February Sucks - All Year Long

So, this 'February sucks' story line is like dangling a mouse in front of a cat, I had to take a swipe at it. If you like it, okay, if you don't, that's okay too. I hope you enjoy the read.

**********

Jim

My stupid wife had done something that confounded any logic that might have previously ruled our marriage. She did something so outrageous to end our marriage that it left me breathless. I was literally unable to draw air into my lungs. I had to sit because I was dizzy. The world suddenly was tilting on a different axis. I must have been having a nightmare, but I was wide awake.

We were at a very expensive restaurant with a group of our friends for a Valentine's Day dinner and dance. It ended in such a way that left no doubt in my mind that my marriage was suddenly ending. Until that night I would never, and I mean never, have thought that my wife would do what she did and in the cold and heartless way that she did it.

Her friend Dee, tried to tell me that it meant nothing to our marriage. She tried to say that Linda loves me a lot and this would only be one night in our entire lives. She wanted me to ignore the fact that my wife had left the restaurant with some asshole football player.

My own wife had never said anything to me before that she wanted to fuck around in our marriage. She had always professed her love for me and been a great mother to our kids. Now, she had just thrown it all away. On the spur of the moment?

This wasn't rational thinking at all. Had she been hit with the Martian Slut Ray when she was in the washroom? Or maybe she was inadvertently hit in the head with the Stupid Rock.

I was fuming mad and the looks that I was getting from my so-called friends, told me that they were not going to be any help. I had to get the fuck out of there. I went up to the hotel room that we had taken for the occasion and collected our things. I was so mad that I put all of Linda's in the garbage. I packed the bag and left the hotel. Dee was waiting in the lobby and told me not to do anything stupid.

"Don't worry Jim, she'll be home in the morning and your life together will go on. Remember that she loves you very much. And she's the mother of your two children. Remember that." The last part of her words was said to my back as I was making tracks out of the hotel.

I went home and pulled out the bottle of bourbon that was in the cupboard over the refrigerator. I poured myself a good amount and sat at the dining room table trying to fathom just what had happened and why. My brain was in overload and I couldn't believe that Linda had done what she did. Why did she do it?

Did she hate me that much? I mean, I didn't have any indication that she was unhappy. I didn't have a clue that she wanted to leave me. And to run off with some other man without so much as saying 'I don't want to be married to you any more,' that was the part that seemed to hurt the most.

Shit! The kids! They were at her parents' house for the night. I'd planned on picking them up about 10 AM, after breakfast. I still had to do that.

I didn't sleep at all. In the morning I went to the shower and stood there letting the hot water try to clear the fog in my head. The image of Linda walking out, behind my back, kept replaying in my brain. Like it was happening all over again. 'FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!' I swore to the shower walls.

I had no clue what to do. Was she actually coming back, like Dee had said? Did she expect me to welcome her with open arms and a kiss and act like nothing had ever happened? My world was spinning on a different axis right then and I felt light headed and had to sit on the floor in the shower with the hot water pelting me.

I made some coffee and sat back at the table trying to think. I'm a pretty smart guy. I can solve some very complex problems in my working life. Up to now, my family life had been pretty straight forward. There were always new situations that would take some discussion between Linda and I, but now this, this was quite different.

My disgust was at the point that I wanted to do something right then and there. But I knew that I had to talk to her before I took action.

I called Linda's mother and father and asked them if they would mind keeping the kids for the day. I told them that Linda and I had a few things to sort out before we picked them up. They were happy to keep the kids. The kids always get spoiled by their grandparents so it wasn't a big ask.

I went back to another cup of coffee and tried to figure out what I was going to do.

About 2 PM, a very expensive SUV pulled in to my driveway. I could see that Linda was in the passenger seat and a big guy behind the wheel. They talked for a minute and then she leaned over and gave him a kiss on the lips. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. My rage peaked; again.

She got out of the SUV and walked up the walkway to our front door. I heard her key in the lock.

"Jim, I'm home."

I didn't answer.

"Jim, I'm home. Where are you dear?"

She came around the corner and saw me at the dining room table with my coffee. "There you are Dear. I'm home. Are you okay?"

I just looked at the woman. "What the fuck do you think?"

"Let me get a cup of coffee and then we can talk."

"Don't bother. I'm sure that you'd rather be getting packed to go back to your new boyfriend. Or is he your boyfriend that you've had for a while now?"

"Don't be ridiculous Jim. What I did last night was a one-time thing. I'm home and we need to go get the kids."

"I called your mother and father and asked them to keep the kids until tomorrow."

"Why did you do that?"

"I told them that you and I had some things to sort out before we got the kids."

"What things?"

My fuck! Are you brain-dead? "What the fuck do you think! Are you leaving me? Is that why you left with that guy last night? Why didn't you just tell me that you wanted out of our marriage?"

"What the hell are you talking about? I don't want out of our marriage. I love you and I love the kids and I love our life and home."

"Then why did you run off with that guy last night leaving me at the restaurant, trying to figure out what the fuck was going on?"

"Jim, darling, it was something that I needed to do and the opportunity was given to me and I had to make a decision quickly. Didn't Dee talk to you? She was supposed to explain."

"Oh yeah, she talked to me alright. She told me that you were leaving with a football asshole and would be spending the night with him. She tried to butter it over by telling me that you love me and would be back today and everything would carry on just fine."

"Well, I am back and we can get back to our life together."

"Why did you go have sex with him?"

"Jim, darling, I did it and I know that I've upset you, but you'll see that it means nothing to our marriage and our family..."

I put my hand up to interrupt her, "...It means a lot to me. A fucking lot!"

I stood up and went to the kitchen. Linda got up, put her cup in the kitchen sink and then turned to go to our bedroom. "I'm going to clean up. We can talk when you calm down."

I couldn't believe the temerity of the woman. She wants me to calm the fuck down so we can talk.

I waited until she had showered and put on some jeans and a shirt and came back down.

"So, what does this mean for our marriage? Are you going to be seeing him regularly, now?"

"Oh god Jim. That was a one-time thing and I will never be repeating it."

"I see. So where does that leave us?"

"Dear, the same as it's always been. We're a family. We have us and our children and our careers and this home. That's all the things that makes us a family."

"What about your boyfriend? Where does he fit into this equation?"

"He's not my boyfriend, get that fact into your head. There's no boyfriend."

"Then what the fuck was last night?"

"That was just one night, that was nice for me, but means nothing to our family."

"Well Linda, figure this out. It means a fuck-of-a-lot to me and get that into YOUR head!"

I turned and walked away.

**********

Jim

God almighty! I can't for the life of me figure out why my wife decided 'on the spur of the moment' to ditch me in front of all our friends and go have sex with some asshole, just because he's some well-known football player. I know the guy has a reputation as a 'man-whore,' but really, did that mean that she was easy pickings? Was she that weak in her character to just forget that her husband was right there. In front of her. Really?!

She had her friend Dee cover for her as she slipped out the back door of the restaurant. The bouncers covered the exit and one of them even went to the coatcheck, retrieved her coat and took it to the parking lot where fuckhead had his car. This smelled and it smelled like shit to me.

I got in my car and drove to Dee's house. Her husband Dave answered the door. He looked at me with a sheepish expression on his face and stood in the entrance. It was clear that he wanted to know what I wanted before he was about to let me in.

"I want to talk to Dee."

"What about?"

"What the fuck do you think!"

"You're not going to do something stupid or violent are you?"

I exhaled deeply because I was holding my breath. "No, I'm not going to do anything stupid. I just want to talk to her. I have a few questions that I need answers for."

Dave slowly moved to the side so I could come in. Dee was in the kitchen and I could hear the rattling of dishes in the sink. Dave led the way back to the kitchen. I didn't even take off my coat. Dee looked at me with a very wide-eyed expression. "Is Linda home?"

I answered, "Yes, she's home."

Dee exhaled. "Good, I'm sure that things will be just fine, now."

My anger was building again. "Is that what you think? You think my wife of nine years can just ditch me without so much as a thought to what it was going to do to me and take off with some asshole football player and have sex with him all night and then casually come home and expect that it will mean nothing to me, mean nothing to our marriage and everything will be just as it was before? Hunky-Dory! Is that what you think?"

"Jim, Linda loves you and the kids and this was just a one-time thing. It was an opportunity that came to her and she took the chance. She knows that you love her and she knows that your life with her will go on. She will work very hard to be the great wife that she has always been. Can't you see that?"

Oh my god! This one was delusional, too. "If your football hero had asked you to leave with him last night, would you have gone?"

Dave sat upright at that question and his head swivelled back and forth between me and his wife as he waited for her answer. The answer was slow in coming.

"I know that Dave loves me so much that no matter what happened he and I would go on just the way that we always have."

"So, you would have gone with him?"

Dave was watching very closely. The next few seconds were crucial to his marriage to Dee.

"Well, he didn't ask me. He asked Linda."

"But if he did ask you. Would you have gone with him. Would you have asked Linda to tell Dave that it meant nothing and you still loved him and were coming home the next day?"

Dave's blood pressure was going up and his face and neck were getting red.

There wasn't an answer to that question. I looked at Dave. "I'm not the only one that has a problem." I got up and left. As I was letting myself out the front door, I could hear shouting in the kitchen.

I drove to a diner and decided that I needed to get a bite to eat and think. I had no clue what the fuck to do. My delusional wife thought that I would just ignore the fact that she had spent the night having sex with another man. She was so secure in her understanding of the dynamics of our marriage that she was confident that she would get her way. She would ignore my feelings and roll over them with her assertion that sex with him meant nothing to us. It was just something that she wanted to do and it wouldn't have any impact on our marriage or relationship or our family.

How do I deal with that?

**********

Linda

I got a call from Dee to tell me that Jim had been there and talked to her and Dave, mostly to her. She said that he was visibly upset. That he asked her that if Marc had asked her to leave with him, would she have done it. She said that she didn't want to answer that in front of Dave because she could see that he was getting pissed just listening to the conversation between her and Jim. She told me that she hesitated in answering and that really was as good as saying 'yes,' she would have gone.

She said that Dave was pissed at her. Things were a bit cold around her house at the moment. She was calling to tell me that Jim was really pissed at me and whatever plan I had to make it up to him I better put it into action now. Thing is, I didn't have a plan. I was relying on the stability of our marriage to move beyond my one night of ecstasy with Marc. I know that Marc is a one-time thing. Jim is my Rock-of- Gibraltar. He and I are a good team. The kids are the other half of our world.

I just need to bide my time, show Jim that nothing has changed between us and this will all go away. The less I say about Marc, the better. The sex with him was amazing, but I know that I need to file it away in a corner of my brain and get back to real life.

Jim will be here in a few minutes and I need to get ready to go and pick up the kids.

**********

Jim

My cell phone has been binging constantly with text messages from Linda. There are too many to answer so I'm ignoring all of them.

I decided to go and get my kids. I drove to Linda's parents' house and went to the front door and rang the bell. Her mother came to the door. "Jim, I'll tell the kids that you're here." She turned and walked back towards the kitchen. The kids were having a snack and mumbled their 'hello Dad' to me as they ate their sandwiches.

I was chatting with Fred and Mary when the front door opened and in walked Linda. She said hello to her parents and then walked back to the kitchen to see the kids. Fred and Mary must have sensed that things were not well with Linda and I and they both were giving us odd looks.

Mary asked Linda, "how was your night out with your friends?"

"Oh, it was fine, Mom."

"Where did you go, you didn't mention."

"We went to that restaurant that is in the hotel downtown."

Mary looked at me, "Did you have fun, Jim?"

I let out a big sigh and said, "Well, to be honest, I've had better times."

"Oh, what was wrong?"

I looked at Linda, "you better explain it to her, rather than me. She's going to find out sooner or later." I turned and walked out of the room.

Fred looked at me even more oddly than before. I told the kids to go get their things and get ready to go home. I thanked Fred and Mary for looking after them and started for the front door. They could tell that I wasn't happy. I walked out the door, got in my car and left Linda to bring the kids home.

I didn't hear from either Mary or Fred for a few days and I don't know, or care, what Linda told them happened Saturday night.

I drove around aimlessly trying to figure out what to do. My friends weren't really my friends, they had shown me what they really were Saturday night. So, I wasn't about to go see any of them. Without really thinking about it I wound up in my driveway. I went in the house and went to the bedroom, pulled out my overnight bag and packed some clothes and my toothbrush and razor. I also packed my clothes for work the next day. I grabbed my laptop and phone charger and got back in the car. I made my way to the Hampton Inn and checked in.

**********

Linda

I got home with the kids and saw that Jim wasn't there. I figured that maybe he was trying to get his mind cleared and then he would be home for supper.

I went up to the bedroom to get some things and I noticed that the closet light was on. When I went to turn it off, I noticed that there were some empty hangers on Jim's side of the closet. I went to our bathroom and his toothbrush and razor were missing. I went to our home office and his laptop and cell phone charger were not in their normal places. They were both gone.

I went back to the kitchen and sat at the table. Where was Jim?

My imagination went into high gear and I feared the worst. He had left.

Where had he gone? Had he decided to go and do something to Marc? I hoped not. Marc was a big man, very strong and could easily defend himself and easily hurt Jim.

Maybe he wanted to be by himself for a while. Why did he take off without telling me? I looked around the kitchen and there wasn't a note.

I knew that he was angry at me for leaving him at the restaurant last night and spending the night with Marc, but I explained to him when I got home that it meant nothing to us. It meant nothing to our marriage. It meant nothing to our family. I love him him just the same as always. He'll see that and come home. I know him.

**********

Jim

I can't sit at home and listen to Linda tell me again that her spending the night fucking an asshole football player was nothing that I needed to worry about. That she loved me just as much as before and it wouldn't matter at all to us. I had to do...something...but what? What the fuck do I do?

Do I find out where that fucker lives and go there and sort him out? That's probably not a good idea for a couple of reasons. First, the asshole is a big guy and would likely just kick my ass and laugh at me. That extra humiliation isn't something that I need right now. I suppose I could take a baseball bat and try my best to get a few taps in before I get my head beaten to a pulp. Second, all that would do is to land me in jail and likely for a very long time. I needed neither the criminal record nor the notoriety of being the cuckolded husband that tried, and failed, to bring justice to the world. No, I needed a better plan. I didn't have clue what that better plan was at that moment.

I sat in the chair of a hotel room, that I somehow found myself in, staring at the television that was turned to a news channel. I don't remember getting there.

I went to the minibar and got myself a tiny bottle of dark rum and another tiny can of cola. I mixed them in a glass and slowly sipped the drink hoping that it might give me some inspiration. All it did was give me heartburn. I don't drink much, and that's why. The pain of the heartburn joined the pain of the heartache and I found that water was leaking from my eyes. The tears were dripping onto my shirt and I couldn't make them stop.

'What the hell did I do?'

I must have done something to cause Linda to leave me like that. What was it? I must have failed as a husband. Why else would my wife go off with some other man as casually as if she were heading to the supermarket. Why would she drop my hand while dancing and run to some other man? How had I failed as Linda's husband? I must have done something.

Was it one thing or a long sequence of little things that I did? Did I take her for granted? Did I not do the things that I used to do that she found attractive in me when we were first married? Did I become complacent and boring and routine? Did I ignore Linda? Did I forget to show my wife that I loved her? The little things that tell a woman that you love her and want her. Have I turned into a fat and ugly ogre?

Did Linda look at me with regret? Did she think that she had made a mistake in choosing me to be her husband and the father of her children? Were the children mine? Of fuck! Had Linda fallen out of love with me?

There were a million little things rolling around my brain. I was dizzy, again. I had to lay on the bed and close my eyes to stop the room from spinning. The spinning got worse and my stomach got in on the action. I ran for the bathroom making it to the toilet just in time to empty everything into the big white bowl.