Fifteen

Jensen has always loved the first day back in Vancouver.

When the show started, it wasn't a thing, really. Then they got picked up for a second season, a third, fourth - eleven years later, that first night gathering is always a special, warm time, and he looks forward to it every year. After a summer of cons, vacation, and doing the stuff he's not normally up for during filming, getting the whole cast and crew back together is special. Familiar.

This time the melancholy's a little higher than normal, because it's the last time they'll get to be here for this.

Hell of a thing, committing almost his entire adult life to a project like this. One that he wants to be proud of, something that he helped build from nothing and it's a huge, huge cultural niche, a community that Jensen can't imagine being without. He doesn't want to be.

He's done a pretty good job of not thinking about it. Being the last one.

He reserved one of he and Jared's favorite restaurants for the night, taking a whole floor, the bar open, the food incredible. All on him. These guys have worked their asses off for them, and Jensen hopes like hell they know how much they mean to him. Both him and Jared.

Who's still not here, and the party's been underway for a couple of hours now. Something about a delayed flight, wrapping up a few things back home. It's been two days since Jensen left him in Texas, and it's two days too long. Going without Jared's an awful lot like going without water.

I just landed, see you soon.

The last message he'd gotten from Jay, two hours ago. Yeah, Vancouver is busy but it doesn't take that long to get from the airport, even with traffic. Jensen's trying like hell not to panic, positive that if something had happened to him, he'd have heard about it. News travels fast, even here, and there's not a soul in this room who wouldn't withhold anything crucial.

"Why the long face, Jen?" Murray, one of the sound guys, deposits himself on the stool next to Jensen at the bar, cradling a half-downed Olympia. "Aside from, you know. The elephant in the room."

He's a good guy, Murray. But Jensen's hesitant to spill to just anyone about why he's feeling a little more sore than normal. Not like he can just share openly, especially since his sadness is Jared-shaped - or the lack of it. "Nothin', man, just a little tired. You guys don't quit."

"It's nine o'clock, Jensen, hardly bedtime yet." Murray might be in his late twenties, and Jensen... isn't. Forty one came and went, and today, he's feeling it. You spend so much time with a person, and you just get used to having them around. He can count on one hand the number of days this summer that he didn't wake up with Jared next to him, and two of them have been the last couple of nights. He just doesn't sleep as well without Jared next to him, hogging the covers and then throwing himself over Jensen's body once he realizes he's cold. It makes something sharp twinge in his gut, taking a sip of his own beer to cover.

Plain and simple, he misses Jay. A whole fucking lot, and he wants him here.

"Yeah, easy for you to say."

Murry nods, still looking at Jensen. "He's not ditchin' us, is he?"

"Who, Jay? Nah. He's coming." Jensen looks towards the doors, like doing so will magically produce Jared from them. "Texted me a while ago."

He's not sure if that long counts as "a while" or if it's just straight up too long. Either way, there's no one that wants him here worse than Jensen. If he's being completely honest with himself, he's gone from missing to pining. They've talked about what they want to do after the show wraps, and the most agreed upon consensus is to just... go. Wherever, with each other. Jared's talked about going to Greece, enjoying the ouzo and the sun and talking about the old world while the sweat of sex cools on their bodies in the open-windowed suite of their hotel. God, it actually makes Jensen's heart hurt to know that he can have that, if he wants it.

And he does.

Jensen's phone vibrates, making him startle - Murray gives him another look, turns away to let Jensen answer it.

Just got here - promise you won't laugh when you see me?

Jensen has to bite his lip to stop from smiling, replying back is there reason to laugh?

Most of the time, Jensen laughs with Jared, never at him. What could have happened in the last couple of days that he's going to have any sort of cause to laugh at him?

With Jared, there's no telling. He's just going to have to be patient for a little while longer, and Jared will show him soon enough. Hell, seeing him is probably going to make Jensen forget all about it, anyway. Jensen's off his stool and makes his way to the door, heart in his throat. He's got to fight the natural impulse to kiss him - a whole summer of doing that uninhibited is a hard habit to just kick cold like that.

Jared looks up and sees Jensen on the last step up and nearly trips over himself to get to him, beanie firmly on his head and bringing with him the scent of pine and clean sweat and warm blooded happiness, whispering missed you, Jen in his ear, holding on tight before he lets him go and makes his way inside, Jensen hanging back a second to let Jared's presence wash over him. Fifty hours was too damn long, and his beard's even better looking now than it was before, fuller, darker, and Jensen's very much looking forward to running his fingers through it. His mouth, too.

He'd give a lot to snatch Jared back to him and kiss him until he's breathless, and then do it all over again.

Jensen wanders back in, planting himself firmly at Jared's side once he's worked his way through the crowd, giving hugs, handshakes, every welcome back just as sincere and warm as the one preceding it.

Lights up the whole goddamn room, just by being there.

Jared rolls the sleeves of his Henley up, beanie still on, moving a chair out so that Jensen can sit down at the table with him while he eats. He can't stop looking at him, not for a second. "So what's the big deal about me not laughing at you?"

"Well... Cynthia called me before I took off. Wanted to get me in the chair as soon as she could for uh, a haircut." He picks up a hushpuppy, biting into with relish and a moan that should not be as sexy as it is. "So she did."

"So? Is it bad?"

Jared shrugs, looking away from Jensen. "It's just... shorter than I thought it would be." He hesitantly takes his beanie off and yeah, it is short. Not short by other people's standards, but short for Jared. The color job that Jared got last week (even though Jensen insists that the grey he's getting is hot as fuck) looks even more layered than it did, and... he can see his neck. A lot of it. The edge of a fading hickie just under his collar, like so many that he's left on Jared's skin over the years.

Jensen can't fucking help it; he reaches out and runs his fingers through the ends, laughing. "You really don't like it?"

"It's not that, man, just... I know what it means. That I won't have to get it cut for the show but what, maybe one more time?" Jared looks down, chewing his lip. God, he's emotional too, and Jensen was doing okay for the last little bit but now, he's not anymore. Not when his boy's feeling it as well.

"You uh, know that beard's not gonna fly, right?" Jensen changes the direction of the conversation fast, and scruffs his knuckles through Jared's beard, making it look playful. "If Dean's gotta be cleaned up, you do too."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Still got time before we start filming tomorrow." Jared looks up, wipes his eyes, tongue stuck in his cheek. Takes a second to gather himself, because you know, they're in public. And have already had their share of longing sorrow on top of it. "I didn't shave for a reason."

Warmth bursts below Jensen's stomach, wanting to read a hell of a lot into that statement - but waits for Jensen to go on. He drops his voice, leans in so that only Jared can hear him.

"Think I've got enough beard burn down there to last me a lifetime, Jay."

Jared smiles, big and bright, and it makes Jensen want to kiss him all the more. "Jen, come on. No I... you keep complaining you never get to use your straight razor and I thought uh, I could be practice for you."

That warm feeling spreads, creeping up Jensen's neck and makes the back of his neck prickle. A couple of years ago, Jared had gifted him a full shaving set for Christmas, and it's kinda sad that it's been used as infrequently as it has. It's not even about using it - Jared's placing a hell of a lot of trust in his hands, and he knows it. Jensen grinds his jaw, weighing Jared's proposal very, very carefully.

"You know I'd hate for somethin' to go wrong and you end up with stitches."

"Won't need 'em, Jen. Cause nothing will go wrong."

The conviction in Jared's voice is so deeply sure that Jensen just nods, and he's right. Jensen couldn't hurt him even accidentally. "Been a while since I used it on myself, you know that, right?"

"See? You need the practice anyway."

Jensen's pretty sure that he needs practice at a lot more things than that, but if shaving Jared is going to be tonight's challenge?

He'll gladly accept.

***

Jensen's had an easier time keeping his hands off of Jared for a week before, but the last two days have worn his patience thin, so he has to settle for friendly touches while they're at the restaurant, managing to hang on for another hour and a half before they finally decide to call it a night, with Clif in tow as they head down the SUV that Clif brought Jensen in, one specially built for them. It has its own privacy screen between the driver and the rear seat, and all it takes is a nod for him to put it up, and two seconds later Jensen has the front of Jared's shirt twisted in his fingers, finding his mouth in the dark and drinking him in, deep, long gulps that have Jared crushed into the corner of his seat as Jensen tried to fuse them together.

Jared kisses back, and Jensen's heart settles right in place, all of his pieces in order and Jared, God, Jared just lets him have as much as he wants, breaking the kiss for just a second to get a look at Jensen's eyes, hands cupping his face before he's pulling him back down. He's so wound up and tight from the time without Jared that it's not taking much to stir the hot, sucking flame of arousal, hasn't so much as touched himself since the morning he left Texas. Couldn't stand the thoughts of doing it without Jared there, just because it's never as good. Not by himself.

"I'm gonna miss this." Jensen finally slides out of Jared's lap, but doesn't even begin to think about letting go of him. He runs his thumbs through Jared's beard, going for another kiss. "The whole 'tall and beardy' look is one we seriously need to talk about keeping on a permanent basis."

Jared laughs, kisses down the side of Jensen's neck, a left turn making him slide his weight into Jensen's body, warm and solid. "Well, Jen, I've got news for you - the tall part doesn't go away."

"Yeah, tell me about it. Giant." Jensen can't help it, kisses him again and stays there until they pass through the lot's gate, and Clif drops them off right in front of Jensen's trailer. They bid him good night and then it's a race up the three tiny steps and through the thin metal door, eager to just get their hands on each other's skin, never mind any sort of climax at the moment. They can be patient for that - Jensen just wants Jared, and they don't make it four steps before Jared's got him against the wall, hands keeping him in place by his hips, angling so that every kiss gets deeper and deeper. Jared's beard tickles his smooth-shaved cheeks, scraping ever so against his tongue as the kisses get needier, sloppier, open-mouthed in a way that screams they should have been apart longer than two days. Jensen's burning up with it, need, longing, trying to chase away the sadness that's been lingering at the back of his mind all day.

Jensen takes the beanie off of Jared's head and tosses it towards the couch, letting Jared work at his button down. "I gotta confess - I think I got more turned on by thinking about you shaving me than I have anything else all day. Knowing I'd get to see you tonight, that's one thing but..." Jared stops, fingers smoothing over the smooth expanse of Jensen's chest, over his collarbones and neck. "Okay, never mind, this is still pretty good too."

"Glad to know I still hold an appeal for you." Jensen gently smacks his chest, goes for the dip of his pecs where the collar of his Henley's open. "I am doin' just your face, right? Cause I don't have enough shaving cream for the rest of you."

Jared rolls his eyes, pushing Jensen's shirt off of his shoulders. "Yeah, let's save the world the trouble of guessing why Sam doesn't have any body hair. Read enough fics that make a big enough deal out of it that taking it away would be criminal."

Jensen chuckles, helping Jared out of his shirt. Runs his fingers, greedily, through the soft spread of his chest hair, all the way down to his hips. The waistband of his Saxx - blue and white ones today - peek out of the top of his jeans, a temptation that Jensen's going to leave right where they are for now. "Come on - late enough already."

There's not a super easy place in the trailer's tiny bathroom for the both of them to comfortably arrange themselves, but they compromise on Jared sitting on the toilet with his face tilted up instead of him leaning against the edge of the sink. The difference in height is going to make this a challenge, but it's manageable.

That and Jared looks so damned excited that Jensen couldn't tell him no if he wanted to.

"So you've been reading Wincest again, huh?" Jensen wets his cheeks with warm water, waiting on the cream warmer to do its thing. The razor's already sharpened, and Jensen forces himself to stop being nervous - shaky hands aren't going to make this any easier. "Something about that seems a little weird. Especially since we get to put 'em back on tomorrow."

"Like you don't get hot thinking about it too." Jared's got his right hand resting deep in on his right thigh, fingers almost certainly curled around his hard cock. Jensen had him leave his pants on for a reason, same as him. The fewer distractions, the better. Plenty of time for that sort of contact after. "'S good stuff."

Jensen just shakes his head, testing the cream warmer - right where he wants it. He squirts a generous portion out into his fingers, working it into Jared's beard with the soft-haired brush, watches Jared close his eyes. He's got crinkles too, deeper than this time last year but fuck, he's aging just as gracefully as the best of them. Every movement of Jensen's thumbs over his cheeks just makes him relax further and further, until the tension is gone out of Jensen too and he finally picks up the razor.

"Hold still, Jay." Jensen takes a deep breath and slowly draws the razor over Jared's cheek, feels Jared's eyes on him as it glides, smooth as silk, right over his skin. Jensen can feel the hair being cut away, and the moment he's cleared, he leans down and puts his lips right to the spot he just shaved, listens to Jared hum with contentment.

"Think you missed a spot."

"Shh, you're supposed to stay quiet while I do this." Jensen straightens, wets the razor, and does it again. It gets easier by the time he's got the left side of Jared's face done, neck and everything. Jared's being extremely patient, only opening his eyes when Jensen pauses, a mix of devotion and long-lived in familiarity coloring his eyes almost green.

"Promise you won't laugh at me?" Jensen lathers him again, and starts in on the right side. "This is the sort of thing I think about doing every day. With you. Just regular shit like this, Jay and... I know that it's coming to an end but it helps knowin' that you'll be there at with me. And this isn't going anywhere." Jensen's voice keeps catching in his throat, feeling a tear roll down his left cheek. "Hell of a thing we did, Jay."

"Always will be." Jared got quiet - really quiet - and Jensen gets down on his knees and hugs him, arms tight around his neck. He thought that he was done with it all feeling so overwhelming, this long, good run they've had finally coming to an end. Yeah, there's gonna be an Impala at the end, a hell of a lot of memories and laughs and heartbreak but it pales, just a little bit, to Jared.

Jensen pulls back, wiping his eyes, tries for a smile. "Need to get you finished up, can't have you going around three quarters done. Might wanna talk with your barber and tell him to get his shit together."

"Yeah, he's a pretty lousy guy." Jared wipes his eyes too, offers Jensen the right side of his neck. "Hurry up, I gotta find some way to pay him for his service."

Jensen's cock stirs, and alright, Jared's right about that one.

It doesn't take long for him to finish, and by the time the last stroke of the razor's done and he's put on post-shave balm (woodlands scented, because Jensen believes in keeping a good thing going), Jared's face is as smooth as ever, and Jensen lets him inspect the job he's done for himself. He stands behind Jared, arms wrapped around his middle, watches him run his fingers over his jeaks. His hands are free to go where they please, and Jared locks eyes with him when he gets his jeans undone, hand going past the waistband of his Saxx to grip his cock, hard and sticky with precome.

"So I might have a thing for you shaving me." Jared turns around and Jensen pushes his jeans all the way down, leaving Jared completely naked, his to touch. "And I think that we might want to discuss it further on the bed. Don't you agree?"

"No, I'm gonna stay here and do my manscaping first." Jensen nips at his jaw, biting into the soft fucker Jared lets out when Jensen rolls his left nipple between his fingers. He's so, so glad to have him, soft and relaxed and beautiful, and by the time they get to the bed, Jensen's naked too, thigh keeping Jared's legs spread, weight held across his hips and stomach.

"Lube's under the pillow," Jensen murmurs, and Jared doesn't waste a second in handing it to him. He can't stop marveling at just how good of a job the razor did, the sharp cut of Jared's profile even further enhanced. He kisses every inch, constantly wandering back to Jared's mouth, surprised when Jared takes his hand and puts it to his hole, the blood rushing fast through Jensen's body.

"Been a while," Jared says, gasping when the cold lube touches his skin. "Just got the itch for it today, and... fuck, Jen, I want you inside me. Need that thick cock fillin' me up tonight."

Jensen wants to say thank you to whatever god put the idea in Jared's head, and sets about opening him up. Jared, when he tops, is all exuberance, strength, a "I'm going to put you where I fucking want you" sort of top - it's the completel opposite now. He's putty in Jensen's hands, and every finger that Jensen adds, he becomes more and more open to him, body sprawled, fingers hardly ever straying from Jensen's hair. Holds him close, moans getting louder when Jensen slips in that fourth finger and goes over his prostate, ignored until now, giving him just enough to get a breathy c'mon, Jensen, fucking need you out of him.

"Got you, Jay." Jensen has to get up and reach for a condom, rolling it onto his cock quick, lubes up and puts a pillow under Jared's hips, those long, long legs held back, showing off his hairy ass and right in the middle, the pink burst of his gaped hole. Jensen tears his gaze away and lines himself up, Jared's fingers wrapped around the back of his neck, gripping tight enough to bruise when Jensen bottoms out.

God, it has been a while, long enough that Jensen has long forgotten how fucking tight Jared's ass is, something that belongs only to him. Jensen will freely admit he's possessive as hell over it, and Jared... Jared gives it when he wants. Without hesitation.