All Comments on 'Falling'

The story was long but well written. I related to the characters and want more. Hope you post more soon.

Thanks

This, is definitely one of the best stories I've ever read on this site. It's easily on par with the superlative works of other great writers here, such as Burntredstone. I do hope you're planning a continuation, because it really needs it.....Thanks!

First I want to thank everyone for reading! I am looking to improve my writing and connect with my readers, so please, rate and comment on the story and feel free to leave comments and/or feedback! I try to respond to things and people that ask questions and will be checking in regularly!

I am at this point about half way through the second part of this story, so favorite me so that you can get information about me and when I publish new stuff!

Please don't let this story die here, you have a great start to a awesome series. Please continue

Well, I don't want to be a wet blanket, you spent a lot of time on the story, but I was just completely turned off by your protagonist. He was such an ass to Karly early on and so touchy about everything, I developed an instant dislike for him. I skipped to the end to make a comment and don't mean to come across as completely negative, but it was just not my kind of story.

I really can't thank everyone enough for the support this story has received!

Without it, I most likely wouldn't have gotten out of my headspace of telling myself that I sucked enough to keep on pushing on with it! I love all of you for the support, and really appreciate both the votes and the comments (I love comments as it lets me see what my readers are really enjoying and what they aren't!).

Even the one negative comment I received was insightful as it gave me a chance to think back to my character development and decide if I was happy with it!

Again, I can't thank my readers enough! I love you all and appreciate your support!

A Winner!

Awesome story line and thanks for uploading all 23 pages at one go.

Well written and put together. Very deserving of several more chapters BUT maybe not 23 pages each. I'd not bitch if that's the case but I get wrapped up in it and 0200 was not the time to wrap this up. LOL

BRAVO!!

A very good read. Enjoyed it very much.

I'm in love with this story and these characters❤❤❤❤

Very well written. The sense of deeply buried trauma is extremely well communicated. Sobering to think that there are broken, damaged people just like that or even worse doing what they can day by day, passing us in the street and suffering invisably.

Top notch 5*

You should definitely try to write a story where you characters talk more naturally. Some of the stuff the main characters says are just things that an 18 year old wouldn't say, and it's sort of off-putting to me.

Wow! I really like the character development, the underlying pain and trauma that shapes actions, the foreshadowing. Great descriptive style. This may seem odd to say, but i found the sex a little tedious. Sometimes it seemed almost like filler. I get that they're young and madly in love, but it seemed almost like a case of "not sure what to do, let's have sex." There is a lot of potential for more interaction (possibly conflict) with other characters. What about the Rob dude, Karly's ex or Jacky? What about Gabby's mom or dad? What about other wrestling teammates or doesn't Karly have any friends? I realize I am being very critical here and it's because I think this is a great story, but could be really outstanding. Please keep writing and I commend your desire to improve!

An excellent read, inricate description of feelings and thoughts, a bit too much wild sex and the language could be a bit less vulgar. Some secondary characters perhaps deserve a bit more attention, and certainly, the narrative has a lot of room to continue and develop further... parhaps a Volume 2? At least I know I will enjoy it. I never mind the length when the style is appealing.

Thank you. It was a pleasurable experience. Perhaps the best story I have read so far on this site. What many writers seem not to understand is that eroticism is not just wild tearing sex (which could be part of it sometimes as a culmination, but if accented, then it becomes pure porn), but more sex as en expression of love and affection, surrendering oneself and merging of souls. This you have managed well. Put your cards on that.

Overall an incredible effort.

Please get an editor. This is a really good story. Started slow, but damn what an ending. Some of the wording is wrong and breaks the immersion.

Oddly it's a long story, but the start of their relationship before sex could be longer. Feeling themselves drawn to each other.

I absolutely love that you ended it. Didn't give a teo paragraph ending how they have blah blah blah. I cannot tell you how that cheapens a book.

The young man will need help getting on with his life. That he isn't a psychopathic killer in you book is amazing. The darkness there is chillingly all to real these days.

Don't listen to any detractors. What many see as written mistakes are honest and true to how people talk and think. Truly, a very well written piece of art. As someone who has experienced some of the same issues and situations growing up, I can say your writting is spot on and beautifully/tragically true. Please keep it up. Best short novella I have ever read.

but he's 18, and calling his older girlfriend "baby girl"? Think you're letting you bleed into the chararcter dude.

Another has already commented about this but I’m going to reinforce it. Your characters act like they are 28 - not 18. Given his lack of childhood and severe abuse, I get it. But why would Karly act like a woman whose been married, divorced, and Uber comfortable with all things adult. The baby girl nickname is an old tough guy’s nickname for his girl that he’s gonna take care of and I’m sorry, his an orphaned 18 year old. I’m not feeling it. Wonderful righting - I loved the beginning and the conflict. I loved how he traded in the girl for the woman. I loved the sensitivity under the scars. I just think you miss-aged them, if that’s a thing.

Really loved this story, I disagree with the anon comments about the baby girl nickname, there’s a 2 month age difference so not really an “older girlfriend.” In addition Gabby will seem more mature than 18 considering what he’s been through.

Brilliant story but his story is so much like my own. It took an understanding Sensei and years of searching to get over the fear of love rejection. I don't think an 18 year old girl is understanding enough to deal with that kind of trauma. Even in my old age and 43 years of marriage to an near perfect wife, I still have nightmares of my childhood.

Loved it! Loved it! Loved it!