February Sucks - Linda's Choice Ch. 02

"You got him convicted," I reminded her.

"Oh sugar," she shook her head. "This is not going to be easy for you to hear, and you may hate me for it. But I have tape of him saying you and him never did anything together and that he felt you owed him to."

I flinched at that. If only Jim had heard what was said. Like I had.

"Snider told me that same thing a few times when he ran into me. I'm not surprised at that. But I am more pissed off at the problems he has caused in my marriage. Jim is messed up about it. After the emails started, he changed Maya. I mean, changed in how he was with me... in bed. He won't look at me in the eye. He functions well in front of people and the kids. But when we are alone, he is distant. Do you know what I mean?"

"I can only imagine," she said. "But I think I have something that may help if you bring Jim here. Where is he?"

I explained about him being at work and why.

"Sugar, what I have for you is important. But I can only share it with you when I am on duty, and you are present as you were involved. Call him and ask him to come over. I need to go to evidence storage and get what I need. You can stay here, use the ladies room on the left and get coffee... its police coffee and strong. Don't expect Latte or any shit like that."

She stood, and we hugged as I took my cell out and called Jim. Maya left, and I waited for my husband to pick up. My husband. The poor man. What had he gone through for me! I could not even imagine what it must have been for him to read those emails. To be taunted by that slime Snider. So many things had gone wrong because of him. And because of me. I didn't know what Jim had gone through, and yes, he should have shared the torment he suffered with me. But I had given up on him and went off to have an affair. Something that had yet to be resolved and hung around my neck like an albatross.

"Hi Linda," I heard Jim pick up.

"Jim honey," I replied. "Are you free yet?"

"I will be soon, just took the servers to a secured storage site for the weekend. I have to sign for them and then am heading home."

"Do you know where the police station is by Jefferson and Vine?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I'm there with Maya Dawson. You remember her from the investigation..."

"I remember Linda," his voice hardened. "Why are we digging that crap up again? Why are you there?"

"Lieutenant Dawson has some information on the case she says we both need to see. Can you please... please drive over here, Jim?"

As he hesitated, I said a thousand silent prayers that he could come and not hang up on me.

"Fine," he finally spat out. "I'll be in half an hour. Anything else?"

"I love you, Jim."

He hesitated for a second.

"Love you too. See yah," he said and hung up.

After a few minutes of staring out the window and reviewing the mess of my life, I left the room and used the bathroom. The coffee was atrocious. I felt sorry for the police that had to drink it and debated buying them a good coffee maker and a supply of good coffee. But then a detective came by, filled a cup, and smiled after he tasted it. When he saw what was horror on my face at his reaction, he grinned.

"I've been on this stuff so long, I can't drink normal coffee," he chuckled. "Be careful. If you have kids after you drink it, they may have birth defects."

As he walked away, I found myself thinking about how I took things in life for granted. Here was this man and Maya and others who faced danger daily to keep my family and me safe, and the one thing I thought about was how bad their coffee was.

I returned to May's room to find her with a tape player and an evidence box on her desk. She smiled as she sorted through the contents and pointed to the chair. As I sat, I noticed another seat that had not been there before next to mine.

"I found it!" she said cheerfully. "Now, I have to find the right spot. Give me a minute."

I watched curiously as she listened to the tape with headphones. She occasionally stopped and started the recording until she smiled and sat back.

"Where's that hubby of yours?" she asked.

"He said he is coming..." I manage to say when the door opened, and a uniformed officer escorted Jim in and closed the door behind him.

I stood to hug him, but he just nodded and turned toward Maya, offering her his hand.

"Mr. Johnson," Maya greeted him. "I'm Police Lieutenant Maya Dawson. I was a sergeant when we last met. The Snider case?"

She had seen the distance he showed me and felt uncomfortable. That much I could tell, but she politely waved to the empty seat next to me.

"Yes, I remember," he said, giving me a perfunctory look, barely a smile. "May I ask, why are we here?"

"Good question," Maya replied. "I'll get right to it."

Needing his touch, I reached over and took Jim's hand in mine, intertwining our fingers. I felt terrible for what Snider had put him through. Terrible for how we had drifted apart. And how I had drifted into the arms and bed of another man. But that was something he did not know. And if he found out, I knew it would hurt him immensely. And any hope of fixing our marriage would be over.

"When Don Snider was arrested, he was questioned briefly, when he refused council. After twenty minutes, he changed his mind and requested a lawyer present. The twenty-minute interview that detective Vachio and I conducted was then no longer admissible in court. Because he never actually admitted breaking into your home when he was arrested, we ignored what he said. But what he did say is of interest to you two."

Jim gave me a brief look, pursed his lips, and leaned in as Maya pressed the play button.

Maya: "Mr. Snider. What did you want from Mrs. Johnson?"

Snider: "She owed it to me. I was her first! She played me. Teased me and never gave me any."

Maya: "Any what?"

Snider: "Sex! What do you think? The cock teaser never gave me any. The bitch! Instead she..."

Sobbing.

Vachio: "Don, let me get this straight. You dated Linda Reed, who is now Linda Johnson, back in 1996. Did you have a sexual relationship at any time?"

Snider: "She fucken teased me and then ignored me. Why is it important if we did or not?"

Vachio: "We are trying to determine the nature of your relationship with her, Don. That's all."

Snider. "I told you. I loved the bitch. I should have been her first. But she never let me near her pussy. The whore gave it away in college to some nobody. I hate her."

Maya: "Is that why you broke into her home? To rape her?"

Snider: "Fuck you bitch. I never said I was in her house. I want a lawyer."

Vachio: "Interview ended on April 26, 2002."

Jim stared at the tape player for a few seconds.

"Mr. Johnson?" Maya asked.

"Can you play that again?' Jim asked, continuing to grasp my hand.

Maya did as Jim asked and looked at him with a compassionate gaze. Throughout the second play of Snider's interview, Jim's hand trembled as he shook his head back and forth.

"That son of a bitch!" Jim said and dropped his face in his hands. His shoulders began shaking as he cried.

The emotions of realizing how Snider had almost ruined his life were too much for him to take. Maya and I exchanged knowing glances. In my mind, I wondered how I would tell Jim that I learned about the emails. With my free hand, I rubbed his shoulders to let him know he was not alone. Then Maya coughed to get our attention.

"Jim, can I call you Jim?" she asked.

He nodded as he got himself under control.

"Jim, we know about the emails Snider sent you."

He snapped his head first at Maya and then to me. But said nothing as he stared at me. Did he know I had seen them? That I had gone into his laptop. I was about to confess when Maya spoke again.

"Jim, I will deny any knowledge of them outside this room. How I know about them is not strictly legal. But I do know and let your wife know as well. Realizing how much the lies in those emails hurt you, we had to let you know and have you both hear the tape. Do you understand that all he said in those emails to you was a lie?"

Jim looked at me as his lip trembled. Then nodded as a tear ran down his face.

"He destroyed me inside Linda," he said. "I thought what he said about you was true. Please forgive me for not trusting you."

It all came down to that, his never talking to me about it and not trusting me. And in the distance he had created between us, I had given up on him. We had both given up on each other. Yet, no matter how low we had let each other down, he was still my guy. Always the father of our children.

"He couldn't get to me and hurt me, Jim. You stopped him that night he broke into our place. So he went after you instead. And in the process, he hurt us both."

Maya coughed again.

"I hate to say this, kids, but I gotta get back to work. If you got any questions, this is my email. Feel free to ask. I expect you to invite me and my significant other to dinner one of these nights."

We stood, and we all shook hands, but Maya gave each of us a hug.

"I wish I could give you a copy of the interview with Snider, but it's still evidence, and unless I get a court injunction to release it, it's staying locked up. Now you got some making up to do, but not here. If anyone is going to make out in a police station, it's us cops. And we're not allowed. So scram."

We drove home and met on our driveway. Jim got there first. When I got out of the car, he hugged me.

"I am so sorry, Linda," he said.

"Jim, I love you to no end. But we need to go back to counseling and work on that trust thing."

He nodded in agreement, and we walked into the house hand in hand. My mother must have had ESP or something because she asked if we wanted her to take the kids to her house. I love mom so much.

***

February did not suck for us

The weather in February was atrocious. Missed days at work and school as well as car accidents and power outages. On top of that, it was election year again. As is customary, we were subjected to endless political ads on TV for which liar to vote in the primaries. But we persevered and did our best to go on with life.

Jim and I went to therapy together and separate. But there was a new tone to the meetings. One of shared understanding about our past and the Snider chapter of our life. We let the marriage counselor know what we had learned at the police station.

I still had the emails and files from Jim's PC and Hotmail account, but let them be for another time to go through. So long as Jim and I were doing better, I didn't see the point of going back and looking.

I was still receiving texts and emails from Mark. And that had to be resolved. It had to be done face to face and in a way that there would be no scene and no confrontation. And no possibility of sex whatsoever. I decided that the best way to do this was as we started. So I contacted Mark and laid out the terms. He accepted.

Knowing that Jim had to work Saturdays to make up for lost snow days earlier in the month, I met Mark on Saturday, February 8th, at the mall food court. With our kids as chaperones. He was not happy, suggesting the Imperial Hotel instead, but I held firm. And surprisingly, it was easier than I thought it would be.

In the time since Mark and I stopped seeing each other, I had expected to miss the excitement of our fucking. But the way it had ended soured the entire experience for me. All I thought of was how, after I trusted him and gave him my back hole, he had abused me and cursed me out. It made it easier to end it, and I had no regrets. Yes, a big dick felt good, but the price was too high.

And since finding out the source of mine and Jim's problems in bed, I was convinced that had we had better communication, our sex life, as well as our marriage would have been much better off. So "Once more into the breach." Figuratively speaking, that is. I was meeting Mark, but there would be nothing of his, going into my breach.

Our children remembered each other soon playing in the kids' area. They are funny that way. Their life is divided between play and no play. Kind of like adults looking for trouble to get into. I would tell from the way Mark was looking at me that he craved our old sort of mischief.

"Stop looking at me that way," I scolded him. "If not the kids, other people will notice. People are used to your no mustache face. Pull that hat down."

Mark had worn a baseball cap and glasses to conceal his identity. The eyeglasses were fake. The non-prescription kind, suitable only for disguise. Still, an astute person with observation skills could make him out. But all we were doing was talking, and I had picked the place and time to let him have his say.

"I miss you," he finally said.

"I know you do," I replied.

"Don't you miss me? What we did?"

"No, Mark. The way our last time went, I don't miss you at all. I told you from the start this was going to be for sex only. I did that so you would not feel pressured by the starstruck bored married woman you saw me as. I wanted the experience of fucking you, and I enjoyed it right up until you showed me what you thought of me. But hey, there are plenty of married women for you to chase and fuck. You know... rock their world and trash their husbands."

I looked at him defiantly as he smirked.

"I'm better than your husband, and you know it."

"Mention my husband one more time, and you will be wearing my hot coffee," I snapped back, staring him down. "Try and grow the fuck up, Mark. You have children, for Christ's sake. You had me. Put a notch on your bedpost and move on."

"You don't understand, Linda," he said in a hushed tone as he leaned toward me. But I backed away. "Don't you understand? You are unique. Better than anyone else. I want you."

"Mark, are you crazy?" I asked incredulously. "You want us to leave our spouses, ruin our marriages and our kids' lives? For what? Fucking?"

"It was good Linda, we... we were good together. Admit it. I was the best you ever had."

"No, Mark, you were just the biggest dick I ever had. Sexually, and sadly for you, character-wise as well. Had you not done to me what you did last time. And had you not acted like an ass stalking my family and me... dammit Mark, I've been carrying a gun because of you. You need help. Stalking is something crazy people do."

"I'm not crazy."

"Mark, you were acting it. The only reason you and I are meeting is because you have not gone insane on me. A real nut job stalked me for years in the past. I know how bad they can get if they become obsessed, Mark. I am talking to you now before you go down that path."

"Linda, no one has broken up with me. Ever."

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Mark! Get over yourself. We're not in high school anymore. We are over thirty and have kids. This football thing you are doing is going to end soon. Then all you will have is memories of what you used to be unless you plan for your future."

He looked dejected.

"I have some years in me left."

"Five tops. If you don't get injured, that is," I reminded him. "Then you and Bella will have to live a normal life. You may have a lot of money, but the kids still need both of you. Don't make faces at me. You are married to a beautiful and successful woman. You two have great kids. Why are you in such a hurry to toss aside what other people would give their left foot to have. You must know that there are men sniffing around Bella. Or are you blind?"

He looked uncomfortable at all I said to him.

"Can't we just go back to what we had?" he asked.

In that instant, I questioned if he was the father of those lovely kids. They seemed smart. Their dad was thinking like an idiot. In that instant, I felt pity for him.

"Mark," I said, trying to reach him one last time. "Please, I beg you. If you do have any feelings for me, don't ruin my family. You may not care about yours, but I care about mine. Please don't do anything rash like go to my husband or divorce Bella over me. If you ruin my family, I will never forgive you. Please. Please let's part as friends. We had our fun, and it's time to let it be a memory and move on.

"And one more thing I need you to ponder. Let's say for argument's sake that we left our spouses for each other. We are both cheaters, Mark. Untrustworthy people. How long do you think it will be that you will wonder where I am if I am a little late coming home? Because I know I will have those thoughts about you, Mark."

He stared back at me, and for a few seconds, I thought I had gotten through to him. In the end, he just shook his head. Had I wasted my time?

"You are throwing away something real good, Linda," he replied. "I know you need that something extra on the side. People like us always do. Let the mortals live that nine to five life with rules and constraints. Fuck that. I chose to have the fun I deserve. You can be part of that fun, but now you are going through the guilt and remorse part of being a mere mortal. But you have tasted the nectar of the gods..."

He nodded to me, waving at the crowd around us as if he and I knew something the world did not.

"The invitation to continue where we left off is still open. It will always be open, Baby Girl."

I have to say that if there was one moment he tempted me was when he mentioned his pet name for me. The recesses of my mind and my pussy conspired to remind me how good his cock had indeed felt, slithering inside me and pumping me senseless. But I never let on, and I endured his attempt to lure me back.

"Think about what I told you, Mark," I replied. "Now, we have to go. Which way are you parked?"

"By Sax," he replied.

"So are we," I said and stood. "We'll walk with you. Let's leave as friends, Mark."

Getting the kids to leave turned into a project, but then that's what happens when one has little ones, and they are playing with friends their age. The girls asked if we could have the other over to play. That got the boys to ask too. They were so innocent.

"Maybe another time I said," and moved them along.

If I had my way, my children and I would never see Mark and his kids ever again.

We were parked on the west side of Sax, while Mark and his kids were on the east. Stopping to say our goodbyes, I stood next to Mark, and he turned to me.

"Take care, Mark," I said and was moving away when I sensed a flash in the reflection of the store glass window next to us.

Shit! In the reflection, I had seen a man with a camera bag and a high-end camera.

A paparazzo! He had been behind me and not caught my face.

Moving quickly, grabbing a kid in each hand, I ran into Sax. Moving fast in the isles, I found a west exit and hustled the kids out and into our SUV.

Even with the disguise, the photographer had recognized Mark or thought he did. I didn't stick around to find out. And I didn't go back to that mall for months.

***

That night Jim and I got the kids to sleep and had some alone time. Things were far from perfect, but they were getting better between us. While we were making out and eventually fucked for a change, I had a thought. It was something Jim had said once, and I thought it was time for a surprise. And a change.

The next day I went to a hair salon, had my hair died very dark brown and straightened. All I had to do was dye my blond roots, and I would be Jessica Biel for him. I saw how my husband perked up when he saw that Stealth movie. And if his wife changed her looks for Valentine's Day, so she would not be recognized as Mark LaValierre's harlot, who could blame her?

Going across town, I shopped at a different mall for a blue dress I had seen in the past and some new lingerie and heels to go with. Jim and I would have our Valentine's Day date and reconnect. Something we had been working on since the day at the police station.