All Comments on 'First Date'

Nice...

and much better than the other one you wrote. However there were lots of spelling mistakes and poor punctuation that made one stop while reading and spoiled the flow. Try improving in those two areas and you'll do okay.

A short simple story, but you might want to look into using one of the Literotica volunteer editors. Shortly into the story, you wrote, "As I pulled up I seen her face,...". YOu repeated this several times. It should be "saw" her face, not seen it. There are several other grammatical, spelling and punctuation problems. While that might seem petty to bring up, it does put a lot of readers off, and fixing these problems will make you a better writer.

Several other problems that makes readers say, "Huh?"

1. You say both of them are from a small town. But it's obvious they are in a big town. Big enough to take 40 minutes to cross.

2. The woman is obviously trying to get somewhere that night.If she wasn't, why was she trying to travel in the pouring rain by taxi? Why would Mr. Nice Guy leave her sleeping in the motel room until morning? He knows she's married. Wouldn't he try to get her home to her husband or where ever she was headed.

Think through things like this and it will make you a better story teller. It's OK to leave me wondering on purpose, but it's not OK to leave me confused for no reason.