First Do No Harm Pt. 02

I wish to thank all those who sent me the many positive emails and took time to lave comments on the first part of this story, here is part 2. For those who may not have read part 1 yet, I urge you to do so first.

Part 2.

I went home after johnnie's visit. I was filled with turmoil. I had abused my position with the beautiful young man with whom I spent a glorious morning and afternoon. He came to me with a problem and although I did not exploit him, I found myself acting with an emotional and physical attachment to my patient.

For the first time in my life, I was experiencing "the morning after the night before regret".

Even though I knew it was not the right way to deal with my betrayal of my profession, I got drunk and passed out.

I woke up in the middle of the night and staggered to my bathroom. I relieved myself and splashed cold water on my face. Looking in the mirror, I did not like the man I saw staring back at me.

"Weak bastard," I yelled and punched the image in the mirror. A few minutes later, as I bandaged my hand that was cut when I broke that mirror, I was filled with disgust by my actions with johnnie.

He's married and although his wife has taken a lover, johnnie has strong feelings for Tom, and I interfered with that. Instead of helping him understand and deal with the jealousy he felt toward his wife over Tom, I had taken advantage of him, and I hated myself for that.

To be sure, sucking his cute little dick and tonguing the younger man's anus troubled me not in the least. And just as I said to johnnie, I didn't fuck him; I made love to him.

I found little comfort in that realization.

I eventually fell back asleep on the couch. When i awoke it was 9:30 in the morning. I needed a shower and shave. I was reminded of my late night's activity when I cut my foot on a shard of glass from the broken mirror.

I cursed myself as I bandaged my foot and swept my bathroom floor. Showering, I tried to let the hot water rinse away the guilt I felt. It didn't work.

I stopped by the Condo manager's office before leaving for my office. I reported, falsely I might add, that I had an accident last night and would they please repair or replace the mirror on my medicine cabinet.

I have no illusion that the lady taking my complaint believed me. She noticed my bandaged hand and looked at me. "Uh huh," she said with a tiny measure of contempt.

I got to my office and called the patients I'd missed that morning. Apologizing and promising to do better, I finally settled into my usual schedule.

Tuesday afternoon crawled by. It wasn't nearly as exciting as yesterday's adventures. As I waited for my next client, I opened my desk drawer and saw the blue panty johnnie left. He promised to come back today to get them, I remembered. I wondered where he was and how he was dealing with what happened.

I admit I was only half listening to last my patient of the day when I heard my outer door open and close.

"Wallace," I said addressing my patient. "I think we've covered all we can today. I know we have time remaining. Tell you what. Let's call today even. This session is free. Now I would like you to go home and over the next week, make a list of how you think you fell short of your expectations in one column and in the other, write down how or what you can do to eliminate those negatives. Give it some thought and bring it with you next Tuesday."

I rose and opened the door for him. I spotted johnnie right off. He looked sad and worried. "Have a wonderful evening Wallace," told him as he thanked me and left.

"johnnie, my darling. Please, come in."

His face was ashen and his eyes red. I could tell he had been crying.

Once my door was closed, I locked it. I tried to take johnnie in my arms. Yeah, I might have felt guilty for betraying my patient but my feelings for him hadn't diminished one iota.

johnnie resisted my embrace. "Please doctor, no. We have to talk."

"We have to talk" are words no man wants to hear from his love interest. "Okay, johnnie. Please have a seat and let's talk."

"Forgive me for yesterday, doctor," he said. I noticed we were back to "doctor again.

"No, johnnie. Yesterday was my fault and mine only. Please let me explain. I was and I am attracted to you. I knew that if you showed me what you wear for Tom, that what we did yesterday might happen."

"You, you used me?"

I couldn't help it. I rushed over from behind my desk and knelt in front of johnnie. "No baby. I didn't use you. I love you. What I did was and is reprehensible for one in my position. It shouldn't have happened, but I am glad it did."

"Me too," johnnie said in his soft voice. "But it shouldn't have. I mean I cheated on Cindy and Tom."

I looked up at him in amazement. "No baby, you didn't cheat on them. You have to understand, johnnie, you're in a loveless marriage. You and Cindy have allowed another to take your place in that marriage. Yes, I understand that you have feelings for both but how do they feel about you; I mean really feel?"

I knew I was stepping further away from being ethical, but I couldn't help myself. I also knew as I begged johnnie to reconsider, that after today, I'd have to end my practice. How could I continue to treat those with issues after betraying all that I held dear as far as my practice was concerned?

johnnie looked at me as though he was seeing ghost or something. "We can't, I can't," he said pushing me aside and standing.

"johnnie, please don't leave," I begged.

"I have to. I cheated and I have to confess that to them. I have to try to make it right."

It hit me like a ton of bricks. johnnie had more honor, more integrity than me. "You're right, johnnie. You're right. It shouldn't have happened but I'm still glad it did. Before you go, aren't you forgetting something?"

I rose, went to my desk and pulled his panty out of the drawer. "Oh, those. You keep them. Let's call it a souvenir."

"Wait, johnnie, please." I jotted down my cell phone number and address on a slip of paper. I went to him. "Pease. Take this. Call or come see me if you need to talk. Please."

johnnie looked at the paper and put it in his pocket. Not saying anything further, he turned and opened the door. Just as he took his first step out, he turned and rushed to me. We hugged and we both had tears. "I'll miss you, doctor," he sniffed.

I kissed his forehead. "Me too, johnnie, more than you'll ever know."

He left me in a puddle of not knowing what to. I sat and cried. I'd lost a love I never really had and was going to quit my practice. What would I do now?

My heart ached for johnnie. Not just because he left me but also, because I knew that in his situation, he was being used.

I'm sure you reading this have known the pain of loss I felt that day and for days to come. I had lost a love, a real love. I lost a future of what I'd seen as happy for both johnnie and me. The heart ache was nearly more than I was able to handle. Knowing johnnie left me to go back to that abusive life, a life I so badly wanted to save him from, kept my tears flowing.

I knew better than to get drunk again. I don't handle liquor all that well. I called a colleague and asked if he was free. He told me to give him a couple hours and then come to his office.

Milton Wiskow was not only a colleague but someone I trusted to tell me the hard truths.

"My goodness, Jasper, you look a fright. Come in. Let's talk about what's bothering you.

I told Milt everything, all of it. I told him how I felt about johnnie and how I betrayed my ethics when we made love, and that johnnie had more courage and integrity than me.

To say Milt was angry with me isn't enough. He was mortified that I had seemingly taken advantage of the younger man who'd come to me for help. "Disgraceful," he spat. "You know what you must do, right?"

"I've already taken steps to refer my patients to others. I have come to the conclusion that I am unfit to treat those in crisis."

"At least you haven't gone completely mad. Now, about your feelings for johnnie, you know what you must do. Leave him alone, Jasper. Never contact him again. It isn't right. You and I may not approve of his relationship, but we are not to judge. You forgot that. You allowed your personal feelings to enter into it and have disgraced yourself and the profession."

Of course, Milton was right. I left him and went home. It seemed to me that the sun was less bright. I wasn't harboring suicidal thoughts, but I knew I had a struggle in front of me.

I sat in silence until it was dark, feeling terrible. Flipping through my CD collection, I selected only those with slow, lost love ballads and programmed my player to skip all the upbeat songs.

Feeling sorry for myself, I sat and cried. Sleep was slow to come that night. Waking in the morning after a couple hours of restless sleep, I showered, shaved, changed the bandages on my hand and foot.

I went to my office and made calls to my fellow colleagues asking if they'd accept my referrals. They assured they would and told me they were sorry I was leaving. I didn't tell them why. They had no need to know what I'd done.

I then placed calls to my former patients and told those who answered whom to call and left messages for those who, for whatever reason, didn't pick up their phones.

I called the property owner and told him i was closing my practice and no longer had use for the office space I had leased.

He told me there would be a price to pay for terminating the lease early but did wish me well.

Taking down my framed degree, I held it for the longest time before putting it in the trash can.

I prepared my books for boxing the next day, cleaned out my desk and once again, found the panty johnnie left.

I used the delicate garment to dry my tears, put them in my pocket, grabbed a handful of my crap and left.

I did go back the next day and finished moving out. I debated whether to keep my books or not and decided to toss them. I was done as a psychologist.

I ignored my phone all that day and into the night.

Fortunately, I had set aside enough money that I could wallow in my sorrow for a few months before I would need to get a job.

There seemed to be a stone in the pit of my stomach. Nausea left me no appetite for food. I couldn't eat for two days. Boy, but I had royally fucked up.

I was still reeling from the loss four days later. Sitting in a darkened room feeling sorry for myself I heard a knock at my door. "Go away," I shouted.

The knocking persisted. "Please, just go away," I repeated.

But whomever it was, they did not stop.

Exasperated, I opened the door to give them a piece of my mind.

Who said there's no God? Leaning against the door jamb with a sassy look on his face was johnnie. My johnnie. I was at a loss for words. We just looked at each other for several seconds.

"Aren't you going to invite me?" johnnie was the first to speak.

"Please come in. This is a wonderful surprise." All of a sudden, the dark clouds of sadness lifted.

johnnie walked past me. "Nice place D.J. It could use a woman's touch though." Then he turned to me and smiled. "I'd like to be that woman for you."

He squealed in delight when I grabbed him by his big bottom and lifted him up, holding him close. johnnie wrapped his legs around my waist and his arms around my neck. I could see the hope in his eyes.

"Did you mean that, baby?"

Instead of words, johnnie's kiss let me know he meant it.

I covered his face with kisses as he giggled. Happiness filled the room so that I could almost feel it engulfing me.

"Tell me what happened when you told Cindy and Tom about what we had done?"

"Can you offer your girl a drink before we get into that?"

My girl. I loved hearing that.

I think I have some wine. Would that be okay?"

"Whatever you have, dear."

I was so excited I nearly dropped the glass as I brought johnnie a chardonnay.

"So, tell me. What happened when you confessed?"

"I was so afraid of the repercussions that I couldn't tell them until this morning. The funny thing is that neither of them cared. Cindy yawned and walked away as I was explaining. Tom just laughed. He saw my discomfort and he just laughed. The kicker was when he said he always knew I was a homo."

"Oh my," was all I could say.

"They made me feel marginalized, like I didn't matter. I thought about you. I remembered the tenderness with which you made love to me. It was the complete opposite of how I was treated at home."

"So, I left. I packed some clothes and told them that they could buy me out of Cindy's half of the house, but should they try to make trouble, I'd file for divorce and use their relationship as the reason. Knowing the ruling would be in my favor, they agreed."

As I listened to johnnie's tale, it occurred to me that he was one smart cookie. I had underestimated him.

"What's next for you?" I asked, hopefully.

"Well, D.J., that depends on you."

"Me?"

"A girl has to live somewhere. I was hoping...."

"Say no more. Yes. The answer is a resounding yes. I'd love it if you moved in here."

"You look a mess, D.J. What happened to you?"

I thought I'd lost you. That's what happened to me. That, and I felt I'd done you a disservice and my actions were unethical."

I took a deep breath. "And I quit my practice. I felt and still do that I am unfit to treat others. My actions with you, and please don't think I regret them, I don't. But what happened between us was wrong."

"And now?" johnnie asked.

"And now we can make it right. I know it's so soon after we met but, johnnie, I love you."

"I love you too and yes, it is fast, but it feels so right. And you know what? I realized that I was jealous of my wife. I wanted Tom's attention. It hit me almost as soon as I got home after we did what we did."

I realized that Tom was only using me for his sexual gratification and loved humiliating me. Cindy too. But you, D.J. I had no idea that you liked guys."

He surprised me. He recognized what I sensed during our sessions. "You're amazing," I said taking his hand in mine.

I confessed to johnnie that up until I met him, I had been straight.

"Taking my penis in your mouth didn't bother you?"

"It just seemed natural, sweetheart. I never gave it a thought. Still haven't. Well, not like it was wrong or something."

"You'd better think about it because a girl can get used to that."

We went down to his car and retrieved his suitcases. johnnie placed his clothing on the bed a I hurried to make room in my chest of drawers and closets for his things.

He excused himself to go to the bathroom, while I finished pushing my clothes to the right side of my closet making room for his.

"What happened in there?" he asked.

"Oh, the mirror. I expect the management to fix that very soon."

"But that doesn't explain what happened."

"I was drunk and hating myself for what I'd done with you. I was washing my face and looked into that mirror. I didn't like what I saw so punched it."

I showed johnnie the band aid on my hand. He came to where I was sitting on the bed and took my hand in his. Kissing the palm and holding it up to the side of his face, he smiled and said that hitting the mirror wasn't too smart.

I had a question of my own. "When you came in, you said this place needs a woman's touch and asked if you could be that woman. Did you mean it? Do you want to be my woman?"

"I did and I do. Being with you the way we were, well, I felt more alive, more feminine than a man should. I thought about it for a couple days and decided that being a woman suits me. Is that okay?"

"Just promise me one thing, baby. Never change a thing."

We didn't make love that night. I think it was because we were both emotionally drained. I was content to hold my girl and fell asleep listening to her gentle snoring.

The next morning was different. I was in the kitchen making coffee. I heard the toilet flush and knew johnnie would be joining me soon.

She had her hair in a scrunchie. Her robe was floor length and floated about her small body like a cloud. "Damn but she's cute," I thought while smiling inside.

She came to me, and we hugged. "Good morning lover," she smiled.

One of my hands slid down her back and held one of johnnie's plump buttocks. "It is a good morning," I agreed.

johnnie reached inside my robe to fondle my cock. Instantly, it grew hard. "Mmm, is this for me?"

"Only you, my love."

johnnie took my hand and led me to the living room Sitting me down, she pushed my knees apart and settled to her knees between mine.

Untying my robe, johnnie took my cock in her hands and slowly jacked it up and down. "With Tom and Cindy, this was a chore, something that was expected of me. Not with you, D.J. With you, this is something I want to do."

She blew on the head of my cock then ran her tongue up and down before allowing me the pleasure of her pillow soft lips.

Holding my balls in one hand and jacking m with her other hand, johnnie treated me to a wonderful blow job. When I told her I was about to cum, she pulled my cock from her sexy mouth and aimed it toward my chest.

I shot my wad from my chin down to my naval. johnnie suckled me until I was soft. Then, beginning at my stomach, she licked my seed from my body working her way up until we were eye to eye. Smiling her mischievous smile, she kissed me.

I knew before she did it that I was going to eat some of my sperm again. "God that was great, baby girl," I whispered in her ear.

Together, we made a couple omelets and toast. johnnie offered to do the clean-up and I pestered her the whole time.

By the time she was finished in the kitchen, my cock was ready for round 2.

I took her by the hand and brought her back to our bed. "Our bed." It sounded so good to me to think that way.

She let me remove her robe and we lay naked; me on my back, johnnie on her tummy, her hands holding her face up.

She told me how rude Tom had been letting others know that he was fucking Cindy. "He would invite his friends over and showed off how much we both wanted his affection."

I lay there listening to my girl and thought about what happens to those recently divorced. The rebound guy doesn't stand a chance.

I wasn't being cruel when I asked johnnie if she needed time to spread her wings and sample what else is out there for her.

"You don't want me?" She asked, her voice quivering.

"More than anything, baby. I want you so bad it hurts. I just don't want you to wake up one day and regret not having more experiences."

God bless her. johnnie flicked one of my nipples with her finger. "Ow," I said surprised. "What was that for?"

"For not knowing how much I want and need you in my life."

"Baby, I was worried about transference. That's when a patient...."

"I know what it means, silly. And this ain't that."

"Bitch," I smiled. "Of course, you know what it means."

johnnie giggled softly.

I rolled over and straddled johnnie's back. She laid her head down as I gently caressed her. Moving down her slender body, I attended to the object of my fascination.

"Baby, I love your bubble butt. So fat. So very sexy."

I began an oral assault on her big round pussy. "Do it again, D.J."

"Do what, baby?"

"You know," she teased raising her bottom.

"No, johnnie, I don't know. You tell me what you want." But I knew. As surely as I knew the sun would rise and set, I knew johnnie wanted me to tongue fuck her again.

"Lick me there, Jasper. Please..."

johnnie let me position her on her knees, her bottom up, her face on a pillow. I caressed, kissed and nibbled on her sexy ass.

"Mmm, that's nice, my love."

Suddenly inspired, I spanked her bottom a couple times."

"Oh, my," she squealed in surprised. I knew right off she liked it. johnnie was moving her bottom side to side egging me on.