All Comments on 'Flower Girl Ch. 07'

DB another well written chapter. Short and sweet and sour all mixed up. Just like real life.

However, this chapter, by itself, to me, reads kind of awkward. It's like having a portion of a puzzle and trying to visualize the entirety of the image to be portrayed.

I think, once you have posted the remaining chapters and I can go back and reread this story in it's completed entirety, Chapter 07 will blend in better as a coherent storyline.

Ever since Subway Girl ch 13 where Ray commented that Tracy and William's relationship didn't turn out like he expected, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Everything had been going so well. Then, THUD! And to make things worse, I started reading this morning, but had to stop to go to work right when Tracy texted 'I miss you...' to William. Needless to say, I had to finish the story as soon as I got home.

You continue to amaze me.

Well it was such a nice story, I suppose some reality and confusion were in order. I am not quite sure if I am buying into this the way I want to. The situations are very believable, and the discriptions are well done, I am just wondering if I am enjoying the book as much now that there is a suprise. I will read on and see if it grabs me back.

Very good, though a bit stilted in parts. In other parts it is as emotionally warm and sexy hot as the previous several chapters, so I rounded up. ;-)

A dramatic change and both mood and flow are disrupted. But that is so true to life - the skies turn from azure to rain-filled grey and relationships become rocky. William's revelation about his parents was a bleak presentation but it certainly adds a new dimension for the remainder of the tale. Good stuff, Donna.

I'm going to pick one of the smallest but most telling ones to mention: the fact that Beth doesn't remember Tracy's heavy period after the IUD got implanted. It would have been so easy to have Beth offer confirmation here, maybe even have her add in a little extra detail in an attempt to make the incident seem more "real." But no amount of added detail could make it more real that the fact that Beth simply doesn't remember. It's the kind of thing that would be strongly etched into Tracy's memory, because for her two notable events were linked by their proximity. But to Beth it would have been a remote pair of incidents not necessarily connected to each other at all. Her sister got an IUD, and then a little while later, her sister had a really bad period. If she had tied the two together mentally when they happened, she would have urged Tracy to get it checked out, and then the loss of the IUD would have been found. But without that reason to consider the heavy period important, is there really any likelihood Beth would remember it? The fact that she doesn't makes the moment so much more real. And her straightforward honesty reinforces the strength and beauty of the sisters' relationship.

It's these kinds of touches that make your work rewarding to read not just the first time, but again, with fresh eyes, after it's had time to settle.

Bravo, Donna!

The result is that I did not really believe the moment of drama at her reaction to an overheard conversation would lead to an abortion or a separation. They are too in love for that.

One small gap in the flow. During the separation, where was nana? Everyone else saw her turmoil and weighed in on her plight. For her grandmother/business partner to not visit during the 8+- days seemed out of place.

That was hard to read when I thought it was over for them