All Comments on 'Fates Mate Ch. 02'

okay i liked the first chapter the second one not so much :(, nothing makes sense at all

i think you have a good story line but this chapter was very confusing. maybe try working with an editor?

i loved the first chapter but this one made no sense. you just threw new characters in and then gave a jumbled paragraph to explain their existance. i couldnt even finish it thats how much i disliked it. if i were you i would go back and try again. draw out the story a bit more and dont just throw things together. honestly id rather read a short well written piece than a long jumbled mess. i think you have talent and egarly await a revised version of this.

the hell? This doesn't make any sense at all. What was the point of this chapter if not to serve as a sequel for the first one?

sorry but u need an editor..i stopped reading..couldnt take it...try again.

I agree that you need an editor. There are too many mistakes that should be cleaned up before posting. I also feel like you don't have a clear plan for the plot. I felt like there were too many conflicting details. Small things like the car being a gift from Matt and then later a half payment for her job for him. Bigger details like first she said she was surprised to run into Dean and it caught her off guard so she kissed him. Then she tells Dean that she watched him for a period of time before she decided to marry Logan. I also feel like her emotions and conversations are all over the place. I'm getting whiplash trying to follow what she says. She saw Dean and sounded like she had found her mate then Logan shows up and she pledges herself to Logan and says tells Emmett she'll explain it all to Dean and let him down easy. Then she's pledging her undying love to Dean (though in the paragraph before she said she felt a bond of friendship and not lovers). So it is confusing. I think it would help to write a clear plan out for the plot and follow it...that way you don't need to have her change midstream to get the plot to go where you decide to take it.

I think it can be a great story. You have a great cast of characters. It is certainly interesting with different weres and vamps and time traveling. The story of their past life is really great and the conflicting feelings of someone she decided to marry with that of a love that may be lasting from one lifetime to the next is very interesting. I think if you clean it up it will be an awesome story.

I'm sorry i didn't like this story at all. It jumps around too much and there are too many main characters and you throwing them into the story so fast. Also there is too much going on with her living with a vampire who wants, her married to a white leopard, being a time travelling demon, knowing the future, and on top of all that being mated to a werewolf who she says she loves even though she married someone else. Its all just too much..

I like the story. I want Dean and Lily together. When is the next chapter coming out?

What the F*** man!!!! Why are stories barely ever finished on this site?!!!