Finding Home Pt. 19

"Drew, she told me what you said her. Please don't beat yourself up about that. She had that coming, and then some. You showed remarkable grace and poise. She knows that."

There was silence on the line.

"So little brother, what do you intend to do?" she asked quietly.

"That's what I was calling you for, Jess. What I want to do sounds pretty damn loopy, and you're a good judge of what's too loopy, even for me," he laughed.

"Jess, I want my fiancé back. I have a couple of conditions, but I love that girl. The thought of not being with her makes me want to lose my damn mind. I've been there once in my life. It's not a great place for me to be."

"You have no idea how happy you just made your pregnant, over-emotional big sister," she exclaimed. "What are your conditions?"

"I have two of them. First, I need to move out."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea, Drew."

"Don't you want to know why I think I need to move out?"

"Um, we shared a room right next to yours for three nights. I can do the math, Droobie," she laughed. "What's the second?"

"Second, we're going to counseling, or therapy, or whatever. We'll go alone, and we're going together. If the therapist tells us we need to postpone the wedding, then we will. Jess, I get that there's some stuff going on here, but I can't live wondering which guy my wife is going to unexplainably make out with in front of my sister, her friends, and her mother."

"Drew, that's the part of this that reassures me there's some deeper stuff going on. I mean, come on! The whole thing sounds so -- I hate to say it -- but crazy! I know Eden read her the damn riot act. It got very personal between the two of them for a time."

"So how do I proceed, Jess?" asked Andy.

"Well, she's sleeping right now, but if I were in her shoes, I think waking up to my man telling me that he loves me and there's a way to move forward would sound amazing. And Drew, if you do that, she's yours for life. She knows she screwed up. If you can forgive her and be gracious and patient -- and you and I both know she's worth that kind of effort on your part -- she will be a changed woman."

"Jess, I have one more favor to ask of you," he said.

"God, you are such a total pain in the ass!" she laughed.

"Could you call -- I don't know -- Grandma or Ellen, or whomever, and explain what I'm going to go do? I'm not up to a big to-do right now. I'll get her ring from Ellen and head over to the Adams'. I need as little drama as possible," he asked.

"Text Eden and have her drive you. She has the ring, by the way. Ells was too pissed to look at the thing. She feels totally responsible, by the way. Quit her job -- I mean that girl went nuclear," Jessica paused. "And Andy, it's about damn time. Our little sister can be too docile for her own good. If you repeat this, I will have Grace stab you with a Bic pen: she's got the skills, but not the demeanor for that world. Ellen is too much the dreamer. Hell, she believed that a guy everyone thought was gay could be her Prince Charming," she laughed.

"Thank you, Jess," Andy said quietly. "I suspect you'll see us in D.C. soon. Don't worry, I'll stay with Hank and Jane so that Sara can stay with you."

"Anytime, little brother. Anytime. Now, please hang up and go get my kid's aunt! She loves you -- and Droobie -- I love you, too."

________________________________________________________________

Sean and Gloria Adams welcomed Andy warmly. Eden led him up to her room, kissed him on the cheek, and left him. Sean estimated she should be waking up in about an hour, and Andy wanted that time to sit beside her and think.

She looked amazing, he thought. Her eyes were puffy, and her hair was a hot mess, but she looked beautiful to him. "God help me," he thought. "I can't really live without this girl -- I mean I know I can - but damned if I want to." His thoughts were interrupted by her stirring. He moved onto the bed and held her hand. She settled back down, and Andy contented himself by looking into her face.

As he was sitting there, his phone buzzed. Dr. Land and I have Marty. All good. U OK? Andy smiled. Jeannie Flannery was quite a revelation, he thought to himself. But then again, so was the relationship between Jen Land and John Moses. He replied: Getting there. Thank you. You're a good friend. Andy sat and contented himself to think about their circle of friends and all that had transpired the last two weeks. He begrudgingly admitted that John had been right; he had gone off on Colton like an Atomic Bomb. He knew that's where he and his Navy shrink ought to start. Why did he feel the need to announce his presence with such authority? How did everyone else know this, and he was just now learning that about himself?

Half an hour later her eyes opened. Andy saw the flicker of joy followed immediately by the crushing pain and guilt. Sara began to cry as she looked at him. He kissed her hand, and tried his best to comfort her. Finally, she was able to talk.

"Andy, I'm so sorry. I ruined everything," she said meekly.

"Sara Gina Jones-Easley, if you think for one second that I'm walking away from you because of one mistake, you're out of your stunningly beautiful mind."

Her eyes went wide, "Andy, what?" She sat straight up and looked at him.

"Sara, I love you more than I ever thought possible. You are an amazing woman, and easily the best thing that has ever happened to me."

He held up her ring. "I'd very much like you to wear this again. But I have two things I need you to agree to so that we can never have this happen again."

"Andy, whatever it is -- YES! I'll absolutely do it," she said excitedly.

"First, I'm moving out of the Commons. It can be the official lair of the Birds of Prey, but I need to move out."

"Can I ask why you think you need to do that?" she asked timidly.

"Absolutely. Bellissima, you make me so hot and bothered that all I want to do is make love to you. The problem is, we both have some shit we need to work through, but we can't stop getting one another naked long enough to address those issues. Sara, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. We can forego living together for six months to pursue that, can't we?"

She nodded her head.

"Second, I called my Navy shrink. She and I are going to start working together again via Zoom. She's referred us to a couple's counselor in Portland, and the College has a counselor that you have an appointment with tomorrow afternoon at 4 PM. These are non-negotiables. Sara, I love you, but I can't live wondering what's going to happen the next time some guy says nice things to you and shows you the attention you never got from your dad."

"Questions to either of these two things?" he smiled at her.

"So, are we not going to make love for six months?" she asked shyly.

"Bellissima, I'm not a saint," he grinned. She giggled.

"Where will you go?"

"I'm going to live in the boathouse until our house is ready. In fact, Christopher and Cooper are moving my stuff right now."

"So soon? Baby," she caught herself and paused, "I'm sorry Andy - I shouldn't have called you that," she said demurely.

"I'm hoping you will call me that. I was an ass to you on the phone. I said things I wish I could take back. You hurt me, and I wanted to hurt you back. I'm so sorry, Bellissima. Forgive me?"

She began to sob and embraced him as tightly as she ever had. She kissed his face repeatedly, until he grabbed her face and kissed her softly and tenderly.

"Sara Gina Jones-Easley; I love you more than you will ever know. Would you marry me?" He held up the ring as he proposed to her a second time.

She giggled and began to scream, "YES! YES! YES!"

At that moment, a concerned Eden came through the door. She saw her roommate and her surrogate brother embracing, and she saw the ring back on Sara's finger. She smiled, teared up, and quietly excused herself.

_____________________________________________________________

After a time, Andy spoke. "OK, so where do you want to start? We need to face the music here, Bellissima. If you want, we'll do it together. I'll gladly sit next to you and hold your hand if that's what it takes," he said, smiling at her. "I have a suggestion, but this is your party, my love."

"I want to call Jessica first. Andy, she was so amazing! That's one of the things that made me really upset when I realized what I'd done. I'd thrown away your family, and one of the best friends I've ever had," she began to tear up.

Andy hugged her, "It's OK, my love. She's a huge fan still, believe me. I think calling her first is a great idea. Here, I'll Face Time her."

Jessica picked up on the first ring, and went to find Alex. The conversation was wonderful. It was hard at points, but Jessica and Alex showered Sara with love and forgiveness. Finally, a grinning Jessica looked at them and said, "OK, if you men will excuse us, I need some real talk with my friend and my kid's aunt." The look on her face left no doubt that Andy and Alex would do well to heed her words. Andy kissed Sara on the cheek, and went to find the Doctors Adams.

_________________________________________________________

Eden had gone back to the cabin to be with their friends, so it was Sean and Gloria who sat with Andy at their kitchen table.

"Thank you," said Andy softly.

"Sara is family Andy, no way we wouldn't care for her when she needs us," said Gloria.

"I know that, and that's not what I'm thanking you for," he paused. "This entire day I've found great comfort in your story; knowing that a couple who loves and is committed to each other can work through worse than what happened to Sara and me today. You've modeled that for everyone. The three Adams women are amazingly fortunate to have parents like the two of you."

"Well, Sean gets the lion's share of the credit for that one," said Gloria haltingly.

"Yeah, I'm not sure I agree with that," said Andy smiling.

Sean chuckled, and nodded in agreement. "Thank you," he mouthed to Andy.

"I think I've figured out that kind, intelligent, beautiful women with whom you can have an amazing life and family are few and far between. When you find one, you do whatever you have to do. Once they're under your skin, you're just done for. The crazy part is that for some reason, those kinds of women rarely know those things about themselves. They don't really see or understand their value," said Andy.

Sean looked at Gloria with an 'I told you so' look. She blushed.

"Thank you, Andy," said Sean. "Maybe now my kind, intelligent, beautiful wife will believe what I've been trying to tell her."

"Yes -- well -- I do think I can help Sara understand that. That's a major hurdle to clear. I felt like I was in Sean's debt for the way he forgave me. It took me some time to get over that feeling of indebtedness. I hope Sara can move past that more quickly than I did."

She turned to Andy and smiled at him, "Please don't tell my son-in-law, but you're rapidly becoming my second favorite man. You'll forgive me, I hope, if I tell you first place is already taken," she nodded at Sean. "Andy, your parents would be very proud of you."

Their conversation was interrupted when Sara came down. She was showered with affection by Gloria and Sean. She had brushed her hair, and washed her face. Her eyes still showed some puffiness, but she looked night and day different from when she first woke up from her nap. She came to Andy and sat in his lap. They hugged, and she kissed his nose.

"Feel better, Bellissima?" he asked tenderly.

"I do, baby. Thank you," she said.

"Ready to run the rest of the gauntlet?" he asked cautiously.

"I think so, but I need to apologize to your godparents first," she said.

Sara turned to Sean and Gloria, but Sean spoke first.

"Sara, you have nothing you need to say to us. In fact, we should be apologizing to you. I'm afraid we've been absent as godparents to Andy and his sisters. You're the one who's been doing the work we pledged to do. I hope you can forgive us; just like I hope Jessica, Ellen, Alex, and Christopher can forgive us. And," he paused, "I really hope you still want me to walk you down the aisle."

Sara smiled at them both. "Thank you. And I would be honored to have you walk me down the aisle. There's a sweetness to knowing that the man who is like my dad, is also Andy's godfather. I feel very blessed in that way."

__________________________________________________________

As they drove to the cabin, Sara turned to Andy.

"Baby, you can ask me anything about today and I'll tell you whatever you want to know," she said sincerely.

"Nope," he said cheerfully.

"Andy, really. I know I need to tell you this stuff. I don't want to, but I know I need to."

Andy pulled the borrowed car over, and turned to look at her.

"That's not how we do us, Sara," he said firmly.

She looked at him dumbfounded.

"Listen lady, you had a three-inch-thick folder with my entire service record in front of you, stuff that you have every right to know, and you walked away from it. Do you think I just missed that? Listen, we need to rebuild some trust here, so I propose that you tell me whatever you think you need to tell me -- but not tonight. I'll trust you to do that. If you don't tell me something, I'll trust that it was something I didn't need to know."

He paused, "Sara, this whole thing has the potential to drive me freaking crazy -- so there's things I don't need to know. I shut down some of the details the ladies who were there were giving me earlier this afternoon. I do know what Eden said to you, and I know that had to be brutal to hear. I love you. I have no desire to pile on. We can't be us if we do that. You didn't when you had the chance. I want to follow your example."

Tears had formed in her eyes as he spoke to her. She nodded, and kissed him when he was done.

"I love you, Andrew DeGroat," she whispered.

"I love you too, Sara DeGroat," he whispered back.

She giggled.

"I missed you, Bellissima. I know it wasn't even for a day, but my entire day was shit. We really do need to get our act together, you hear me?"

"I do. Baby, when a lady is as well-loved as I am, she'll do what she has to for her man," her face furrowed, "And I can't believe I just about threw all that away because of a high school crush."

"Well, let's figure that out. You and I. Together. Sara, we know it can be done. The Adams's have modeled that for us. I'm working on my shit for you and for our kids, but also for me. I don't want the people I love to feel the consequences of my screwed up-ness anymore," he said somberly.

She kissed him again. "Are you sure you have to move out?"

"I am. Just remember this: we've moved math lab back. It'll go from 4-6 PM. We have a three-hour block of time to hang out in the boathouse every day. Please don't let your lunch go late tomorrow," he smiled.

A cloud passed over her face, "Andy, I'm so sorry. I almost threw everything away."

"OK, we need to make a deal here. I know you're sorry. You really don't need to say it anymore," he said tensely. "Let's both work hard on our stuff. You want me to know you're sorry? Do the work. Sara, I want a life with you, but not if that life means what we went through today. I can't do that."

She looked at him. "Andy, it's OK to be mad at me. I'm mad at me."

"I know it's OK, but it's not helpful -- not to either of us. Sara, I meant it when I said I want you to be the most kick ass version of you that you can be. I will not stand in the way of that."

"Baby, you haven't. I would not be anywhere close to where I am now without you."

"Sara, what if we're not good for one another? What if you need a guy who's not as fucked up as I am?"

She looked at him and put his face in her hands. "You are good for me. I know that. I'm good for you. You know that. Everyone we love knows that. Baby, I fucked up. This is not on you, so please stop that. My momma and I need to talk. I'm guessing she's already told you that she was afraid of me going to counseling because I'd blame her for my life. She is amazing, but she was young and alone when she raised me. Andy, you've shown me the life I want. We'll work for that life -- together. Now, let's go talk to our bitches and get this shit squared away."

He kissed her. "Damn I love you," he said softly.

"I love you too, I just suck at showing it sometimes," she said remorsefully.

_____________________________________________________________

For the next hour, Andy and Sara sat side by side in the cabin and talked with their family and friends. Andy said very little. His task was to be by Sara's side. He was stunned at how strongly their friends felt her betrayal. They were angrier for him than he was for himself. Finally, he felt like he needed to say something.

"May I say something, please?"

Tearful eyes looked at him and nodded.

"Thank you for your anger. I feel very loved and cared for by you," he motioned to the five girls who had been in NYC. "I love Sara. We're figuring our stuff out. Now, just so you don't think I'm being some sort of sap who's getting walked over by his fiancé, you need to know a couple of things: first, I'm moving out of the Commons. In fact, my guess is that most of my stuff is already in the boathouse. I would not trade our first two weeks, but I see now we didn't do one another any favors by essentially living together right off the bat."

"Power Girl votes no," interjected Kail. "Dreamy, I slept like crap last night. I finally figured it out: when I can't hear your nightly serenade of Kisses, or the," she paused and looked sheepishly at Helen and Gina, "the other sounds the two of you make pretty much nightly, my whole world is a bit off kilter." She laughed as she said this. "Sara getting Andy'd is like my freaking sound machine."

Andy laughed. "Thank you, Kail. I know our situation has been unusual for the three of you," he nodded at Eden and Grace.

"What's the second thing?" asked Grace, helpfully pushing the conversation back on topic.

"Second, we're both getting real help. Not just she and I talking, but seeing real doctors who can help us. We're going alone, and then we're going together as a couple. I want you to know how badly we're going to need you as we do this. Neither one of us wants to put the people we love through another day like today."

"Andy, you're my bitch. No one has ever stood up for me like you have," said Kail tearfully. "You have no idea how much what Sara did hurt us. She betrayed you, and we love you, too. Dreamy, you beat the ever-living shit out of three guys who were trying to hurt Gracie and me. If someone treated one of us like Sara treated you today, they'd be getting a face full of pissed-off Andy DeGroat. That's the damn truth. You know it, and so do we."

"Thank you, Kail. But I'm asking you to forgive Sara -- for both our sakes. Look, if it wasn't for Eden and Sara, I'd be a sullen, crazy Marine whom you would want nothing to do with. Eden and Sara did more for me in 24 hours than a year of therapy with a Navy shrink did. But listen, you don't have to believe me, you can ask Ellen or my grandmother. Call Jessica. They'll tell you the same thing. Kail, you and I would not be friends if it were not for them," said Andy passionately.

"Kail dear, I love the way you're defending Andrew. I know it has him a bit unsettled since he's usually the one doing the defending. We love Sara. We love her on her own merit, but we also love the fact that she has returned Andrew to his family. In fact, I would argue he's better than he's ever been," said Helen lovingly. "I cannot speak for Ellen or Christopher, but Ralph and I have forgiven Sara. She is a wonderful addition to our family, and we are thrilled she and Andrew found one another."