Finding My True Heart

As predicted Miriam wore a new thong, a rich red that set off her tones beautifully. I had dragged out last years pale blue bottom, though I had removed the lining so that a camel toe appeared every now and then. Maeve, under all her protection, wore a beautiful black vintage one piece.

We chatted idly, and then settled into a state of stupor under the mid afternoon sun. After an hour or so Alex and Maeve decided to go an ice cream run. Up the beach, in a more family area, a truck was doing a roaring business.

While they were walking away I decided to open up to Miriam. "I'm a bit concerned about Alex and me. I know it's very early but I am not sure I can give what he wants. He told me I wasn't hard enough on him. I don't know if I want to be like that."

"The domination thing came a up sort of by accident really. I mean, he noticed you and you him while he was perving on us while we did a photo shoot?" Miriam responded.

"True, and I took him to that club. He was pretty mild mannered there, took it in his stride. I guess that his true desires might have come out at some point, so I should be glad it's now and not later I suppose."

"What do you want to do?"

"When we visit Naomi later I am probably going to ask her to fix me up for a session as a submissive. Maybe I need to feel what it's like."

"Am I right in thinking you use limits when you are playing Mistress and slave?"

"Yes" I replied, not sure where Miriam was going with this.

"And that as a Mistress you have limits as well?"

"Yes" I responded, wearily.

"Well, it seems to me you can come to one of two conclusions. One, your limits are not the same and aren't likely to be, and so there is not much future in a female domination relationship. And does that mean there is no future at all. Does it now all rest on having a dominant and submissive thing going on?

"Two, if you haven't accurately compared your limits them maybe there is hope. It requires another conversation with Alex. Either way I wouldn't be talking to Naomi about being a sub for a session or two before I spent more time with Alex. In fact it makes more sense to hook Alex up and observe.

"There is also another option, but it needs strap-ons! Move on from Alex and take up with Maeve. That would be softer and loving. And Maeve might even let you sleep with Adrian sometimes, while I pretty sure Alex would have more trouble with that."

That was all food for thought. Alex and Maeve were on their way back.

When they arrived Alex asked for a quiet word alone. He dropped his bombshell. "I am sorry Fran, I can't do it. I want a relationship that includes more femdom than I think you can deliver. It's been a lot of fun, and I hoped it would go well, but I just can't see my future here."

"Actually Alex it's a relief. I was coming to the same conclusion" I said, not fully believing myself. I continued "I am not ready to fully settle down. If you're single and want to play a bit I would love that but I can't offer the femdom relationship you want" I said, hiding my thoughts and concerns. I was effectively killing the relationship before it began, but I didn't know how to respond. "Can I ask you a big favour?" I continued.

"Sure."

"Actually, it is two favours. One is finish the day with us. Come for pizza, introduce us to Naomi, maybe even score a farewell fuck. Two is please agree to make a cast of your cock so I can have a dildo made. It fits me so well."

Gracefully Alex replied "Yes. And yes."

We decided to find Naomi first, but we were out of luck. She wasn't at work. Alex made his excuses and left quickly. I had no reason to ask him to stay.

Miriam, Maeve and I decided to hit the lingerie shop in the half hour before it closed. I treated Maeve to a pair of white Brazilian cut pants that had a string of pearls that ran across the clitoris and between the labia. Miriam and I also bought them, mine in black, Miriam's in red. We swore to each other we would wear them on our planned night of debauchery when the catalogue was finished. We hoped to finish during the week and celebrate the next weekend.

Pizza was quick and easy, and I was home quite early, It had been a good weekend, mostly. Just as I was about to go to bed the phone rang. It was Alex, apologising for cutting and running.

"Thanks for the call, and the apology. I understand it's awkward, and I'm upset as well. I thought we had a good thing, and a place to start from. You didn't agree, and then you left. I don't have anything to say to you now. I'll call you when I've calmed down." With that I hung up the phone.

While the phone was in my hand I rang Miriam. "What are you up to?"

"Thinking about bed" she replied.

"Come over? Sleep the night. I want some company."

Miriam arrived about half an hour later. We stripped, showered, and went to bed. The cuddling was nice. It was familiar and warm, and the perfect start to getting over Alex. He had punched quite a large hole in quite a short time.

In the morning we circled each other like orbiting planets, eating toast, drinking coffee, showering and getting dressed as we twirled past each other.

We were almost at work when I brought up Alex. I had been planning a foursome with Miriam, with the two of us as Mistresses and Alex, and someone else, as yet unknown, to serve us in the glory we basked in because we had completed our new website and a new catalogue as well. Best to work on a new plan.

As I searched for the change for a round of coffee I came across the numbers of the ladies Alex and I had played with at the club. It felt like months ago, but it was little over a week. I kept the thought to myself at this stage.

As it was the celebration was more subdued than we planned. Miriam and I went out to dinner and back to her place, where we made long slow grinding love with each other, kissing and scissoring. The following day we rose late, brunched and went for a swim. Over a quick pasta and a cheapish red we talked about the future.

"You know I love you Mir, but I need some cock in my life. Adrian used to be good for it but I am not sure it's a good idea now."

"I know, I feel like some cock occasionally too. Probably not as much as you though. I'm pretty happy if we stay like this for a while."

"We can do that, as long as I can play away with a man every now and then. I really wanted to try being dominant, but that didn't work. Put the dream away maybe."

"You could play with Maeve. I'm pretty sure she's submissive" Miriam consoled.

"Maybe, but I don't see her as a long term sub. I like her too much. Is that weird?"

"Not sure. What do you mean?"

"I think I want to play hard and fast for a bit, try it out. I don't want someone who might fall in love with me. But it is a bit more complicated. I want to dominate, but I don't really want to hurt someone. Just a bit of play, a scene, not total destruction."

"I'd be up for it if it's that important to you."

"No, it's not right. You're one of the loves of my life. Perhaps if we'd had a relationship long ago then it might work. As it is I see you standing next to me, both of enjoying one, two or maybe three sex slaves serving our every need. I get wet thinking about it. That is, of course, if you've changed your mind from the last time I mentioned it."

"You need to tell me more."

"It might be better to show you. I'll take you to that club where I took Alex. Easier to see than tell. I met some girls there too. I could call them, see if they want to come out for a blast."

During that week I spoke to Kristi and we set a date, a few weeks hence, for drinks, a light dinner, and a visit to a BDSM club.

The Friday night rolled around quickly. Miriam and I dressed for a night out. I donned a bright red dress and boots. Miriam went for a fitted black velvet dress that showed plenty of cleavage and leg. It was teamed with some strappy heels. We met Nisha and Kristi at a bar they had chosen, a quiet dark small space that was a good pick for the night. They had dressed for the night ahead as well. Kristi wore a deep purple top, a black skirt and high Doc Martin boots. Nisha sported a tight white t-shirt teamed with a green mini skirt and ankle boots. Around her neck was a thick chocker. It became apparent that Nisha was braless as her nipples rose proud.

We ordered drinks. When we were alone I asked Kristi outright the question: "Is Nisha your sub?"

"For tonight" Kristi replied. "We thought we would give it a go. A bit of fun."

"So, first time out like this? Do you think it is a permanent thing?"

Kristi replied "Yes, we decided that it might be fun. In fact, we tossed a coin to see who would tale which role. At some other time we'll reverse it. We're partners, so this is really an extension of that. By the way, what happened to Alex? God, he gave good head" she concluded rapturously.

"He did, didn't he. I couldn't offer him enough, so he moved on. Turns out I wasn't dominant enough for him."

Nisha smiled, "I'm sure we could fix that. I'd lock him in a room and make him eat me for hours. Then I might let him come, but with me riding him and Kristi riding his face. Then he could clean me out. I'm wet thinking about the idea." She turned to Kristi and added "maybe we should get a sex slave. What fun we could have."

Kristi, adopting a tone, replied "you're forgetting your place Nisha. Go to the bathroom and put this in, then return and hand me your thong" she ordered as she pulled a butt plug from her bag. "Back soon, no touching" she finished with.

While Nisha scurried off and Kristi sipped her cocktail Miriam leant over and whispered "let me be your sub tonight. Play with me. I want to see what it is like."

"Okay, we'll play. I'm not sure what will happen, so call orange if you want me to slow down red if you want me to stop. Okay?"

"Yes Mistress" she whispered back.

Nisha returned and handed Kristi her balled up panties. Kristi invited me to check the plug, firmly in place. As I brought my hand out my fingers swept across her lips. My fingers came out glistening. With my eyes I invited Miriam to lick my fingers clean. She bent to the task with vigour.

I turned to Kristi. "Let's have a good time tonight. We have a slut each to play with."

"Let's get to dinner, then we can hit the club. I'm thinking Nisha might need time up on a frame. She needs some correction."

"Be careful, you reap what you sow" I laughed.

A nice dinner, eaten with anticipation in the air. The only sign this was more than four friends out for dinner was Nisha's very erect nipples and the little squirm she gave as she sat down, not yet used to the butt plug she was wearing.

The club was starting to fill up when we arrived. There was action on the benches and the frame.

We found a table and organised some drinks. Kristi wandered off, returning a few minutes later. "There's another pair for the frame, then you go up Nisha. Get naked now and tribute your Mistress" Kristi instructed her, spreading her legs. Naked Nisha sank between Kristi's thighs and started the tongue job. Miriam looked on in surprise. I had forgotten she wasn't here the first time.

Kristi kept up a commentary as Nisha worked: Miriam and I kept quiet, watching them and the room.

On the frame a man was being bullwhipped by an Asian women. There was something familiar.

"Wow, I think I know them" I said to no-one in particular.

"Really?" Miriam asked.

"I think it might be Alex, and presumably that's Naomi working him over."

"I thought he didn't want to do blood."

"It's a surprise. Maybe something has changed for him. No idea what, and I'm not in the mood to find out."

Kristi looked at me with astonishment that I might be well connected. "Nisha, stop. Up here. See what befalls you." At this point the man who might be Alex was bleeding from the stripes across his back. As Nisha struggled up Kristi turned to me and bluntly asked "can you see if she'll whip Nisha for me? She's been so bad."

Simultaneously Nisha called "red," while I issued an emphatic "no!"

Time stood still while we all looked at each for a beat.

"Nisha, get dressed. Scene is over."

"But ..." Kristi started.

"No buts. Where leaving. Come with us if you want" I said, taking control.

Miriam took a softer line. "Let's go. Nisha obviously wasn't comfortable with your command, and I don't blame her. If you asked me to do something like that I would call red too. Let's go and find fresh air and some coffee."

It looked like Kristi might dig her heels in, but she then raced to join us as we reached the door. Nothing was said until we were out the door and up the laneway.

"My god Nisha, I am so sorry. I don't know what took hold of me. I wanted to try this, but I know that was too far. Forgive me?"

Nisha simply nodded, unable to find the words.

By the time we settled into a booth in a discrete coffee shop she found her voice. She whispered to Kristi "can I have my underwear back please?" She headed to the bathroom. While she was away we ordered. On her return she stage whispered "Kristi I still have the plug in. I want to try that if it's okay with you."

"Do you have a strapon?" I asked.

"No, I actually planned to find a male to fuck Nisha's arse" Kristi answered, embarrassed and ashamed.

"It's okay lover. No harm done" Nisha replied generously.

"Come back to mine" Miriam added. "We can play safely, but I suggest it's just vaginally. Let's keep it simple and easy. I have a little collection of dildos and a harness. I might even convince Fran to fuck me now that I'm going to miss out on her wicked plans. Actually, what did you plan?"

"Not much really. It was more to see how I felt about BDSM. Right now I'm not really interested. I'm more interested in fucking a good woman." Trite but truthful.

Earlier than we planned we were enjoying a glass of wine at Miriam's. The evening was improved by the mood set. She turned the lights down and put on a chilled soundtrack. We relaxed into it, getting to know each other. It became apparent to me that that Nisha and Kristi were struggling to understand what was happening. Their journey wasn't all that far away from Miriam and I, but they didn't seem to accept each other as freely as we did. While we talked I realised how much I cared for Miriam. Maybe I hadn't given it the care and nurture it deserved. If I was to do that I would need to step up and make it a key part of my life.

As it turned out there was no orgy that night. We talked for a couple of hours. Nisha and Kristi told us about themselves. They were students, finding their way into the world. Kristi was really embarrassed about what had happened at the club, but Nisha reassured her that it was alright, that she was not hurt, but that Kristi could make it up to her by loving her. The topic of oral sex came up, and there was universal agreement that Alex had given the best cunnilingus any of us had recently.

After Kristi and Nisha left, having agreed to a beach date on Sunday, we went to bed. I worshiped Miriam, building up slowly from kissing to nipple play to edging her as I ate her out. After several close calls, she later called them near misses; I took her to ecstasy with my tongue and my fingers. She climaxed, and as she came down I softly started again. Miriam rolled into a series of small orgasms before peaking again and begging me to stop. After a break to recover we took a long shower. Back in bed we drifted to sleep, naked and entwined.

Sunday dawned fine. Miriam and I were still together. We chatted lightly as we packed for the beach. We threw in all the essentials, including cold drinks, sunscreen and snacks. We shimmied into our bottoms and slipped on our sundresses. On the way we picked up Maeve. We had arranged to meet Kristi and Nisha at the beach. As we settled down they appeared in the distance.

Very soon after that it was five ladies, four topless, enjoying the sun, sipping drinks and chatting. There was no-one else around.

An hour in, just as Maeve applied her next sunscreen ration, Alex appeared, accompanied by a young Asian woman.

I must have looked shocked. "I rang him" Maeve explained. "I think you need to talk to him. Patch it up. He could be a good friend."

While I felt cornered I could see Miriam's point of view. I needed to sort it out for me, and truthfully, I needed to reassure her.

They arrived, and Alex introduced Naomi to the others. "I hope you don't mind me coming today. We are in the middle of a scene, so I needed to be here."

"It's a pleasure to meet you" I replied, a sentiment backed up by nodding heads.

"What's Alex done?" Maeve inquired.

"Nothing really. It's part of our relationship. When I see him he serves me and whoever I tell him to please. Of course we work within limits, but I've already established that there are no issues today."

"Before we go any further I need to ask you both something. Were you at the club a couple of nights ago? I thought I saw Alex being bullwhipped."

"Not by me. I was there but it wasn't Alex."

"I'm sorry everyone, I guess I got it wrong. It was a good lesson in consent though."

"It sounds like it" Naomi agreed. "Good to know that."

"It was so bad I've just sworn off BDSM."

Miriam chipped in "I want to play a bit, but not too much pain and no marks."

"Let's get together and play safely. I'll show you the way."

Nisha and Kristi perked up and added they would like that too. "It shook me up, but if there's a safe way then I want to have a go" Nisha added.

"How about a bit of fun right now?" Naomi asked.

"What did you have in mind?" I replied, cautiously.

"An oral sex scene. Those sub-minded blow the tops."

"Sounds like fun, and not at all dangerous. Just one thing. I insist Alex blows Miriam. I'll play sub for her."

Kristi chimed in "I'll sub for Nisha."

"Okay, settled. Now the punishment" Naomi continued. "The sub who is the last to bring their top to orgasm wears a butt plug and gets a round of coffee."

"The numbers are uneven. What happens then?" Maeve asked.

"Well, if everyone wants to play I'll sit out. Alex has already seen to me this morning."

"Lucky you" I said, with just the slightest hint of regret. He was very good.

"I'm assuming Miriam has no problem playing? What about everyone else?"

We all agreed. The pairings became Alex on Miriam, Kristi on Maeve and me on Nisha.

"Before we start there is one more thing. Since the tops need to be bottomless the subs should be as well. And I'll be the first to strip" Naomi stated as she untied her top, revealing quite large teacup breasts with dark nipples. She also quickly shimmied out of the bottoms to reveal a thick bush topping very obvious inner labia. I could imagine Alex parting her with his tongue, working up to her erect little bud.

Of course we all followed suit. Soon we had a veritable lip smacking tongue fest going on.

I went hard and fast, not fancying a plugged arse this morning. Nisha rolled easily into orgasm, ahead of anyone else. Relieved the task was done I sat up and watched. Kristi seemed to be concentrating on Maeve's clitoris, while Alex was still generally working lower, building up the tension in Miriam. He didn't seem concerned about the punishment. His sole goal seemed to be to give Miriam pleasure, a goal he succeeded at. She came a good ten minutes after everyone else, but clearly her orgasm was worth waiting for.

After she caught her breath Miriam's only comment was "where do we get one of those for ourselves?"

"I might lend him to you occasionally." She turned to Alex and said "punishment time" as she pulled a butt plug from her bag. I wondered what else was in there.

We all watched as she fitted the plug. "That stays until we get home, then you're getting aright royal reaming" Naomi told him.