Finding Love Pt. 02

"Relax, I'm not that angry. We need to figure out what we do next. We can't continue like this. I have a solution if you're willing to listen."

Paul sat back and stared at me. "A solution? What?"

"You and I stay married. I love you, Paul. But not sexually. Same is true for you. But we stay married. We continue to pretend and the town stays happy. But we find our sex elsewhere. You continue with your gay men. I continue with Eshana."

"Eshana? Who is that?"

"I met her yesterday. I was parked outside her house when you pulled up in your truck. She lives across the street from your gay black friend."

"Bruce? She lives across the street from Bruce? The Indian woman? She's gay?"

"Oh yes. Her and her husband were gay. Listen to this..." and I told him her story. He sat enraptured by the tale.

"Seriously? That was their life? Were they happy?"

"She says they were. And I believe her."

Paul watched me for a long time. "So you are suggesting we stay married and then invite couples like us into our home."

"Yes. I guess. It doesn't have to be that way. At the very least we pursue our own sex lives."

Paul sat in silence for so long I rose and poured us a glass of wine. I brought the bottle back with me and handed him his glass. He sipped his wine and then looked at me.

"Eshana. She and her husband had a kid?"

"Yeah, he's eighteen."

"Not adopted?"

"No, I don't think so."

"I agree to everything. But I want us to have a kid, Jen. I want a child with you. You have to get off the pill."

"What?"" I jumped in my seat.

"Yeah, I know. I've known for years. Your doctor told me. By accident. Don't blame him. He doesn't even know he let it slip. He's getting kind of senile."

I felt horrible. I had been denying him a child for years. Made him think it might be him that was the problem. And he knew the whole time.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I love you, Jen. You had your reasons. I tried to talk to you about it a bunch of times. You always changed the subject."

"I thought you were just trying to pressure me."

"No. Never. It's your body."

I stared at him in surprise. I truly loved this man, and I did more than ever in that moment. "Wow. That was a great answer."

"So?"

My mind returned to Harsh and his mom. They had each other. A family. Did I want that now that I had met Eshana and realised what had been missing from my life? I had to ask myself if having children was something I wanted now. The more I thought of it the more it appealed to me. "Let me think about it," I finally said. "Maybe. I'm more open to it today than I was yesterday."

Paul seemed really pleased. "So what happens now? Like are we suddenly going to bring partners back here? To our house?"

Thinking of having Eshana over to spend the night really excited me. "Um, maybe?"

Paul lit up. "Are we strong enough for this? You and I? Eshana had their monthly ritual, you said. But honestly, I don't think I could do that."

"You fucked my ass thinking it was a man's didn't you?" I asked.

"Uh, yeah, pretty much. It feels the same. I love your boobs, though."

"Ha! Thanks. So who sucked your cock better? Me or your boyfriends?"

"Boyfriends. You really suck at it. Not in a good way."

"Very punny. Well, your pussy eating skills leave a lot to be desired."

Paul grinned at me. "I feel like a huge weight has come off me. I think I actually love you more at this moment."

I grinned back at him. "Yeah, me too."

We sat up drinking our wine. And then another bottle. Paul told me about his boyfriends over the years. I told him about the sorority parties. We were both disgusted with each other and laughed about it. I felt a warmth flood through me at one point.

"I love you, Paul."

"I love you, Jennifer."

"I like that. Calling me Jennifer. I like it better than Jen."

"Your dad calls you Jennifer."

"That's right. All the special men in my life call me Jennifer. My mom calls me Jennie."

"Got it. Can I give you a kiss?"

"Course you can, you're my husband."

Paul leaned in and we kissed. It was nice. It felt more real than any other time before. We were kissing each other with full knowledge of who we really were. There was no tongue, but it was full of love.

We broke and looked at one another. "So how do you think you're going to get me pregnant?"

"Um, fuck your ass until I'm about to cum and then switch holes?"

"You've done that too many times. Too many UTIs for me. No thanks."

"Turkey baster?"

"Hmm, maybe."

Paul grew quiet and then chortled.

"What's so funny?"

"Gobble gobble!" he cried.

We laughed for far too long. We were emotionally on a high. My future looked surprisingly bright and hopeful. I thought of Eshana and her conversation with me. She had changed my life overnight. I missed her terribly and wished she could be here with me and Paul.

Paul knew me enough to sense something was wrong. "What is it?"

"I miss Eshana. I wish she were here."

Paul grew quiet. "Tell you what. You call her and ask her over. The night is still young. I'll call my boyfriend. I'll take the guest room."

I was already lying back in his arms on the couch. I looked back and up at him. "Boyfriend? What about Bruce?"

Paul snorted. "Bruce? He's a legend in the community. His dick is a work of art. But he's not my boyfriend. He's just something special."

"I'll take your word for it. But how does that work? I thought it was the garage door thing. It's open and you go up and knock?"

"Garage doors? You know about that? Huh. Well, he's using it to signal he's good. You can walk up."

"How do you plan that?"

"With an app. We all find each other with the app. Like Grinder, but better."

"What about STIs? Don't you worry about that?"

"Yeah. I always use protection. Except with my boyfriend. I get tested. You're okay, Jennifer."

"So he's okay with you fucking other men?"

"Yeah, gay men crave sex. All the time."

"And your boyfriend uses protection?"

"Yeah. I can see how you're worried. I'm safe. I'm very careful. My boyfriend is single and bi-sexual. But he's committed to me."

"He's bi?"

"Yeah. But he prefers men."

"So you want him to come over? And for me to call over Eshana?"

"Yeah. Let's test this new improved relationship."

"I could totally fuck you right now, Paul," I said and meant it.

"Eww."