in shining armour that found her and took her home, but you turned into a dragon breathing fire and accusations. She admits she could have done it better. She only wants you and your help."

"She could have just said 'sweetheart, I'm a little lost, can you help.' Without all this game playing she could have asked for a knight and I would have gone and found armour and a charger for her, instead she has played her games right out the front door."

Dave said "That's a bit over the top mate, just for her getting it a bit mixed up."

I looked at both of them and said, "If that is what she said and if I believe her lets go over the conversation that you were not party to, this could take a while." I went and got us some more tea.

I carried on "She wanted to invite two celebrities 'to play' I pointed out they were both dead and her exact words were, and I remember them as they are burned into my memory 'Then I had better find someone alive to invite then,' notice the 'I' not 'we'. When I reminded her we were exclusive she came back with 'I was just thinking it might be fun to talk about it', I asked 'talk or do?' she replied 'do if I agreed'."

Jackie wasn't looking quite as calm as she has been earlier and Dave had a sad look on his face. "I then asked her if she had thought this through fully, she said 'of course', and then I asked her the first question 'What if I said 'Yes' you could have someone else to play? She came back with 'I would be the best wife ever', so this is the first problem you see. I thought she had been the best wife ever for the last 20 years, so where was this extra' best wife ever' going to come from. Has she been holding back something for a special day? She told me she put 100% into this marriage so where's the extra coming from, there is no 110% in this."

Jackie quietly said, "Well I'm sure she could find a little extra."

Dave's snort went everywhere. "What! A little extra. To sleep with another man would need a bit more than 'a little extra'."

This was going to be difficult to explain to her but I tried.

"She can't keep the house any cleaner, she can't cook any better, I love what she does. There is nothing she can do better. Ok let's get a bit dirty. Spit or swallow. Let's assume Dave wants you to swallow, you don't like to, so you spit. To be the best wife ever, even though you don't like to, you swallow. You see that's an improvement. Anal sex, you don't like it Dave does, so it doesn't happen. Being the best wife ever you let Dave have your backside a couple of time as week. That's an improvement. See the thing is Claire swallows but she doesn't like the taste and I can fuck her up the arse any time I like. So how can she become the best wife ever unless she has been holding something back for the last 20 some years, because I can't see anything she has not done, so what is she hiding? I thought we were equal partners in this marriage."

Jackie pulled a grimace "I think I get it."

Dave said, "Let's make sure," and took an orange from the fruit bowl and peeled it and he put the peeled orange up in front of Jackie's face, "One orange 100% yes?" Jackie nodded. He tore it half and held up the two halves and said "50% each?" she nodded again. He placed the two halves together, held them up and said "John's marriage, yes?" Jackie nodded again. Dave opened up the orange and took off a segment then placed them all together, segment as well. "John thinks he is getting this from Claire, 100% orange marriage for the last 20 years." He then removes the segment and holds up the rest of the orange with the segment missing. "After Claire's 'best wife ever' comment he now thinks for the past 20 years this is what he has been getting" and he holds up the orange segment and says. "Where has this been for the last 20 years he is asking himself? Has she saved it up so she can fuck another man?"

He was an ally, I couldn't have put it better myself.

Jackie's only comment was "Fuck." I think she got it.

I stood up, looked at my sister and said. "Did she mention she had been 'scoping out the talent' in case I said 'Yes'?"

I got up and made a fresh pot of tea, giving the thought time to settle into her head.

When I sat down I looked at her and said, "She told me that she thought it might be fun, it was fun to talk and plan about all the other things we have done, so this might be fun too? I ask you how much fun would I have planning for my wife to sleep with another man?"

Jackie was looking a bit shocked so I carried on with my side of the story, I explained to her about a man's ego, confidence and self-esteem and how it could be fucked in seconds when his wife of 20 years says he wants to sleep with another man.

Jackie came back instantly "But she doesn't. She told me even if you said 'Yes' she wouldn't do it."

I felt I was losing the argument here with her and went to pour the tea when Dave gently said to her "Sweetheart, you don't get it. Even if she doesn't want to, she has said the words, and they weren't said in anger where you could probably blame the words on wanting to hurt someone, I gather she was quite calm when she said them and you can't take them back. So John now has the thought that he is not good enough, and he has been doing it wrong all these years and she wants more so he feels he wasn't doing enough."

Dave picked up the single orange segment and continued. "Add to that, that she can find an extra 10% for their marriage if he lets her sleep with another man then he feels royally fucked and it doesn't matter what she says now it's what she said then."

I brought the mugs of tea over. "And she told me she had thought this through fully, so she would have every angle covered. So can I actually believe her because it hasn't gone her way with a 'Yes' she is now coming up with a lie to say she wasn't going to do it anyway?"

Dave summed it up for her, "So John feels Claire hasn't been putting 100% into the marriage. He now feels that he has been not good enough for however long knows and is going to be side-lined for a younger model, his self-esteem and confidence shattered. He is a wreck of a man, although he doesn't look wrecked." He said looking at me quizzically.

Jackie took hold of Dave's hand and gave it a squeeze and looking at me said "Ok I get it, now what are you going to do to fix it?"

"Whoa there, I didn't break it."

"Ok, what are you going to do to let her fix it?"

"That's better, I did a lot of thinking last night and some more this morning while talking to you two and whilst letting the tea brew. Last night I thought to myself 'what have I done wrong?' After lots of soul searching, I have done nothing wrong, a few things over the last 20 odd years could have been done better, but nothing wrong. I have loved her, cherished her and at times worshiped her, I have bent over backwards to do everything she wanted if it was possible, and not just in bed. It has been an equal partnership."

There was more from me "Ego and self-esteem restored, I didn't do anything wrong. Did I ever once see that she wasn't putting 100% into this marriage at any time? No, in fact at times there was 101% which became the new 100%. Has she lied to me in the past? Apart from the odd white lie about surprises and stuff like that, I cannot think of one time she has lied to me since the first time I kissed her."

I carried on, "Add all that up andI do believe she was not lying when she said she was not going to sleep with another man, so therefore she wouldn't have to find that 'best wife ever' extra 10%."

My final comment, "I think she has made one mistake so I will listen to any apology, she just has to be careful what she apologises for."

Jackie asked, "What mistake is that?"

I was about to tell her but said, "She needs to work it out for herself, and if you have worked it out don't either of you two tell her." Dave smiled, he was a smart chap, I think he got it.

"When can she come back, I would like my settee back to watch the footy tonight," Dave said.

"Can you give her time to think? I am not going anywhere, I will be here, and, Dave if she is still there when the football starts come round here I will get some more beer in and we can make a night of it. I owe you a few anyway."

They both stood and headed to the front door, Jackie turned and gave me a hug and asked, "Sorry sweetie. Can we tell her what we talked about?"

"Of course, not to would be unfair, just don't tell her about the mistake."

Dave gave me a man hug. That was a bit strange, he'd never done that before and it was a bit uncomfortable. But he whispered. "You've already decided to take her back, it's just the level of punishment, isn't it." I smiled.

It was nearly 8 o'clock when the doorbell rang, "That'll be Dave" I thought, I grabbed a couple of beer bottles from the fridge and opened the front door. It was Claire. "You live here, you don't need to ring the bell."

She pointed to the table beside the door and I saw her house keys there.

"I forgot them and didn't want to make you any angrier by being here when you got back."

She walked in, looked at me and said "I prefer wine, but beer will do," I gave her the two beer bottles and went to get her a glass of wine.

When I got to the living room she was sat in her place on the settee and had poured my beer into a glass.

She smiled a wan smile at me and said, "I know I need to say sorry, to apologise, but can I explain before I do," I nodded. "You know I told you the boys in the office used to flirt with me just a little bit, nothing serious, no touching, no coffee breaks anything like that. Just complement me about hair or clothes and say what a lucky chap you were to have me. Actually the compliments were just like the ones you give me and at times I thought you put them up you it, but I realised that was a silly idea."

"Yes, you have always told me about the flirting, it hasn't worried me, well, till now."

"Remember I said a new girl started and she was quite pretty, well, all the boys started flirting with her and I was left alone, I know it's shallow, but I missed the compliments and the flirting. All of a sudden I felt very insecure, I was old news, now not worth a second look. And I thought if I suggested someone else you would get a little angry, just a little angry say 'No' and sort of fight to keep anyone else out of our fun. You would pick me up like you did that first night take me to bed and tell me I didn't need anybody else. The man I loved would make me feel wanted. I know it may not make sense to you but it did me at the time. It doesn't actually make any sense to me now"

"Do you mean that I didn't make you feel wanted?"

"No sweetheart, you have been brilliant, I thought it would just fill the hole I was feeling at work."

She took a deep draft of her wine, put her glass down, slid across the settee and took my hands in hers, she looked me straight in the eyes, and in a serious tone said "I am sorry for the pain I caused you, I never wanted to hurt you, I did and I am sorry I did." She squeezed my hands a little, "I am sorry I made you angry, when you got a little angry I thought I had got what I wanted and you were fighting for me, I got all warm and fuzzy. But you got angrier and when you shouted at me I realised I had gone too far, and I couldn't get back."