All Comments on 'Failing to Hold On'

I have no idea where to begin with everything that is wrong with this story. Just horrible!

This is total crap!

JimBob - a very entertaining story about real people with all of their warts and hopes. Thank you for the top rate story ***** And to think that I just ordered a new Field 10" cast iron skillet this week ;-)

It was unreadable, whatever it was. Jimbob's usual horrific writing, combined with one of the worst stories ever just made this impossible to read. The single most over-rated and over-scored writer on the site. One *

Another JimBob44 masterpiece. Thanks for sharing.

You are an interesting writer. You develop your characters and allow them to be real and unashamed in their ways of life, even thou they are not like the Hollywood fakes nor the East Coast High Society group. Thank you for share this story and many of your others.

Thanks for the great story, it’s all about reading between the lines.

Just brilliant. Very well crafted and compelling from start to finish. Both the anon comments are infantile and I he reason I do not post to this site. Thank you JimBob. The non-suicide twist at the end was superb.

Using the colloquial southern US speech was difficult to read.

Around that there were a bunch of less than bright characters, even the lawyer didn't think to call a judge your honour....

Stupid people, playing with kids lives, too much of that in the real world as it is, don't need stories about it. Besides, they weren't married, so not loving wives (had to get in there before someone else did) :p

Always enjoy your stories and the characters who inhabit them.

Not my absolute favorite from this author but still sn enjoyable read.

Things that would have improved it would've been if we could see stuff from different characters points of view, I mostly just wanted to experience the confrontation with her ex's wife myself.

The ending was good too, honestly thought she'd be weak enough to do it. Turns out she's spiteful and petty enough not to... also crazy.

Thanks for the story I enjoyed it and appreciate the time and energy you spent creating it. You have become one of the writers I look for when I am looking for a new story.

....with a mean streak, like a mother bear.

I hope Donna gets her own story. Oh - and Loretta and the judge! - just wishin’.

Thanks - a JB44 story is always a good way to start the day.

I liked the story' I have to laugh at some of the shit anonys write. Takes a real man to write hateful shit without a name attached to it. Your story was entertaining and she should have offed herself. Maybe that would have sparked some more people just like Chelsea to do the same. Oh well cant have everything

I don't consider it an all time classic , but it kept my attention all the way through. I liked the the relationship between F and B. She sounds yummy as all get out. Thanks for the offering.

abandoning his children to hopefully win in the long run, TK U MLJ LV NV

Thanks Mr Jim-Bob, I find your stories to be very enjoyable.

Not only is your writing style is unique to this site, your characters and their dialogue is very tangible, showing us people are people regardless of Creed or class.

Thanks again I'm looking forward to your next story

An interesting but depressing story. I was glad it worked out for Ford, getting a new girlfriend and his three kids, but I actually felt a bit sorry for Chelsea in the end. She had her face smashed in and seemed to have brain damage too... damn!

I was curious about what caused Chelsea to turn on Ford? I get that she was always narcissistic, but there must have been some kind of trigger for all the verbal and physical abuse she started directing at him? They had three kids together, so the relationship must have been okay for quite a few years...

...another entertaining slice of life in Lewziana. Favorite recurring characters on this site.

4*

. . . throw in one mention of DeGarde I to the story! Wouldn’t have been right without it.

Loved the fake suicide leaving a hole in the roof of the trailer.

I see the usual anonymous trolls are out! So brave and such constructive criticism from the intellectual giants!

As usual, an enjoyable romp through the warped imagination of one of the best writers on this site. I look forward to your submissions and they rarely disappoint.

Dialogue is spot on for Boondocks and Trailer Park inhabitants who served as this story's characters. JimBob44 does an excellent job, however, of showing that one's morals and integrity aren't determined by one's zip code. I liked how older generation of supporting characters mixed smoothly with the main younger ones. The strip club manager, quasi-mother in law, dispatcher and assorted legal beagles were added judiciously to make diverting stew of story.

The Birdie /Ford coupling launched like jet ✈ plane off runway . Nice touch with her keeping sneakers on and making young lady this close to being unhinged with jealousy issues. The character that got shortchanged was Chelsea. To me , there should have been a drug subplot added to explain her colossal miscalculations and inabilty to get a job.

I've seen real life people as hapless as her but its always been substance abuse of some order that addles their brains and makes them unfit at self care/maintenance let alone child rearing.

Closing compliments to how the author showed Ford methodically reverse course and win custody of kids from initial physical abandonment.

Bottom line(s) : I apologize for first two anon maroons who opened up comment section. My honest ranking is this stands far and away over the usual dross that purports to pass for fiction. Does it rank with JB44 best ? Well… it read quick and easy with multiple applause worthy sections.

I thank JimBob44 for sharing

Wow every person described in this story is a horrible human being. Makes reading it pretty tough when all you can hope for is the state to step in and put the kids in foster care.

Thank you for sharing a slice of life from a culture and part of the country not represented enough.

ugly characters, but in this one, at least Ford and Birdie were sympathetic, so we did have someone to root for throughout. Instead of the usual stuck in the mire and muck forever without hope, here we had two people working honestly trying to get out of it with his children, and he finally succeeded in the end. Bravo.

Always a joy to see a story from you. Really want to thank you for all this work you do for free. Five stars as usual.

Much better to live with a five who treats you like a ten than a ten who treats you like a five.

I know people like this now. Did not for most of my life but yeah, they exist and not just on Jerry Springer. Good happy ending. His kids have a great mom, he gets treated like a king for the rest of his life and bitch ex gets what she deserved. Ex's mom flirting with the judge was hilarious.

just a little real or her unbelievable behavior was explained.

Ford was almost real except for his perfect responses with no real emotion to the surprise madness after 3 children.

JimBob I have relatives and friends in southern Louisiana and they are different but not to the extent that you write. Dial back your anti-heroines to close to normal and explain why they are how they are.

Thanks for sharing an enjoyable read.

It was so bad, I don’t know where to start. How about they have three kids and he still calls her his “live-in girlfriend”? Or how he goes from trusting her to getting a DNA test for the kids...which doesn’t even matter since he is registered as the birth father and considered himself their dad for as long as they’ve been born. Or how they seem to hate each other so much that all I could wonder is why they were even together? It’s not line they’re married so why not just break it off...go their separate ways?

Real people, real flaws and real good ;)

Thanks for a fun read.

In the LW wasteland of cliched weak/cuck husbands, boring swinging stories, and the other dreck, this is a good example of an interesting tale well told. The cucks waiting for their next wimpy husband fix are voting this down. But this is a clear 5

That was downright painful to read and not because it was written badly. Those characters all lie somewhere between pitiable and hateful, but it was compelling. I'm thankful I don't have that life. Very good story.

Fantastic story as always. I enjoy your stories and always look forward to your next contribution. Ignore the negative comments until they publish a story and not just criticize people’s work. Thanks again.

Have read your stories eith great enjoyment! Some of your well developed characters could be good friends of mine. Keep entertaining us and yourself with these literary efforts

Ed

Great story - thanks!

Ford tells Birdie he'll be 34 next week. Then he recalls how it's been almost 25 years since Mrs. Becker taught Ford how to eat pussy and do other things that'll ensure he's never alone. Let me see, 34 - 25 = 9 years old when Mrs. Becker taught him how to please a woman! I was sure Lit didn't approve of underage sex! Maybe the author meant 15 years since Ford's practical education, and not 25?

I'm glad Birdie didn't call Ford Edsel or DeSoto or Studebaker!

Except for that slip 5 ***** from me!

...Once I got used to the dialect, I found

this a easy and pleasant read. Maybe

not the best from this author, still, a

good story.

Thanks JB, for the entertainment...

LeFrog

Another outstanding story from you!

When I see a story from you, James Robert.

I only gave it 4* though. Here's why:

- Chelsea was so badly portrayed. Her behavior illogical and one-dimensional. What woman thinks it is ok to go on a private vacation for a week with a married ex-boyfriend. She didn't thing Ford would check with Mattie? What Mattie did was too much and yet Ford never heard about any of it? Mattie never tried to call him back? Honestly this character dropped the story to 2*.

- Birdie was so good that she brought the story back up to almost 5.

- The forced southern drawl in dialog was overdone. several times it leaked out of quotes into the surrounding prose. I am from the south. It was a bit too much.

- Ford was well done. Not a superhero. ++

- plotholes lowered score. Ford should have been mid-40s not 30s. Other minor things...

If Chelsea had been better handled, easy 5*s.

KB

A good story from the master

of down to earth writing.

Always fun to read simple

but unique dialogue.

Wheather it comes from

Mark Twain, John Steinbeck or JimBob.

Good plot, good morals and fun read.

What more can you ask for?

Top ratings from me.

Best line in story. Thanks, JB, for another good tale.

Good read! Always a pleasure to read one of your stories... usually about working people trying to get by despite the troubles that life throws at them. I'm even glad that the crazy women didn't kill herself!

I've read and enjoyed several of JB44's stories, but five pages of the dialect is too much. It's l-l-like r-r-reading th-th-this wh-wh-when a cha-cha-character st-st-stutters!

Just did! And now, this's me fixing I read way more a this top drawer writing!

JimBob44 is a masterful storyteller, this story grips the heart as well as the mind. Top Rate.

Wow, so the dumb ass goes from one bat shit crazy feral woman to another, lets face it Birdie was exhibiting the same tendency as the first feral, can you ever write anything different?

The Chelsea character could have been more developed and the dialect got pretty thick at times. But JB44 always writes imaginative third person stories that read well and avoid the usual LW cliches. JB44 sure cranks out the material. I grade on the curve and this one is a solid five. Third person is much harder to master so JB deserves an extra star just for that.

Folks down under insist on putting beets on their burgers.

Damn preverts!

The dialects were extremely well done and I had no trouble "hearing" the dialogue;This problem about not owning your wife, bothers me. She owns mine. Why shouldn't i have equal rights?

a gifted writer. The dialogue between characters is great. Love the dialect; writing it can't be easy. Your characters are everyday folks with flaws, trying to rise above everyday shit. Please keep creating stories. Five stars.

I wasn't overly enthusiastic about the first few stories I read by this author, but he is quickly becoming one of my favorites. He writes stories with real heart, and I love the fact that the heroines are seldom beauties, unlike nearly every other author on the site. This falls right in line, and it's a pleasure to read about characters that we care about, who are focused on what is best for others. Keep up the good work.

notme

As the story developed I was really worried Chelsea would kill the kids. This would not be impossible in JimBob44Land. At the end I was relieved. Another top-notch story from one of our legends.

. . . is that the characters are not ex Navy SEALs, double nought spies, doctors, lawyers or computer geniuses. They are truck drivers or welders or bartenders, trying to make do on $50,000 a year rather than six figure incomes in their gated McMansion neighborhoods. His heroes shop at WalMart, because it’s cheap, his women wear cotton dresses and blue jeans and t-shirts, not the LBDs and stilettos and nothing else that turn the heads of every male, and not a few females, when they walk in the room.

That's some more great writing from JB44 . I love all your stories and my only gripe is that there aren't more of them. The characters and locations are perfect, and I really want one of those Armada's hamburgers. Biscuits and gravy ain't bad neither. My good friend sbrooks103x is a city boy, so no wonder he can't grasp our Southern dialect. I'm just glad he writes in American and not Boston , so I can read his work. JB, I can read your writing real good and I love it. Thanks.

Three kids, not married,, expects his girlfriend to be faithfuls hat a dipshit. Lives of the younand trailer trash

Ya gotta love all the people that really hate the story, but instead of closing it, have to scroll down and leave their rants. Kinda makes you wonder on their outlook on life, like they think they are some kind of victim or something. Hmmmmm.

Thank you for this story, I liked it very much. It is nice when characters from other stories appear as minor characters in new stories. Chelsea really needs medication to bipolar disorder.

The way you write is absolutely atrocious, you need an editor badly. The style of your writing is absolutely awful. I know you wanted to mimic Arkansas rednecks but this is still a "work of literature" and you need to a make an effort to write in a presentable manner. Your dialogs are written in such a horrible fashion that I was under impression it is from a 6th grade student.

This needs to be re-written in a more readable style to be a decent story. The female characters are interesting, the male hero character is somewhat of a mute.

Poor in more ways than I care to put down. Five pages of s...!

The many characters created confusion. I suggest you uncomplicate the narration and shorten it in future works. Nice job, overall.

The story was intriguing. JB44 spun a good yarn, but I feel for sbrook's sentiment that five pages of a broken English dialect made it hard to read. Full marks for making this story a page turner.

Story of yours that I have read is very entertaining and really compelling...I usually hate to see them come to an end. You are one hell of a story teller.

Lord Slam Dog said it well. This author is among the best published. I’m from New England an have no trouble with the dialect, and enjoy it.

Chilley

Oh, I can grasp the dialect okay, as I said, I've read and enjoyed JB's stories, but I find parsing the dialect takes me out of the story.

I've written a couple of stories based in Boston, and not a pahked cah in any of them!

You Rock! 5*

Every time I see one of your stories I know it's gonna rip my f-ing heart out. But I can't stop reading it. 5 Stars. Loved it.

It doesn't matter how powerful , smart or intelligent your characters are. What matters is how well they're written. This is why it's possible for people to enjoy stories about ex navy seals AND uneducated rednecks.

And don't give me that shit about "realism" and "believability". Your characters are hysterically wimpy. No real people behave like the pathetic morons you write about. Just the worst excuses for men and your scores reflect that shit.

Grow the fuck up.

Got some really crazy types posting comments. It's a story, not your family's history.

Good read, 5*

...that I know some queer folks who LOVES some onions on their burgers.

Aside from that, the usual serviceable story from JimBob44. Good job, man.

It's often torturous to read.

Another one.

Thanks.

Oh, and even my west coast ears understood the dialect... pretty much.

👍

not bad at all, Except NO one in reality could be as stupid as her to think a man would let that go and the other guys wife wouldnt care. 4 stars

“"Birdie, shit, you just watched a woman fall apart. You saw what happened to her, to her face. Shit! They had shave her head stitch up her head where Mattie bashed her head in with a cast iron skillet. And we're taking the last thing keeps her human. No, I'm not in love with her, I don't love her, but I do care about her," Ford tried to explain as the Sheriff's Deputy flashed his lights to alert them that he was ready to go.”

Thank you, a real story with real, ok a little exaggerated, but a good human story. Loved it.

Thanks for posting. You made my day again. Needless to say, 5 stars.

I clicked on it without noting who wrote it. Last time do that, to quote the “author.’

I love it. Thanks for the effort, and the talent to make it pay off.

And thanks for allowing anonymous comments. That takes almost as much balls as writing honest realistic beautiful stories about dishonest ugly artificial people. Hope your inevitable success doesn't deprive us of future stories.

Thanks again.

..right up till that crack about onions on burgers.

The story was amusing and enjoyed the banter but found some of the inconsistencies hard to stomache. Case in point:

Nearly twenty five years after Mrs. Becker showed Ford how to eat pussy, Ford showed Birdie he'd learned his lesson well.

"Well, yeah, you what? At least thirty, huh?" Birdie smiled.

"Thirty four next week, Bitty," Ford said.

Are you suggesting Mrs. Becker seduced a nine year old boy?

The biggest mistake in US history was not letting the South secede. They would have become a third world country and we could have been a lot richer, and my tax dollars wouldn't have to be making up for the lack of tax revenue from these inbred fucks. They're always at the bottom of the list of anything meaningful (education level, per capita income, health, etc, etc). I've had the pleasure of traveling throughout the country, including road trips. I did one across the South from my home in SoCal to Florida years ago. Fucking wasteland with neandrethals and inbreds living all along the way. This story just reminded me of all those illiterate half-wifts I had the displeasure to meet along the way.

Plus how fucking fat are these people? It touched on Birdie's weight (30 lbs overweight at 19, will be weighing 300 lbs on her 5 foot frame by the time she's 30), but not on Ford's. Every fucking meal they ate was just fat, cholesterol and empty calories. Everything from their illiteracy, poor grammar, to the trailer parks they lived in, the food they ate was just absolutely gross.

If only they were sterilized at birth and their ability to vote was taken away. Better yet, we should tell them, umm, we reviewed the Civil War and you guys actually won. Can you please resubmit your secession papers again?

Enjoyable story of human characters.

Is it written perfectly? No.

Did I understand all of it? No, I live on the opposite of the world where details differ so much.

only among common man. Glad you write for your enjoyment and entertainment.

Sure is my kind.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

Your gramma and sentence structure is terrible. I can never finish your stories for this reason as it's difficult to understand. Please try to improve for future stories.

If the South were not part of the USA, who would supply the troops to fight useless foreign wars the East Coast snobs like you always support? Will metrosexuals slap USA's enemies with Kale salads?

Really enjoyed this story would of like to know more about Ford and Birdie

Why the complaints about grammar and syntax? This is the local patois and is to be learnt to be easily followed. A charming use of the local phraseology, which enhances the flavour of the story. Always enjoy this author's stories, especially the language they are couched in. I'm sure JimBob44 is capable of using normal English and doesn't need to be castigated on this issue. It's the story that requires this construction and language. Once again, five stars.

havent u posted this story before? swear i read this from u before

Definitely a twist for JimBob

Most of his stories the dad had a terrible relationship with his kids. Good variation here

I really enjoyed this story. Come to think of it, I really enjoy this writer's body of work and look forward to each new offering. They aren't the sitcom's pretty view of the U.S. but rather a more realistic view of modern life. I'm very surprised by his comment at the end regarding his receiving threatening emails regarding his writings. All I can say is, keep up the good work, and if you ( the reader) don't like a story tough.

Possibly Loretta and maybe 80% Birdie are the only likeable characters.

Chelsea is clearly a piece of garbage and it would have been better if the twist wasn't a joke.

But Ford? What decent, reasonable man abandons his children while engineering that they be stuck with the aforementioned piece of trash?

I like your quirky style but for me the content of this one just made me (just a reader) mad and I don't think that it was your purpose.

I dont understand the high ratings on this one.

I like how you weave former characters into each story. It gives us a real sense of the lives of all your people. 5*

Quite a roller coaster of a story. I very much enjoyed it. The characters were well fleshed out and the pacing was very crisp. Well done!

Great job.

Did they not read your asides at the beginning of each story, or could it be they are simple minded or (simply) stupid? Yeah.

"Don't laugh," Birdie warned. "But it's Bernice. Bernice Dawn Silverstein."

"Yes. Us. Us. As in, me and you," Birdie said, taking his can of beer from his hand.

"Us. You a part of me, Mr. Volkswagen and I'm a part of you. And them kids; they a part of you too, so that makes them a part of me," Birdie declared.

Don't think Mr. Ford is ever going to have to wander about worrying about Birdie cheating, ever. Wouldn't want to be the woman that even thinks about moving in on her man either.

Sweet Jesus, since Birdie is already taken, does she have a sister? How about her mother? Hey, I'm already in Texas... Ditto what 26thNC said. Signed: BTW

i enjoy your rants. you have a queer way of ending. there many loose ends. slap hapy papy #9

Been meaning to comment on your wrting but always something else coming up and end up forgetting.

Natural talent is what comes to mind when speaking of your work, and a few other authors that have the same gift of making the words in the stories jump and flow like greased noodles splattering on a hot skillet. Sometimes the story line is even a good one, regardless, the stories of yours I've read have always been interesting in some way or other.

This story, in particular, struck me as "charming" in a roguish sort of way. I could disassemble the story and explain specifics, but suffice to say that I was entertained, and isn't that the main goal of a story? In that regard I believe you've nailed it. Hope to see more of your work in the near future.

I think I have made basically the same comment on several JB44 stories, but I think it is worth repeating. There isn't another author on this site with more heart. It seems that a lot of commenters have problems with the way the characters are drawn, but they are all flawed in one way or another and I care about all of them, even a narcissist like Chelsea. I admit that the first few JB44 stories I read, I had a hard time getting through because the dialect just made the story too much work, but either I got accustomed to it or there isn't as much as there once was, but it certainly isn't off-putting anymore and I think it is actually gotten to the point that what use is made is effective at telling us something about the characters, not just the locale.

I truly look forward to reading a JB44 story.

Re-read this today, still love it, but could you please do something with Donna in it? There seems to be a huge backstory leading up to the the life she is living and, while it doesn't always happen in your tales, I would love to see a HEA story where she gets the kids she wants.