Family Tradition Ch. 02

I began pacing back and forth.

"Over the holidays, your parents let me sleep in your bed with you; the excuse was there were not enough beds for other members of your family. My friends were so jealous after I told them and wanted to know if you had a sister."

"Do you remember doing that, letting me stay in your bed over the Christmas holidays, even though I left early? Agnes almost screwed everything up that day, telling everyone to ignore me, didn't she?"

I felt a few tears running down my cheek.

"A year goes by, and the hints start raining down."

"Isn't she the prettiest girl you have ever seen?"

"Look at her run that sewing machine. She's so talented."

"That was a delicious dinner, dear. You'd better get a ring on her finger before someone steals your cook from you."

"Look at that garden, Henry. Can Mary grow flowers or what?"

"Don't you wish that was your baby she's rocking?"

"Soon, the whole family ganged up against me, and I didn't even know it. At last, I proposed, and when my part in the glorious 'Tradition' is revealed to me by you, I'm supposed to be so pussy-whipped that I give up and agree, just like all the men in the family I've met did."

"And then, the witches in the family household add one more notch on the mantle to whisper about around the oven in the kitchen."

She was sobbing with her face in her hands.

"Would you like to know what the worst part of this farce is, the most heinous part of the conspiracy?"

She was crushed and didn't respond at all.

"Not going to ask? I'll tell you anyway. If I agreed and fucked your Mother like the whore she is, I would be committing a daughter not yet born to make the same weak arguments to her fiancé that you are making to me. Well, Mary, I'm not like your grandfather, father, or uncle, and I say the hell with the 'Tradition.'"

I stopped, short of the doorway, "I have one last question. Why does every couple in the family I've met have only daughters except for your parents? Do you women add something to the water?" Her hand flew up to cover her mouth.

"Anyway, I've changed my mind about the wedding."

"No, Henry. Don't say that." And the tears were rolling down her cheeks.

"You have until Friday to elope with me now; I won't set foot in a church with that group of devil worshippers you call family. After Friday, noon, I want my ring back, and we are finished as a couple forever."

As I carried my bags through the front doorway, I heard Mary throwing up again. I hope she made it to the bathroom. Pulling away from the curb in my car, I felt a hole where my heart used to be.

*****

I slept Friday night on the couch in my office at work. I woke up at 6:00 AM with a throbbing headache, and the thought of eating breakfast triggered the dry heaves, so I went for a walk. The fresh air seemed to help.

I was so angry, and I could find no way to justify fucking Millie. My very conservative parents would flip out if they knew what was going on in this town, and they most certainly would demand that I break off all contact with Mary and her family and come home.

I needed a place to stay, so I checked into a Holiday Inn off the Interstate ramp downtown. I paid for a week. I was staring at the TV in my room, and it wasn't even turned on. I forced myself to eat something and tossed and turned all night trying to sleep.

*****

It was Sunday morning, and I woke up early and went to the first service at church. I wanted to clear my mind and get my thoughts together. While singing a hymn, I saw Janet Farmer sitting on the other side of the sanctuary. I recalled someone telling me that she knew 50 years of town history and 25 years of county gossip.

After the service, I followed Janet to her office.

"Hi, Janet. How are you?"

"I'm fine, Henry. Getting excited for the big day?"

"I was. Can I talk to you about something? I'll buy you lunch."

"How about you come to my house at noon. I'll make salads."

"Okay, thanks."

She took a piece of paper and wrote three lines on it, and handed it to me. "Directions to my home."

"Thanks. I'll be there." After pulling my car into traffic from the church parking lot, I parked behind a gas station down the road. At 11:20, Millie's van went by on her way home. I waited until 11:50 before following Janet's directions and driving to her house.

"Come on in, Henry. We can eat and talk on the patio since it's so warm today." I carried out my salad and iced tea. We ate in silence for five minutes.

"What's on your mind?"

First, I asked her if she knew of the family 'Tradition'?

"I do. I guess you just found out. What did you decide to do?"

"I moved out and gave her until Friday to elope or give my ring back."

"Good for you. Do you know one of Millie's sisters eloped and moved away?"

"Yes, but I don't know her name. I'd like to talk to her and find out some things.

"Her name is Josephine, and she married Thomas Farmer. They moved to Houston and have three sons and a daughter."

"Houston might as well be the moon. I don't have any way to contact her."

"I can help you. I married Jason Farmer, Tom's older brother. Jason died in a car accident ten years ago, but I keep in touch with Jo by phone and Christmas cards."

"Oh, I didn't know. Please accept my condolences for your loss."

"Thank you, Henry. We had thirty happy years together."

Janet wrote down an address and phone number for Josephine and her husband. We made small talk and finished eating before I excused myself. "I have to go, but I'll stay in touch. Thank you for speaking with me."

Back in my room, I checked my phone, and I had fifteen missed calls, eleven missed texts, and eight voicemails. I had switched the volume to vibrate, which is why I didn't hear it ring. I deleted them all then called Mary.

She picked up on the second ring, whining, "Henry! Please don't leave me. I'll die. I can't lose you."

"Did you decide yet?"

"Well, no I...."

I hung up and turned the sound off on my phone. I watched TV until 10:00 and fell into a restless sleep.

*****

The sun, peeking through the openings in the hotel drapes, woke me up at 7:00 AM, so I dressed and had breakfast at I-Hop. I walked into my office at 8:30 and listened to my messages on my cellphone voicemail as I turned my volume back up. There were two new messages.

"Henry, you have to talk to us. Please call me first." That was Millie.

"Henry, my granddaughter has been whimpering all night because of a simple misunderstanding. Call her, please." That was Agnes.

I called Millie.

"Yes, Millie."

"Henry. Please come over. We can work this out."

"Answer a few questions. Were you engaged before Joe?"

"Well, yes. I'm sure Mary mentioned that to you."

"Next question. What was his name?"

"Bert, Bertram Longley."

"And did Bert turn your 'Tradition' down?"

"Well, yes. Yes, he did, and I broke off our engagement."

"Well, so am I, turning the 'Tradition' and your perverted family down. So what's the problem?" Click. I hung up the phone and turned it off.

It was almost nine, and I switched the office phone from Night Service to live.

At 9:30, after I handled three insurance sales calls, Joe got through. "Henry, we need to talk."

"No, we don't, bye." Click.

At 11:05, I heard a loud knocking on the front door. I kept the doors locked because I didn't handle walk-in traffic. I walked over and saw it was the town Sheriff, Lois's husband, Jeff.

"Henry, open up."

"Sorry, Sheriff, but I am not allowed walk-ins. If you need insurance claims or sales, call the number on the door."

"If you don't open this door now, I'm going to break this glass and arrest you."

"Fine, only don't break the glass. I'll unlock the door, and then you can arrest me. As soon as I make bail, I'm going to get the nastiest lawyer I can find and sue you, the Sheriff's Office, the town, and the State since they make up part of your budget. I'm going to contact the newspaper and give them the story of the year. Close your eyes and imagine these words on the front page."

"SHERIFF ARRESTS MAN FOR REFUSING TO HAVE SEX WITH FIANCEE'S MOTHER"

He turned white and didn't speak anymore.

"Bye, Sheriff. Give my worst to your sister-in-law."

I work 9-5 and am paid a flat salary with no overtime. So at 5:01, I'm out the door. Jeff was leaning against my car.

"Henry, will you please talk to Millie? Mary is a basket case."

"Why should I? Let me ask you, were you married to Lois when Millie broke up with Bert?"

"Yes."

"And he left because he wouldn't screw Agnes. How long did it take you to decide you'd do it with Agnes?"

"A couple of hours. It wasn't that big a deal."

"It is for me." I got behind the wheel in my car and started the engine, listening to the hum of the engine idling. Jeff straightened up and walked back to his car.

After I ate dinner, I went back to my room. I called the phone number Janet gave me.

"Hello."

"Is this Josephine Farmer? Janet Farmer gave me your phone number."

"Yes, it is."

"My name is Henry, and I'm supposed to get married to your niece, Mary, on Saturday. Can I ask a couple of questions?"

After talking to Josephine for forty-five minutes, I realized that I needed Agnes and Millie to fill in a few gaps. Well, now I knew why girls were born, not sons. How did Joe get around being drugged into having only girls? And when did fucking the mother-in-law start?

"Damn, what have I got myself into?"

Logically, there must be some reason for having this 'Tradition' hovering over the family. Millie had to know the true story, which would be an awkward conversation for me to start. We're talking about infidelity before marriage. But I saw no other choice. If I couldn't somehow rationalize this, then I'd be calling for my ring back, and I wasn't sure that was the worst outcome.

*****

Tuesday and Wednesday were hectic days at work, but the family left me alone. That was okay with me; I needed time to make plans and think of questions to ask. I was on unpaid vacation Thursday and Friday. The wedding Saturday was going to be small; just the bride, groom, best man, maid of honor, and a few family guests, so no rehearsal or dinner. That wasn't going to happen now.

*****

Thursday morning, I dressed and walked to the Hill Valley Courthouse. I sat on the 'Justice William Hubbs Rehnquist' memorial bench, situated in the courthouse garden. Dialing Millie's number on my cellphone, I waited for an answer. After one ring, it went straight to voice mail. She was playing chicken with me. So I left a message.

"Millie, why are you playing around? You know you wanted to talk to me. Oh, well. See yah." I hung up and counted on my fingers; at the count of six, my phone rang.

"Millie," I said when I answered. "Just listen. I need you to get the family together at your house. Call me back when they're on the way."

"Yes, but I...."

I hung up and leaned back and admired the garden; it was very relaxing. I called my mom and told her the wedding was off, and I couldn't tell her anything else until I had words with Mary's family. She pressured me for more info, so I begged her to be patient and to trust me.

"Henry, are you sure you can't talk now?"

"Mom, all I will say is if Mary agrees with me, we will elope." I hung up and relaxed.

Time moved very slowly for me, but thirty minutes later, Millie called me back. "They're coming over." So I stood up and took my time walking to my car, then drove slowly over to Millie's house before going in.

Mary ran up, weeping, and wrapped her arms around me. "I'm sorry, Henry." she cried.

Agnes and Frank, Lois and Jeff, Millie and Joe, Tom, and John were sitting in the living room, waiting for me. Mary was attached to my hip, with a death grip on me. Millie looked at me, and I stared back at her.

"How about I ask the questions, and you answer? Sound good, Mom?" With a sarcastic emphasis on Mom.

She looked around the room slowly and spoke softly, looking very confused. "That's fine. What do you want to know?"

"Why am I here?"

"What? What do you mean?"

"What happened to 'I have a choice to make? You can say no if you want, but that means we can't get married, and we'd have to break up?' Millie, wasn't that one of my choices? Didn't you do this to Bert, and he said no and walked away?"

"Yes, but..."

"Mary, I said no, didn't I?"

"Yes, but..."

"This line of questioning is too complicated for this family. One more time, Bert said no and walked. Why can't I walk?"

"No," Mary screamed. "I won't let you go."

"Then you'll let the 'Tradition' go, Mary?"

"Well, I, um, I can't think."

Agnes yelled at me, "Leave her alone, you, you, man!"

Why are grown-ups so stupid? They sat staring at me like green alien heads were coming out of my neck. So began a back and forth joust with Millie.

"So I guess I'm a slave with no free will. If I can't leave according to Mary, then I should know why this 'Tradition' is a condition of marriage in your family?"

"I can't tell you. Why can't you believe that this is for the good of your marriage?"

"Horseshit! Why are you the only daughter of Agnes that I've met who had sons?"

"It's complicated. Why don't you have faith that Mary will never harm you?"

"My faith is with God, and I believe he is greater than this bullshit 'Tradition' no one will explain."

"Take that back, Henry. The family 'Tradition' is the cornerstone of our happy family."

"This is happy? Are you happy, Frank?" No answer, just a frown.

"John, in your room on Christmas Day, I asked if I had done something to offend you. What did you tell me?"

John showed surprise that I had called on him, but he recovered, "I believe I said, 'This family is offensive. If you're smart, you'll dump Mary and run.'"

"That is not the definition of happy, is it?" I heard a few softly spoken words, curse words, said by Tom and Jeff.

"Let's move on. Next question Millie, how did this 'Tradition' start?"

A puzzled look came over her face as her mouth was moving, but no sound came out. Finally, she whispered, "I don't know. Mother, you were supposed to tell me when you stepped down, but you didn't. Why?"

"It started for family unity; you twit." Now Millie looked a tad confused.

"That unity crap again. If your daughter refuses to follow the 'Tradition' when she marries, she gets kicked out of the family, like Josephine. But at least she can have sons. Right, Agnes?"

"You're confused, Henry. Let me make you some tea."

"Agnes, right now, I wouldn't eat or drink anything this family gave me. You're on that list, Mary."

"Let's continue the inquisition. Correct me if I'm wrong, Agnes; Josephine, your 4th daughter, eloped with Tom Farmer. They moved to Houston and have three boys and one girl. I guess they passed on you fucking her husband before they wed."

Agnes's cheeks were getting red.

"A relative of hers gave me her phone number, and I called her. We talked awhile, and she told me about the 'Tradition,' at least everything she knew, so don't lie to me."

I looked at Agnes and gave her my 'fuck you and your horse look.'

"So Jo and I talked, and she seemed pretty happy with her life. We had a very nice conversation that included talking about you, Millie."

"Frank, as I said, you have four more grandchildren, and three are boys."

He took his snot rag out of his pocket and blew his nose to hide a few tears sliding down his cheeks.

"Silence, we don't talk of these things or those who have abandoned the 'Tradition.'" Grandmother Agnes was trying to take control.

"You mean you don't talk of these things in the company of men. You gather in the kitchen and speak in whispers and laugh loudly, right Aggie baby?" She scowled at me. I stuck my tongue out at her.

Time to turn up the heat, well, figuratively. With Mary wrapped tightly around me, I really was sweating.

"Mary, we are getting close to decision time, so pay attention."

Lois had a smirk on her face, so I started with her, "Lois, you have two daughters and five granddaughters. I guess you married in the 'Tradition'; as did your daughters. No boys! Jeff, how was Agnes in bed?"

Lois looked very smug sitting on the sofa's arm; Jeff glared back at her and seemed very sad but didn't answer my question.

"We know about Joe and Millie, and Joe wasn't her first choice; that was Bert." Silence can be very noisy. Joe looked like he knew where I was heading.

"Mona is the third daughter, and she lives with her partner Rachel in Miami. They have adopted one child, a girl. I guess you're not into sleeping with women, are you, Agnes."

Frank looked down at the floor and seemed sad.

"And the youngest daughter is Susan, and she has four daughters, and the oldest is in high school. I met them briefly at the first Christmas and Easter I spent with the family. Has she cut you out of their life yet, Agnes?" No answer.

I hesitated; I was not getting through to them.

"The 'Tradition,' why was it started? What does it add to a marriage? Why are all children girls, except for Joes two boys? And when Josephine married outside the 'Tradition,' why did she have boys?"

They just stared at me.

"Agnes, since I like you the least of all the women in the room, you get to sound stupid in front of the men. Either tell me the what the 'Tradition' is, or I'm gone, with or without Mary."

So Agnes asked, "Can Joe, Frank, Tom, John, and Jeff leave the room? No man should hear the story of the 'Tradition?'"

"Aggie Baby, are you saying I'm not a man."

She was going to have a stroke, "All right, I'll tell."

She regained control and began telling a wordy story of her great-great- a whole lot of great-grandmothers having stillborn sons, and after visiting, a witch, she was given a potion to put in her vagina. Her next birth was a healthy girl, and she had two more daughters after that. She raised her girls to fear having sons, and this fear was handed down from mother to daughter.

"So, you're telling me the witch lived forever giving them this potion, and this family forever had girl babies. But, Millie, you had two sons, and Josephine has three. No stillborn babies, live, healthy sons."

Frank was very pale and looked like he was going to pass out. Maybe Agnes lied to him?

"Hmmm. Okay! Let me dummy this discussion way down, college level. Joe, you graduated from Virginia Tech and got your masters at NC State, right?"

He swallowed and said, "Yes."

"Jeff, you graduated from the Naval Academy, and you were a Naval Aviator. I believe you flew F-18 Super Hornets, correct?"

He nodded.

"And after you retired, you ran for sheriff?"

"Henry, you know I did. We talked last summer about it."

"Frank. You look a little pale. Are you all right?"

"I'm fine now, and my foggy vision has cleared."

"Okay, you went to MIT, got your Bachelor's degree, two Master's and a Ph.D., and then opened your own manufacturing company. You owned 38 patents before you sold them all, including your company. You retired filthy rich, correct?"

Everyone looked surprised at the knowledge I had about Frank.

"I went to the library and looked him up. So, what do you have to say, Frank?"

"Yes, well, I wouldn't say filthy rich, just very well off."

"You enjoyed working, at least that's what Mary told me. Why sell?"

"No sons to teach the business to, so I could leave the company to them."

"No sons. Too bad Joe wasn't around then to tell you his secret." Agnes was sobbing quietly and blowing her nose into a handkerchief.

"Why couldn't you leave it to a daughter? You have five; surely one of them could do it?"

"The first two born, Lois and Millie, well I didn't and still don't like either of them that much." Gasps of surprise came from Agnes, Lois, and Millie.