All Comments on 'Failing The Test'

Utter garbage.

......to me. So his wife wanted to lead him to stray? She didn´t want to divorce him, didn´t want to fuck him..so what the hell did she have in mind? Then she left to go to her sister..The reader doesn´t have a clue as to why this scenario happened.

Toni or Tina?

What the fuck was that? If it's the beginning I'd say it was interesting. As a standalone I'll just back off and not rate it.

And pointless.

It could have been so much more than what it ended up being.

if a person is going to write try at least even if if you are a sick fuck to write something readable.

She being so friendly with him, warning him about the trick, why didn't she come clean and told him about his wife cheating? Why a frigid wife feel the need to cheat? To weak points in this story...

Are we supposed to be rooting for the husband to man-up, realize Toni is a selfish bitch, divorce her, and get with Sarah? This story was depressing, since it implied he would just keep putting up with abuse from his wife.

Seems like he passed the test, as far as the wife should have been concerned, although she was too much of a bitch to realize it. If he failed, it's only because the bitch of a wife had decided in advance that whatever he did would be considered failure on his part, to assuage her own guilt.

I liked it!

to see a sequel, where Tina gets her comeuppance.

And if Tina/Toni had cheated before, was she still cheating?

I hope that there is more to this story, because I have no idea what I just read. I was somewhat entertained by it, but I don't buy it. There seems to be a lot of pieces missing, and the pieces that are there don't seem to fit.

His wife has a friend who has never met him. Unlikely, but okay. This "friend" agrees to do this test because she wants to warn the husband. Her reason is that she knows that the husband is a "good guy". How does she know this? SHE NEVER MET HIM. Besides that, why is she more loyal to a man that she never met than to her "good friend"? Lastly, how is she good looking enough to be able to seduce a man, but be so desperate for sex that she feels she has to do this?

Like I said before, this story left a lot to be desired. The sex scenes where pretty good, but the storyline is VERY problematic.

Do you proof read your stories? Otherwise good concept. She cheated, so she was afraid he'd cheat, so she set him up to see if he'd cheat and perhaps get him to cheat to assuage her own guilty soul. This is a good idea, but your story needs to be edited to get that idea across better.

If I think about this story too much, it becomes quite easy to see all of its flaws. If I don't think about it too much, it is still easy to see them. Hmm....

The Tina/Toni problem is the major red flag. That error is the simple proof that YOU didn't work that hard on this story. This is an error that doesn't even need an editor to catch and fix, you simply just needed to reread your work.

However, IF I think about it too much, maybe "Toni" was her alter-ego code name since she was in disguise? May be when SHE goes out on the prowl for extra-marital adventures she uses a fake name with her cheating partners? Yeah, right! She was going to avoid hubby by going to her "sister's"! Ha, THAT is the code-word for going to see Billy the Bull and his 10 inch fuck stick (the REAL reason why she has no desire for sex with poor Roddy).

This absolutely could have been a story about a cheater projecting cheating behavior upon an up-till-now innocent spouse. But to do that successfully, you would have had to do SO much more in developing ALL of the characters, especially Tina.

Going back to the simple read/face value interpretation. It was awkward that Rod and Sarah STILL consummated the "act". Did Tina really leave? Didn't she have other "spies" watching? Did Rod finally get to the point where he just didn't give a fuck anymore?

I think you tried to write this to be a story about the seductive power of a female, who can get into a man's head and fuck with his sense of reality, such that he will do what he KNOWS to be wrong. The problem was that you ALSO tried to excuse this as OK. It is alright because he has a crappy marriage to a frigid scheming bitch, who is so selfish and manipulative that WHATEVER the outcome of this "test", he would fail. Sure, this is a bad marriage. Yes she is a bitch. Sure it feels good for a man, whose pride has been wounded through rejection, to know that other women desire him. However, pride is an empty vessel until it is filled with honor and integrity. You show that Sarah is JUST as manipulative as Tina; just as determined to get what SHE wants. Is this because you feel that NO women can be trusted? A better, more reflective story would start there. What has led to this loss of trust? When did the communication break down? Were there other attempts made to fix the loss of intimacy? Will a guy really risk disease and pregnancy with a strange slut JUST because she threw herself at him, and made it so easy?

It is obvious that the BIGGEST problem with this story centers around its lack of confrontation, and its lack of resolution. Was this the night Rod finally decided to go ahead with the divorce? Even if the intent was to keep this story simple, still you tried to paint a rainbow with only one color. There was way too much missing to consider this complete. Even one page flash stories can still have a beginning, middle, and end. Rarely ever, does one snap shot alone tell the whole story. I suppose it is OK to leave lingering questions. However, when you haven't even conveyed a message; when the reader doesn't even know what you were trying to say, then you as an author, haven't done your job. I mean, what was the point?

The frustrating thing is that as a germ of an idea, this really could have become something pretty cool. All three of these characters had some valuable lessons to learn about themselves and others. However, even what "seemed" to be the basic one to the wife (and oh yeah, I have to guess, but I think Tina was suppose to learn that "if you don't take care of you husband, someone else will") WASN'T fully executed. Tina disappears without any intent to change. Rod had the opportunity to make quite the powerful soliloquy in front of the closeted Tina, but falters in saying anything of value. Sarah could have learned that it is MUCH better NOT to get involved in others marital problems. I mean, the possibilities were limited only by the lack of imagination of the author. And THAT is what was the worst part of this story of missed opportunities, and the misassumption that sexual gratification overrides logic, reason, and integrity.

Spend ALOT more time developing your next effort. Do not rush your work. Don't be in such a hurry to choke your chicken. Think about what your characters would want, and who you want them be. And NEVER forget to keep asking WHY? Because every jaded reader on Lit will ask EVERY character WHY at every step along the path of every story. The author's biggest job is to answer the questions, and/or provide the info that makes the answers self-evident.

Don't get discouraged. Just accept that you have to try harder, and work longer to put out something that others would enjoy. Pleasing yourself is selfish and easy. It is pleasing others that is hard.

Think about it........

It seems like she had cheated or was continuing to cheat (that's not clear in the story) and she wanted to play the "we're even" game by getting her husband to cheat on her with Sarah. Even though she didn't want him to go all the way. What was the purpose of her game? Divorce him if he cheats? There's simply too many parts of this story that don't make sense.

if the wife is frigid,why did she cheat?If this is a setup to cover her cheating,why does she get pissed at hubby? Just doesnt make much sense,and ends up in the midfke of nowhere.The author may know what this is about,but I don't.

Wish I could give it 3.5 stars. I agree with the few most recent comments I read. Additionally, I would have liked for the author to explain why Rody was at the party without his wife. And, did the author make a mistake when Toni told Rody that his wife would not like to see that Rody had hit and bloodied her (Toni)?

Not sure why this guy wants to stay married - seems to me that he needs to upgrade.

Some of the confused questions being asked seem to be because people didn't read carefully. The wife may have cheated. Sarah did not say that Tina (you really screwed up between Tina/Toni) would not like to see her (Sarah) with a bloody lip but that Rody would not have forcefully resisted Sarah to that point where other people at the party would see Sarah injured and ruin Rody's reputation. I'm not sure why there is so much confusion but suspect the name changes and story layout need improvement.

As to the WHY. Toni is a controlling bitch. She doesn't want sex with Rody and also thinks that denying sex will make Rody suffer and seek release. She doesn't care if she is causing him to suffer and if he is getting sex in other ways wants him to suffer for that. She wants her husband to be suffering either way.

Now it's somewhat interesting how Rody and Sarah work things out and satisfying that for all her bitchy, controlling games that Rody is getting some relief.

The problem is, the main story revolves around Toni. She is, by far, the strongest and most interesting character, a villain, in the story. Yet in the end she simply "walks offstage" with no real resolution to the problem of her abusing her husband. Rody says he loves Toni. He now knows part of what Toni is doing. He doesn't know about the cheating. However, the frigidness and setting him up is enough. Is he a wimp to let Toni get away with her crap? Did Toni cheat? What will be the resolution? Such an evil villain deserves a significant revenge against her. Will she get it?

Probably makes sense to the author! Bizarre to the reader! So, was this written for cathartic self-therapy, or to entertain/enlighten readers? BIG difference.

If the former reason, NO need to publish it (i.e. 'punish readers')!

If the latter, it needs to be done much more carefully, including a neutral editor to influence character introduction and development, sequence and timing of events, clarity of conversations, and maintenance of the theme (point of the story!). Let's not forget details, such as why Sweetie wasn't with him, why Sweetie would go to Sis's (was it to avoid a horny Hubby? Or because she did not reconcile her own infidelity guilt?)

The overview of this tale suggests a defensible idea for an erotic story with a somewhat novel aspect. In other words, it coulda been a contenduh ... but was mismanaged!

2*

What happened? Why? With whom? What brought it on?

Should we care?

Something different, but still a good read.

Don't change it to Tina 2 paragraphs later.

Enjoyable read! As noted by other readers switching Toni to Tina caused a moment of confusion

So finish the friggin' story!

I guess I enjoyed being teased by author giving me a quick and then reading all the

speculation. My first reaction was divorce her! But then......

I can't decide to read anymore. But I can give you 2*.

My apologies everyone for the name mix-up. That, plus a few other minor changes are in the works, I'll get an update addressing your concerns shortly.

Also, a HUGE thank you for all of you that have commented and voted, especially those of you not using the Anon tag.

Why does he stay married to a such a cold manipulative bitch?

It appears from her taking video that she is trying to set him up, maybe for a divorce?

Why has he stayed faithful to her? (till now)

The title does not say chapter 1, will there be more?

Was there more that was lost?

the old fashioned T or F....TK U MLJ LV NV

After all, if the spouses' roles had been reversed, the usual lynch mob would have been clamoring to burn the bitch.

Actually, I think this general scenario (husband with sexually uninterested wife gets tempted by someone who actually wants him) happens much more often than the cheating wife thing, and could do with some more exploration.

Now you need to finish the tale.

You have provided us with this good lead in ......

You would have helped the plot and the readers' feelings about Rody if you had had Sarah tell him that his wife had cheated. You also could have had Sarah challenge his wife with the fact that she had cheated first.

HE SHOULD HAVE MADE AWARE THAT HIS WIFE HAD CHEATED ON HIM IT SEEMS SHE IS A ONE WAY BITCH HER WAY

Where is the ending?

I'm suspicious about the wife....the video would be great evidence for a divorce. She was too insistent about medication taking away her sex drive as well, specially when her friend already knew she had gone far beyond what a married woman should do with someone other than her husband. The husband should give serious thought to dumping the bitch, especially after she pulled this so called test on him.

even money says Bitch wife is cheating

why don't you finish the dam story and yes i agree with the other comment i think she is cheating and trying to find out if she can involve her hubby the whore throw her out

So she gets him all worked up and blue balled, then after she's sure he's not cheating, goes to cheat herself ("...not going to be able to test him often....sister")?

No, I have too agree that this doesn't really make sense yet, not because it's non sequitur, but there are too many and few details, details which need proper attention to make sense. It could be a story where everything's ambiguous on purpose, but those are stories only top tier authors should create...like the writer of Memento. Might read it again.

I think it's hilarious the wife is a closet voyeur, and intending not to watch sex. Nice. It was ridiculously funny.

Something's off? A light in the Chandler out? Wine tastes "corked." There's a hot wing that's bigger than the rest? Stranger approaches? Alcohol too watery or strong. A server tripped? Your ELINT detects an unknown transmission? The metal detector you're surreptitiously wanding people with goes off? Anything weird, reach between your legs, pull them in, and grab the yellow and black handle to pull up and take the 300g ejection ride right out of there. Alright, that was the first Russian model that was intended to kill anyone so cowardly to eject. Maybe that was Korea. Better a broken back than desiccated heart.

I really liked it. 5*

Not sure whats going on, but erotic. Hope there is a second chapter or a re write.

How does someone "make you go" to a party by yourself? Why didn't he just leave, especially if his wife wouldn't be home when he got there?

Idiotic reason to describe infidelity...

Wife on the way to cheating, just setting him up to do the same.

My Ex was always saying I was cheating on Her .. When in fact She was Cheating on Me .. Did My so called friends tell Me ?? Hell No ... A New Couple in the neighborhood told Me . I have always thanked them for that .

and good writing

This is beyond stupid. Even the best writing can't hide that!!

The author realized this was a lost cause and abandoned the story line. A good decision is most often better late than never.

Say what???????????? really ...... this is just plain dumb. no stars