All Comments on 'Flower Girl Ch. 03'

This is a fabulously written story. The character development is nuanced and feels honest, believable, and not forced. You have a gift for writing dialogue. Thank you for completing the story so you can post daily, I look forward to my "me time" when I can read them.

DN, i enjoy the methodical progress of this storyline. Realistic fiction with believable characters.

It always surprises me, the usually inane, sometimes ridiculous conversations, inflicted upon a reluctant public audience by the socially oblivious babbling away on their cellphones.

The development of the characters and relationships is so natural, so languid and yet the tension builds and builds.

The romantic touches (the floral arrangement, the first kiss, etc) are just perfect and achingly romantic--my wife just melted again and again as I read this to her.

Perfection.

Even better than Subway Girl which I loved and could not wait to read the next chapter. So it is again even more so!

I was hooked. You appear to be as much a rookie at writing as Tracy is with arranging flowers.

I finally have to comment on the comfort of being in the company of Tracy and William and the joy of feeling them approach each other. I have no wish to pick apart the technique of the writing because the story is so much fun. Love it, keep it coming.

I truly enjoy your writing, especially the personalities of your characters! Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us!

This is so much better the pacing is superb,can't wait until tomorrows chapter. Best on this site!

I am at a loss for words. Thank you for sharing this part of you with me. I am besides myself waiting for your next posting.

Melissa's obsession adds the perfect tension to their otherwise flawless experience, and then on top of that, her childish pettiness provides the perfect contrast to their rich and complex emotions, and to William's supreme patience. And then on top of that, the atmosphere of the museum and the potent sense of a real journey as they move through it ... intricate and ingenious!

I see that you have learned an important lesson from Subway Girl and instead of leaving people complaining that they can't wait until the following Saturday for another dose of your writing you are doing it on sequential days. That explains how you improved on excellent because you could examine the whole story before posting.

It is a fascinating exercise in detailing.

I thought briefly Tracy and Williams roles were reversed at the very beggining of this chapter. I see some of my lesser qualitys here especially at the Met, my inpatients, attention, distractions, Tracy reading all the info, like my wife, while I like to shuffle along. I love the art, I just won't remember.

Wonderful story by the way, its telling me something about myself, and I should aspire to be more. William is wrong about a storie with in a story, I'm not skimming over, both are good.

Do you think Literotica is a place to work on stories, I think there is enough structure on this site, its a bit like Williams library. There are lots of great comments, a rating system, a favorites authors to help me find my way back to a author I enjoy. oops lost my way, getting chatty.

Thanks, I won't get much done till I finish your story...

Heaving read three chapters this evening, was like a flower bud opening while sex is not forgotten. Its where it belongs in a growing blossoming love story. I wish I was able to express myself like you can. Janice

Wow! This is a terrific example of why most of the really good writing is in romance. Sexuality and good writing. Looking forward to more.

it feels like we are browsing your

kabinet of kuriosities by reading this wonderful series.

I love it! I love it!!!!!!

So refreshing reading this!

I love your writing. I was fortunate to read Subway Girl first, so I will experience the trilogy in the order you wrote it. It’s very unusual for me to give a story 5 stars after only reading the first two pages, but that’s what Subway Girl earned from me.

One remarkable aspect of your writing is how free of technical errors it has been. I attribute that in part to your skill as a writer and in part to excellent editing. I previously noticed no more than one such error in any given chapter. So it was striking that on first reading I noticed a half dozen in this chapter. On second reading, I found many more (listed below, in order, with suggested corrections after the slashes). Did you switch editors, or skip that step entirely this time?

-Wow, Tracy though/thought

-They were in one of their post coitus/post-coital conversations

-He gave advanced/advance notice

-Tracy thought for a few second/seconds

-He arrived at five minutes early/He arrived five minutes early

-from the front her apartment he texted Tracy/from the front of her apartment he texted Tracy

-I didn't expect to ever see that arrangement ever again/I didn't expect to ever see that arrangement again

-made his knees go week/weak

-He took a calculated look around and the room and a slow smile spread/He took a calculated look around the room and a slow smile spread

-William complemented/complimented her shop

-contemplating how sometime/sometimes a simple gesture

-Have you heard of town called Bodie/Have you heard of a town called Bodie

-William's eye caught the site of the anklet/William's eye caught sight of the anklet

-challenge a librarian to a nerd-dual/duel

-fast moving line/fast-moving line

-He noticed that upon entering certain rooms that she paused/He noticed that upon entering certain rooms, she paused

-William asked her about it as they left room/William asked her about it as they left the room

-they attach the work/word 'erotic' to an exhibit and it draws crowd/crowds [or a crowd]

-William very formerly/formally introduced them

-but instead he put his forehead to hers instead and whispered/but instead he put his forehead to hers and whispered

This is a minor criticism, and only means that this chapter, unlike earlier ones, did not surpass the technical aspects of other excellent stories on Lit. I bring it up because you seem to want constructive criticism.

Thank you for sharing your wonderful writing with us.

Barry

A man as erudite as William would NEVER modify the word "unique". Unique stands alone. It is a singular state of being which cannot be modified in our language. In that it is very similar to the states of being known as "pregnant" and "dead". You can't modify those either. No one is "a little dead" or "somewhat pregnant" despite our best efforts to force modifiers onto them.

Each a bit richer and more electric than the last.

Your voiced insecurity is unjustified.

The creative process is inherently risky,

Gotta just shrug that off and go for it.

I must congratulate you on this story, you have somehow crafted a story that incorporates pretty much every one of my “hot” buttons, characterisation, vocabulary, punctuation, erudition, manners and behaviour tells, I love your writing in this so far, Thank you, Ppfzz.

liked it!

Very intriguing and lovely to read. Hope to see more of your work!