All Comments on 'February Sucks: Happy Ending'

Halloween is over. It's time to stop reposting this horrible story.

It took me a couple of readings to understand what you did and I have to say that once I figured it out, I liked it! I used to love FTDS and their endings. But they usually added or changed a lot. I have always wanted to take your approach. Think about how many stories are out there that NEED a better ending. Or at least a more satisfactory ending. Maybe just an ending at all. We've all read them. You get to the end of a story and it doesn't really have an ending. JPB is a master of this type of story. But I've always wondered if someone could just come along, add a paragraph or two and VIOLA! an ending! Thanks for the opportunity to see this theory in action. Well played.

5 stars

Cut and paste police?!? YES!!!! 2*. Lol

What the fuck was THAT?

why is page 2 the exact same as page 1?

I have read everyone of the rewrites, all 100 of them. It’s been interesting. Glad to see a wife finally put the arrogant s.o.b. In his place

One part I liked. When Marc asked Linda to dance, instead of dancing they just got up and left. Short, sweet and how it should have happened. Of course that would make a really really short story. LOL!! Most of the others were just longer reads.

I gave you a 5 for your efforts. The George Anderson story has spun out of control. I wish no one else will attempt one. I was snoring

I gave you a 5 as a score. I wish riders would stop writing follow-ups to the George Anderson story.

While all are excellent, I like this version in that it goes with Linda&Mark's original plan. They didn't hurt each other, and put "asshole" in his place. That way, when they went home, they'd stilll be a family unit

Who would eat wings at a fancy nightclub where everyone is dressed to the nines?

ummmmmm, nice idea, two threads, lots of excessive duplication, a story that could be told with 75% less verbiage and still be punchier. Otherwise, nice job.

took too long to make the point. LOVE slap hapy papy #9

Umm... wut?

Two paragraphs. That’s the only content of consequence here.

You could have made the same point IN THE COMMENTS of the original story (or one of its many sequels). Instead you took three pages of rambling to make the same point masquerading as a story. You get no credit for ‘writing a story’ here. It’s a premise. An opinion. Basically, a note.

Just... why?!?

Beats the hell out of the original. This is a wife you keep, while Anderson's was a sociopath which no self-respecting curb would want to have her kicked against. 5 stars.

i liked that Linda rejected Marc but have to say, this was pretty low effort. it was too short and unsatisfying.

could've given us a look into Linda's thought process as to why she rejected him.

maybe a preceding event that led to that thought process like pillow talking about the Jocko conversation and Linda not feeling that confidence in their relationship to do such a thing.

what happened after they left would be nice too.

could've had a romantic piece with a hotel sex scene, post coitus conversation, declaration of love.

Maybe Marc got Dee instead and she got the interesting divorce story instead.

Finally, that is how real life wife would reacted in the situation.

Major Brain dead writers follow cuck shit, and will probably hate this, but Thank You for it as well as most real LW people. 5

Piper, to read your version you made us read a confusing "cut and paste" not once but twice. Then your contribution was ONE paragraph. It took two full pages for you to add that ONE paragraph!

The ideal ending...4* just for that ending

I liked it. One of the few loving wife stories on here. Thank you

Actually, she didn't Anonymous if you read what she said: "I'm very happily married and tonight my dances are only for my husband. Tonight is our night, but on another night, I'd certainly entertain the offer."

She isn't saying no, she isn't saying yes. She is saying maybe if the situation were different. Now, to be honest, i think many women would probably think that, not necessarily say it. If booze were involved, she might let the words out. That doesn't mean she would cheat... but if she were out alone or with friends and a gorgeous athlete or famous person shows up and she has his attention.... ultimately what happens would come down to how much self respect she has, her self esteem, respect for her husband and marriage, and level of entitlement.

My issue with the original isn't so much that a woman would cheat, it is the manner. Linda's disrespect and disregard of her husband was so over the top that it caused me to question the entire development of the primaries and the state of the marriage as defined. The development and action was in conflict.

Now, I definitely would have bought her dancing with him to get his number and then meet up with him later. There would still be conflict but after the affair discovery it could be resolved by continuing Linda's development by adding a level to her character: entitlement, low self esteem etc.

No more! It must stop!!!! Don't go any further with it!!!!

I'm begging you..... Please stop now. 😂

You and Carvohi may be so late to the game that you're going to get bad scores. The reality is, this is the only way this story could have ended, considering the implied quality of their marriage up to this point. I'm not tired of the rewrites and alternate endings, but others clearly are. Nicely and succinctly done.

This is what happens when you don't use an editor. I'm not sure how this weird version where page 1 and 2 have the same text appeared, and was going to delete and resubmit, but....

There doesn't seem to be an option to delete my own story! If any of you clever folk know how to do that, let me know in the comments. For those that muddle through this, my thanks and apologies.

The hilarious of all of this for me is I was getting impatient for the story to post, since the waiting time was longer than usual. I should have taken that as an omen and reread what I submitted.

Hahahaha! I liked it as a statement more than a story.

It seems far more realistic that a woman of Linda's description would continue her evening with her husband than destroying her marriage over the opportunity to be a slut for an asshole, especially right in front of her husband and everyone.

I know there are quite a few women who would probably jump at the chance if it wasn't in the open and they thought they could get away with it though I don't believe it would be most women and especially women as in love with their husbands as Linda is portrayed.

I gave your 'version' the exact same score I gave G.A.'s original story: 1*

Except for the huge copy and paste error, this is world class!

like the twist ending, thank you for the sanity

She said no and meant it, good for her

What was the purpose? The story has been overdone in my opinion, but if you are going to add to the original add more than a little blurb at the end. Also, have the original is too much. We've read it a million times already so we don't need the original attached.

This was a big nothing! You began by repeating the first page, then simply ended with her saying what she should, no drama at all.

I like the idea and I agree short and sweet is how a loving wife would have ended it. I wasn't too crazy that she said maybe some other night she would have danced with him as she knows he is a sleezeball out to get in married woman pants.

Lowered the score because of the cut and paste error.

Good tongue in cheek. I can't give it five stars but would give 4 1/2 if I could. I guess this needed to be written to show us how mundane it could be.

I realize what you submitted is how it should have been, and how if the situation ever came up it would be, but where is the fun in that. GA's story got all the attention because it rattled a lot of egos and really inflamed most male readers. Your version although well written just doesn't get it.

The original and rewrites have really gotten under my skin. There is an intensity to the subject that works my emotions. This is pleasant and closer to what a wife should say and it was a nice diversion from the hurtful behavior of the other stories. It's not as intense, but it is much nicer to contemplate.

What we want to see is the original with Marc getting what he deserved.

I like that Linda stayed with her hubby tonight and showed up the arrogant asshole. But you only added a few extra lines to the story - hardly worth the effort.

GA's story. GA's character development was wildly inconsistent. The Linda written up to the appearance of Marc could not have done what GA wrote with an application of the Martian Slut Ray, which is an idiotic plot device. Your Linda is consistent.

As for GA's tale of the women at the table years ago, people say a lot of things after a little alcohol and when nothing's on the line. As Linda was written, she could never have said the things that the slattern said at the table GA was at. For Ga's story to work at all, Linda would have to be rewritten.

Did you even proofread it? Did it make any sense to you? You added maybe one paragraph of original material. It wasn’t even worth your effort to post it.

Finally, A story that matches the "It's just me. The same person I was yesterday." scenario. For if she was the wonderful wife of the previous ten years that the story asserts, then this would be her response to the dance invitation. The only other realistic response to the "I'm the same" assertion would be that she wasn't a wonderful wife the previous years of marriage, but a self-centered, selfish and horribly cruel shell of a human being. The disconnect within the original and every alternate version, is they all maintained the lie that a wonderful wife of ten years could do what she did without any remorse. Granted, it cut the story length to the bare bones, but .... so what?

.

Hell yes, this is what I wanted to read. I'm sure it's impact and pleasure wouldn't be the same if I hadn't read the others first, but thank you.

When the women declared they would go with the guy, the next question should have been "So what you are telling me is whether it's low class or high class, easy or very picky, most/all women are adulterous sluts?" That would have put everything into perspective.

Seems to me, one version should have hubby meeting Marc's car in the driveway with a twelve gauge slung over his shoulder after spending the night packing up everything dear to her and dropping it all in the hood.

Alternatively, she comes home the next day and finds he's still with his high end hooker enjoying the GFE. How you like them apples bitch?

Or both.

Could have asked those ladies what they would think about coming home from fucking Jocko and finding hubby banging a hooker much younger and better looking than them.

of this story kinda reminds me of the story of Sisyphus, a king who was punished by being forced to roll an immense boulder up a hill only for it to roll down every time it neared the top, only this time the boulder reached the top for Jim the husband & rolled down the other side of the hill.

The ending was anti-climatic, at least for ol' Marcy boy, unless one of the other wives eagerly jumped to the fore, much to the consternation of her husband.

I have enjoyed reading the many versions of this story. The GeorgeAnderson original, strikes a chord, something everyone wishes might come true (being approached by a person of your dreams and getting to spend a night without thought of anything else). In reality, nearly everyone would realize the harm of leaving their partner for such a fantasy. It might be "boring", but it is what is most likely. 5*

Your ending reflected real life in 98% of like situations, making it completely normal....and uninteresting to this site 😎

Yep...that’s what a loving wife should do!

And yep...that’s a story nobody here wants to read!!!

But thanks for reminding us 🥳

Cut and paste issues aside, your alternate ending was perfect.

This cut and paste submission of the original story was a waste of time. I flippedthrough it all until the last sad paragraph which was the only new part of the story. Give it up please..CUPp

meh

Good that a wife acted properly, but there is no point to this story. There is nothing here except GA's original introduction, and that is crazily confused. Story should be deleted and rewritten to make more sense.

It was nice to read the wife saying no to a man who had no right to ask.

I want to thank everyone that has read this thing, despite my epic failure in submitting this. Let this be a lesson to all new writers, ALWAYS run things by an editor before hitting the "Submit" button. As usual, I'll comment on the comments in order received.

"I have read everyone of the rewrites, all 100 of them. It’s been interesting. Glad to see a wife finally put the arrogant s.o.b. In his place"

It's not a literal kick in the balls, but I like to think it was a mental one.

"What the fuck was THAT?

why is page 2 the exact same as page 1?"

It's either because this is an avant garde piece that you are not sophisticated enough to appreciate, or because I'm an idiot.

"Grammar police? No

Cut and paste police?!? YES!!!! 2*. Lol"

I deserve every word of that. And you still gave me a second star, you are a generous soul. I've submitted an edited version and it supposedly takes 48 hours for this travesty to be replaced, but hopefully future readers will wonder WTF we're even talking about.

"But I've always wondered if someone could just come along, add a paragraph or two and VIOLA! an ending! Thanks for the opportunity to see this theory in action. Well played."

It's the laziest piece of writing I've ever done. I should do this more often. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

"Halloween is over. It's time to stop reposting this horrible story."

Halloween is never over. It's not a day, it's a life choice.

I'll continue to comment on the comments as they come in, I am bracing myself for well-deserved eviscerating for my botched cut and paste job. While you're doing that though, add in a line about what you thought about the ending.

I have read the other ALT endings and enjoyed them. I couldn't help wondering why no one had a faithful wife ending. I enjoyed your ending. Thank You.

Great

Although the original concept stirred a lot of emotions in people, I could never imagine it happening in real life. How can a woman go from loving affectionate wife to leaving with some guy in an instant. Any marriage would be over the minute she walked out the door. But, like I said, the original story was emotional and I read all the sequels and enjoyed them, even if I didn’t care for the outcome. This story, even though short and less emotional, is real. Thank you

Somoneother made a good point. When the wife declined the invitation and left with her husband, it kind of became a non story. A story where a guy asks a wife to sleep with him and she says, "no" does not get the juices flowing. How about a LW story where the man and wife are always happy and the kids do great? WTF? No tension, no cheating, no real story. LW thrives on betrayal, lies, dishonesty and seduction, either attempted or actual. "Will you sleep with me?" in front of hubby is not much of an attempt. I always read Piper's stories.

The general idea of this story line I'd like to think to think is much nearer a true result. Certainly confirmed by my wife both in words and in action. Many years ago we were in a local country pub. When a very famous pop star who lived locally came in with a male friend and stayed on a table next to us. We, out of curtusy did not acknowledge him or his friend. After a while he proceeded to chat up my young wife. She was very flattered and blushed considerably much to the amusement of the famous guy and us. However she did Stutter that there was no way she was going to sit on his lap. Which he did take in good humour and laughed saying you can't blame a guy for trying. My confidence in my fairly new wife after that was established.

Huh? What was the point of this submission?

Nice ending I'm sure some will not like it.

This version goes no where.

Good original story but, now it's getting worn out. I had to skip thru the story due to I have read it soooo many times already. Had to give it only two stars this time.

OUTSTANDING redux! You fixed the most most glaring flaw in GA's story that really drove the other versions. GA (and you) create a wonderful character that is truly committed to her family and spouse. That a woman with those traits would do in the original story is beyond comprehension - it simply would never happen in the real world if the author's representation of the character was correct. Don't be ashamed of fixing such a flaw. I'd give it 10* if I could - fuck Marc! ;)

A 4 paragraph ending is not much but it gets the point across of what should have happened to a faithful wife not the adulteress whore in most of the other endings.

The only reason she turned him down was this was a special night?? Does that mean she'd dance on a average night or is that an invitation she might go home with him on another night... begs to question in my mind.

I honor my wedding vows.

If my wife didn't, I couldn't think of enough bad results directed her way.

No such thing as "just sex". It's synonymous with divorce and punishment as severe as possible!

If anyone had read the introduction to this story you would have known that PiperHamlins ending was only a paragraph or two. This is part of his intro.

"For those of you that read the original, you can skip to the last page, then go to the the last few paragraphs, because I have not changed anything from the original text until I get to the point where I depart from the source material".

@sbrooks, that was a clever comment. I'm sure no one else saw that.

I think you could have taken it further: her accepting the dance, Dee trying to convince her to go and Mark having her jacket and THEN she decides to take her husband back to the room. More tension of will she won’t she.

BUT I do like the more realistic ending. It’s kind of refreshing.

Well maybe not boring to the loving couple. The wife’s reaction was exactly what a decent loving spouse would do. Sure she should be flattered, but a loving spouse would never drop his/her drawers just because some celebrity came on to them. I count myself very fortunate to be married to a lady that would not even consider such an offer.

So you're doing a treatment for the Hallmark Channel? Good luck because even that sappy group actually likes some drama to hold people's interest. This is a bunch of words.

after all the Alt. endings the outcome of this is a releaf and somit a emotion ; a great emotion. And who says a LW-story has always a cheating to be a good one? In times a loving wife is a real loving wife. So if you are unhappy about the ending write one yourself.

View one. It sucked. Most of it was just GA’s original, and your ending was inserted at the perfect point where you neuter the tension in the story.

View two. It was great. Even though most of it was just GA’s very excellent story, and your ending was inserted at the perfect point to remove the drama, you paint a picture of the perfect loving wife. Good for you!

My view? I like the boring, perfect loving wife. I may not read it again because the surprise is sprung. But in context of all the other endings, I like yours the best.

the tags to this story! Nice job there!

the asshole got what he needed. knocked down a peg.

I can't read all the comments anymore?

You've just cut it off at the knees.

This has left us with a story that is more logical than the original, and has a happier ending. Unfortunately it's devoid of drama, which makes it, ultimately, pointless.

Pretty well all the stories here have a point where either an application of communication would have resolved the problem, or some happening of ludicrous improbability occurs. These are essential to allow the building of tension.

They are here to be enjoyed.

I enjoyed the original, and the additions, very much indeed.

Yours not.

I thought the story wandered around a bit and got lost. Just trying to put too much of earlier stories in and changing this one. Sorry, it just didn’t work well for me,

...but most of us still liked it 😂😂

PH this is in no way meant to degrade your efforts, for you have a fine record of good stories. I only wish I could write as well. However I think you got blindsided by those who bitch about the other versions and also say they want to read a story with no cheating.

My question is WTF? Any story that does not have an extramarital theme has no place in the LW category—instead Romance or one of the others come to mind as more suitable.

Your ending is basically “We went to the club, a celebrity asked my wife to dance and she said no; instead we went upstairs where we screwed the night away. That is how a happily married couple should behave, but as a story it’s almost as fascinating as watching paint dry but not quite as interesting as watching grass grow.

In other words, it’s missing conflict, one of the many features required for good creative. Thanks for the effort. cd

A story based more on reality than fantasy is a welcome change. It IS LW's after all.

Can't have too many of these though, everyone needs to let their misogyny out here every once in a while and a real, decent loving wife story will not allow that to happen.

We all know some of the dudes need to get their dander up and toss their can of Bud at the wall screaming "What a fucking bitch!!!!".

This was a great ending! it made me smile

told a good start to a story, then veered to some random conversation, then told the same story over again, and ended with a fizzle.....

..... you're right. That does suck. Sometimes the story you'd like to be apart of isn't the story you'd like to read

I loved it, because it was the most obvious change to the story to make all right in the Universe.

It is somewhat cheeky, but is a worthwhile addition

Scores 5/5

First time looking through this story was confusing with the copy-past error. Looking at the story a day later, the error kind of fits what seems like Piper's tongue-in-cheek intention: Throw out a bunch raw meat for the ravenous pack to tear apart. Meanwhile, he sits back smiling, humming to himself, while digging into a bowl of popcorn.

So while this story may not be much, one has admire his ability to stir the pot. (Yes, another cliche). I wouldn't doubt he put this out there to set the bar so low that his followup will look like masterpiece in comparison. Kudos, if that was the case.

I've enjoyed all the sequels to this story, although its like Groundhog Day in playing out the same way over and over. You've taken the story in a very different direction that seems to me to be closest to real life. I just can't see any loving wife acting like Linda in the other stories, It's just so far out of character. No normal man would accept that level of public humiliation and take her back. The look on Studley's face when she turned him down would been hilarious. This is a great take on the story, and my favourite until some husband puts Marc down for good, right on the dance floor.

there is none. How to maintain or even increase the drama without making the wife a cruel whore?

Maybe the asshole uses drugs. Maybe the asshole convinces the wife the husband is in on it as a joke played on their dinner mates. Some way to get Linda going with and maybe even fucking Marc, but it somehow is not her fault, or at least understandable and forgivable.

Your story removed the sin, but left us flat. Still, thanks for the effort.

Brilliant!!!

"Tonight is our night, but on another night, I'd certainly entertain the offer."

Enlighten me how this version is any better.

Yes, this submission was a mess, so time to put on my humble hat and dive into the responses. Picking up where I left off....

As usual, comments in the order they appeared.

"One part I liked. When Marc asked Linda to dance, instead of dancing they just got up and left. Short, sweet and how it should have happened. Of course that would make a really really short story. LOL!! Most of the others were just longer reads."

But if I'd written that story, would anyone have cared? It would be, "Wife has temptation, wife rejects it, nothing happens and they live happily ever after." Is that a story people really want to read?

"I gave you a 5 for your efforts."

I'll take it.

" I wish riders would stop writing follow-ups to the George Anderson story."

We can't help ourselves, especially us riders. When I ride my bike I peddle harder thinking of the sweetness of the GA story. Thanks for the 5 stars.

"While all are excellent, I like this version in that it goes with Linda&Mark's original plan. They didn't hurt each other, and put "asshole" in his place. That way, when they went home, they'd stilll be a family unit"

As someone else has pointed out in the comments, some readers don't want a happy ending. They really want to see Marc suffer.

"Who would eat wings at a fancy nightclub where everyone is dressed to the nines?"

Me. When there are wings available, you go all in. Wings are awesome, fuck the clothes.

"ummmmmm, nice idea, two threads, lots of excessive duplication, a story that could be told with 75% less verbiage and still be punchier. Otherwise, nice job."

Yup, I screwed the pooch on submitting this. Thanks for the compliment and giving me a pass.

"took too long to make the point. LOVE slap hapy papy #9"

I wrote two paragraphs .Luv ya Eric.

"Two paragraphs. That’s the only content of consequence here.

You could have made the same point IN THE COMMENTS of the original story (or one of its many sequels). Instead you took three pages of rambling to make the same point masquerading as a story. You get no credit for ‘writing a story’ here. It’s a premise. An opinion. Basically, a note.

Just... why?!?"

I think I explained it in the intro.

"Beats the hell out of the original."

I disagree, and I wrote this version. If I wrote this story as is, it would have spawned no sequels and no one would remember it. People will refer to GA's original for years. It's going to be a story like "The Bridge." GA wrote a classic.

"i liked that Linda rejected Marc but have to say, this was pretty low effort. it was too short and unsatisfying."

I get "too short and unsatisfying a lot from women." You're not helping my self esteem.

"Major Brain dead writers follow cuck shit, and will probably hate this, but Thank You for it as well as most real LW people. 5"

Thanks for the compliment, although cuck shit is a tag for this story.

"Piper, to read your version you made us read a confusing "cut and paste" not once but twice. Then your contribution was ONE paragraph. It took two full pages for you to add that ONE paragraph!"

I know, I know! I accept you raking me over the coals, I deserve it. I will say though, it was two paragraphs. So quit making this situation look worse than it is.

"The ideal ending...4* just for that ending"

Shame on you. If I get a 4 you better give GA a 5.

I'll tackle other comments later. As a reminder, I have submitted an edited version, so hopefully it will show sooner rather than later. Until that happens though, I expect the torture to continue. Be safe all.

Someone finally got the ending right.

Doesn't make it very interesting though. Thanks.

What's going on with page 2 being same as page 1? I dont really see the point of even writing this one.....

... If she would have "entertained" his request to dance on another evening, would she have "entertained" him at his house afterwards? If so, the original story and all of the spawned optional versions are still in play as possibilities.

Additional thought,.... I wonder how much Linda would've supported Dee if, after our heroes went upstairs, Marc had extended his hand to Dee, who then went home with Marc,...?..

Final note: there actually ARE a few "Marc LaValliere" guys out there. I wonder if any Lit readers actually know one personally, .... hmmmm...

You didn’t waste a lot of my time

of all the happy endings i've read this is probably the most believable, but you could have just made the story a paragraph long

Heh, I sent you a feedback before I saw your second comment where you already submitted an edit. Looking forward to reading the corrected version.

I'll get through as many as I can tonight. I'll pick up where I left off, after Impo_64.

"I liked it. One of the few loving wife stories on here."

You really should read the LW description. This category might not be what you think it is. I hill happily accept the thanks though.

"She isn't saying no, she isn't saying yes. She is saying maybe if the situation were different. Now, to be honest, i think many women would probably think that, not necessarily say it. If booze were involved, she might let the words out. That doesn't mean she would cheat... but if she were out alone or with friends and a gorgeous athlete or famous person shows up and she has his attention.... ultimately what happens would come down to how much self respect she has, her self esteem, respect for her husband and marriage, and level of entitlement."

I felt that some people might see this as Linda eventually cheating if the circumstances were different, but I wrote her reaction based on my understanding of GA's character. Linda danced with other men, and Jim danced with other women. I saw this as Linda saying she would be happy to DANCE on another night, nothing more. She was being polite, letting Marc down easy, but nothing more would have followed in this version if they met on another night besides a dance or two.

"No more! It must stop!!!! Don't go any further with it!!!! I'm begging you..... Please stop now."

I will take money, drugs, or sex. Begging is not an option. I have no conscience.

"You and Carvohi may be so late to the game that you're going to get bad scores."

If I was concerned about scores, I wouldn't keep writing here. It's the comments I crave. Thank you for yours.

"Hahahaha! I liked it as a statement more than a story."

You get it,

"I gave your 'version' the exact same score I gave G.A.'s original story: 1*"

That's odd. We had dramatically different endings and the same quality of writing (since I mostly used GA's), how can both merit the same score? At least mine wasn't higher, that would have been the travesty.

"Except for the huge copy and paste error, this is world class!"

Yeah... that error was also world class. Hopefully future generations will see an edited version.

"like the twist ending, thank you for the sanity"

Only a twist if someone has read the original. Otherwise, it doesn't hold up on its own.

"This is worthy of a sequel."

I feel otherwise, but glad you liked it. As I said above, I don't feel like this story could stand on its own without having read the original first.

"An unnecessary addition. What was the purpose?"

I thought I explained it, but I'll restate it. Is this really the ending everyone wants? Judging by the scores so far, I'd say the answer is a resounding "No." No one really wants to read about a faithful wife in this category. In my mind, the experiment succeeded.

"This was a big nothing! You began by repeating the first page, then simply ended with her saying what she should, no drama at all."

Well, repeating the first page was an error on my part. As to no drama, agreed. That was the point.

"Lowered the score because of the cut and paste error."

I would have too. I'm sure every editor I've ever used (especially Lue) is laughing their ass off saying, "I would have read two fucking paragraphs and pointed out the cut and paste error. Use my free services, I enjoy correcting your mistakes!"

"I guess this needed to be written to show us how mundane it could be."

You get me.

"I realize what you submitted is how it should have been, and how if the situation ever came up it would be, but where is the fun in that. GA's story got all the attention because it rattled a lot of egos and really inflamed most male readers. Your version although well written just doesn't get it."

Agreed.

"This is pleasant and closer to what a wife should say and it was a nice diversion from the hurtful behavior of the other stories. It's not as intense, but it is much nicer to contemplate."

Different people take different things from the same story. Some have found this version delightful or soothing. I'm glad it hits on that level as well.

"What we want to see is the original with Marc getting what he deserved."

Based on the scoring of the sequels, you may be speaking for a lot of people.

"I like that Linda stayed with her hubby tonight and showed up the arrogant asshole. But you only added a few extra lines to the story - hardly worth the effort."

But I got over 90 comments, so worth it to me since I am an attention whore.

"Your approach the only way to fix GA's story. GA's character development was wildly inconsistent. The Linda written up to the appearance of Marc could not have done what GA wrote with an application of the Martian Slut Ray, which is an idiotic plot device."

I wrote a story called "Zapped by the Martian Slut Ray," which GA is a fan of. He asked me to include one of the characters in an alternate version, but "Wobbles" didn't fit here, although I put him in the tags. I'm still wondering how to work him into the next version of this story I'm working on.

"This rewrite SUCKS....Did you even proofread it?"

Clearly not.

"Finally, A story that matches the "It's just me. The same person I was yesterday." scenario. For if she was the wonderful wife of the previous ten years that the story asserts, then this would be her response to the dance invitation. The only other realistic response to the "I'm the same" assertion would be that she wasn't a wonderful wife the previous years of marriage, but a self-centered, selfish and horribly cruel shell of a human being. The disconnect within the original and every alternate version, is they all maintained the lie that a wonderful wife of ten years could do what she did without any remorse. Granted, it cut the story length to the bare bones, but .... so what?"

Agreed. The barest bones of my version would be a short story told among friends where the husband was boasting how a celebrity once hit on his wife, and she turned him down. Then the next friend wants attention and talks about how he once caught a fish using his dick as bait.

That's it for now. I will address the rest of the comments and the emails I've received as well. Thanks to all who've done either, even if you were critical of the story or the fact I butchered the submission.

This is close to what I would expect to really happen.

Should end. No question about it

The question you asked was, “… let me know if this really is a better version.”

Your story offers a better outcome, but it's not a better story. GA’s version of the story had conflict, tension, drama… Your version lacked conflict and drama because the wife made the choice to be faithful to her husband. GA’s version was brilliantly woven, and while it lacked a sense of (oh, what’s the word I’m looking for?) … justice? … fairness? …. balance?… Jim’s choices were hard and real. Life often leaves us wanting "fairness" that doesn’t exist. The critique of GA’s version is, in my humble opinion, driven by frustration with the “unfairness” of Jim’s options and outcomes, rather than a critique of GA’s writing.

The brilliance of your story is that it might allow GA’s critics to come to that realization on their own. Thank you: 5*.

Picking up where I left off, we'll start with Schwanze1.

"Hell yes, this is what I wanted to read. I'm sure it's impact and pleasure wouldn't be the same if I hadn't read the others first, but thank you."

Agreed.

"The ending was anti-climatic, at least for ol' Marcy boy, unless one of the other wives eagerly jumped to the fore, much to the consternation of her husband."

I have plans for Dee in my next version.

"The only real ending"

Comments say one thing, the scores say otherwise. No one really wanted this version.

"And yep...that’s a story nobody here wants to read!!!

But thanks for reminding us 🥳"

You get it.

"Cut and paste issues aside, your alternate ending was perfect."

Again, score says otherwise. Nobody really wants this type of story here, as much as people in the comments say they do.

"Give it up please.."

OK, I 'll happily give it up, but buy me dinner first. Then you can take advantage of me, missy.

"meh"

Exactly.

"There is nothing here except GA's original introduction, and that is crazily confused. Story should be deleted and rewritten to make more sense."

I definitely screwed up the submission. An edited version has been submitted, first time I've done that. Hopefully it will replace this monstrosity.

"It was nice to read the wife saying no to a man who had no right to ask."

Sure, but where's the fun in that? Thank you for your comment.

"I couldn't help wondering why no one had a faithful wife ending."

Because no one really wants that.

"But, like I said, the original story was emotional and I read all the sequels and enjoyed them, even if I didn’t care for the outcome. This story, even though short and less emotional, is real. Thank you"

Thanks for following me, COYS. This version is what most people would like to happen, but it certainly is not a good story.

"I always read Piper's stories."

I always read yours. In fact, I reread some of them.

"However she did Stutter that there was no way she was going to sit on his lap. Which he did take in good humour and laughed saying you can't blame a guy for trying. My confidence in my fairly new wife after that was established."

She's a keeper.

"Huh? What was the point of this submission?"

The comments and the score.

"Nice ending I'm sure some will not like it."

You guessed correctly.

"This version goes no where."

That was kinda the point.

"I had to skip thru the story due to I have read it soooo many times already"

I did tell you to skip to the last page in the intro. If you ignored my intro, I have no pity for you.

That's it for now, I'll tackle the next batch tomorrow. I do have a couple of emails yet to respond to, I'll also get to those. Stay safe all, and thanks to all who read and comment. It's the reason we write.