Finding Mr. Wright Ch. 06

What brought me out of my reverie was the entrance of Miss M. She came in by herself, without her escort Roderick, and walked right up to us. Rather than stand and talk to Aaron, like all the others did, she came and sat right next to me, giving Aaron a quick "hello" but addressing me directly.

"Elizabeth. I *so* hope you enjoyed yourself tonight. I'd hate to think this would be the last we ever see of you. You are far too exquisite a person to disappear from us." She lingered on that word again, looking at Aaron as she did so.

I didn't know what was expected of me, but I knew at that point that I wanted more of this, not sure whether I would actually join in the activities, but that I wanted to know and understand more. At least, at that point I was fairly certain I'd be back, if they would have me. I decided to jest a bit with M. "No Madame M, I don't think this is the last time I'll have the honor of being here."

"Good, dear." She replied. I liked how she called me dear. It felt inviting and welcoming, almost motherly. "Now tell me, she continued, what did you like the most?" Aaron moved to interject and say something, but she cut him short. "Come now A, I know I'm breaking some unwritten rule here by asking her, but I'm absolutely dying to know."

"Well, dear?" she laid it out, asking me to open up. I hesitated, not so much that I didn't want to say or that I would be revealing anything intimate and private. However, as a woman, the way I would say it to her was different that how I would say it to man, like A. It's just how women relate differently to each other than we do towards men.

She sensed that, and turned quickly to A. "A, I'm dying of thirst here. Could you be a dear and get me something to drink? A nice sparkling water would be wonderful." Aaron didn't question, he simply nodded and rose, heading off to the other end of the ballroom.

"Now, dear, quickly, tell me all before he comes back!" She had a way of just drawing you in, bringing herself into your confidence, almost like a best friend wanting to help you. I liked her a lot.

"Well," I began, "everyone has been very nice and inviting. Not that I didn't expect that, but it was very welcoming, nonetheless. After meeting everyone here and seeing how things worked in the Gathering Room, we went to the Red Room." I stopped for a second, collecting my thoughts, wanting to say more, but not knowing how much to reveal.

"Go on, dear."

"Miss M, I was actually shocked at how it affected me. I was draw in, empathizing with the lady there, imagining myself in her place, but more than that, it was like I *was* her. Each sensation, each shock, each touch, everything. I was almost overwhelmed. I felt it *inside* me, in the very core of my being."

"The first time seeing these activities can have a profound effect, dear," she said, taking and holding my hand as she continued. "What you experienced is actually a very strong, positive feeling. I'd have been worried if you didn't feel some sort of empathy. It's very natural. I'm sure it radiated into your bosom and vagina." I was a little taken aback at how blatantly she talked about those areas, but she was right on target with what I felt. "What else, dear?" she prodded.

I told her of the other rooms, the Shibari, the empty rooms, the private ones, quickly glossing over those. Aaron was still at the bar, waiting for the drink. I was still in disarray at my feelings about the Black Room, so I didn't mention it.

"And the Black Room, did A take you there, dear?" There it was. So much for avoiding that.

"Yes," was my sole reply.

"And??" she asked not wanting to let it go.

I breathed out, trying to get a grasp on the issue. "I don't understand, Miss M. I can't see how someone could willingly subject themselves to such torture have it be pleasurable. How can two such opposite things happen together?"

She reached out and put a steadying hand on my knee, right where my dress had ridden up a bit. She massaged the underside of my thigh softly, reassuringly, as she spoke.

"Luv, I know it might be hard to grasp, but that too is very normal. Understanding will come with time. All I can really tell you for now is that when you really look at it, both pain and pleasure are just both sensations. When you learn how to transform one sensation into the other, that's how you really can bring all your sensations to the next level.

"But don't worry about that now. That comes with time ... and training. My how I would love to have a hand in your training, dear. Oh, the things I could teach you." She said that with a sly smile, and I could tell there was something devious behind it.

Before I could ask anything further, Aaron returned and gave her the glass of water. She took it and put in front of her, untouched. As Aaron sat, she began to rise.

"I really must be off. I think Roderick has recovered, and I must see to him. Have a wonderful evening, and I do hope to see you again soon, dear." She leaned in and whispered so only I could hear. "Maybe even see you one day with my cuffs on you ...". She smiled devilishly at me as she let that trail off, but not before touching my leg a little higher up my thigh. It wasn't so high up my dress as to be close to anything too private and make me uncomfortable, but it definitely was higher of a touch than would be normal between even close friends. In any event, she walked away, not bothering to look back as she exited the ballroom. She left her glass on the table, never even taking a sip.

I turned back to Aaron, who I could tell was waiting to say something to me. "Yes, that was not part of our normal routine, Elizabeth. I'll tell you more later." He stopped speaking as V approached us, now fully dressed again in his tuxedo, but with the shirt open and bow tie missing. Brooke was not with him. Normally, just Aaron would rise and greet those approaching us, but I felt the need to rise and greet V, especially after what I witnessed between him and Brooke.

They exchanged greetings before V turned to me. "Elizabeth, if you have never been exposed to anything like what you have seen tonight, I hope you won't judge me too harshly. There is a lot to learn and understand about this whole experience, and even though it is important for you to see as much as you can tonight, no one can expect you to immediately grasp it all. Please remember that, mademoiselle."

"I will, and thank you Mr. V." I didn't know what else to say. He seemed to want to explain everything to me as if he expected me to think of him like some drunk who had come home and beaten his wife. Though I didn't think badly of him like that, I didn't know what to think yet.

"I'm off to check on Brooke. You are what everyone has said tonight, mademoiselle. You are exquisite. I bid you both bon soir." With that, he too, turned and left the ballroom.

Aaron and I stayed in the ballroom a while longer, as a few others came and said hello. A few sat and talked to us, mostly small talk. My mind, though, was now puzzling through what Miss M had said. What if pain and pleasure were not opposites, but just different aspects of the same thing? How could I reconcile that with what I actually felt, both physically and emotionally? If that were true, then how could someone unlearn all that they had known and then learn to meld the two?

As the night drew on, Aaron turned to me and asked if I was ready to leave. I nodded. Tonight had given me much to ponder, and it was getting fairly late. We exited the ballroom and went to meet Marcus in the 'coat room.' He returned my clutch purse and Aaron escorted me outside. My car and driver were already waiting.

Aaron escorted me to the door quietly and I turned to bid him good night. He looked at me and said, "I'm riding with you." I was surprised, but entered the car, followed by Aaron. The driver already had the rear section sealed off. Aaron and I were alone, but he sat across from me in the car, not next to me.

He gave it a few minutes until we were underway. The windows were still just as dark, so I had no idea where we were. For just a second, the tinge of fear hit me, as I was now in the back of a dark car, with a relatively unknown man, with no one knowing where I was or who I was with. I dispelled that fear and turned my attention to Aaron.

"Elizabeth." He said my name, taking both my hands in his. "You really did make a good impression tonight. I'm sure you noticed how often people used the word 'exquisite.' That word has a more important meaning than just a compliment.

"On someone's first night, whoever is escorting them would bring them back to that first, private room where we sat and talked and I presented the mask to you, tell them what to expect from that point on, escort them through the manor showing them all the different rooms and activities going on, then send them back home alone. We do not normally ride back with them. Their escort would then send a message to all the others in the inner circle summarizing the night and their thoughts on that guest, and each would then respond with an approval or disapproval. If enough approved, then we would set up a separate meeting with that person, who would be invited back to become a member.

"However, members of the inner circle who met that guest, in person, on their first night, can always voice their approval at that time, not needing to wait for the message to be sent later. Can you guess how they voice their approval?"

I actually laughed as the realization hit me. I told him, " 'Exquisite' ... I see now why you and Mr. F laughed when I used it to describe his work."

Aaron almost laughed again too. "Yes, but there is so much more for us regarding giving a good impression. For starters, not wearing a mask. Even *I* was impressed with that. However, it was all the little things that can't be taught, that have to just come from you. Things like getting me a drink unasked for, or how you just referred to him as 'Mr. F' rather than just F, and how you deferred to all the dominants tonight. It shows an acclimation for what we are and what we are about that some people just don't understand ... and could never understand.

"Anyway, you've already received enough 'exquisite' votes of confidence to move you to the next step. Therefore, Elizabeth Brandt, I hereby offer you membership in our Society." He stopped and was quiet, letting that sink in for a second. "You don't have to respond or accept now. In fact, I wouldn't let you accept tonight, even if you wanted to. We want to give you time to think about it, just like we've done every step of the way so far. Emotions and thoughts can really be all over the place tonight, especially right now, so I want you to take the time to consider this very thoroughly and thoughtfully.

"Of course, our Society isn't a crime family." He said that with sincere austerity, so I knew it wasn't a joke. "If you choose to join us, you can leave at any time, no questions asked. If you want to take a leave of absence, same thing. If you like it at first, then change your mind, you can leave, and we will wish you the best. We want people who want to be with us, not those who are reluctant or are doing it for the wrong reasons."

I had a quick thought about the lavish manor, the food, the amenities, and the expenses that must incur. "How much does membership cost?"

"Nothing," was Aaron's quick reply. "It doesn't cost any of us anything, which is a reason we are very selective and private. Those of us in the inner circle manage the finances, but everything related to the operation of the manor comes from a trust established by our founder. We are actually self-sufficient, drawing our financing off of interest in mutual funds and other investments. That way, we can be open to anyone with the right mindset and interest, regardless of their personal or financial background."

Did he just say this is free? Free? I was speechless. I was expecting a very expensive membership, and in the back of my mind, being an attorney, figured that this is why I might have been selected.

"There are two other things that I need to discuss with you, and I'll also answer any questions you might still have. First, I mentioned that we want to give you time to think this over, so we won't expect an answer from you for 30 days. In fact, you can't give us an answer before 30 days, to make sure you take that time to really reflect and consider this. I also mentioned keeping this very secret, and that still remains very, very true. However, we do want you to be able to discuss this with someone else, someone other than me. I can make arrangements for you to meet with another member, someone that you can speak with or ask anything, and that person will be chosen for you. Unless, of course, there is someone in particular you've met tonight that you'd prefer to speak with?"

Ms. M immediately came to mind, but as I was thinking of my options, Aaron spoke up, "Oh, and it should be someone other than a dominant. We want you to get the perspective from a submissive, since that is your chosen role."

There was one person that came to mind immediately, one I had already thought so much about already that night. There were so many things I wanted to ask her, to talk to her about, to get her understanding on. Her name came to my mouth without hesitation. "Brooke."

"Very well then. I will make the arrangements and have her contact you on the phone I gave you."

"The second thing I want to talk to you about is more delicate. It involves you and me. I have been assigned as your mentor, and I'm happy to do that. I look forward to that, and I am actually honored to do that, but I want you to understand, this is a physical relationship. In addition to the BDSM aspect, at some point, we will become sexually intimate. Is this acceptable to you?"

Now. Right now, I thought. Oh Aaron, why not right now?? Oh, I know, you can't touch me tonight ... how about first thing tomorrow morning then? I began to imagine what he looked like naked, how his hands would feel on me, clasping me into cuffs or tying me with ropes, how his eyes would look peering into mine while he was on top of me ... but his next words snapped me hard out of my daydream, before I could voice any answer to him.

"This is the awkward part of this Elizabeth ... what I'm about to tell you." He let go of my hands and sat backward. "Though we will be physically intimate, it stops there. I have a fiancé. For our own private reasons, she is not involved in this with me. She knows about everything and is fully accepting of what I do. I wanted to tell you this at the outset, so you know there is no future or relationship outside of the Society for you and I."

That statement came down on me, slamming that door on my hopes like a block of granite. It was a very sobering thought. Here is this man, telling me that he and I are going to have sex, expecting that I will do whatever he asks, that he is going to get to know the deepest recesses of my body and my being, that he is going to do things to me and with me that no man has ever done before, and it will be just physical, with no emotional attachment. How can there be no emotional attachment!!?? I had to stifle my anger here, but really!! How??!!

He must have sensed something was awry, something I gave away in my expression. "Elizabeth. Look at me as a teacher. We use the word mentor and it really means that, a deep attachment as a teacher. We will forever be emotionally attached, I didn't mean to imply that this would be done with no emotion at all, I just meant to say that I already have a relationship with another woman outside of the Society, so my relationship with you will be solely within the Society.

"Please, you'll have to trust me on this. Right now, this is one thing that makes it so difficult and awkward. I've never been the best at explaining it. You really are a stunningly beautiful woman, and I desire you desperately. I'd even hope one day to have you as my devoted sub and be your Master, but that's a long way off. There's a lot for you to learn and understand before it could come to that."

Alright. Now there is something new. I latched onto that, as a way of defecting this emotional blow that he just dealt to me. I don't know what I was thinking, I certainly wasn't in love with Aaron, but I guess I at least thought there was some type of potential relationship there. Now I was told there wasn't going to be one, at least not one my friends and family would ever see. As I was coming to grips with this, and what this would mean, and even whether I wanted to continue with this at all, I decided to explore his last statement harder.

"What do you mean sub and Master? I thought everyone there was either a sub or Master, or Mistress?"

"Not really," he answered quickly, apparently as eager to move to a different subject as I was. "For someone to be a Master or Mistress, a true Master or Mistress to a submissive, there has to be a deep connection between the two. Like love in most normal relationships, it doesn't spring up immediately. It has to be nurtured, grown, developed, understood and explored. The two have to be on the same page about everything, as they have to complement each other in almost everything they do.

"And here's something for you to think about: the power here in a BDSM relationship is not in the Dominant or Master, it's in the submissive. Sounds funny, right? It's true. Outwardly, it would seem that all of the control is in the Dominant, since they are the ones that decide what to do and give the orders. However, before you get to that, the submissive lets the Dominant know what they like and what they don't, what is off limits and what isn't, and the submissive retains the final word to stop immediately. At the crux of everything is this: the Dominant has the power only because the submissive lets them. Without the submissive giving their surrender, there is no relationship whatsoever. Therefore, that's where the real power lies: in the submissive."

I thought about that, and it made a lot of sense. Letting it sink in, it changed my perspective. It wasn't about the dominant at all, it was more about the submissive. As I thought about it more, I began to look at this all in a different light. It didn't make me completely forget about what Aaron just said about a personal relationship with him, but it did give me something else to think about, and that helped lessen the sting.

"That's where the designation of 'Master' really has it origin and meaning," he continued. "Those dominants out there that insist a sub call them 'Master' have it all wrong, at least to my thinking. For a sub to call someone Master, after they have been together and really interacted and understood each other, the sub decides to call his or her Dom by the title 'Master.' The submissive should give this a lot of thought, as what they are really saying is that they gives themselves totally and completely to the Master. They are essentially saying that they are his and will do anything and everything to gratify the dominant. With that is a level of trust so important, so implicit, that it's a bond that is almost unbreakable. In a way, the submissive is becoming his slave, to worship him, to totally devote themselves to the Master. At that point, the submissive switches the power role: they give up the power to stop and give that power solely to the dominant. I dream of a day when I have that deep of a connection to a sub that they acknowledge it and call me Master."

That made me think about whether I could do this, and not just with Aaron, but with anyone. Could I really go that far, to offer myself to a man and essentially become his slave? What would people think of me if I did? But then truthfully, would anyone else even know?? I put those thoughts away to ponder them later, once I explored this more. I diverted the subject instead, asking Aaron, "So what will all of this entail, our relationship?"