All Comments on 'Fate, An Unexpected Ally Ch. 02'

way to many big words at the beginning they don't make the story any better just make you sound like a college educated idiot trying to impress us it didn't work also the end was rushed and there was no way of telling who was saying what it was just jumbled together get a good editor and do a rewrite

Where's the erotica in this story. I must concur with the other comment; that this story sounds like a bad college paper on sex.

Where'd you ever learn to write paragraphs so long! Wrong! Unreadable! A "1" at this stage. Doesn't fit on the site either.

Ignore the scoffers. Most of the stories on this site are too blunt and rushed. I like the pace of your story. It's a welcome change. The first paragraph was a little tedious, but it somehow suited the story at that point - it was almost like stream of conciousness writing.

I also enjoyed the plausible dialogue in this story. Good work. Don't give up. Write more.

- satisfied customer