Fate of the Fishbowl

"Speaking clinically, what you're experiencing is either infatuation or lust," she said. "Although categorizing things that neatly probably doesn't help you one whit."

"Maybe," I said. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that twenty hours or so ago I was straight, and now I'm not, and that's more than a little confusing."

"Were you straight, or were you nonsexual?" Beth asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, straight means you like or liked boys. Some boys or men would make you feel the way I made you feel yesterday," she explained. "Has a boy ever gotten butterflies fluttering in your stomach?"

"No, never," I admitted.

"Has a boy ever made you melt?" she asked, her foot suddenly rubbing my leg under the table.

"No," I trembled, just her touch making me flush.

"Has a boy ever gotten you all flustered like you are right now?" she asked, her foot moving up my calf ever so slowly.

"No," I admitted again.

"So maybe you were never straight at all," she concluded.

Maybe that's true," I said, her logic actually making lots of sense. I had concluded the reason I didn't like any boys around here was because they were all insipid fools... but I never got excited by male celebrities either, and all my favourite actors were actresses. Only now were the puzzle pieces all coming together... maybe I'd never been straight!

"How's it going?" Mr. Parker asked out of nowhere, startling both of us.

Beth's foot moved away from me, although it was unlikely he could have seen it from the direction he was approaching us.

"Good," Beth answered for us.

"What work have you chosen?"

"Hamlet," Beth answered.

"Good choice," he said. "Any idea of a plot?"

"Oh, we don't have any dialogue on paper yet, but we have something delicious planned," Beth said, her foot brazenly returning to my leg.

"I can't wait," he said.

"It will be epic," Beth promised, and I assumed she'd decided we were going forward with the lesbian idea she'd described yesterday, even though I'd expressed some reservations about the idea, which by now had grown some.

"Cool," he said, like only a young teacher could get away with.

He left, and I asked, "Are we really going to do what we talked about?"

"Why not?" she shrugged.

"Oh, I don't know; how about complete humiliation?" I said.

"I don't think it will be like that at all," she said. "I think it will be the two of us triumphantly claiming our sexuality."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if you still feel about me the way I feel about you," she said, her foot now resting on mine...once again that vulnerability showing up in her tone... "Let's come out as a couple during the performance."

"Really?" I asked, two polar opposite emotions instantly going to battle in my head. On the one hand, she was willing to out herself as a lesbian and as my girlfriend in front of the class, and thereafter be my girlfriend in public. Which could indeed be triumphant. But on the other hand, although I'd always told myself I didn't care about what other people thought about me, and especially my peers, coming out as a lesbian in this small and judgemental community was fraught with risk.

"If you're uncomfortable, we won't do it," she said, sensing my apprehension.

"Well maybe I am too uncomfortable, but maybe I can get past it; so let's not rush into this decision. But to be clear: you're saying you'd be happy to reveal to the entire school that we're a couple?" I asked, the idea that I could hold her hand in public, that I wouldn't have to hide my feelings anymore (since today had been exhausting), was very appealing, and I could quite possibly override my fear of being judged for it, which after only a few seconds was already fading... since I couldn't afford to bow to what other people thought, if I wanted to be me.

"Yes, I'd be very happy to do that; it would be scary, but worth it," she nodded, her eyes shiny with just the hint of welling tears.

"So I'm not the only one who'd find it challenging. That's reassuring, actually. But what about your boyfriend?" I asked.

"Frank will understand," she said. "Neither one of us is emotionally invested in the other, we're just long time friends, like I said. And I can't pretend to be someone I'm not any longer. I won't."

The bell rang.

"Well, think about it," she said, as her foot moved away and she stood up.

"I will," I nodded. "And very seriously, too. I'm not taking this at all lightly."

"I'll text you tonight after practice," she said, since she had cheerleading practice after school.

"Okay," I said, as she headed out, leaving me once again with my head spinning in confusion. One day with Beth, and everything was different.

A single kiss yesterday had been all it took to put the ball in motion, and my heart spinning.

A single touch had confirmed my feelings, and sent my emotions into turmoil.

And a single day later, I understood how my life until yesterday had been one of living in the shadows, focusing only on my academics, and dying just to get out of here... but now my black and white world had turned into a swirling rainbow of bright colours. It was just as scary as it was exciting.

A day ago my life was simple, and now it was complex.

A day ago my life was boring, and now it was exciting.

A day ago I was straight, or at least I'd thought I was, and now I was a lesbian, or at least I thought I was.

Living in chaos wasn't an idea I'd ever been comfortable with... it was way too... complex, exciting and... unpredictable.

.....

That night after supper, just as I was finishing my homework... I received a text from Beth. And for the next hour we texted back and forth, continuing getting to know each other. Not playfully like the previous night, although there were some really cute moments, but somewhat delving into both of our deeper feelings, or at least to the extent we were each able to face up to our own demons and type them into a keyboard. Everyone has major blind spots about themselves, and we both realized we were no exceptions to that, so it would take us some time and some mental effort for us to arrive at where we wanted to go.

She also repeated that if I wasn't comfortable, we wouldn't out each other in class or anywhere else, and she was fine with our taking it slow if that was what I needed. She also admitted once again how she too was looking at our coming out as a challenge, so her offer might not be 100% selfless if she was being honest with herself, which she was trying to be.

I told her I appreciated all of that, and that I thought I just needed some time to process everything, and then I could see where I ended up. We both agreed, somewhat tearfully on both of our parts I believe, that ending our burgeoning relationship wasn't an option.

She eventually wished me a good night, which made me feel warm all over, and once I was done texting her... as well as putting the finishing touches on my homework... I resumed my research on being a lesbian.

I first took a quick-ten quiz called 'Am I Lesbian, Bi or Straight', where to my surprise, I scored as bisexual.

The next test said I was a lesbian, and that I 'prefer to be in the company of people of the same sex'.

In another quiz I scored 83% homosexual.

I was also labeled a 'coffee shop lesbian', whatever that means.

The second test said I was 'Definitely a Lesbian' with the two words capitalized. It then added: 'And it's probably not a phase. You're clearly not attracted to men, and it's almost certain you never will be, if you're not by now.'

A couple other quizzes also confirmed I was a lesbian, or maybe just lesbian-curious... which since I was researching about whether I was a lesbian or not, made sense.

I returned to the website I'd looked at briefly at school, doing what I always did when I didn't know enough about something... I researched it.

This time I was researching how to eat a pussy.

First step it said, was to understand the anatomy... which, oddly considering I was female, I didn't know as much about as I'd thought.

For example, I had no idea the clitoris was the most important location when going down on a woman, since it's very sensitive, and it transmits pleasure to the entire body.

The labia are hit and miss aspects of the vulva. The sensitivity of the labia varies from woman to woman. For some women their stimulation can drive them wild, and for other women it has little or no impact on their pleasure.

I was a little overwhelmed when I discovered the anus has an enormous amount of nerve endings that can be quite pleasurable for a woman (or a man). This shocked me to the core. Anal sex could be pleasurable? Really?

I was learning a lot, and unlike many learning curves, many of the facts I was uncovering made instant sense. As I read about the g-spot, I became even more fascinated. It's a complete enigma. For starters, it's inside the vagina. Plus, if one touches it properly, it accesses the clitoris internally. How is that even possible? To make things more complex, it isn't easy to find, and similar to the clitoris itself, it only feels pleasurable if the woman is already aroused.

The overwhelming complexity of the inside of a vagina continued when I read about the cervix. The cervix is also very sensitive, but it can have very different reactions in different women. Some women love having their cervix stimulated, while others actually find it painful.

As I continued learning (and thus generating more and more insecurity about whether actually pleasuring a woman was too complicated for me to ever succeed at)... I learned something else new: there was something called an A-spot. (I wondered if there were B C and D spots too.) The A-spot was deep inside the vagina and would likely need a dildo to reach (or one of those freakishly endowed porn stars), since it was so deep inside.

As I continued reading, the next part made much more sense to me. To please a woman fully, you needed to build her up. Start slowly... with kisses... soft touches... kiss her breasts... slowly explore your way down her body... trying to visit as many of the woman's many erogenous zones as possible.

When you arrive at the woman's pussy... continue taking your time. Kiss her thighs. Tease her. Make her want it. Make her beg.

Tease her some more by teasing the clit over the panties... use both your tongue and your fingers.

Okay, this section was far more encouraging: I wouldn't need to do this perfectly while remembering all those anatomical elements, I'd only need to do it well. It wasn't rocket science, just a highly nuanced playground. Not intellect so much as following my instincts, and being sensitive to the woman's (hopefully Beth's) tells.

As I continued reading, I focused on the two principal versions of oral stimulation. I felt I was being rather presumptuous to assume I would one day be performing oral sex on Beth, yet if and when the time came, I wanted to be prepared.

The two versions were called The Pancake and The Vortex. The geek in me enjoyed these choices, since pancakes were my favorite breakfast, and vortex was, of course, a scientific term.

I studied The Pancake first.

It was quite simple. Stick out your tongue, allow it to drape over your chin, and relax. Then simply make it wide and flat, just like a pancake, LOL.

I kept reading. Start at the bottom of the vulva, making sure your tongue is covered with saliva, then slowly move your head upwards until the tip of your tongue passes gently over the clit.

That seemed eminently doable. Focus on using your head instead of your tongue. Repeat over and over.

By keeping the tongue wide, you can cover a wide expanse of the vulva... thus delivering maximum stimulation. You can do this fast or slow, depending upon your inclination at the moment... a long, slow burn, or an aggressive attack leading to a quicker (but possibly less intense) orgasm.

Then I read about The Vortex, which was a completely different strategy. Make an 'O' shape with your lips that's slightly larger than the clit (which is almost always tiny). Be sure your lips are covered in saliva, and place your lips around the clit. Then gently suck on it.

The easiest way to do this is to maintain a constant level of suction. But you may also provide a variety of sucking and releasing.

I figured I could do that... and then I discovered there were dozens of other techniques available. I read through them all.

I was fascinated, but also returned to feeling overwhelmed.

Use a finger.

Find the g-spot.

Tease her anal orifice.

There were so many variations, each of them being particularly favoured depending upon the woman being pleasured.

I then read a few of the many mistakes men make. Such as using some weird alphabet thing (which in an earlier article I'd read had been lauded), not listening to the woman (which was the most important aspect of all: paying close attention to her words, her moans, and how her body was... or wasn't... responding), being too rough (unless the woman wanted that), and hurrying: not taking his time.

After all my reading, I googled lesbian porn, and watched it for over an hour... with headphones on of course, since my parents' bedroom wasn't all that far away from mine. The first one I watched was a crazy one where a girl was blindfolded... apparently it was her birthday... and girl after girl went down on her for a minute or so. It was wickedly hot, and it quickly had my pussy dripping.

After a couple videos that just seemed not authentic at all, I tried watching some amateur ones that I felt were more authentic called 'I just ate in our new apartment', 'Girlfriend eats my pussy until I cum' (the idea of having Beth sitting on my face very intriguing), 'Eating her pussy from the back' (another intriguing position), 'Best friend goes down on me putting her mouth all over my wet pussy', 'eating my best friend while her boyfriend makes a store run' (watching the girl being eaten holding the other girl's head and moving her hips around was very hot, as were her moans).

Then I found some 'best lesbian eating pussy compilations', which I watched for another hour while getting homier and hornier but resisted touching myself while I absorbed tons of mental research. Watching how the women ate the pussies, and also how the various women reacted to being pleasured, I felt more and more confident that I too could do some version of this when the time came.

I orgasmed hard when I finally touched myself, focusing on my clit, and enjoyed an amazing orgasm.

I had no idea when I might have the opportunity to do any of this... but I felt more prepared... and more excited to do it. If and when, of course.

.....

Over the next week, Beth and I discreetly spent some time together every day... after the weekend that is, while she was gone with her Mom on a trip to visit her grandfather. That said, we texted all the time, and she sent me a selfie of herself at a mall wearing a new pair of thigh high stockings.

It made my pussy tingle.

On Monday we made out in the cheerleader's room for over half an hour before school started. Her hand even went under my skirt, but instead of touching my desperately fevered pussy, she just rubbed my nylon-clad legs.

On Tuesday she drove us to her house again, where we wrote the entire script for our scene. It did indeed include a makeout scene (PG-rated), and we practiced it... a lot... and to make it more interesting, I played Ophelia and she played the maid... who was quite dominant in their relationship... just as I imagined ours might be if we ever got to that point.

I'd been watching and reading a lot of lesbian porn and erotica, and while lots of it was a little too intense for me... the idea of Beth taking control, making all the first moves, was definitely how I imagined us proceeding.

On Wednesday I had a doctor's appointment, so I needed to leave school at 10:30. (My Mom was stopping by the school to drive me there.) Beth told me to tell my teacher it was actually 10:00, and we took the opportunity to meet in the cheerleaders dressing room again for a thirty-minute makeout session. Beth even went so far as to open my blouse, unclasp my bra and suck on my nipples... but it only lasted for a few seconds of burning lust, while I discovered my nipples seemed to have a direct connection with my pussy... when suddenly we heard a key opening the door to the hallway.

I frantically did my blouse up, Beth tucking my bra in her handbag, and we were mostly respectable when the cheerleading coach walked in. "Oh my... Beth, Bailey."

"Good morning, Coach Lane," Beth said, while I stood there speechless, with my cheeks as red as the fires of hell, and painfully aware that my hard nipples were poking against my white blouse.

"What are you two doing in here?"

"Practicing our scene for our skit in English class next week," Beth said, which could be true, since there was a makeout scene in it. (Without any nipple sucking.)

"I see," Coach Lane said, studying me with an all-knowing look. "Well, I suggest you two thespians head back to class, and that you give Bailey her bra back."

"Yes, Coach Lane," Beth agreed, and she handed me my bra right in front of the coach.

"Have a good day, ladies," Coach Lane said, and she walked past us and into her office.

"She already knows I'm a lesbian," Beth explained, as I put my bra back on, feeling completely humiliated.

"Then she knows I'm one too," I said.

"She's probably drawn that conclusion, yes," Beth said. "But she won't say anything to anyone. She understands how difficult it is to be gay in this town."

"She does?"

"She's gay too."

"Oh."

"She has a girlfriend who's a lawyer in Toronto," Beth said, and I was now properly dressed.

"Cool," I said, which I meant.

"Yes, and on another note, you're just so fucking hot I can't stop thinking of all the things I want to do to you," Beth said, with a lustful look in her eyes.

Since someone up above must hate me, my phone rang, even though my heart was beating a million beats a second, "It's my Mom. She must be outside, ready to pick me up"

"Tomorrow, then," Beth said, kissing me hard, just once.

"Tomorrow," I agreed.

That night, all I did was watch lesbian porn and read lesbian erotica. I didn't touch my homework. I didn't talk to anyone, although I'd managed to say enough to my parents over supper to be polite. I just focused on learning how to become a better lesbian... since the look in Beth's eyes and the words she'd said had strongly implied we could soon be advancing past first base... or had her sucking my nipples been second base?

This, of course, made me google lesbian bases. According to the Urban Dictionary, we'd reached second base today. First base was, as I expected, kissing; second was at least one of us feeling up the other. Third base was passionate kissing here and there on the body. A home run included various possibilities: using a strap-on, scissoring, fingering or oral. Or, I assumed with an inner giggle, all of the above. I knew what all those terms were except scissoring, so I googled that too. After looking at some images, I realized I'd indeed seen that in a couple of porn videos... although I wondered whether it was an effective way of getting off, or just something that looked good for the camera.

Another orgasm... which I'd managed to delay for three hours... cascaded through me while I lost myself in the selfie Beth sent me on the weekend in a bra, panties and thigh high stockings... with the caption 'thinking of you'... God, she was perfect in every conceivable way!

On Thursday we asked to go to the library again when the class was given more time to work on our scenes, and Beth surprised me after slowly caressing my legs and even wandering higher up my thigh with her nylon-clad foot, before moving her foot directly onto my pussy, making my eyes go wide and an uncontrollable moan to escape me.