Finding Amy

She pinched at her nipples through the sheer bra until they were sensitive and erect and then ran her fingers over the tight material of the thong that barely covered her crotch.

She looked like a perfect little slut and very soon others would know it too.

Her hips bucked slightly as she masturbated nervously in front of her mirror. She felt her own wetness begin to seep through and soak her thong. It was now or never.

Ashley had now gone from feeling simple fear to a state total terror. But there was something beautiful in that terror. Something exhilarating.

Her apartment was on the ground floor of a busy residential building and aside from opening a window there was only one entry and exit point. Her front door.

Ashley walked through the kitchen. The sound of her heels echoed on the tile floor. The air felt cool against her exposed skin.

She saw her apartment keys sitting on the counter as she walked by. She didn't scoop them up like she always did before leaving her apartment, this time she ignored them and just kept walking.

"You don't have to do this" Ashley said to herself as she stared at her apartment door.

Her mind just repeated 'Oh Fuck...Oh Fuck....Oh Fuck' over and over again as she opened the door and walked into her apartment complex hallway.

She gave a sharp tug on the handle and she heard the locks engage behind her as the door slammed shut.

She was now locked out of her own apartment.

For a few seconds Ashley actually felt triumphant, but that feeling didn't last long.

Within moments the reality of her situation hit her hard and the real fear began.

5

Ashley woke up the next day at 10 am. She was safe in her bed and secure inside her own apartment now, but things were far from normal.

She peered underneath the bed covers to discover that she was still wearing the lingerie she had put on the night before and even still wore her black heels.

Her hose was ripped.

A mobile phone number had been scrawled on her wrist with a magic marker.

Ashley had just lived through the most demeaning night of her life. It had been almost 8pm before the building attendant had let her back into her own apartment.

She had endured well over an hour of shame before it was all over.

Ridiculed and verbally abused. She had been propositioned with just about every filthy act she could think of.

It felt like half of her building had turned up at some point to check out the 'trashy slut' that had locked herself out of her own apartment.

"I didn't know the building rented out apartments to street whores!" One woman had shouted at Ashley.

Others were a little kinder, but not much.

"How exactly does a woman get trussed up like a slut and then manage to lock herself out of her own home?" another person asked.

Of course she didn't have an answer to give them.

Perhaps if Ashley had been locked out of her apartment completely naked then those people would have been kinder, been sympathetic. Maybe they might have even helped her in some way, but that help had never come.

To them, all they saw was a dirty whore in trashy lingerie.

She was just a simple slut or possibly even a prostitute that had been thrown out into the hallway by a disgruntled client.

She was fair game. She had clearly deserved whatever she got.

Nobody took her in. Nobody gave her clothing or anything else to cover up with.

It seemed that everyone wanted a piece of her humiliation.

The women spat insults and the men just stared at her like predators ready to pounce.

If no women had been around she was certain she would have been snatched away and then raped, or maybe worse.

Maybe that's what she deserved.

She didn't know where to look. Every time her eyes met someone else's all she saw in them was amusement or disgust.

A group of four men in their twenties had approached her right at the end of her ordeal and Ashley had come dangerously close to leaving with them. None of their faces were familiar to her.

She knew what they wanted.

She knew that as soon as they got her out of sight they were probably just going to throw her into an empty apartment and take turns at fucking her.

Somehow even that seemed preferable to having all those strangers in her hallway ridicule her for their own amusement.

Those men had surrounded her and feigned concern. They had plied her with comforting and re-assuring words and all the while their hands would roam and take liberties with her exposed flesh.

Ashley had sensed the very real danger she was in as they circled her like a pack of wolves.

A blinding fear erupted in the back of her mind, but with it came an intense desire that startled her.

'You know what's gonna happen if you go with them', a calm voice spoke to Ashley from somewhere in the back of her mind.

Explicit and startling thoughts of what would happen to her flashed through her brain. Almost against her will those thoughts set off a massive chain reaction of arousal that made her tremble.

Vivid visions erupting like the flash-bulb of a camera. Scenes of her own violation frozen in time.

Touching herself in front of them.

A hard cock being forced into her month as she knelt on the floor of a dark and dirty room.

A man forcing her onto her hands and knees while another man fucked her so very hard from behind.

"Let us get you out of this hallway. My place is just down the hall" One of the men had said. He stood in front of Ashley and effectively shielded her from view as one of his friends ran a hand up her thigh and then without warning drove his fingers up into her crotch.

"Holy shit this horny little bitch is wetting herself. I ain't even joking."

The tone of those four men had changed completely then.....it suddenly seemed to become quite apparent to all of them what was really going on.

They all seemed to sense it.

Ashley had felt that forbidden little ache between her legs as soon as those men had approached her.

She could even smell her own arousal now as her pussy flooded itself with moisture.

If she could smell it, then they sure as hell could too.

Dirty, dangerous and primal.

Like animals they had all caught the scent of a 'bitch in heat' and they all wanted their piece of it.

"You two try and distract the on-lookers as best you can, Tom and me are gonna get 'baby-girl' back to my place." One of the men said seeming to take the lead then. "Get back as quick as you can afterward. We're gonna give this little 'princess' night to remember."

"No.......Please I just want to get back into my apartment" Ashley had pleaded almost pathetically.

It was true of course. She wanted more than anything to escape back into her apartment now.

But.......there was something disturbingly electric about all of this too. The sheer danger of it all.

There was a very large part of Ashley that was more than willing to go with those men.

It was realization that didn't disturb her at all. If anything, it only filled her with happiness.

'I did it Amy, I passed the test. I am just as dirty as you.'

That thought actually made her smile. Words began to form in her mind quite naturally then, almost as if she had been talking directly to Amy herself.

'I'm so much dirtier, and I can prove it....just watch me.'

The building attendant had saved her then. If he had arrived even just one minute later it would have already been too late. She was really that close to going with those men and letting them have what they wanted.

The attendant recognized Ashley straight away and had used his master key to open her apartment door.

"I think you'll be needing this later" one of the men said as he held her arm tight and scrawled a mobile phone number on the flesh of her wrist with a magic marker.

She had been savagely yanked back to reality then.

The real danger of what she had been about to do suddenly hit her hard.

She had practically hugged that building attendant when he twisted the handle and the door to her apartment had swung wide open.

As Ashley broke free she heard her hose rip as it snagged on something...or maybe someone.

She bolted through the door into her apartment and slammed it shut behind her.

6

Dr Wendy Taft never took last minute appointments. That was not the way she ran her practice, and besides all that, her schedule was always too busy to allow it.

Today she would make an exception to that rule and she was happy to do it.

Wendy would have to skip lunch to take this appointment but something told her that this was not going to be just any ordinary session.

At about 10.45am that morning her secretary, Rachel, had taken an interesting call.

Most in-coming phone calls didn't even get past Rachel unless they were expected, but this one had been different.

"Please excuse the interruption Dr Taft, but I have a call that may want to take". Rachel had said over the intercom.

That was unusual in itself.

"Dr Taft?" the female voice on the line asked.

"Yes this is she, how may I help you?"

"It's Ashley....Ashley Thomson." Her voice was uneven and rushed.

"Oh yes Miss Thomson, to what do I owe the pleasure? Have you had some news about your friend Amy?"

"I need to see you. Please if you could spare some time. I don't know who else to talk to." Her voice sounded fragile and there was a very real thread of panic that ran through it. It worried Wendy Taft greatly.

"Are you alright Ashley? You sound very upset."

"I just need to talk to you Dr Taft. Please, I need your help."

This was not the Ashley Thomson she had spoken to not even two weeks before. Back then Ashley had been almost arrogant and short tempered. This new Ashley just sounded fragile and afraid.

"Ashley, I want you to come down to my office. We can talk about whatever has happened. I will clear lunch and set you up for 12 noon. Can you make that time?"

"Yes I will be there. Thank-you so much Dr Taft."

"Please, as I told you last time Ashley, you can call me Wendy."

7

"Ashley Thomson is here to see you". Dr Taft's intercom informed her.

It was 12 noon exactly.

Wendy Taft rose from her desk like she had always done and flattened out her suit jacket.

Her movements had the practiced efficiency of a woman who had repeated that ritual thousands of times before.

She strode across her office and locked in place her trademark smile before opening the door.

Ashley Thomson stood quietly in front of her. Her hands were clasped together and her eyes were down-cast.

A few moments later she slowly raised her reddened eyes to meet Wendy's.

Such an expressive face.

The face of a woman who had clearly been crying within the past hour.

She gave a forced and unconvincing smile.

'A good effort' Wendy Taft thought, but there was no disguising the obvious distress this woman was feeling.

"Thank-you for seeing me Wendy," she said almost timidly.

That one sentence spoke volumes.

Despite her insistence that she use her first name, Ashley Thomson had persisted up until now in calling her Dr Taft. By leading off with such an informal greeting Wendy knew right away that Ashley had just wanted a friend to confide in.

The gesture was noted and the appropriate response was given.

"I'm so pleased to see you Ashley. Come let's talk and you can tell me what's bothering you."

Wendy Taft ushered her in and watched closely as Ashley took a seat.

Perhaps a lay person wouldn't have noticed any change in Ashley Thomson's appearance, but to Dr Taft the difference was startling.

On their previous meeting Ashley had been dressed immaculately. Her hair and make-up had been perfect and every item of clothing carefully co-ordinated.

She had presented an image of a fastidious and successful business woman.

She still wore an expensive skirt and jacket but nothing else seemed to match her attire.

Her high, black heeled shoes were a little too tall and out of place with her conservative suit, and there was a very large and noticeable rip along the left leg of her stockings.

She wore no blouse underneath and had simply buttoned her jacket all the way up to the top in order to appear respectable.

At a guess Wendy Taft suspected that she had just thrown on what-ever was in her closet.

She clearly hadn't been too concerned with matching her wardrobe today.

She sat down in front of Ashley and started off by stating what she already knew.

"This isn't about your friend Amy anymore is it."

"No.....Not exactly". She replied quietly.

Ashley shifted in her seat nervously and crossed her legs. Wendy noticed the lace strap of a garter belt attached to her stockings as her skirt rode up. Perhaps an overly provocative choice of undergarment for such a conservative suit, but then again, nothing about Ashley seemed to match today.

"Well...I'm listening Ashley."

There was a long pause.

"Do you think people can change Dr Taft......Wendy.....can they really change?"

It was an odd question and way too broad for Wendy Taft's liking.

"I'm not sure what you mean Ashley."

There was another short pause while she considered her next question.

"Deep down I mean. Can someone change deep down. Become someone new."

"If you're asking if someone can change their core beliefs I'd have to say....No."

"But that's just it. I don't feel the same Dr Taft, deep down I mean.

I know I'm not the same. I don't know how to tell you exactly. I thought I knew who I was but I just don't know any more."

Wendy Taft studied her face carefully as she spoke those words. She looked lost.

Clearly she was in some kind of transitional phase in her life. She seemed to know that, but her destination was unclear to her.

Wendy knew that for a controlled and regimented person such as Ashley, major life changes like this could be very traumatic experiences.

Dr Wendy Taft continued to study the woman sitting in front of her.

It wasn't just her attire that had changed. On their first meeting Ashley Thomson's hair had been worn up and pinned back.

Her shoulder length dark hair was now pulled back into a tight, simple pony-tail.

The muted and almost neutral colored lipstick had given way to a deep red rouge. There were interesting connotations in that alone. A sexual undertone. A way of drawing attention to her lips without being overt.

"Has anything shocking or unusual happened to make you concerned Ashley?"

"No."

That was an outright lie. Wendy Taft knew it immediately. She had been carefully studying Ashley's mannerisms for any sign of deception and she had practically lit up like a Christmas tree on every level.

"The truth please Ashley". Her voice was stern as she said it.

"This is hard to say Dr Taft."

"Look just think of me as your friend okay? There's nothing you can tell me that I haven't already heard before."

Something unexpected and startling happened then.

Ashley seemed to panic for some reason. Without the slightest warning she got up out of her chair and turned to leave.

"I'm so sorry Dr Taft. I've made a huge mistake. I shouldn't have come."

"Ashley please stay. I want to help you."

It was too late. Ashley had made up her mind and she was already on her way out of the office.

"I shouldn't have come...shouldn't have wasted your time...I'm so so sorry." She was almost in tears as she said those words.

Wendy Taft sat dumbfounded. She couldn't quite believe what had just happened and the speed with which Ashley had reacted.

Ashley Thomson was clearly having some kind of identity crisis.

She was confused and disturbed by it and she just wanted someone to tell her it was all okay.

But things were far from okay, of that much Wendy Taft was certain.

8

Session Notes: January 17th

Therapist: W J Taft

Client: Miss Ashley Thomson

Time Of Session : 12noon

Partial completion of one hour session with Ashley Thomson.

A fascinating woman.

Booked at very short notice due to a very real and apparent stress communicated to me by Ashley.

Although our first meeting was focused on her missing friend Amy Price, this particular session was focused solely on Ashley.

The session was terminated by Miss Thomson less than ten minutes into the hour. She was unwilling or unable to talk about the reasons for her distress but there were clear signs and key observations made.

Ashley Thomson is suffering a crisis of identity that is clearly sexual in it's nature and origin.

It is far too early to diagnose any kind of disorder or sexual addiction.

In the period of time since I last saw her (less than two weeks) there have been distinct changes in clothing and appearance. A definite sexual undertone appears to be the common thread. Most changes are subtle if taken on their own but when combined they present a large change.

Her manner is subdued and almost timid when compared to her conduct of less than two weeks ago.

The nature of her distress is intriguing.

This does not appear to be a simple crisis of sexual addiction or even latent lesbian tendencies as such.

There almost appears to be a total paradigm shift in Ashley Thomson's core belief structure.

Extremely rare.

Without doubt there has been some kind of shock or event that has triggered this, but Ashley is clearly unwilling or unable to share what that event was at this stage.

A fascinating client.

I look forward to further study.

Part 5. - The Difference Between Cats And Dogs

"Yearning for love made her feel like a cat that was always twining around ankles, meowing Pet me, pet me, look at me, love me."

- Laini Taylor, Daughter of Smoke & Bone

1

Ashley went straight back home after her appointment with Dr Taft.

She was certain that when she got to her building she would have to endure at least one or two insults before she made it back into the safety of her own apartment.

She was relieved when she saw that her hallway was empty.

Nervously, she glanced from side to side as she fished out her keys and once she was inside, she quickly closed the door behind her.

Rushing to see Dr Taft had been a huge mistake. Ashley knew that now. She should have thought things through before rushing to confide in a complete stranger.

What could she have told Dr Taft anyway?

There really was no way of confiding in her without airing out Amy's dirty laundry.

Amy didn't deserve that.

Ashley had made that mistake when she had rushed to see Officer Harper a couple of weeks ago and she wasn't about to make it again.

'No.......nobody else can ever know about this......nobody.' Ashley thought to herself then. She continued to think on the problem as she sat silently on her couch.

Carefully she began to run through each angle.

The pros.

The cons.

Everything.

The more she had delved into the secret life of her friend, the more it seemed to be changing and affecting her life too.

But......maybe that was a good thing.

If she really was just like Amy now, then surely finding her would be that much easier.

'I know this is changing me. I know things are different......that I'm different......but I'm a big girl.....maybe this is who I was all along,' she tried to reassure herself.

There was yet another angle on all of this to consider too. A personal revelation of sorts.

A few years ago when Ashley had turned twenty five she had come to the conclusion that as far as her own personal evolution as a human being went, she had reached the end of her journey. The woman that had stared back at her in the mirror was the 'final product'.

'This is who I am and who I'm gonna be for the rest of my life,' she had concluded.

Back then that thought had been re-assuring. Everything about her was rock-solid, dependable and cast in stone.