Fake It to Make it Pt. 02

Chapter 3

When I walked into Cici's flat the music she had playing was so loud it hurt my ears. She knew I was coming up; I texted her from the door downstairs. She'd given me the code for the door and sworn me to secrecy. This entire building was ritzy--way out of my price range--but since she got that promotion to marketing executive, she'd moved up in the world. Now, I felt like the bottom man on the totem pole.

I turned the volume down as I passed through the living room and headed for the kitchen. She glanced over her shoulder, tossing her long brown hair behind her back as she hollered, "Oh, hey, Nev."

We didn't spend as much time together as we used to, but our twice-weekly girls' nights had never changed, even when we'd had to do them via Skype because I was traveling, or she was at college. Being back together in NYC felt like we'd gone back to our roots. I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her middle, resting my chin on her shoulder so I could see down into the pan she stood over, stirring.

"God, I missed this. You aren't ever allowed to move to Ohio again." She'd been home a few months already but it still felt like she'd just gotten here.

"I'm not moving again any time soon. Cox gave me such a great contract I have no reason to."

"Well, I have to do the traveling thing, but hopefully only for a few days at a time." My career, as a rising star in the modeling industry, would mean a lot of jet-setting, which was something I dreamed of when I was a kid. I wanted to see the world; I just realized now that as an adult with roots, it was difficult. Every time I left, I missed the people in my life.

I sighed softly, thinking of Beck and how things were going not only between me and him but also him and Cici. They lived in the same city and weren't speaking to each other. It tore my heart in two thinking of how someone could be so angry with a sibling that they refused to even pick up a phone and text them.

It also pained me to think that if things went how my stupid heart hoped, I'd be leaving the States to travel abroad regularly, probably once a month. What would I do then? When I had the man of my dreams on the hook and I had to go to Paris or London? How would I survive that?

"Food's almost done, babe." Cici shrugged her shoulder, pushing my chin upward. It was her sign that she was done with physical contact. She'd never been a hugger since the day we met, though her grandparents were overly huggy. I chalked that up to how she'd lost her parents at a very young age and they'd compensated all along for that loss by being overly affectionate. It ruined Cici and made her hate physical touch.

Or maybe I was wrong and she just preferred other forms of affection. I never asked, and she never said, but she never complained about how I hugged--only the simple shoulder shrug to dismiss me.

I pulled away, walking to her cupboard to take out plates and silverware. I silently set the table, thankful for a relationship with her that was comfortable even in silence. But that silence only left my mind to its own devices, and I got lost in thought about Beck.

Though the bullying Beck and his best friend dished out back in the day had been mostly aimed at Cici, I'd caught a bit of the fallout from it. I never thought Beck or Drew were bad people, just immature older boys who needed to grow up. And they did--into devastatingly hot grown men who made heaps of money. I wasn't always head over heels for Beck, but I'd always had a crush on him. Who wouldn't?

I'd spent nights at Cici's doing sleepovers and Beck would walk around shirtless, carrying his college books and flirting with me. Then we'd gone off to college, but I graduated before her and came home. Then for years I didn't even see Beck. It wasn't until she came back to the city with her degree and an amazing job set up that I saw him again. I'd been drooling ever since.

"You okay?" she asked, setting the pan of food on the table. It looked delicious and made my mouth water, but Jeremy's words about losing a bit of weight made me feel guilty just looking at it.

"Uh, yeah..." I breathed out, then felt my phone vibrate. After placing the silverware where it belonged, I slumped into a chair and pulled it out. The text was from Beck.

Beck 7:11 PM: How's it going?

Nev 7:12 PM: Just got here...

"You seem upset," Cici said as she sat across from me. She knew me better than I knew myself honestly, and I wasn't surprised that she asked. A lot of women in my industry thought that being a model meant you were also an actress, but that just wasn't true. I could fake a smile, but those closest to me knew when it was genuine or put on.

"Oh, it's just my agent. He's insisting that I lose some weight..." I set myphone to the side and picked up the serving spoon. "What is this?" I pushed the food around in the pan and thought about how those calories would go straight to my hips. She used butter; I could see it swirling around in the mixture looking so delicious.

"It's called Greek chicken.... Artichoke hearts, black olives, garlic, chicken, lots of stuff. You'll like it. I picked the recipe up in Columbus with a few college friends I made." Her hand flicked at me, hurrying me along, so I took a scoopful and plopped it onto my plate, then handed the spoon over to her. "Your agent sounds like a jerk. You're already as skinny as a twig."

I sighed, picking up my fork and pushing the small savory cubes of chicken around my plate. "Yes, but he knows what he's talking about. If you look at the women I'm competing with for these contracts you'd understand. It's cutthroat, almost as if it's a contest to see who can starve themselves the most." Finally, I took a bite, and the minute the food hit my tongue it melted. It was so flavorful I knew I'd have a hard time having only one helping.

As I was chewing my phone vibrated again, and again it was Beck. I scowled and hoped Cici didn't see it, then picked it up and read what he said.

Beck 7:14 PM: Did you say anything yet? This is killing me.

I rolled my eyes and typed a response hastily.

Nev 7:14 PM: Not yet. Shhh.

"Who's that?" Cici asked as she took a bite of her food. She looked interested and eager to hear my response, but I shoveled a large bite of food into my mouth to deflect. It was bigger than I expected, and maybe bigger than I should have taken, but it gave me a chance to think something up. Every bit of my plan had to be enacted carefully in a step-by-step manner so it didn't push her away further.

"Uh, well I'm dating someone, and it was just--"

"Oh my god, Nev! Why didn't you tell me?" Cici reached for my phone to grab it, but I whisked it off the table quickly and felt my cheeks warming. Cici and I never had any conversations about my crush on Beck--though she knew I had one. And we never had any talks about him being off limits or anything, unlike Beck and Drew who'd made some pact that Drew was never to date Cici.

That was the whole reason for this rift between brother and sister. Cici came home from college and jumped right into a relationship with Drew and Beck was furious. He tried to break them up and now it was my job to try to restore the siblings' relationship before it was permanently dissolved.

"Who is it!" she demanded happily, before having another bite of food. "Maybe this calls for wine? Should I get a bottle?"

I looked down at my plate, now feeling like I wanted to just bring the pan in front of myself and devour the entire lot. I hated how food had become my emotional support. Every time I got upset, sad, bored, or even overly happy, I wanted to eat.

"Okay, but you can't be upset..." Wine wasn't such a bad idea, though if she drank too much, given her feud with Beck, it might turn out to be a sketchy night.

"Upset?" she said in a question. "Why would I be upset?" Cici chewed carefully and I forced a smile onto my lips. What I was doing was underhanded, sneaky, and manipulative. But she was my best friend and she refused to speak to her brother.

Sure, I'd had a mostly normal upbringing with two parents and all the opportunities I wanted. I got a good education and I was well traveled. And yes, Cici had been raised by her grandparents after both of her parents died in a car accident unexpectedly before she was even five years old. But she had a brother--something I'd wanted my whole life. I wanted a big family and lots of kids, probably because I'd been an only child. And I wanted Cici to fix things with Beck because they were like family to me too.

"Okay, so I'm dating Beck."

Cici's eyes met mine and she stopped chewing. She did, however, stop short of letting her jaw drop since her mouth was full of food. I watched her nostrils flare, and then she set her fork down on her dish. She finished chewing her bite of food and my phone buzzed again.

Goddammit, Beck!

I looked down long enough to read the message and then my shoulders slumped.

Beck 7:22 PM: Plan a dinner. Invite her. See what she says.

"How long?" she asked, and her tone was colder than ice. She couldn't be mad at me. She knew I had a crush on him. It wasn't a huge secret, especially since she lived with him and we did our thing at his apartment several times.

"Uh... Just a few weeks." My hands were sweaty and shaking lightly. I didn't want her to be upset with me. The entire point of this was to help her see that Beck was sorry. If she came to dinners out with me and him, maybe brought Brew along too, things could get back to somewhat normal--hopefully without Beck bossing her around so much or having such rigid expectations for her personal choices.

Cici stared at her food and then picked the fork back up. She stabbed her plate a few times, swirling the meat and vegetables around in the melted, seasoned butter pooled on the plate beneath it. She was quiet, which meant she was upset. I'd seen her snap off retorts at other people so hastily at times I thought sometimes she didn't have any tact. But with me she always used restraint. We both knew how words could hurt someone, and I appreciated that she held her immediate reaction back, though I knew based on the fact that she had, that it wasn't what I wanted her to feel.

"I'm just going to accept that it's happening, but I don't really want to talk about it for now." The ice in her words came at the same time as another message from Beck.

Beck 7:24 PM:???

I typed out a response as fast as I could. This man had zero patience and needed details I couldn't give him. I understood. He was anxious because the only close relationship he'd had ever had in his life was that with Cici and it was on the rocks.

Nev 7:25 PM: Just give me a sec.

Tucking my phone back into my pocket I looked up at Cici and again put on my best model smile as I picked up my fork and had another bite. This bite, however, was less than appetizing. I'd lost my appetite entirely now, and I had to force the bite down my throat.

"Well, I was hoping to host dinner and invite you and Drew to come. We can do it at my place on the--"

"I don't think that's going to work out." Cici's eyes met mine in a firm expression that told me she wasn't having it, and I didn't want to push. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, okay," I muttered, keeping my plastic smile. "That's alright. Maybe another time."

The next ten minutes were silent other than the buzz of my phone which I ended up turning off. Every time it went off Cici winced and right now all I wanted to do was put distance between her and that subject so she could calm down. I recognized her frustration and cared that she was less than thrilled about my announcement. And while I wished she'd feel different, wishes weren't real and they didn't come true. I had to be considerate about how she felt about things, even if it meant my plan to get her and Beck back together would take a bit longer.

It was just a bit longer I had to spend with him, faking my nonchalance when in reality I really wanted him to like me.

Chapter 4

The ride up to Drew's office felt different than normal. Not only did he not know I was coming today, but after months of not speaking more than a few text message conversations I didn't really know what to expect. Cici thought she'd gotten the brunt of my frustrations but in reality it'd been Drew. Not only had I gotten his ex-girlfriend involved but I also punched him in the face at our annual Fourth of July bar crawl. I was so angry I never regretted it then, but I did now.

The bell dinged and the doors slid open revealing his company's reception area. The company logo hung on the wall behind the tall desk where his receptionist sat behind a computer typing. I approached her, though typically I would have just walked right past, but an unexpected visit meant I had no way of knowing if he was in a meeting or on a call.

The woman looked up at me and smiled. "Mr. Adler, it's so good to see you. You haven't been around in a while." Her fingers kept clicking away at her keyboard while she spoke to me. Her skill of multitasking amazed me.

"Yeah, I've just been busy." There was no sense in hashing out everything that had gone on between her boss and me. If Drew hadn't told anyone why I wasn't around they didn't need to know. I had enough shame just facing up to my own flaws and taking responsibility. And with the two people in the world who mattered most to me.

"Let's see," she said, looking back at her computer. "It looks like Mr. Pratt is just finishing a conference call. He should be free in a few minutes, likely by the time you get back to his office. You can find your way?" This time she continued watching her screen as she asked the question and I tapped my hand on the desk a few times.

"Yep, I know the way..." But strangely not her name. I'd been here hundreds of times over the years and didn't even know the name of his receptionist. I felt very shallow and arrogant for that. I paused and smiled at her. "Thank you..." And I waited for her to populate the end of that sentence with her name.

"Missy..." she told me, pausing her work to look right into my eyes for the first time. "And you're welcome."

With a bit of a skip in my step I headed off toward Drew's office. I already felt lighter, as if somehow I was finally getting in touch with myself and righting wrongs I'd created over the years. I weaved through the maze of offices and hallways, finally coming to the door with Drew's name placard on it. The title of CEO was emblazoned beneath it in black letters on a gold face and I knocked on the thick wood.

"Come in," he called from the other side and I pushed the door open and walked into the large corner office. Drew looked up from his computer and the gut reaction he had scrolled across his face like a tickertape at the bottom of a news broadcast: quickly there then gone. It wasn't what I hoped for, but exactly what I expected. His eyes darkened as he said, "Beck."

I shut the door behind myself and walked farther in. The looming space felt bigger today, more hollow than usual. He hadn't changed a thing. The blinds still hung slightly crooked, the paintings on the walls were the same, though it appeared someone had moved his desk a few inches. The impressions on the cream Berber carpet where it used to sit were inches to the right of the desk.

"Can we talk?"

Drew leaned back in his chair, minimizing his application as I sat across from him in one of the chairs pointed at his desk. His expression was calm, but I could see the storm brewing in his gaze. He planted his elbow on the arm of his chair and brought his hand to his chin, one thumb beneath it, his fingers curled over his chin. I crossed one leg over the other and unbuttoned my suit coat so it didn't wrinkle.

"What can I do for you?" he asked in such a professional tone I knew he was still angry. The tone spoke volumes, almost as if he was treating me like a new client or complete stranger despite the fact that we'd known each other more than a decade and had personal history.

"I get it, man. You're still upset." I tried to keep my own temper under control. It wasn't about me or how this man directly disrespected my request to stay away from my sister. This was about fixing things so that I could remain a part of my sister's life. I'd already lost my parents; I didn't need to lose her too. Drew and I needed to fix this.

Drew said nothing. He just stared at me with poison in his eyes. It was the evidence of a deeper infection caused by a wound I created. I knew that much. So why was I getting angry with him that he couldn't just forgive me? Why was the past seeping in? Why was I sitting there thinking about how many women he played and dumped? He was a heartbreaker and a liar and now he was dating my sister.

"I had some questions about a client..." I rolled my lips together, trying to contain my rising frustration over his inhospitable attitude. "I was hoping you could help me out."

"You can make an appointment with Missy." He sat straight up and clasped his hands together on the desk in front of himself. "Is there anything else?"

I huffed out a sigh and shook my head as I sat up too. "Drew, cut the crap. We're best friends. We've been like brothers for years. You can't stay mad at me. You know I'm a total idiot sometimes; it goes with the territory." Guilt flooded me at the confession. It had been me all those years who'd instigated the pranks we pulled on Cici and sometimes Nev. Drew had only ever come up with a few on his own; the rest had been my doing.

"You're right, Beck. Sometimes you're more than an idiot. Sometimes you're a complete asshole, and I should have matured and figured that out a long time ago. You really hurt people sometimes." Now his tone sounded more like an annoyed parent than a friend and I rubbed my face to help mask my anger.

Feeling antsy, I stood and paced the room, walking past the table and chairs, around the sofa and back to his desk. "I am here to say I'm sorry for what I did."

Drew stood and smoothed his tie down the front of his shirt and buttoned his jacket. "For punching me? Or for lying to Cici about me? Or was it for sending Kendra to my house butt-ass naked?" His scowl felt like a slap to the face. I'd done more than that but he'd never even know.

"For all of it," I grumbled, not feeling the least bit sorry right now. All I could think was how he'd managed to weasel his way into Cici's heart and if he hurt her I'd punch him all over again.

He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at me blankly. "You know you really hurt her."

He didn't even have to say my sister's name for me to feel the sting. There was a code. He wasn't supposed to date my sister. He was supposed to respect the code.

My hands curled into fists and I couldn't look him in the eye without feeling rage. It wasn't like he was taking her from me, but that was what it felt like. "I know," I growled, and I clenched my fists harder.

"That was just dirty, man. You're right. We've been friends a long time, and I accept my role in this relationship going sideways. I should have respected you and gone about things differently, but I'm in love with her and I will protect her from whatever, or whoever tries to hurt her."

My eyes flicked up to meet his again and I knew he wasn't joking. More so, I knew if he wanted to he'd kick my ass all the way to mid-town and there would be nothing I could do about it. I was seething now, but things were at least at a point where we were speaking.

"So why did you guys reject the dinner invite?" I asked, trying to relax, though my hands remained firmly balled up at my sides.

"Dinner invite? I never heard about it, but I doubt Cici would have come at all. She has no intention of ever speaking to you again." If I wasn't mistaken there was a bit of mirth in his gaze now and I almost lunged over the desk and tackled him to the ground--which wouldn't have helped my case at all.