All Comments on 'F3 The Green Flash'

You really started off great. I loved the beginning, although the page of italics was distracting. Then for me it started to slow down and kind of lost it with the Mom. I just couldn't understand the way they were, none of them. Not the mother, not the step-father, not the abandoned kids. I was also confused about the green flash, and what it meant?

The adopted family helped save it. They were very likable and down to earth. More realistic than the central characters. The setting fit the theme very well, and I could easily picture it. The numerous grammar and spelling errors were a distraction, and the story could have used a good editing.

All in all, a good story, except I really didn't like the Mom, the new stepfather, or the way the four interacted together.

Not bad. A pretty good use of the location, but the traumatic event connected with such a location didn't seem revealed and explored enough (and I have no idea what the green light was supposed to mean or why it's so important it's the title). A lot of unanswered questions. The motivations weren't developed enough for me either. And it needed an editor. Some of the spelling and grammar problems were intrusive. An interesting approach but a middle of the road result, I think. But middle of the road for what I've already read in this contest is pretty good for Literotica.

I loved this.

This was a pretty good entry. I think what stands out to me is the use of emotion and the theme of the story, tragedy that brings two siblings together.

There were indeed quite a few errors that could have been addressed with an editor. These errors were a bit distracting, especially during the climactic scene of sex at the end.

I do feel like I wanted a bit more information or back story on the tsunami and the father and mother. A bit of it is unclear as to what all exactly happened. Both the kids and the mother thought the other were dead, but I think just a few more specifics would have helped to understand the motivations of the mother and why she did what she did.

Still the emotion is there. A tragedy struck and split an already broken family, which did set the stage well for the tension you used. The scenes themselves, regardless of the why's and how's, did evoke that sense of grief and the sibling's need for one another. It was a nice lead into their "deeper" love they discovered for one another.

The picture for this challenge was used well enough for the setting. Particularly your opening sequence demonstrated this, as well as the foreshadowed tragedy of the tsunami. I felt I wanted to visualize it a bit more throughout the story, but I was there and I could see the story taking place in that pic I think.

The sex was good but the wording and grammatical issues kind of pulled it down. I like that the taboo of their love making was sort of thrown to the wind by their need for one another's comfort.

Overall, I thought the story was a good heartfelt tale. Several errors were distracting, the tragedy and details of what actually happened were a bit vague for me, and the concept held mostly true to the pic for the challenge. Good entry and good luck.

I didn't really understand the relevance of the title. I thought the relationship between the brother and sister needed a little bit more back story of the intervening ten years. I am glad you left it about the brother and sister and didn't dwell of the Mom's drama, but it may have gone too far the other way when only a note was left behind.

Overall a good job thanks!

Yeah india'n Bollywood . One of the best in the world . proud of our country

Yeah ! Bollywood it is , and INDIA is the country . PROUD of my country