Fade to Blink - A Quantum Date Ch. 04

I had been stuck on the 'we'll get undressed here' part, even though he'd gone over it with me multiple times, my eyes searching the ceiling for cameras, wondering what was behind the other doors, imagining crossing with him, stripped naked, surprised by someone who accidently popped out. So, when he opened the door, I had been distracted by the thought of being caught naked in MEI, and wasn't ready for the commotion and activity and noise. The hallway had been absolutely quiet, and then, it wasn't.

I put my hands over my ears as Jimmie shut the door behind us, his hand guiding me to a cubby tucked into a corner just to the right of the door. It wasn't that the noise was all that loud, it was just relatively loud and it had caught me by surprise. Sitting down, we looked around at the ant nest of activity. Just inside the door, pulled away enough for us to get past was the Concentrator; or at least the skeleton of the Concentrator. It was a globe, about 10 ft in diameter, resting on the concrete floor, its structure a curved eggcrate. Weaving throughout the cells were electrical cables and harnesses, along with odd objects welded into place.

"What are those doodads and gimcracks?"

Jimmie shrugged. "Doodads and gimcracks, I suppose."

"Fuck you, Jimmie. Seriously."

He explained what he could about the device, knowledgeable about some of it, clueless about the rest. My eyes wandered around the room, watching the crew welding and wiring and looking at plans, talking on the phone, studying a gimcrack or doodad and mostly shouting. There was a lot of shouting. And at least three streams going, all tuned to different stations.

The room was large; a warehouse really, the ceiling at least 15 feet high, lights everywhere: hanging from the ceiling, on tripods, on helmets, mounted on the Concentrator. Its panels were stacked on foam cushions along the wall past the door we came in from.

"This doesn't look ready, Jimmie. It's supposed to be done, in like," I looked down at my watch, "four weeks or something, right?" I couldn't imagine everything coming together that quickly: it was barely controlled chaos.

He shrugged. "I trust Smythe and Liu. If their people are saying it's on track, who am I to question?" He got up, his hand on my arm. "Let's go check it out."

And, by check it out, he meant walk three steps into the skeletal frame. I started laughing. "Really, Jimmie?"

But he ignored me, staring at the structure, turning to look toward the entrance and spinning slowly to look around. "Here's the thing, Annie: once we're in here, there won't be a single thing to tell us where we are, or which way we're facing. I just sat in on the VR simulation. It was pretty awesome...and...I won't deny it, a little frightening. You ever been in a white out?"

I shook my head. "I'm not sure I even know what that is."

"A horizontal blizzard. Literally can't see your hands in front of your face it seems like. Was in one when I was a kid. Fucking scariest thing I've ever experienced. This was a little like that, only not as cold. But easily as freaky." He looked down at his screen and fiddled with something. "Tomorrow. They say they can get you a few minutes in the simulator tomorrow. Your full run isn't scheduled until next month. You'll see. It's pretty cool."

I hadn't seen Jimmie quite this excited since he'd built the chastity belt, the memory of that week making me blush. I had to look down and confirm I really was dressed. You're such a freak, Annie! But it had gotten even more strange over the months: Being dressed, and not feeling a tail in my asshole was disorienting, and uncomfortable. I looked forward to going back to Jimmie's and stripping down.

He walked out, turned around and walked back in. I just stood off to the side watching him, keeping my attention on his silliness rather than getting sucked into a room full of strangers.

"And Hodgson," I said as quietly as I could when he was next to me, "doesn't know fuck all about this?" I waved my hands. How's that even possible?

He shook his head. "Technically, this isn't even a part of MEI; at least, that's what they've told me. I'm not sure, but, whatever. It's not on CorpSec's radar. That much I'm pretty certain about."

I mentally retraced my steps. I suppose it was possible. I mean, who the fuck even knew where CorpSec was? But the route we'd taken had put us south of MEI's HQ. I'd never walked behind the building. Maybe there was another building back there. I shivered. This was really happening.

He kept looking around the Concentrator, back to the door, and then back to me. He pressed his lips on my temple and wrapped his arms around me. "It's going to be okay," he said quietly in my ear, "I'm not letting you do this alone, right?"

There it was again. Okay. How could he say anything was going to be okay? I nodded, relaxing into his embrace. He'd been saying it for weeks: that I wasn't going to be alone, that he'd be with me every step of the way. But, in the end, we just didn't know. "I know, Jimmie. But it might be...just me. And then...what?" I could only think about the mice.

He pulled back and stared at me, his expression unreadable his head shaking slightly. "No. We can't think that way, Annie. Johnstone can't run the mice exactly the way I'm proposing. I'm. Not. Letting. You. Go. Alone." He paused to let that sink in. "I mean it. I'm coming with you."

I could feel the tears welling up at how much he loved me, at what he was willing to do for me, at the guilt he feels for having gotten you into this. NO! I battled the thought. Jimmie really loved me and...the thought struck me again, he's too fucking curious about this to let me experience it without him.

"It'll be okay, Annie," his tone as soothing as he could make it. I wiped my tears, smiling a little at my last thought, and how I'd poked fun at him the other night that he was jealous. And the conversation on the ride home a few days later.

Late-October 32

"It won't work."

We were riding the bus to his apartment, and I could tell Jimmie had been distracted. "The mice?"

He nodded, looking out the window. "Yeah. They tried it yesterday. No go. The sub just blinked, leaving the restraints behind."

I carefully looked around, making sure no one was nearby. "How'd they attach them?"

He quietly explained how the techs had shaved the mice's bellies and wrapped Velcro straps around them to keep them from wriggling apart.

"And that actually worked?" I couldn't imagine how they'd arranged the straps. I shook my head.

"No!..."

"...I mean, they were able to keep them from separating using that system?" I quickly interrupted him, not wanting a lecture.

He stopped and scrunched his mouth. "Yeah. I guess. I didn't watch the run, of course, but they assured me the two were attached right up until the blink."

I thought about it a moment. "Wait. We think this is some kind of radiation, right?" I whispered it in his ear, covering for our conversation with a lover's kiss. He nodded. "Well," I said quietly, pulling back, "Biology is definitely not my strong suit, but don't docs use some kind of gel when they want to make the best electrical contact?"

He snapped his head to look at me, eyebrows raised, and then he brought me into a kiss, his hands behind my head, his lips pressing hard into mine. "Holy shit, Annie, you're a fucking genius."

I widened my eyes and shook my head. "Not even close, but it's nice of you to say. Don't flatter me yet, Jimmie. It's just an idea."

And, as it turned out, a fucking good idea.

December 32

I dropped my gym bag on the floor, my top and shorts sweat-soaked and clammy. Jimmie was a little ways behind me, finishing up his routine. I peeled everything off, careful not to throw them on the floor, bunching them up and bringing them to the hamper in the bathroom. Looking at the woman in the mirror, I was pleased to see my muscles shaping up: my deltoids were definitely larger, and my breasts seemed to be perkier. My abs, I was disappointed to see, didn't look all that much tighter, but I knew from the exercises that they were definitely in better shape than they had been when I started.

I started the shower warming, my thoughts drifting to The Plan, like they almost always had since Jimmie first proposed it. The water up to temp, I grabbed the tail I'd left in the sink and brought it in, intending to wash it before sliding it back into me.

I was scared, even if nobody other than Jimmie could tell. Marybeth, Peter, Henry--nobody at work had a clue how terrified I was. But Jimmie did. I let the water wash over me, pelting my sore muscles to loosen them up. I heard the front door open and close, thankful he'd made it back upstairs so quickly.

He wasn't going to let me go alone; he'd said it so many times to me, to the committee, that I was starting to wonder if he was trying to convince himself. They had us both, or neither of us were going. There was so much nobody knew about what was happening to me that they couldn't deny him. Was it because of our relationship? Was it because of my peculiar brain? I rolled my head to ease the muscles in my neck, seeing the bathroom door open as he walked in. I watched him undress, his image blurry through the shower door, and then as he stood at the toilet, the sound of his stream louder than the shower. I closed my eyes and felt him with me, in me, my fingers working between my legs to wash the slickness that never seemed to go away from my thighs.

"You good, pet?" He cracked the door slightly, checking in on me.

"Yeah, Jimmie," I breathed out, relaxed and calm. "Scared as shit, but yeah. I'm fine."

"You want me with you...or...?"

Of course I want you with me! All the time! But the shower hadn't gotten any bigger since I'd first stepped foot in it back in May, and I was looking forward to having it to myself. "If it's okay, Jimmie, can I just hang here a bit...?"

He smiled and opened the door wider, leaning in to kiss me, his hand reaching behind my head to hold me there. "Of course, my pet. Take your time."

My thoughts drifted again to The Plan. Two more people had flickered since October, which, while statistically within the realm of probabilities, began to point to Johnstone's hypothesis actually being true: selecting for people with some kind of sensitivities would improve the odds of them flickering. With each new flicker, Jimmie's and my position became weaker: why was our relationship any greater advantage over all of the other recruits? I shivered in spite of the water. Because nobody has flickered as much as you have, Annie. His voice in my head was only tiny reassurance: I could flicker at any time. I couldn't control it, I couldn't predict when it would happen, and I couldn't know that I was going to flicker back.

So far the timings had held to the constant seven seconds. The committee was fascinated by that constant...and by my frequency. I was at 12. The second place guy was now at five, and everyone else had been Checkered. Something was different about me. But I knew it was stupid to guess. There were thousands of things different about me. Maybe it was my brain; maybe our relationship; maybe genes; maybe a combination of those and sixteen other things. Who could know?

The water, hot and hard, kept me present. Until it didn't and my thoughts drifted to the simulation from a few days before. A room on the fifth floor, unmarked, opened when I approached. A usual set up of workstations. A guy and a gal waving me over to their corner. Nothing weird. No spy games. Just another day at MEI. They fitted the visor over my eyes, had me stand on a treadmill, calibrated the system with a few simple games, and then they started it up.

"Go ahead and walk through the door, Anne."

It was the hallway door. I turned the knob and stepped through, the intensity of the light making me squint.

"Remember, count your steps going in. Try three."

I walked 'forward' three steps and stopped.

"Turn around 180 degrees."

I tried to turn, my feet uncertain where to step. Everything was white. I brought up my hands and my avatar's appeared in front of me. But that didn't help. There wasn't anything beyond them. I looked down, my feet appearing to stand on air.

"It's okay. Keep going."

I started to feel nauseated and signaled I had to stop.

They assured me that was normal, to take a few minutes and they'd start again.

Fifteen times I went through the ordeal, each time making it a little further through the exercises, until, an hour later, I had been able to do each of the steps correctly and without getting sick. About half-way through I realized I would be doing it naked, and I imagined that my avatar was undressed, and then a few trials later, I imagined that I was actually undressed. The distraction seemed to help; even Camela and Brighton commented on how much progress I seemed to have made, unaware of my techniques.

*-*-*-*

"This is really going to happen, isn't it, Jimmie? It feels so unreal." We'd decided to eat out at one of our favorite seafood restaurants before the holidays hit and reservations would be impossible. His expression was pure joy.

"Yes!" He was like a kid opening a present. And then he saw how worried I must have looked, his expression closing up. "Please. Don't be worried, Annie! We've gone over this a gazillion times." He saw that wasn't going to work. "Let's walk through the possibilities again, yeah?"

I poked at the last of my salad and nodded. "Option one: nothing happens at all."

He smiled, nodding. "Yeah. And we know the probabilities are slim of that one. But yeah. We go in, we wait, we don't see anything happen, we leave."

"And we'll know if we flickered because we won't have anything attached to us."

"Right." He tore a piece of bread and poured oil on it. "Option two: You go and I don't. The most likely probability. I'll exit, get cleaned up, and we'll wait for your return."

He said it as if I was just coming back from a short trip abroad. I shook my head, shivering a little at all the alternatives from that happy path. "Option three," I said, interrupting my thoughts, "we both go. Not likely, but hey, maybe it will work and we'll all get the Nobel prize in physics."

He reached for my hand and squeezed it. "It's going to be fine, Annie." And then he spoiled the mood by not stopping. "The worst that can happen is you'll show up naked in another universe and they don't have clothes for you."

January 33

I stumbled and fell to my knees, the panic rushing back that I'd lose track of the entrance, or that Jimmie would be angry. But the panic only intensified when I looked up and realized I was alone.

"NOOOOO!" I shouted, looking wildly around the room, my eyes still unable to see any details, the light still a weirder shade of pale. And no Jimmie! My heart rate rocketed, my eyes trying to find something to focus on. I was going to die.

I closed my lids and focused on my breathing. This was a likely outcome, Annie. Jimmie's voice an echo from our training. In, out, in, out. I counted slowly, feeling my body calming down. 1st things first, Annie. Calm down.

I noticed the smell in the room had changed. My smell, my sweat, my musk, that all made sense, but when I turned my head and took a breath, none of Jimmie's smells were here. I felt tears pushing through, the realization that I'd lost him, that I was alone in this new place, overwhelming me. Randomly, I noticed the gel had disappeared too, and my skin felt smooth, like I'd had a spa day.

Find the door, Annie.

I opened my eyes, my vision blurred from the tears. That actually helped: the light on the floor, contrasted against my fingers, didn't hurt as much. I bent my neck back and blinked the water from my eyes, staring where I thought the entrance should be. My heart starting to kick up again. "Where the fuck is the door, Jimmie?" The panic in my voice definitely wasn't helping.

I imagined he was petting me, his fingers gently massaging my shoulders and arms, and the part he'd trained, the part I'd let him train, flooded my bloodstream with soothing chemicals. I could feel my shoulders drop. I wanted to drop down, bury my face in my arms, offer myself to him, but what my body wanted to do, what he'd trained me to do, wasn't going to get me out of here.

I swallowed, the wash of endorphins from his training helping focus my thoughts. I crawled forward, in the direction I was certain we'd come from, moving on faith. I slid my hands and knees on the floor, too scared that if I didn't stay in contact, I'd never find it again. I knew the door had to be close: we hadn't walked that far into the bubble. I knew it wasn't all that big to begin with, and the thought calmed me further. Even if you don't find it right away, it's a simple process to walk the perimeter. Only I wasn't going to stand up. I'd crawl. Like the bitch Jimmie had trained me to be.

My fingers were stopped by the wall, curving up slightly. I exhaled and froze, relief flooding through me. Sliding them one way, and then the other, I found the edges, slowly moving my fingers up the left side, rising up on my knees, my eyes burning, unable to focus. And then I found the panel, its edges a subtle bump.

Keeping my fingers on the spot, I readjusted my position, bringing my knees under me, irrationally wanting to hug the wall and feel it against my skin. The fact that Jimmie wasn't with me flooded my thoughts, the questions about what I'd find on the other side of the door threatening to paralyze me. You have to do this, Annie! The echo of his voice, the training, kicked my panic aside. I pushed against the bump and my eyes leapt to the thin black rectangle that outlined the panel. Reaching behind, I pulled it toward me, the outline becoming a rhomboid, filling the soft light with an oasis of black.

I pulled and the entire door broke away from the wall exposing a black void. I wavered for a heartbeat and then fell through it, the yellowish light casting a whipped egg-yolk parallelogram onto the corridor floor. My movement caused a bluish light to come on overhead.

Sprawled between the bubble and the hall, I gulped in breath, relieved at getting out. Except, I realized, panic rising again, I was stripped, naked, bare. I whipped my head up and down the hall, my eyes adjusting to the relative darkness, expecting...I didn't know what to expect. Where was everyone? The thought of being exposed to a bunch of strangers competed with my panic at being abandoned and alone in an alternate universe. Just follow the training, Annie. You've got this. I shuffled my knees under me, standing up and hugging my arms around my breasts. In the MEI where I'd come from the closet was just across the hall. I panicked when I saw it wasn't where I expected it. Looking to the sides, I quickly made my way to a different door, one I hoped held my clothes. Hope. Hoping I could throw something on before the troops arrived, hoping I had a life here, hoping...I squelched the rising panic as I turned the knob on the door.

*-*-*-*

Lying on the exam bed, hooked up to sixteen different monitors, a roomful of people standing outside, another handful inside fully masked and in bunny suits, I stared at the ceiling listening to the beeps and boops. The questions, all coming from Johnstone, seemed interminable. Name, rank, serial number. My coordinates, job duties, when I'd been hired, who I'd been associating with. On and on and on. It was the debrief all over again, but I noticed some of the questions were different. Or were they? Who could remember after three hours. Johnstone, P, two people I'd never met, and Marybeth. Marybeth? I looked for Jimmie the moment they wheeled me in, but I didn't see him. Anywhere. Marybeth was by my side the entire time, suited up, her gloved hand gently stroking my hair, the sensation at once soothing and confusing. Jimmie should be doing that! Why does this bitch think she can touch me like that? I narrowed my eyes, staring at her, but I couldn't tell what she was thinking or her expression behind her hazmat helmet.