Exploring

"My pleasure focuses on restricting her in various physical, emotional and mental ways that demand submission on her part. This is accomplished by the forging of mental/emotional 'chains' that consist of two fundamental and undeniable drives: the drive to control her in every respect that I wish and the drive to keep her as my slave, no matter what. Finally, along with as near total power over her as possible, I would also willingly accept as near total responsibility for what goes on in our lives as possible.

"Further, she would be driven by three fundamental and undeniable desires: the desire to serve, the desire to obey and the desire to remain my slave, no matter what.

"I know that's a lot but that's what a Master and slave are, that's what it means. I'm not looking for a sub. A sub is a woman who enjoys submitting as, when and how she wants and that submission can be changed at any time. She submits only if she wants to and only how she wants to. She has the ultimate and final responsibility for her life. And that's fine for most women, submissive or not but that's not what I want.

"I think of myself as a kind of rose gardener. I own the roses and can do with them whatever I want but I wouldn't be much of a gardener if they didn't bloom and grow full and strong and blossom."

He looked at her and smiled. "I hope I haven't bored you silly with all that but you asked."

The more he spoke, the more Paige felt a pull inside of her that she'd never felt before. What were the odds that everything he was describing that he wanted was exactly what she was looking for, even if she hadn't known how to put it in to words, yet? It was almost as if he'd reached deep inside of her and read the thoughts that had been lying dormant for most of her life, and now were being pulled to the surface.

Paige knew that something that intense would require a lot of trust and even though she was new, she knew that it was a rare person who would not only seek out a life like that, but embrace it. It sounded like the answer to a question she'd never had the courage to ask, yet she was reluctant to tell him that. For one thing, they worked together. How much of their working relationship was going to be affected just by knowing that they were both here, that they both sought this lifestyle? At least, she mused, they rarely had to work together too closely.

"No, no you haven't bored me at all"

If he looked closely enough, he might have seen the gleam in her eyes while he was speaking that spoke of her own desires along the same lines. She thought about his analogy to a rose garden and in some ways it helped to understand why it was something he was having trouble finding; the wrong woman and the thorns would overwhelm him.

"Have you ever had that before? Ever found someone who wanted what you want? I'm sorry, that might have been a little too personal, but I'm certainly curious"

It sounded very much to her like an all or nothing type of situation. Most of what she'd read online spoke of limits and boundaries, and what he was telling her was he wanted someone who had none. No, that's not quite right. It was someone who would trust him enough to know he knew where those lines were and do what was right for both of them. It was a level of trust and intimacy that she doubted the vast majority of the world never got to experience.

A look of deep sadness came over him. "Yes, I have. Just once. She was my slave. I owned her. Then she got sick. It was a very aggressive, fast acting cancer. She died within a short time. She wanted me to find someone else even while she was sick but I refused. It took me a while to recover and then I set out to find someone else.

"It is a difficult thing to do. Many subs are attracted to the idea of being a slave. They find it erotic. But they don't understand that it isn't only in the bedroom. It is a total dedication with no holding back and no restraints. And it centers not on lust but on trust. The girl has to trust me without any restrictions or hesitations. In fact, that's the first thing I will ask. Not are you ready to obey but do you trust me? And I can't violate that trust. I am honor-bound to uphold it at any cost just as she is honor-bound to obey at any cost.

"Some call it TPE for total power exchange. There's an element of mysticism to it because she wants to be at one with her Master even as a mystic wants to be at one with the universe. We do it by doing what's called destroying her ego, her sense of self, even though nothing is really being destroyed, just set aside so it doesn't interfere.

"When you were talking about finding someone who wouldn't interfere with your career, a slave couldn't make that condition. She would have to allow her Master to have total say. At the same time, he couldn't interfere because to do that would cause her not to bloom and it would be like putting herbicide on the roses. A gardener could do that but no sane gardener would."

Just then the waitress came by to take their orders. Then Dave began the meeting and asked everyone to introduce themselves. Bill didn't pay too much attention. He thought Paige seemed interested in what he was saying. At least she didn't argue with him. He figured this was probably something out of science fiction for her but she was here to explore and learn more about the lifestyle. He wished he could just walk into the nearest Slave-R-Us and give them an order. It would be so much easier. He found companions from time to time, even a few who were submissive and would enjoy a little light B&D but slaves were few and far between. He had asked them what it was that so appealed to them and always got the same answer. They told him it was when they were enslaved that they felt the most free in their lives.

He looked over the people who had come, hoping that perhaps there would be someone there who might be interested.

As he spoke about the woman who died, Paige laid her hand on his and gave it a gentle squeeze. She'd never lost a lover, but she knew loss and could see there was still grief there, even if he had moved on. She didn't ask him anything else about her, judging it was far too personal a topic, especially in an atmosphere like this, and that wasn't even taking in to account the fact that they barely knew each other. Passing acquaintances is all they really were and yet here they were sharing some of the most intimate details of their lives with one another, because they happened to show up at the same function.

When she squeezed his hand he was startled. It was so totally gentle and sympathetic without being showy that he was really touched. He didn't let on how much he was affected because he was still a man and men didn't do that, especially in public. He was also surprised that she continued to be interested and attentive to what he was telling her. She clearly wasn't a know it all who wasn't there to learn.

It wasn't only what he was telling her that had her interest; it was the way in which he told it. He wasn't coming off as arrogant or better than those who chose a different path, it was just a simple statement of what he wanted. It amused her slightly that he was so concise because at work, she'd often thought him a little all over the place.

"I can honestly say I've never trusted anyone quite that much, but then I've never met anyone who made me feel safe enough to trust them that much," Paige told him.

"I think you misunderstood one thing I said, though. I didn't say that I was looking for someone who wouldn't interfere with my career. I said I wanted someone who wouldn't be intimidated by it because someone who only wants the best for me would want me to succeed."

The meeting started then and she felt a little ridiculous introducing herself to a group of strangers, but she'd done enough public speaking that she managed to get through it without tripping over her own words. A few people spoke while the orders were being taken but for the most part she was finding that this monthly dinner was really little more than a social engagement.

Once people went back to talking amongst themselves, a couple of people came up and introduced themselves, welcoming her to the group and saying hello to Bill who they knew from prior meetings.

He chatted with some of the others briefly but he felt drawn back to her. He kept reminding himself that she was a coworker and he had to be careful. If she wasn't, he would have been angling to spend the night with her just because she was so gorgeous. Maybe one of the other guys would be lucky tonight.

"I have to say," she told him, "I'm extremely interested in hearing more about this, but I feel like I'm monopolizing your time here tonight too, so please don't feel you need to keep me company."

He had to look at her because he couldn't have heard that right. "What did you say?"

She repeated it and yes, that's what she had said. He felt a lump in his throat that he hadn't experienced since junior high school. Was it possible that she was genuinely drawn to this? He silently wondered if Slaves-R-Us had gotten his order after all.

"Paige, you wouldn't be monopolizing my attention. I would be happy to tell you anything I can about this but could you just tell me one thing? I don't mean to pry but is it possible that you are drawn to being a slave yourself or at least want to know more about it not just out of curiosity but to see if you are?" He tried not to hold his breath as he waited for her answer.

That was the question, wasn't it? she thought. She wasn't entirely certain she had the answer to it though. For the first time that night she wished she'd ordered something a little stronger than iced tea with her dinner, though she picked up the glass and toyed with the straw and the ice while she tried to choose her words carefully.

It was almost amusing to her to find that she was at a loss for them, when usually she could speak about anything and everything at length whether she knew what she was talking about or not. But this was different; this was something beyond polite dinner conversation or one of her accounts at work. This went right to the very core of who she was and what she wanted, what she needed.

"All I can say is that the way you described that life, that level of trust and intimacy, it spoke to me. That may sound silly, but it's true. When you asked me earlier what it is I'm looking for, I didn't have the words, but yours went straight through me"

Putting the glass down on the table, she turned in her seat so she could face him better, look in his eyes while they spoke.

"I suppose that answers your question though, doesn't it? I'm drawn to that. I don't know why. I don't know if I ever would have even considered it had I not heard it described the way you did."

"I am deeply flattered," he said in response. "If I was running the world, that's the way it would be for most women. It is funny but it takes a very secure, together woman to seek that sort of relationship. It is a relationship. It can't work in isolation. I see myself as a Master but I can't be a Master without a slave to own."

He looked around. "Look, the meeting is wrapping up. I would really like to talk to you more. Would you like to go somewhere more private and talk about this some more?" He didn't hesitate before adding, "I am not making a pass at you. I meant that. Just to talk about it. I am quite fascinated by it since it is such an important part of my life and would love to know why it draws you in."

It would be nice if this could lead to something, he thought, although he didn't want to put any hope into it. It was too early and he meant what he said. He had no intention of going any further than talk tonight. "You know," he said thoughtfully, almost without realizing he was thinking out loud, "for me, the greatest pleasure I can have is hurting and humiliating a beautiful woman, who I care about, to her limits and see her responding to that with total ecstasy yet I like and respect women. It is such a contrast."

Coming back to his senses, he realized what he was saying and was embarrassed. "Excuse me, I am rambling again. Please forget about that. But it would be nice to just talk to you and learn more about how you see things."

Little comments like that here or there only went to reinforce the fact that, at heart, Bill was a chauvinist. It should have annoyed her more than it did, but the fact was, she was finding him to be an interesting and somewhat charming dinner companion. She couldn't deny either that now having taken a much closer look at him than she had before, he was quite attractive as well. A little older than her perhaps, but then she'd always been attracted to that type.

She glanced around the restaurant as she noticed people moving about, saying their goodbyes and leaving. Had that much time really gone by so quickly? She'd been so wrapped up in the conversation that she had no idea how much time had flown by.

Doing as he'd asked, she let the comments about respecting women and yet wanting to hurt and humiliate one go by. She thought she understood what he was talking about but it was one of those things she would need to learn more about before she could fully understand it. But she knew she'd like to see the evening continue on.

"If I'd just met you tonight," she said, "I would suggest a lovely little coffee place that I know near the office, but since I didn't, would you like to come by my place? We can have coffee there and talk in private"

Paige was fairly certain that it was really just to be for coffee and conversation, but she was still surprised that she'd made the invitation. Mentally she tried to remember that morning and the state of her apartment, praying that she'd not left any messes around that she would be embarrassed by.

Two

Bill was surprised that she would invite him back to her apartment. He didn't take it as a pass any more than he had intended his own invitation to be seen that way. It didn't matter; he had no intention of going beyond talking tonight anyway.

"I would enjoy going back home with you for an hour or two. Thank you for asking. Do you want to tell me where you live and then I can get my car? I don't want to put you out and it doesn't make any sense for one of us to drive the other since we would have to come back here."

She gave him her address and he wrote it down. "I will meet you there as soon as I can get there. You know the way so it will not take you as long as it will take me unless I follow you. Actually, come to think of it, that would make more sense. Do you mind?"

They both headed to their cars and met in front of the restaurant. She moved out and he followed. Luckily they didn't hit too much traffic heading back towards her apartment and since she'd given him the address, he seemed to keep up with her fairly well. He wondered if, in the future, this could become a familiar drive. He knew he focused a lot on her appearance but what the hell? He was a man. Far more important was that she had a deep craving to be submissive but he did want a good looking woman too.

It did occur to him, after they both met in the parking lot of her building, that she might want a few minutes to get the place ready. He wasn't much of a housekeeper, himself, and he wouldn't want to bring a guest into his home without at least straightening up a little. He asked her about it and she smiled and said she would so he let her go on ahead while he waited. He didn't have anything to do so he just thought about her. While he still didn't have any real hope of anything coming from the relationship other than perhaps a very casual friendship, that didn't stop him from indulging himself in a fantasy about her.

She was grateful that he'd brought up waiting outside for her while she checked the state of her apartment before she did that and even more relieved when she got upstairs and saw that aside from one or two things that were hastily thrown in to the closet, everything was clean.

Her apartment was little more than a studio with an actual bedroom, it was too small to really call it a one bedroom, though. Her student loans ate up most of her salary, though with her promotion she was finally starting to save a little and hoped to be out of here by the end of the year. It wasn't without its charm though; it had hard wood floors throughout the apartment except for the bedroom, and a small balcony, overlooking a man-made lake, that was just big enough for a small table and two chairs. Often, Saturday mornings would find her out on the balcony with a cup of coffee and a book for a few hours.

She wasn't very long and then she came back and invited him to come in.

When she had him come in, she had him sit in the small living room area. It had a glass top table that sat on an area rug. Everything was decorated in fall colors of green and orange that were warm and inviting. She brewed a pot of coffee and brought it out on a small tray with two mugs and a variety of sugar and sweeteners, milk and cream and a small plate of cookies that she kept specifically for company as they were more decorative than tasty.

"I didn't know how you took your coffee so I brought out a little of everything," she said.

"Thank you very much," he replied as he helped himself. And in his mind he added a silent, You will learn how to serve me. Of course that was his fantasy life talking. He might or might not see her again although he really did hope to at least become friends with her.

"Paige, I must say it is nice to talk to you here in private. I am really curious. I would really like to know what kind of man you are looking for. I did share with you what I am seeking. I want a slave. And although I know it isn't politically correct, appearance is very important to me. If I could, I would like someone as beautiful as you are. But that's not the only thing. For me, strange as it may sound, even more important is her mind. I want an intelligent woman. There is a quote that I particularly like.

"John Norman wrote something like, One of the most pleasant things about owning a slave is the opportunity to converse with her, to listen to her, to hear her express herself, her feelings and ideas. One can learn much from a slave. Many slaves are highly intelligent. They can express themselves articulately, clearly, trenchantly and lyrically. It is a great pleasure to talk with them. Then, when one wishes, one puts them again on their knees."

He laughed. I have heard from other Masters who agree about the joys of owning an intelligent woman. I'm not looking for a house slave to do the dishes. That's what I have a dishwasher for. I am looking for an intelligent, articulate woman who, when I want, will be on her knees, ready to do as I wish.

"Actually, when I think about it, you might say I'm looking for a dustbuster."

When she looked blank, he added, "You know, take her out, use her, then put her away again and have her wait there, fully charged, until I am ready to use her again."

He grinned at her expression. "I am teasing you again. Slaves require a lot of care. It is a heavy responsibility to take on total responsibility for another person's life and there are few men who want to do that. Actually, now that I think about it, it's much like becoming a mother. I guess many more women are ready to do that than men.

"So here I am ruining off at the mouth again. What are you looking for?"

Sipping at her coffee, Paige made a mental note to Google John Norman and, even though a lot of the jokes he made were a little off color, she couldn't help but laugh all the same. Something told her that he wasn't nearly as brash as he'd like people to believe and wondered what he would be like if you peeled back the layers.