All Comments on 'Family BBQ'

Can't wait for the next part, but you definitely need to edit it before submitting it.

You need help with spelling and grammar. Some of your sentences are very awkward.

You don't get family BBQ's that good very often😋

Oh yeah, keep going...

It needs a little tweaking. Nothing is really flowing together. Here's an example on how it reads..... I got a cold beer. Mom is sitting by the pool. My dog is peeing.

Yes, some grammar issues but a very good idea and theme for your story. Descriptions were good and the initial trying on swimsuits is a great idea and how they talked, tried a few things, started playing with each other and then started stimulating to screwing each other kinda by accidently at first. Now they enjoyed their play and now will be more serious in their sex play. So build on that in the next chapter, where they make plans to start hanging around and experimenting more. A whole range of fun can be had. Thanks.

Don't listen to Grammer police. Most people don't care about that stuff.

When I was about 16 I met a cousin I'd never met before, she was 15, and was blown away by how attractive she was. We really hit it off right away. At that age it's hard enough, pun intended, to keep erections under control but with her looks, I ended up with very sticky underwear from the constantly leaking precum. Nothing ever happened between us but this story could have been us, had there not been so many adults around.

Keep it going

Great story. Keep it going, please.

Vut.. when will they fuck?

You really need to work on your spelling and grammar. Maybe you don't know proper grammar so I would suggest finding an editor before you submit your stories so they can fix it for you.

This story was so good I didn't even notice most misspellings or sentence structure issues. Of course fixing those would improve things, but... you go... I need to see what happens between the cousins. Whoooeee!

simple, but nice. i like. please continue

these two are just beginning a journey of wonderful loving. who knows where it will end up.

Please continue this i really enjoyed it, good job

Forget your spelling and grammar, this is a great story. The important thing is that it's told well and makes sense and is something a reader can follow along with and imagine. No one wants some ridiculous story where stuff just happens suddenly; your narrative was plausible, built upon itself realistically and rationally, and makes the reader believe that this could actually have happened. You're not writing novels here, it's online porn stories for god's sake. Keep up the great work!

Well this seemed to paint a story in my head and I can't wait for the second part!!!

Let's see how you follow this up with the second chapter.

I absolutely loved this. It's only just the beginning to What will be a fabulous relationship. Please make part two

Keep it going!

A lovely story, felt so natural about the way it developed, and got across that amazing feeling of the first time with someone and it feels so awesome.

Part 2? Inquiring minds want to know!