Family Advisor

I make no claim to being a licensed therapist. My credential is that I have been married to the same woman for over 50 years and have two well adjusted children with their own families. Some would argue that my claim is quite an ordinary situation and perhaps it is but I have observed many families which seem to lack a basic understanding of how make family relationships work.

So I decided to offer my help to families which feel they need some guidance. From the beginning I make it clear that I am not a licensed professional and use unconventional methods. I make sure that new clients sign a disclosure which explains this before we make the first appointment.

Let me give you an example of my practice by describing a recent case. Rod and Pam Turner (not their real names but I have to call them something here) came to see me at my office. Rod started off by saying he and Pam are loosing touch with their children. "When they were little," he said, "we would have fun as a family and discuss everything. Now they don't want to talk with us.

"Mike is 19 and while at home only wants to play video games. When he goes out we don't know where he is or who he is with.

"Sandy is 18. She is more talkative than Mike but we still don't get much about how she feels and things that bother her."

By asking questions I found out that Rod and Pam both work out of the home and while not working spend most of their time on their individual activities: golf for Rod and a choral group for Pam. I then brought the conversation to a stop by asking, "Have you explained and discussed sex with Mike and Sandy?"

Both were silent and seemed embarrassed. Finally, after an extended silence, Pam said, "We don't know how to talk about that subject. I wish we were close enough with our children to have an open discussion about it, but we are not. Is that important?"

I pointed out that having a close relationship with Mike and Sandy is very important and that at their ages, sex is going to be a large part of what they are thinking about. If they have no one to give them honest answers, they will get their information from schoolyard tales. I told them this is an opportunity to improve their relationship by helping their children with a subject that is new and important to them.

"Their school taught sex education," exclaimed Rod, "doesn't that cover it?"

I explained that while school sex education classes are important in that they provide basic information on anatomy and function, they are far from a comprehensive reference for all of the challenges a teenager will face. "Do you remember when you were in high school?", I asked.

After another period of silence Rod said, "Oh, I guess you are right. Can you help?"

At this point I explained that they would need to have a meeting each week with the entire family in their home and that it would be essential that they commit to following my instructions if we were to make progress. Rod and Pam agreed to this but had a problem finding a period of two hours each week when everyone was available. Either Rod or Pam or one of the children had something they wanted to do. That this was a major problem was obvious to me but not to Rod and Pam.

We finally agreed that Sunday's from 7:00PM to 9:00PM would work. Pam said that she may have to skip some sessions, but I said no. If I am going to work with them, there must be a firm commitment for everyone to be there and for everyone to follow my instructions. I told them this was a big commitment to their family. I realized that our first meeting would have to make it clear that everyone was fully invested in this.

The next Sunday I arrived at their house at 7:00PM. Pam let me into a nice home furnished in Scandinavian modern. She showed me into what must have been a family room with couches and a large television. I asked her to arrange five straight chairs in a circle, bring five towels, and then bring in the family. She paused and said, "Rod isn't here yet. Can we get started without him?"

"No, as I explained in our first meeting, everyone in the family must be here. Should we wait or should we reschedule?"

She asked me to wait while she made a call. After about ten minutes she returned and said Rod will be here in a few minutes. It was probably fifteen minutes later when Rod came bursting in, asking why we could not start without him. I patiently explained that our purpose tonight is to bring his family together and if that is not as important as whatever else he was doing then we are wasting our time. He looked at me as though no one had ever spoken to him like that, paused and admitted, "I guess you are right."

Pam went and got Mike and Sandy. My first problem was getting everyone to turn their cell phones off. They seemed to feel that experiencing life without constant cell phone interaction was way out of their comfort zones.

We sat in our circle while I explained that the purpose of our meeting was to explore ways we could bring their family together so that they could trust the other with their problems. Mike and Sandy were obviously not buying that. Mike said, "I can deal with any problems I have and you don't know anything about them or me!"

Pam started to admonish him but I interrupted her with, "Good! We all need to say what we are thinking here tonight. And, you are right, I don't know your problems or you yet, but every one can use some help from time to time and I want to make sure that you can get it here with people who love you when you do need it."

That seemed to ease the tension in the room so I moved on, "Trust and openness is what we need here tonight. That is easy to say but not easy to accomplish. Therefore to help us along, I want everyone to take off all your clothes and sit on your towel." Pam looked shocked and exclaimed, "We can't do that! We don't go around naked! Why do we have to do that?"

I calmly explained that this Is the best way to establish trust and openness. If we can trust each other enough to take our clothes off, other trusts can follow. While I was saying this I removed my shoes and then stood and took off my shirt, undershirt, trousers, and boxers. I spread my towel on the chair and sat down. With that I looked at Pam and said, "Your turn."

Pam looked like a deer caught in headlights. Finally she looked at her husband and stammered, "Why don't we do this together?"

Both Pam and Rod slowly took off their shoes and stood. Rod was about 6 feet and I guess around 210 pounds. While he does not look like a workout fanatic, he has not gone to pot either. His dark hair has just a few beginning gray hairs. He looked determined as he pulled his sweatshirt over his head.

Pam is about 5 feet 5 inches and I estimate 130 pounds. She has a pleasant face, shoulder length brown hair and a very nice figure. Her delicate shoulders and trim waist which emphasizes her C cup breasts. She looked at Rod to be sure he was stripping and then started unbuttoning her shirt.

They stopped when they got to their underwear so I said, "Keep going. This is a total commitment. Also, to avoid embarrassment, it is normal for a male in this type of situation to get an erection. This is nothing to worry about, it is natural and even a complement to the ladies."

Once they were nude, I noted that Rod was flaccid and Pam had shaved pubes with a small landing strip. I asked them to sit on their towels and turned to Mike and Sandy who were sitting there in open mouth astonishment. I said, "Now Mike and Sandy, please join your parents by taking your clothes off."

Sandy seemed to have no hesitation. She started pulling off clothes right away. Mike was not so eager, but he seemed to realize it was going to happen so he worked on his clothes more slowly.

Sandy had a beautiful woman's figure with a narrow waist, wider hips, and breasts that defied gravity by the way they jutted out from her chest. She had shaved her pussy but left a little fur above her slit.

Mike was about 5 feet 9 inches and maybe 170 pounds. He appeared to be in good physical condition and was trying to cover a partial erection with his hands.

I asked them to sit and then explained that this is the first step in working toward a family where everyone can discuss anything honestly. I went on to say that one of the hardest subjects to discuss is sex but it is also one of the most mysterious and pervading subjects while we are growing up. "Therefore " I said, "we need to do some exercises to understand the body of the opposite sex."

I asked Rod to go over and stand in front of Sandy. When I asked Sandy if she had seen a penis before, she said no. I told Sandy to reach out and take Rod's circumcised penis in her hand. She smiled as she grasped him and examined him. I asked Pam to join them and explain the parts and functions of his penis and testes. As they handled him, Rod was getting an erection. Pam explained that this is natural and that it is necessary for the man to be able to insert his penis into a woman. They made a close examination of his penis and then lifted it to see his scrotum. Sandy giggled as she felt Rod's testicles.

When they were finished, I asked Rod to sit and Mike to take his place. Mike was surprised by this, but he got up and stood in front of his sister with a full erection. Pam noted the similarities and differences from his father. Mike was getting quite excited as they handled his penis. I asked Pam to show Sandy how to pleasure a man so that she could see him ejaculate. Pam soon had Sandy stroking and licking Mike's penis. It didn't take long before Mike gasped, his hips bucked, and large gobs of cum spurted out on Sandy. Mike was embarrassed but I assured him that there is no need to be embarrassed.  "It would be embarrassing if you could not cum." I said, "We needed to show Sandy how a man ejaculates."

"Well Sandy," I asked, "Do you know more about men?" She smiled and nodded her head. Pam got a damp washcloth and wiped the cum off Sandy. Then I asked Pam to go over and stand in front of Mike. Mike's eyes got bigger and his penis got hard again. "That's right Mike," I said, "it is your turn to look and learn. With women you start with the breasts." I asked Rod to give the guided tour of his wife.

Rod had Mike feel Pam's breasts with his hands. When Mike explored her nipples with his fingers, Pam started breathing hard and leaning in to him. She was obviously enjoying this.

After awhile I said, "A woman's sex is harder to see than a man's because it is hidden. Pam, we need to show him everything so please lie on your back with your knees bent and your legs apart."

Pam hesitated a moment while she processed this request. Then she said, "This is much more intimate than I expected but I see why it is necessary." She lay down on the floor and exposed her shaved slit with just a hint of minor lips poking through.

I asked Rod to continue the guided tour and asked Sandy to pay attention also because many women have not seen themselves "down there". Both Mike and Sandy got on the floor between their mother's legs.

Rod pointed out Pam's outer lips and then opened them with his fingers. I commented that Pam was very wet which is a normal female response to sexual stimulation. Rod spread her inner lips and pointed out her clitoris which was peeking out of it's hood. I asked Mike to gently touch her clitoris. When he did, Pam gasped and let out a moan. Rod continued by pointing out her pee opening and then down to her vagina. Pam's vagina was open and wanting attention so I told Mike to insert two fingers. Pam moaned again and pushed her hips up against his hand. I then had Mike reach out with his thumb and stroke her clitoris while moving his fingers in and out of her vagina. It was not long before Pam spasm-ed and shouted "AAHHH" in her orgasm.

Mike jerked his hand back looking alarmed and exclaimed, "I'm sorry mom, I didn't mean to hurt you." Pam smiled at him and explained that he had not hurt her but instead had made her feel great. She explained that this is the way a woman cums.

Now I asked Sandy to take Pam's place. Pam was not sure this was a good idea, but I convinced her that they will both enjoy the experience and that there would be no sibling intercourse.

Sandy lay where her mother had bin and I told Mike to start with her breasts. Sandy's breasts were well formed with small areolae and already hard nipples. She arched her back and moaned as Mike stroked them. I told him to lick them with his tongue. This really drove Sandy wild.

"Now go down and identify the parts of her sex," I told him.

Mike sat on his knees between her legs. He started by gently stroking her outer lips before opening them with his fingers. Sandy was very wet and breathing hard. When he touched her clitoris she gasped, "Wow, that's much better than when I do it to myself."

I looked and saw that Sandy did not have a hymen so I instructed Mike to insert two fingers into her vagina. He moved them in and out a few times and then added his thumb to her clitoris as he had done with his mother. Again it only took a few strokes before Sandy was bucking her hips against him as she had her orgasm. Mike removed his hand and as she calmed down she said, "Thanks big brother, that was great!"

We all returned to our seats where I told them, "Now that you have experienced an intimate family time you can share anything with each other. I want you all to set aside this time each week for a naked family meeting. Not necessarily sex play but certainly discussing what is going on in your lives. How to handle a boyfriend who wants to go too far. What to do to make a girl interested in you. Stories from your teenage experience that may help Mike and Sandy. Talk about everything."

I started putting my clothes on when Sandy asked, "Do we have to get dressed now?"

I answered, "No, you can do as you wish. Just be sure you are naked for the family meeting next week."

In a chorus they all said, "We can't wait!"