eXile

Its my time now.

I know. I'm sick. But I got past that a long time ago. I have accepted that it is a stone cold fact that I am in love with brother. I have been for years.

When I was little, I use to be scared of thunder. I would run to my dad and jump in his lap and make him hold me until the storm was over. Then, one night, Casey caught me in the hallway running to Dad. Casey wrapped me up in a hug and whispered into my ear, "Wanna see something cool?".

I did. He held my hand and took me outside. Casey turned that storm into something special for me. Lightning was angels playing in the sky, thunder was Jesus laughing. Rain was fun and clean. In the middle of the night, we played in that storm, smiling and laughing.

That was Casey.

When Dad died, Casey never let anyone see him cry. He was always there for me and Mom. When I needed someone to cheer me on, to hold me, to listen to me. Casey was there. In all the important moments of my life, Casey. And I know, that just makes him the most awesome of big brothers, but it also goes to my case of what a good man he is. Casey was the standard on which I judged all men.

On the first Valentines Day after Dad passed, Casey spent his grass cutting money on me and Mom, getting us gifts, taking us out to dinner. Birthdays where never forgotten. He always stood up for me. And he had a nice dick.

I had peeped him having sex with Lisa a couple of times. I had peeped him in the shower. Was nineteen the first time I saw them fucking. It was thanksgiving weekend. Lisa's Dad had forgiven her for choosing Art as a major. I knew Casey was making a mistake supporting her, but I was willing to make up for that mistake. Lisa was riding him. She had a nice ass. She bounced on his dick. Up and down, up and down. Deeper. Deeper. Harder. Faster. Up and down. Up and Down. UP and DOWN.

Casey's arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her down to him. His lips found hers, I could hear them kissing. But his hips... It was like they had a mind of their own. His arms had locked her down. He started driving his cock into her. Over and over and over. Hard. Fast. He was taking his pleasure. And giving more. When she lifted herself away from him, moaning she exposed her breasts to him. Casey didn't hesisate. Her tit was sucked into his mouth.

I didn't even realize it. I barely caught myself. My hand had snuck it's way into my panties. I had been masturbating to my brother. I BARELY caught my moan. BARELY stopped myself from creaming right there, outsided his bedroom, peeking throught the door.

I wanted to fuck my brother. No. More than that. I wanted to make love to my brother. I wanted him to want me like he wanted her. To give as much as he got. To want to give more. We could make a life around that.

And, this morning, I got to be live and up close. I wrapped my brother's arms around me, and I can't express how that felt. Safe, amazing, loved, beautiful, wanted? But, confirmation, it definitely felt like I wanted to get closer. I definitely made for a "different" kind of breakfast. Sliding into a booth at the restaurant while picturing him sliding into me.

Does it sound like I'm a little, tiny bit of a bro-slut. Well, maybe. But I own it. And it's not like I'm out there sleeping with every cock with a pair of legs that's willing to call me "lil sis". Casey was smart, charming, handsome, and caring. He was everything I wanted in a man. And he loved me. Maybe not the way I loved him. Yet.

But, I was working on that. I had a plan.

He gave me a lecture, his version at least, on how I talked to Lisa. He didn't want this to come between our friendship. I didn't need to chose sides. All that good, brother stuff.

"Done? Good. So, how about we spend the day together. 24 hour, full frontal, brother sister interaction," I smiled at him.

"Sara, I'm probably not gonna be the best company."

"Doesn't matter. I'll make up for it." He was still hesitating so I did what I needed to do. All's fair in love and war. I broke the rules of the Geneva Convention. I pulled out the puppy eyes. I went full sad puppy all over him. I even broke out the lower lip pout.

"Really, Sara?"

"Don't make me use 'the voice'," I warned him.

He smiled. A good clean smile. "Alright, I give. Brother sister day is on."

"Full frontal?"

"Full frontal," he laughed.

Over lattes we argued about where to go, we decided on catching a morning movie at the dollar theater. The movie was good, an old classic cartoon movie. We ordered huge popcorns, ate too much candy, and talked too loud. We went to the waterpark after that, got soaking wet. We went home, changed clothes and spent some time at the mall, a little shopping therapy for him. I pushed him into buying two or three new outfits. He was trying on some new tennis shoes when Mom texted me.

"What'd she say?"

"She's gonna be out with friends. Means she won't come home tonight." Oh my God. This was awesome. This was working out perfectly! I couldn't have planned this any better, and I had tried!

"So is this a regular thing," he asked.

"Every few months. The ladies she works with make her go out and get her drunk," I smiled at him, hopefully in a reassuring manner. "Its good for her. She even got laid once."

Casey didn't even bat an eye. Mom deserved a lot more than a little sexual satisfaction. He stood up and tried out the shoes. "What ya think?"

I frowned, trying to find the right words. "They look like boy shoes." It was the best thing I could say about them. Those shoes just had way too much going on. Besides, I like him barefoot. I don't know why. I don't have a foot fetish or anything, he just looks so hunky in a pair of jeans and nothing else. It's totally a fantasy of mine.

Like this morning. Minus the shirt. Casey had a total body. Not body-builder chiseled, just, sexy. And barefoot. I wanted him this morning. I could see myself walking up to him, stopping him in the middle of the kitchen. Kissing him, softly at first. Then his tongue sliding into my mouth. Sliding his zipper down. He's not wearing underwear. I reach into his jeans and pull out that rock hard cock. Because he'd definitely be hard. Going down on my knees. The tile cold against my skin. But I could feel the heat of him in my hand. The hardness. Taking him into my mouth. The feel of him, sliding between my lips. The taste of him. Looking up at him. His head tilted back in pure bliss. His hands on the back of my head, wrapped in my hair.

"They are boy's shoes. Men's shoes," he corrected himself.

"Yeah, but they look like it."

"Well I'm not wearing high heels, so..."

"But they LOOK like boy shoes," I told him again. "They just have way too much going on. It's totally not sexy."

"But they're cool," he pleaded.

"You only think that cause you're a boy." I REALLY didn't want him to waste money on those trash shoes. "How about this? Instead of those shoes, we go pick up a pizza and go home. I'll let you pick out some really 'boy' movies, and we'll have a boy's night inn. You and me." And you won't think about Lisa. Her time was done. Permanently, if I had anything to say about it.

"As long as I don't buy the shoes?"

"As long as you don't buy those... things." I refused to call them shoes. They were the male version of exciting, trashy shoe porn.

5

Casey

So that's what we did. I didn't buy the really cool shoes. Instead, me and my sister had a "boy's night in" as she decided to call it. We picked up some a pizza pie and some sodas and headed home to the Firestick. It was about 6 o'clock when I pulled into the driveway.

Unfortunately, Lisa was sitting on the porch steps.

Did she sit there all day?

"Why the fuck are you still here!"

Wow.

And we'd had a talk about this. Sara was really doing a 180 on this whole friendship thing. She use to idolize Lisa. Not me though. I wasn't having any of it.

Not Lisa. Not Sara arguing with Lisa.

Just seeing Lisa was stabbing me in the heart. And seeing her here... This was where we met, where we became friends, were we became more. We had our first kiss just ten feet from where she was sitting.

Her eyes were red. She'd been crying, probably on and off. She always had a cycle of trying to cheer herself up and then reminding herself about why she was sad in the first place. "Casey, please, just talk to me." She sounded so broken, defeated.

Still, I wasn't moved. I didn't have enough in me left to be moved. She did that. She took that from me.

I walked past her to the door.

Silently.

I was in my quiet place. Again. Heartless. I hated this place. There was no time. No space. Just a desparate drive to move past it. Because, if I didn't, I'd be stuck here. Forever. Eternally. So I refused to feel this.

She stood up behind me as I opened the door. "In five minutes, if you're still here, I'm calling the cops." I opened the door went and straight to the kitchen. I had slammed the door behind me. There was no question that she wasn't welcome in this house, not anymore. I could hear Sara yelling at Lisa. Sara was definitely using the freedom of Mom not being home to explore the more troubling side of her vocabulary. I grabbed us some plates as I heard Sara slam the door.

At least she locked it. Loudly.

Sara set up in the living room. The coffee table was pulled close to the couch, within easy reach for pizza and popcorn. The TV was already set up for search and select off the Firestick, and Sara was sitting there waiting on me.

"I think she's gone, bro," Sara said to me as I sat a plate down in front of her. "You can lower the draw bridge now."

"What?"

"The emotional draw bridge. Feel free to feel again. I'll even let you pick the first movie."

I smiled at her. She was right. So, with a definite effort, I relaxed. I was home. I was with my sister. Everything was going to be okay. "Cool. John Wick it is then!" I smiled even harder at her. I could feel her trying to suppress a groan. "What?! Its a good movie!"

"My ex thought he was so John Wick. It was annoying. I've seen that damn movie like ten times now."

I sat down next to her and wrapped her up in a big, brotherly hug, "But never with me," I said, sitting next to her and taking the controller. With no regret, I selected the movie and clicked play.

As the opening credits started up, Sara stood up. "Nope." She got up and walked into the hallway, headed to her room.

I'll admit it. I was disappointed. I had really been kind of psyched to hang with her. She had a huge, smug smile when she walked back into the living carrying a blanket. "If I'm watching this AGAIN, I'm going to be comfortable." I was laying down on the couch. She laid down between my legs, leaning back against me, and spread the blanket out. "Okay, go ahead. Lets boy it out."

I chuckled and pressed play. God that felt good. Not the pressing play part, the chuckling. Those small ,happy moments, they were feeling really good. And I was never a really big "family" guy. Don't get me wrong. I loved my family. I just liked a bit of distance.

And I could use that distance now.

...

Oh my God.

She smelled.

...

Wonderful.

Amazing even. Just this mix of strawberry and pizza and warmth and sexy and ... Sister.

I had to say that to myself again. She smelled like SISTER! Register that shit brain! Register that shit! This is my SISTER!

She shifted her weight again, rubbing her body against my groin. No! No dick! Stop that! We do not get hard to our sister!

My dick was not listening, again! And, worse, he was enjoying all her movement. And she kept right on moving, grinding herself into me. This way and that way and thisa way. And the friction she was causing! My dick was so God damn HARD!

Why was it so HARD!

I tried shifting my own body, that just caused more movement, and more friction. Science was working against me. With my arms wrapped around her, Sara laying back into me, I felt... You know what, I'm not sure what I felt, or, at least, not sure I wanted to admit what I was feeling. But it was... nice. Good even. Lisa was always the big spoon in the cuddling portion of our relationship. No matter how cuddling started, if it lasted for any real amount of time, she always ended up in the big spoon position.

Being here, like this, with Sara, just seemed, I don't know, content. Yeah, that sounded right. Content, not as bubbly as happy. A bit more than just relaxed. Especially with my dick as hard as he wanted to be, definitely a lot more serious that just relaxed.

WHY ARE YOU HARD!

Sara was in my arms, we were safe, home, the world locked away outside the door. And I realized, I was content. How the hell was I content?! I had just had my heart ripped out. My world torn asunder. I just had my ex, the love of my life, the woman I sacrificed my future for, the future mother of my unborn children, sitting on my mother's doorstep.

And I was CONTENT?!

6

Sara

Why in the hell doesn't the back have more nerve endings? This was a design flaw. Cause I could kind of feel him, sort of, maybe. Anyway, I thought he was hard, but, between his jeans and my shirt and a lack of nerve endings, it was difficult to tell. But he was definitely hard. I was almost sure about that. John Wick was going off. Time for my move.

"My pick!"

There were two things I knew right at that moment. I wasn't going to get to fuck my brother tonight. But I was going to leave him in a highly confused state. Which is really the only state a man should ever be in, at least, when it comes to a successful seduction.

I picked a rom-com I knew. It had plenty of sex scenes. Plenty of funny moments. And some action thrown in there. It was more rom than com. And more sex scenes that acting.

This was not the plan.

Thank you Lisa. Thank you for fucking this up for me.

"Sara, you have to get him to talk to me."

"The last thing I'm going to do is let him talk to you. You had your chance. And you fucked it up. Royally. Let him go. Let him heal. And fuck off." I raised my hand and pointed down the street. Ironically, I was pointed towards Nick's house. I didn't realize that at the time. "That way. Fuck off that way. Down the street. Around the corner. And when you get there, keep fucking off."

"Sara, I thought we were friends," she said, tears rolling out of her eyes.

I admit. Lisa is one of those girls that can always look pretty, even when she's crying. She has the coloring for it. "I don't have any friends that break my brother's heart."

I smiled as he shifted behind me. Maybe the correct word was beneath me. But he wasn't. Not yet, not how I wanted him to be.

This wasn't some new invention of mine. We used to sit lay like this every saturday morning, watching cartoons, eating cereal. We would make one big bowl and both eat out of it, using the same spoon. He would take a bite, then he'd feed me a bite. Milk would get everywhere. Dad, raised as an only child, use to think it was the sweetest thing. Mom, the second child among four, hated the mess we left behind. Not that she ever said anything. She would just roll her eyes every time she saw us on a saturday morning.

When cartoons were over, we would go and change and I'd go to his room and we'd sit and talk. About anything. About everything. 78% of my male expectations came from my Dad. From watching the way he cared for us, for his family. Watching him and Mom interacting. Watching how he loved her. How he cared for her. How he raised his son. Watching that son grow, care for me, care for Mom, care for his family. Even how he cared for Lisa. I saw it all, and I took it in.

It's a shame really. That he had to be my brother. Of all that I could have been, why was I born the sister to the man that was my soul mate. I sighed, we all had our challenges I supposed. Somehow, one way or another, I'd make Mom understand. Dad might have, if he was alive still. Maybe. Probably not. But possibly. Hopefully...

Mom's gonna kill me when she finds out.

But not tonight. Because it wasn't going to work tonight. Because of Lisa. Stupid, fucking Lisa. I mean, I knew they weren't going to work out. I knew Lisa. She's a grasper. Always has been. And I don't mean that in a bad way. I guess, the better word would be "ambitious." Or ambitchous. Lisa has always wanted "more". More money, more clothes, more attention. More more more. Casey has always been too wrapped up in the other people in his life to want anything for himself.

I don't blame Lisa though. Like I said, I knew they were never going to work out. Still, I didn't think she'd cheat on him. I hated when he decided to skip college for her. I couldn't tell him though. Casey's always supported me, no matter what I wanted to do. So, the least I could do, was let him make his own mistake. It took me a minute to figure out why Lisa picked Art to major it. Then it clicked. Her name, splashed all over some piece of art, with the arbiters of culture admiring her, and demanding the rest of the world bow to her magnificence. She may not ever admit it, but it was that edge, that desire, that I admired about her. It was why I was going to be a millionaire before I was thirty. Nine years to go. I was an accomplished cellist. I had been published with a few of my writings. And, I was already investing, and making a good deal of money on the stock market. Lisa planned for art, I planned for business.

I invested into everything. Real estate. Start up businesses. Tech. Even a new line of toothbrush. Not everything worked out, but Lisa taught me to strive. And enough of my money was making enough money to pay my tuition and books, and even my car note. The rest got reinvested. And was making more money. Loosing a bit of money. But mostly making it.

Mom knew what I was up to. Casey was a bit preoccupied with his bottle tossing and Lisa's finger painting. Do I sound a bit jealous? Maybe. But just a bit. Lisa was always temporary. But, did she have to take all his attention?

Even now.

As hard as I could tell he was, and I knew he was hard. Turned on. Horny. Lisa always said, the best way to keep a man was well fed and well fucked. I knew she was still on his mind, right beneath the surface. After all, she was still on mine.

I was winning. I was taking back my ownership of him. Dumping him into our shared memories and drowning his brain in hormones, adding a nice sexual edge to those memories. But Lisa...

I needed him to be done with her. Like I was done with her. She was two years ahead of me in school, but in life, she was still a fledgeling. And I was already flying. Finacially anyway. So I was making money, she had the man of my dreams in her arms.

Key word: had.

So, fine. Lisa was finished. I needed to accept that, just as much as he did. So, tonight, I'd settle. I stood up and stretched out. Letting him get a good look at my body, all supple and lean and sexy. Yes, I was sexy. No denial about that. I worked hard to get it that way.

Casey looked up and smiled at me. "Boy's night in might be a little much for me. I'm turning in." I tossed the blanket over him. Then, I began plan B. Operation Complete Ownership of my Brother's Thought Process. I was still working on the name.

I leaned over him while reaching under the blanket. It was a moved I had worked on, sans blanket. He didn't notice. I looked into his eyes, he looked into mine. I reached down with one hand and caressed his balls through his jeans, I brought my other hand up to his head, focusing him on me. "Good night, big brother." I moved my hand solidly along his shaft. There was no question that he was hard, there was no question that I had made him that way, and there was no question that I knew it.

Slowly, gently, I kissed him. On the lips. It was light, just enough contact that he knew that I knew that I did it, on purpose. I held him there, with only my eyes. That moment, as he was on the scale of enjoyment and question. I held him there. God, I felt powerful. I could see the moment conscience and brotherly love began to tip the scales. That was the moment I was waiting for. The moment I struck. "Sleep tight."