Finding Mr. Wright Ch. 06

"Well, assuming you are still interested in a month, we will start slow. Many things I'd rather show you than tell you about, or at least tell you as you experience them. At that first meeting, we can go over what you might like and what you don't, sort of like a checklist."

"Like in Fifty Shades, the contract that they negotiated," I interjected quickly.

"Something like that, though nothing that formal. Some dominants like a formal arrangement, written out like a binding contract, but as an attorney, I'm sure you know that a contract like this is really only as binding as people want it to be. They break it if it suits them, with no repercussions. I prefer something more fluid. Assuming you are still interested, I'll send you a checklist. Look it over and do some research. See if it the topics on it are something you like. I won't tell you in advance whether it's something I like or not, though some things you can probably figure out on your own. In any event, you can list those things you really like or really want to try, or really don't like, and we can go from there. Many times, there are things people think they like or don't like and it turns out to be the opposite. That's why I like to be more fluid."

I was listening and nodding, looking at him across from me in the car. I thought about what this relationship would entail, about how experimental I wanted to become, but I still felt like a jilted lover. It hurt knowing that there would be no personal relationship that would ever develop. He was practically married.

I sat there quietly and looked down, or out the window, pretending to look at scenery I couldn't see through the blackened glass. I said nothing else. We rode like that for a time, both of us quiet, before he spoke up again. "Elizabeth, I'm sorry if I misled you with anything."

"I guess I'm just getting used to the idea," I said, still a bit heartbroken. "All of this is so new, so unique, I still don't know what to think."

"Let me tell you about an article I read a while back. This was something I found in a psychology journal, so I took it to be true. It was written by a woman who had become a psychologist, but wrote the article anonymously, so she could be perfectly candid. She told about a relationship she had while in college with a guy that was a d/s relationship -- that's one without a lot of the harsher activities, just one person being a dominant and the other the submissive. She described the sex as wild and fulfilling, but the personal part of the relationship itself was lacking. They broke up and she dated other men, eventually getting married. She loved her husband, and the sexual intimacy she had with him she really valued like nothing else. But it was also lacking what was offered to her in the d/s relationship. She ran into that guy from her past from time to time, and they got together sexually, renewing that dom/sub chemistry. For her, that level of domination and submission was so important to her, so intense, that she was willing to risk cheating on her husband that she loved dearly in order to experience it. She wrote about the dichotomy it presented, and that she had no solution, not wanting to terminate either relationship."

He let me think about that for a few minutes before he continued again. "What I took from her story, and what I have seen myself, is that the two types of relationships aren't mutually exclusive for many people. For many, they not only want both, they *need* both. Look, there are many people that are perfectly content with a normal, vanilla relationship, but like this woman, there are those who aren't. I'm one of those. I want both, a loving, caring relationship on one hand, and a wild, exciting relationship on the other. It's incredible when you are able to find two different women willing to share each half of that with you and not be jealous of the other. It's not easy to find. What's really unique, though, is when you can find all of that in one person. It's incredibly rare, but something we all long for."

He let me think on that. What if we, as sexual creatures, aren't content with just the monogamous relationships we are taught are normal? Maybe some people, even most people, are happy with one type or the other, but not everyone. What if I'm not one of those that can be happy with just one person? I know I wasn't with Jonathan. At first, the loving relationship was fine, but why did that turn stale? Was it him or me? I always thought it was him, but maybe it was me ... maybe I subconsciously wanted more, something like this. I slowly began to accept the fact that I might be able to do this with Aaron, that I could be his wild lover on the side and nothing more. But what if that turned out not to be enough? As all this was so new, I agreed that I had to think about this for a while. I was glad they were giving me a month, and I began to feel better and better about the whole thing.

I finally broke the silence. "Aaron. I have to admit to you I was upset with what you told me earlier. I wasn't thinking we were anything even remotely involved yet, but I wanted to think there was at least a possibility that something might develop as we began to know each other better. It doesn't help that I am recently separated and getting a divorce, though that did make this all possible for me to begin with. What you've just said has me thinking a lot about all of this ... what I'm seeking ... what turns my life is taking ... what this will mean in the long run. I think what I'm trying to say is 'Yes' I'll think on this and I'm glad I have some time to reflect on it all, but I don't think I'll change my mind from how I'm feeling right now. I want to go forward with this ... with you."

"I'm pleased you feel that way, Elizabeth," he said with a prominent smile on his face. "We'll give it a month and I hope you feel the same."

Not wanting to get back into the deep emotional aspect of everything and wanting time to go over my own feelings more, I went back to some of the surface things. I asked him about the different activities I could expect in this list of his, and to explain some of the ones he thought I might not know about. It was a way to get him to talk, and while I listened, I wasn't paying too close attention. I was thinking about him and I, how it would all play out, and all the different permutations it could take. What if I loved doing all of this, but didn't like Aaron anymore? Could I stay in the Society, and switch dominants? What if he were very possessive of me, but I wanted to 'play the field' so to speak? What if we had different levels of commitment? What if our physical interests were just too different? We weren't just talking about straight sex anymore, so there were bound to be some things that we viewed differently. All of this and many more things ran through my mind as we made the trip back to my home.

When we arrived, Aaron walked me to my door. I turned to tell him good night, and he stopped me, standing still, staring at me. "Elizabeth, I'm breaking a big rule here, but I want to do this, to ask you: Can I kiss you goodnight?"

Even though I didn't know how I felt about him, I couldn't tell him no. It really did make me feel better that he asked me, and that he desired to do it enough to break a rule even in asking me to do so. "Yes," I said softly, with a nod.

He leaned in and gave me one of the sweetest, most sensual kisses I've ever received in my life. It wasn't a sloppy, wet, all over the place kiss. It wasn't all tongue and lips and lots of head movement. It was just soft, tender, and caring, and it spoke to me in volumes. It told me he did care, and that he might be lying to himself about what he felt and what he said. I kissed him back, not even realizing that my kiss might be telling him the same things. He reached his arms around my back and held me close. I could feel my breasts pressing into his chest, hoping my hardening nipples weren't giving my desire away through the loose fabric of my dress. I grabbed his shoulders with each hand, holding him just as tight. The kiss started to turn heavier, deeper, but as soon as that happened, we both stopped, knowing we shouldn't take it any further.

"Wow," he said, "that was..." he laughed to himself before he finished "... exquisite." I couldn't help myself, and though I started to smile, I burst out and laughed along with him. From what started as a little joke between us turned into long, drawn out, laughter. It was genuine for both of us. Perhaps it was the intensity of the night, or the sincerity of that kiss, but it was a relief for me, perhaps for both of us. As we settled down from our laugh, I gave a little curtsey, still smiling and giggling. "I couldn't agree more, Mr. Wright ... exquisite."

He became more serious, but still smiled broadly. "You really are lovely, Elizabeth. I can't wait to hear from you. It will be a long month." He took my hand, raised it to his lips, and kissed it eloquently. "Have a wonderful night and weekend." He bowed to me, then turned and walked down the driveway, entered the car, and disappeared into the night.