February Sucks - The Bus

"Will you tell me about his injury's?" I asked, trying the change the topic.

For the next five minutes, Ruth proceeded to tell me how Jim had broken bones, ruptured organs and a variety of bruising. We were interrupted by the kids, and both of us put aside our talk getting the kids into bed. They were exhausted from the trip to the hospital and crying at my earlier meltdown. So, once we got them settled, they went off to sleep quickly.

When we went back out to the lounge, Ruth asked for a glass of wine.

"Linda, I'm staying here for the moment. I'm not asking. I'm telling you. You have fucked up this family, and I need to be here for everyone." She looked at me accusingly. "Even you. So, I'm having, and you're giving me a god damm glass of wine."

I hesitated a little but gave my acceptance. If there was any chance to make this right, Ruth might be my only path forward. I went to the kitchen, poured her a glass of wine, and we sat back down in the lounge.

Nothing was said for a few minutes as she looked out the window at our garden, Jim loved to work in our garden, and as the weather warmed up and the snow melted, he would usually spend a couple of weekends making sure everything looked amazing.

"What were you thinking, Linda?" Ruth asked, still looking out the window. "I mean, were you and Jim unhappy, was he unsatisfying in bed. What were you thinking?" she never glanced my way.

I hung my head in shame. "I wasn't thinking, Ruth. I honestly wasn't thinking. As Marc danced with me, nothing went through my mind. Then he suggested we escape. Nothing entered my mind as I told him about the hotel room. Nothing went through my mind until I got home and found the house empty. So, I have no justification, no excuse, nothing."

Ruth then turned to look at me. Her gaze was like a hawk eyeing a rodent from the air. Then she frowned.

"That's not a very good response Linda. Were you unhappy?"

"My goodness, no, Jim has always gone out of his way to please me."

"Was he not cutting it in bed?" she asked, holding her wine and an eyebrow raised.

I blushed, talking to his mother, "No, Jim and I have always had an amazing sex life."

"Did he beat you then?"

I was shocked, "Ruth, you know better than that. Your son would never lift a hand to a woman, let alone his wife."

"Sorry, Linda, but I am trying for the life of me to figure out why you would disrespect my son so much that you not only left him for some muscle-bound freak. But you also took that freak to the hotel room that Jim had booked for a romantic evening of loving and sex between husband and wife."

"Marc is not a muscle-bound fr...." I caught myself.

Ruth raised her eyebrow again.

"How did you know?" I asked Ruth. Bile began rising from my stomach. "Ruth, how did you know that I was with Marc in the hotel room?"

"After you abandoned Jim for your little once-off night. Jim didn't know what to do. You had just humiliated him in front of your friends, and he was upset like you have never known. He decided to come back to the hotel room and get his bag before coming home and getting the kids. He'd pulled out his room card, and right before he opened the door, he heard you moaning through an orgasm."

I started hyperventilating. No, he didn't hear that, no, my poor Jim. Ruth continued.

"He told me he must have been standing there for about five minutes before one of the hotel staff interrupted him, so Jim went back downstairs, it was then in a daze, having just had his loving wife destroy his very soul that he was hit by one of the hotel's incoming shuttle buses."

I looked at Ruth, her eyes were again accusing, and there was no compassion in her demeanour at all. I took one look and saw her disgust and threw up. I hadn't eaten correctly for days, so there was little but bile in my stomach. It burnt my throat as it came up, the acid spewing forth from my mouth and over the coffee table and rug in front of me. I dry reached, unable to calculate the pain I had put my husband through. I fell to my hands and knees from the cough, heaving as I had nothing left to throw up.

A few minutes later, Ruth handed me a washcloth and a bucket.

"Here, clean yourself up. Then let's clean up this mess." She said simply.

We cleaned up my vomit, took the rug outside, and hosed it down. We said nothing else as we hung the rug and walked back inside.

Ruth looked at me coldly, disgusted at what I had done. I know I deserved every part of it. I had let another man take me to bed. I uttered a good night and went to bed saying nothing else. I tossed and turned for hours, wondering what else I had done to hurt the man I loved.

[:::: Jim ::::]

The following week, I felt a whole lot better. After a couple of days, they cautiously got me out of bed to stand with the aid of two orderlies to check my movement. Unfortunately, I would be confined to a wheelchair for the foreseeable future. Two broken legs and a broken arm meant I couldn't use crutches. I was worried about my insurance but found out the hotel was paying for everything as their shuttle bus hit me.

My mother bought the kids to see me most days, and she let me know that Linda wasn't doing very well. I was passive any time Linda was mentioned on the outside, but inside I was all over the place. I was still really hurt physically and then broken on the inside by her betrayal, but I felt sorry for my wife. Mom believed that Linda was genuinely remorseful for what she did, telling me about her physical reactions to some of their conversations. But mom admitted she had no idea what the next steps were.

We spoke privately about divorce, and I knew it was a real option, and it's where my head was at, feeling like the only way forward.

I managed to call work and inform the management I was in the hospital. They let me know I had plenty of leave to have a few months off. But to get better and come back soon.

I spent a lot of time thinking about Linda, about what she did and why. I felt we were happily married. Even when she went dancing with the asshole, I never thought she could betray me as she had. It sucked that I still loved her like crazy, but I didn't know what to do. It sounded like she was sorry I got hurt but was there any more regret for what she did?

I also called a lawyer friend from high school. He dealt in corporate law but gave me a reference to a family lawyer, Annabelle Brown, who agreed to come in and meet with me to go over my situation.

When she arrived, I was stunned to see a gorgeous blond with curves in all the right places and no wedding ring walk in the room.

"Jim, I presume", taking one look at me and calculating everything, this woman was sharp as a tack.

She pulled out a seat, sat down and pulled out one of those yellow legal pads.

"So, let's start at the beginning," she said

For the next three hours, I told my story about the planned romantic evening with my wife, Marc LaValliere's seduction of my wife, my finding them fucking in the hotel room I reserved and then walking out and getting hit by a bus.

She made notes, had me repeat parts several times and asked questions. She also frowned a lot.

"Well, Jim," she said when I finished the retelling. "I won't beat around the bush. With your injuries and what I am sure we can get from witness statements and security camera's, I can likely secure you a favourable settlement in a divorce, a settlement from the hotel and likely a settlement from the LaValliere management team. Of course, none of them will want this to go public. So, your accident puts you in an excellent position."

She paused.

"Is this what your want?" she asked.

"I don't know, from LaValliere, certainly, but Linda. Despite everything, honestly, I still love her."

She nodded, "Jim, this isn't unusual, granted; you're a more extreme case than I usually work with, but you need to decide what you want to do and quickly."

"How much is it going to cost," I asked.

"My fees," she dismissed, "don't worry, by the time I'm finished, the hotel and LaValliere will cover those. If you divorce your wife, it will be a fifty-fifty split, though you need to be aware she will likely get the kids, and you will need to pay child support."

I nodded. I expected something like that.

"Look, let's get all three started. All of this takes time so go for it." I told her

She nodded.

"Jim?" she asked hesitatingly. I looked at my new lawyer, "I've been doing this a while, and one thing, while hurtful, is that I think you need to talk to your wife before we serve her divorce papers."

She held up a hand as I frowned at her, "I know, I know, your hurt and I understand how much more your pride is wounded, your trust shattered. I see this all the time. Even for us lawyers who make our money doing this, we see no winners in divorce. But you have children with her, Jim. Think of them. Talking to your wife before starting everything will help you in the long run." I sighed; she was right. "Just think about it, okay?"

I would.

[:::: Linda ::::]

Dee called today and asked after Jim, I put the phone on the kitchen table on speaker as I grabbed a box of tissues and told her the basics while crying over the phone, and I was surprised about how unsympathetic she was.

"Well, Linda, I'm glad he's not dead, but it serves him right. He should have stayed with us so we could look after him instead of going after you while you and Marc had your night of passion."

'Dee, how can you say that? Jim's in the hospital. He almost died because of what we did. And he didn't go after us. I took Marc back to the hotel room that Jim booked for us without thinking."

Dee snorted, "So what? It's not like he needed it. Look, right now, Jim needs to spend this time and get his head on straight. Your night with Marc was everything you thought it would be, correct?"

"Well, yes, I think so," I responded quietly, no longer convinced of that fact.

"Well then, there you go. When Jim gets out, just look after him." She paused then said, "Perhaps in the meantime, you should hook up with Marc again and get some loving. If Jim's out of action, you'll need some relief." Dee giggled.

I was appalled. I had already destroyed the man I loved, despite the great sex. Why would a friend tell me to compound that mistake by cheating on Jim again? Finally, I was coming to see it was not worth it. I would trade just one hug, one kiss from Jim to wipe away the memories of that night. If I could go back in time, I would have refused that first dance with Marc. It wasn't worth this pain.

"Linda?" Dee queried when I didn't respond.

I shook my head. "Sorry Dee, but it doesn't matter what I did, I destroyed the best man I know. And I asked you to help me. So now, when I regret it, you tell me to go to Marc again when I tell you what happened. Dee, you're not a good friend."

'Linda, I'm sorry I didn't mean..."

"No Dee, I think you did mean it," I said, getting angry. "I saw your jealous eyes that night in the bathroom as I betrayed my husband, you wanted it to be yourself going with Marc, not me, and every time you bring it up since the wistfulness in your voice betrays you." I heard her gasp on the other end of the phone.

"Linda..." she started to say. I cut her off.

"If you want to spend a night with Marc so badly, I'll give you, his number. I can't un-fuck him or my marriage. Yes, Dee, the sex was great. But let me tell you something, Jim has given me much stronger orgasms that lasted a lot longer than anything Marc could do. My time with Marc was a fantasy I should never have let myself have."

"Linda, it's okay. You don't need to tell me this." Dee was trying to backpedal.

"No Dee, I think I do, you want the truth, yes Marc was a skilled lover, he was big and strong, his cock felt amazing, but it was all about him, I was just along for the ride and got off because I was stupid. Jim," I paused and bit my lip lost in memories of my husband and me in bed, "Jim could put Marc to shame in bed every day of the week. When Jim takes you to bed, he looks after you. Your needs come first. Jim knows how to please my body in ways that Marc has not even got a concept of. Jim knows how to use his tongue, and he knows how to touch you to turn you on. Marc just fucks and makes you think he's amazing. Looking back now and telling you this. I am ashamed because, for all Marc's supposed prowess in bed, he will never be half the lover my husband is."

"Linda, you don't have to justify it. I'm sorry I went off on Jim, and maybe I wished I was you being swept up, but it was you, and you're the one who walked out the door. Not me." She said, trying to get out from under the conversation and her responsibility.

"And there's the rub," I said to Dee, "I'm the one who walked out the door. I'm the one who fucked her life and her family. I'm the one who, if I had kept my head, wouldn't have her husband in the hospital.

"Dee, I think you need to stop calling me. You should have told me off that night, not encouraged me to go. I think I need to find some better friends and hope beyond all hope that Jim can find it in his heart to forgive me. If I have to crawl naked over broken glass to get him to forgive me, I will. I would strip this instant and do it just to hear his voice."

"That's a bit overdramatic, isn't' it?" Dee asked.

"No, Dee, I don't think it is. I honestly don't know if even that would be enough, I've killed everything, and I'm sorry I ever let my cunt rule my mind. I'll forever regret that night, and every feeling of passion, every touch I felt, even the feeling of my orgasms that that asshole Marc gave me is now nothing but regret. If Jim divorces me, I won't fight it. He deserves so much better than me. Goodbye Dee."

I hung up the phone.

As I sat down and cried, my anger at Dee retreated to be replaced with more regret. I never noticed the shadow retreating down the hall or the phone held facing me.

[:::: Jim ::::]

I was feeling a little bittersweet at the moment. But, in two days, I would be released from the hospital. My recovery was going well, the organ damage I had sustained was healing, and my legs and arm, other than being itchy, were healing how they should, according to the doctors.

But getting out of the hospital also meant I had to go home, which meant I had to face Linda. I had not seen or talked to her since she left me that night, and from what I understood, she was having a hard time with things, which made me angry even though she was the main reason she was having a hard time. I felt bad because she felt terrible. How screwed up is that.

But I still had two days, and I suppose a conversation with Linda was a given. I'd had many people come through to visit me. My mother came by with the kids most days, my older brother and sister had dropped by, and I'd had a few people from work drop by. I'd given new humour to the old joke of being hit by a bus to get out of work. It also got back to me that a few people had heard the rumours about Marc and Linda, but I told everyone that I needed to recover not worry about rumours.

That afternoon it was just before dinner. I was sitting watching TV. Mom was in the process of dropping the kids home and let me know she would bring me a burger and fries back. I was pondering the upcoming and inevitable conversation with Linda when David and Dee walked into the room.

Dee laughed. "Linda wasn't lying; it does look like you got hit by a bus," Dee said as they walked into the room.

I scowled, "What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Intervention," Dee said dismissively. I looked at David, and he didn't look happy.

"Why?"

"Because you need to pull your head out of your ass and forgive Linda," Dee responded matter of factly.

"Dee, you of all people have no right to waltz in here and demand anything. You are dammed lucky that I'm talking to you and not asking security to remove you after what you did!"

"After what I did?" she looked at me incredulously.

I nodded, "What did Dee do?" David asked.

"She enabled my wife to cheat on me," I stated.

David snorted, "Jim, I don't know what you think. Yeah, it was a pretty shitty thing that Linda did to you, but Dee didn't enable it. Did you, honey?"

"David, I...." Dee began, but David caught the look in his wife's eyes.

He looked at his wife. "Dee, tell me you didn't really enable Linda to walk out with Marc and held Jim back as he accused you that night. Did you?"

"David, Linda deserved..." Dee started.

"Oh fuck Dee, you did. We thought Jim was just acting out, rightly upset. But it WAS you that ensured that Linda left with Marc, then you stopped Jim, you ran your bloody womanly interference that put Jim here!" he accused.

"No, David, Linda wanted to do it. I just helped..."

"Like hell you did," David started. He looked at me then back to his wife, "Jim was right that night. You could have convinced Linda to stay, not enable her to cheat on her husband. And don't get off on the fact that Linda 'deserved' to commit adultery with another man. There is no right way to fuck around on your husband. So, Dee, if Marc walked up to you, would you feel you deserved to run out on me and fuck him, then think it wouldn't affect us?"

"David, I..."

"You know what, save it, Dee, I'm disgusted with you right now." David looked over at me. "Jim, I am so sorry; we should have believed you and backed you up that night. But unfortunately, I was listening to my obviously delusional wife. I guess we all need to look at our wives' fidelity. I think Dee's is pointing a different direction."

Wow, I wasn't expecting that. I thought all of them approved of Linda's actions that night.

"Common Dee, I don't think either of us deserves to be around Jim right now. Let's go!" Dave said.

Dee complained, and David dragged her out. She yelled for me to get my head out of my ass as she was handled out the door, and they were gone.

A little later, Nurse Ellen came in, and we spoke about David and Dee's visit until my mom turned up. She sat down and deposited a burger and a large side of fries with gravy over them on my hospital table. I told her about David and Dee coming around and how David dragged Dee out of the room, her still spouting nonsense about me getting my head right.

She looked a little miffed.

"What is it, mom?"

She looked at me and hesitated, then pulled out a letter and placed it on the hospital table in front of me. On it in large writing were the words 'Jim' in Linda's big and bold writing.

"Do you know what's in this?" I ask as I picked up the letter, suddenly nervous.

"More or less," she nodded. "we've been talking, and she's spent the last few days writing this. But after you read it, I also need to let you know something else. So, I'll leave you alone for a few minutes to read the letter. And Jim."

She looked at me, trying to decide on what to say.

"While in no way do I condone anything she did, that woman has more regret inside her than any person I have ever met. So, judge her, but please don't hate her." And with that, she left.

I opened the letter and for a moment just looked at the pages. They were written in Linda's cursive handwriting, always elegant, and for a moment, it made me smile. I read:

Jim,

There are no words that I can write that can express the remorse that I feel for what I have done to you. I took your love, your devotion and everything, then trashed it in in a single moment of stupidity that has not just affected you and me, but our kids, our family and our friends.

You deserve so much more, and I will forever mourn the loss of our trust that night. I've been trying to put things together around how stupid I have been, and I will try to be as honest as possible here. I think I owe you that at the very least.