First Time is Never Like the Plan

It felt like my heart was about to leap out of my chest. His hands moved slowly all over my body until they found my panties. I hadn't really prepared for the situation, so they were just my plain navy panties, but he didn't seem to care. With a bit of a struggle my panties ended up around my left ankle. I was naked except my bra, with my feet in the air.

I tried to squirm the best I could but there wasn't much room in the back of the SUV. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be doing or how to give him the best position, so I just kept squirming. His hands landed on both of my hips holding me in place with a bit of force.

"Ok, don't move." He said almost out of breath from the jostling.

His cock pressed right at my pussy and he seemed to pause. After wiping a bit of sweat from his brow, he pushed toward me and down. I felt some pressure and then he was in. Without much ceremony, I was getting fucked. It all happened so fast that I had no time to reflect before it started. It certainly wasn't how I ever imagined it happening, but life has a way of not following a script.

I had masturbated before so it's not like my hymen was there to break, but it was still painful. It hurt quite a bit. This wasn't like exploring at my own pace. My nerves had tensed my body up to the point of being ridged. His promises aside, he was not going slow. He took long and aggressive strokes, it made me feel like a doll being stabbed with his dick. He put a towel behind my head, but it still felt sort of crushed into the hard armrest of the door. He grunted loudly each time he pushed into me, he would hold it there for a bit before taking out a bit and pushing back down. I felt pinned to the backseat.

I was gasping for air, panting and moaning. He was relentless, he just kept driving it into me. His dick felt really big and he was making sure I felt every bit of it. He kissed me on the neck as he repeatedly buried himself into me. There was nothing romantic about this encounter, I mean I hardly knew the boy, this was animalistic. I was attracted to him and that's why he was fucking me. He sensed it the first time we spoke in class and decided to take my virginity. This was a conquest to him and I could just feel that. He didn't ask me if I liked it he told me that I liked it.

"You like getting fucked!" He exclaimed. "Yeah, even good girls like getting it." He went on. I'm not sure if he expected me to answer him, but he didn't really seem to care.

I had my legs in the air, one crushed into the backrest of the seats, and I could see that my shoes where still on. He didn't even bother to take the time to take my shoes off. This hit me very hard in the moment and stayed with me for a long time afterwards. I realized that he was fucking me like a slut. Somewhere in the middle of all this unrestrained lust, I started to like it. Something about the depravity of it all set something off deep inside of me. I realized that I didn't care about him and he didn't care about me. My gaze fixated on my shoe in a semi-conscious daze. I became enamoured with my now dangling shoe laces, they were untied and bounced in the cadence of his thrusts. It's a memory that is forever burned into my mind as a turning point in my sexuality. It was in this half daze that he started to grunt indicating that he was cumming.

He was cheering as if he just won a prize as he took his dick out of me and sat back across one my legs. It was cramped in the back seat but I managed to free my leg from underneath him. He pulled the condom off with a snap and held it up with pride for me to see. He then gathered his clothes and slid out of door leaving me alone in the back.

I was still trying to gather myself as I felt around the floor for my panties which were actually still around my ankle. I also felt pretty embarrassed. He wasn't holding me, he wasn't talking with me, he wasn't even beside me. I was sitting naked in this strange car after just having my brains fucked out of me. Despite my best effort, I really couldn't choke back every tear.

It wasn't long before the door opened and he so graciously asked, "You ok?" I didn't want to give him any satisfaction, I answered in the age old tradition, "Fine." With that, I stepped into my shorts and put my shirt back on. For some reason I didn't want to put my panties back on and slipped them into my pocket.

We didn't say anything to each other as he drove 30 seconds up the driveway to the cottage. When I got out of the SUV his parents were sitting outside and I kept thinking that they must know. I skipped any pleasantries and went right for the shower.

That night I slept by myself, my first night as a woman (well sort of) and I was alone in bed; oh me. Still I rationalized that it wasn't all bad. Maybe he did actually respect me. It seemed like a long shot but it was a lie I was willing to tell myself to get some sleep.

Brian didn't talk to me much the next day and I didn't really have anything to say to him either. The drive back was a little cold and I was trying to read everyones mind to no avail.

I tried to find Brian at school the next day but he was no where to be found. That's when it happened, my worst fears were realized in the form of a hallway whispers. "Michelle's a slut" A boy hissed as he passed me. Later down the hall, "Heard you barked like a dog."... And so on.

I couldn't believe it, he told all his friends! Worse than that, as I found out in my walk of shame, he hadn't broken up with anyone. Amanda and Brian were still very much a couple and apparently Amanda was looking for me. Rumours were flying and for the first time I was at the centre of them and for all the wrong reasons. I didn't want to find him anymore, I wanted to run away and run far away.

I made the mature and womanly decision to do something that I had never done before, I was going to skip school. I just didn't want to be found, I had to get away. Once I got away from this day, I reasoned, then maybe I could change schools, change identities, change lives! It wasn't far, the fence was my security, if I could just get past the fence nobody would see me. But it was not to be, I didn't even have to look, I felt them behind me.

There was no security, Amanda and her friends were walking slowly but deliberately behind me. As they got closer, they shouted nasty things at me.

I turned to face them at the end of the fence. "Amanda! I didn't know! Really I didn't know, he told me you had broken up!"

I started to walk away faster, turning every few paces to repeat that I didn't know. They weren't listening. They just kept following. My heart was beating so hard in my chest, I just wanted the day to be over and my tormenter to go away.

I had to cut through our old junior high to get to my house so I just pushed onward into the playground. I noticed some boys up ahead, they must have overtaken me while I was looking at my shoes. A few of the girls broke off from the pack and went quickly wide of me. Soon I could tell that I was being circled and there wasn't anyway to go further. I looked around for my knight in shining armour; he was nowhere to be seen. All I saw was a mean blonde bitch looking at me with absolute hatred in her eyes.

I was so scared, nobody had ever looked at me like that before. I always tried to be nice to people and smile at them. I didn't mean to steal her boyfriend, he completely lied to me. It didn't matter she wasn't hearing any explanations she was going to, "bitch me out", for lack of a better term.

Apparently, Brian had asked her to go to the cottage with him and her parents wouldn't let her. I guess it was completely lost on her that logically I couldn't have known that and then made my move to vulture her boyfriend.

"So you think you're hot shit?" She asked rhetorically as the circle closed in with her right in front of me.

"Amanda, I didn't know." I tried one last time to reason.

"Didn't know what? That you're a fucking slut who fucks other girls' boyfriends? Is that what you didn't know you fucking slut? Well, everyone else knows it! Why don't you tell us something else you don't know?"

Before I could even get a word in she cut me off and continued to call me every name in the book that had to do with being a woman of loose morals. I felt like she was foaming at the mouth or something and the circle around me just seemed to get smaller. I would like to say that I stood my ground and told her off right back but that just didn't happen. Instead, I turned to apologies. I apologized meekly and begged her to leave me alone.

"Why would I leave you alone? Huh bitch? Like you left my boyfriend alone? So you can go around fucking everyone's boyfriend?"

She was asking me to answer, but really there was no right answer. There was nothing I could have said. After the onslaught of verbal abuse she finally slapped me across the head while I was looking down avoiding her eyes. The slap broke my glasses, and the broken frame cut me above my eye.

I fell to my knees and covered my face, not fighting back and she didn't hit me again. Eventually they left and I picked up my glasses and stayed kneeling on the ground for a long time. It really bothered me how I heard the boys laughing in the background and telling me to fight her. These were boys I was nice to and they wanted to see me get hurt. It really changed how I saw people.

After they were all gone, a girl I didn't know well from school came and walked me home. The glasses posed something of a problem for me as I couldn't hide what happened from my mother. The cut caused by the arm of my glasses, I had wiped with my shirt at some point not realizing I was bleeding. It was plainly obvious that I had been in a fight.

I told my mom as much as I felt comfortable saying, which was basically that this girl was bullying me. My mom was nearly hysterical as she demanded the name which I eventually gave up. She couldn't believe it was Amanda as her and I, "were such great friends." She called Amanda's mother and told her about the glasses and my eye. Whatever Amanda's mom said to her must have worked because Amanda never spoke to me again, not even to pick on me.

I saw Brian and Amanda in the hallways again before long still very much, "in love." At that point I figured that they deserved each other. He was a lying scumbag and she was someone he could walk all over and cheat on. She didn't even blame him one bit, it was me who manipulated him. Really, I was just a shy, quiet girl who finally got asked to the dance. I just wanted to impress him and stopped thinking things through. There were certainly enough reasons for me to at least investigate before trusting.

I never spoke to Brian again. I never truly figured out why he did it, well did it the way that he did it. Or why he wasn't nicer to me, I never did anything bad to him. Part of me suspected the whole thing was a set-up by Amanda, but really that's far-fetched at best. I guess none of that mattered. I was no longer a virgin but I still had a lot to learn about being a woman and I had still never been with a man.