For the Greater Good - Conclusion

The next evening, when we talked, I asked her about her sessions with Beltran. I'd already seen with my own eyes, of course. What I wanted her to conclude on her own, was the fact she's fucked him four times, at least, without protection. She almost got there.

"Ashley," I said with frustration. "Did he wear a condom? Did he come in you?"

I'm sure if I could see her face, it would have looked incredulous, as if, 'Well, yeah, of course he did.'

In the silence, I decided if I had to spell it out for her, then we were going backward and certainly were headed for a worse time. She surprised me.

"I get it," she said softly. "You want me tested."

"Not quite," I said, matching her tone. "You should want to be tested. Maybe even thinking about whether you missed any of your birth control. Even if we try to work this out, and if I can get the images out of my head, I won't sleep with you, until you show me a clean bill of health."

That put a sour note on our talk, and with little left to say, we bid each other good night.

The next two nights were equally depressing. Ashley was slowly concluding how much we'd have to overcome as a couple. I wondered, during those two days and nights, if she was secretly thinking it might be best to cut our losses now. I wondered because I was thinking about it, too.

The fourth night she asked if we could go out for coffee the following night, a Friday, and talk face-to-face. Besides the obvious, she thought our family was becoming increasingly suspicious about why we weren't together. I told her we could, and very little was discussed or accomplished.

Ashley was telling the truth because the next day, my sister Jill showed up at my work, just before lunch.

"Come on, little bro," she ordered me. "We're going to lunch."

Jill got straight to it, as soon as we ordered. "Okay, Kurt," she said forcefully, "what gives? Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about." Just like my sister - to go straight for the jugular. I literally laughed at her, which earned me the stink face.

"It's between Ashley and me," I told her, trying to be stern. "It's personal. I can't tell you about it right now. That wouldn't be fair to Ashley."

Jill thought for a second, and then the light came on. "She did something to you," her voice was excited and louder. I put my finger to my lips. "She hurt you somehow - while she was at the lab." It was all coming together then. "Holy fuck!" the volume was back, then quieter, she followed, "She cheated on you, didn't she?"

My non-answer spurred her on. "Son-of-a-bitch," she whispered that part, "what are you going to do Kurt? Are you thinking about divorce? Oh my God! Our family is going to be so... they're going to take her side! You know that, right?"

"Settle down, Jill," I told her. "Nothing's been decided on that front. We're talking."

"What did she do?" My sister spat. She was pissed now. "Why is she living with Tom and Melinda?"

"Jill, please," I said. "One thing at a time. Yes, she was unfaithful. That's all I will say. You need to ask her for the specifics. Yes, we are trying to work it out, but there's plenty to get past. Plenty. I won't comment on that either. It's private. Yes, I understand that my own family may indeed take her side. She's their superhero right now. I won't let that affect my decision though."

The food came, and Jill ate with me mostly in silence. She was contemplating her best attempt to help her brother - what to say - what advice to give. Every time she seemed to have it worked out, She came up short and went back to thinking about things.

At the end of our meal, I looked hard at my sibling. "Please, Jill, don't tell anyone in the family. You guessed so you can talk to Ashley, but no one else. I need your word."

Jill gave her word and a long sisterly hug. She kept the look of pity as hidden as possible. She made me promise to call or text her if I needed anything.

Later that evening, I met a frazzled-looking Ashley for coffee. She looked up as I approached, and anger crossed her normally pretty face.

"Why did you tell Jill?" she was starting on offense. "She's adamant about us going for a 'long drive' tomorrow."

"I didn't," I said and shrugged at the same time. "She figured it out. I told her only the basics and made her promise not to say a word to anyone."

My wife's expression changed quickly again. "I'm sorry, Kurt. That's not how I wanted to start our talk."

It was quiet for a minute. Then Ashley took a deep breath. "How are you feeling, Kurt? Do you think there is any hope for us?" She must have been taking cues from Jill. "I've been totally immersed in thoughts about us, but I'm nowhere. It's been the worst week of my life."

"The worst three of mine," I mumbled, wanting to lash out, but trying at least to be civil. Ashley picked up on it right away and changed the subject.

"What are we going to do?" she asked sincerely, hopelessly. "How can we fix this?"

"Well, certainly, not academically," I retorted. "You know with logic and reason."

That got my wife chuckling. "Funny. The thing is I have three complex Gant charts going and none provided anything resembling an answer. I almost called you to get me unstuck, until I remembered, you were the subject matter." She was thoughtful for a second, and then she reached over and took my hand.

"I'm so very sorry," she told me softly. "I haven't said that properly. I'm sorry for all the hurt and pain I've caused you. For how much damage I've done to us. And the worst... I don't... I don't have even the faintest idea how to fix it."

She lost it and put her head on the table, perhaps hoping to avoid a few stares. It didn't work. On instinct, I went around her side of the booth and held her. I held her until I remembered what she'd done. I slowly released her, and I know she felt that too, which brought on more sobs.

"Come on, Ashley," I said soothingly, "let's go for a walk and have some privacy."

We walked two blocks down by the river. The sun was beginning to set. "So," I started trying to lighten the mood. "No breakthroughs, even with the charts?"

"No," she gave a wan smile.

"Well, I'm no better," I said. "But maybe I can help you out a bit with what's been weighing heaviest on my mind and heart." She perked up and looked at me as we walked.

"For me," I continued, "the biggest issue we have is trust. You could have lied, or lied by omission, even though I think you know that wasn't what you did, about almost anything, and had gotten the same result. You lost my trust. Respect, mine for you, and the perceived respect I thought you had for me, both took a big hit. But you didn't lie to me about going dining and dancing with Beltran. You didn't play strip poker with your bunkmates. You didn't smash the car, take it to a repair shop, and then I find out when we go to sell it later. All those things would have caused the same mistrust.

"But you broke vows," I went on. "And then you lied about it, even if trying to spare my hurt feelings by giving me half the story. It's the same as the other examples, but it's magnified. So, Ashley, how can you rebuild trust with a person who no longer trusts you?"

"I've thought about that," she replied. "A lot, actually. I think I know how to do that, but it will take time and more importantly a joint commitment. At some point, I'm going to be away for possibly prolonged periods. I want to give you access to all my devices and put a tracker on my phone."

I was shocked. First, I never thought about the fact that the person who 'cured cancer' would be on the road, her time between other labs, and the media, in high demand. Second, because she had the idea that a husband would want a wife he constantly had to track. If that was the best one of the biggest brains ever could come up with, we were surely doomed.

"I'm supposed to... what?" I asked incredulously. "Track you like an FBI agent? You do realize how ridiculous and unappealing that sounds, right?"

Ashley dropped her head. "I dunno," she exclaimed. "It's the best I could come up with. Kurt, I'm not stupid. It may seem that way to you now, but I've run the numbers. I spent the last three days trying to put myself in your shoes, and when I did, I became hopeless. In honesty, we'd already be separated, working towards divorce. I'd be in a rage, and unable to think clearly. I'd be so damned angry, no, furious with you. I can't see a way back unless you give me grace, and a chance to prove myself. I'm willing to earn it, for as long as it takes and no matter how much you rebuke me. I deserve it all, and I'll take it, without complaint, until you tell me there's no longer any point. That's the best I have."

We left it there, and I promised to consider what she'd said - about what she'd offered. The truth was, I knew she was trying her best. We hadn't even gotten to the worst part yet - my visions.

The next morning, Saturday, my cell phone rang early. I didn't recognize the number, and usually wouldn't answer, but I'd spent the week in a haze, and worried I may have overlooked a customer.

"Kurt," the male voice began. "Please don't hang up. I need to speak with you. This is Doctor... sorry, Chad Beltran." I was stunned. "Kurt, are you still there?" he asked worriedly.

"Yeah," I said as I exhaled. "What do you want?"

"Kurt," he stumbled. "I wanted to tell you personally, that I'm very sorry for my part in the problems you and Ashely are having." Now I knew how he got my number.

"You don't know the problems we're having," I told him sternly. "So, exactly what are you apologizing for?"

"Well... I think," he started after a long pause. He was sure a smug bastard, I'd give him that. "I mean, the problems resulting from what happened at RCA."

"How do you know, Beltran?" I asked right away. "You spoke to Ashley, didn't you?"

There was another long pause. "Yes," he was failing miserably. "I text her to see how things were at ho... were going. I felt compelled to talk to you personally."

"Yes," I said, "you've said that twice. So, why aren't you standing in front of me? Isn't the phone pretty un-personal?" He wouldn't answer at first.

"Kurt," he said with a heavy sigh, "I'm sure you'd love to have me standing in front of you. What I did, I did for science. If punching me or decking me, would help you, I'm glad to do it. You name the place and time. If that's what it takes for you and Ashley to stay together, so be it."

The guy was pissing me off even more than I already was. The fact he and Ashley were in communication, made it ten times worse.

"Listen to me, asshole," I told him. "Just stay out of it. You want to help, promise me right now, you'll never speak to my wife again. Don't call her. Don't text her. Don't ever contact her again, understand?"

The uneasy silence was palpable. "I... I can't promise that, Kurt. The entire team from RCA is up for several grants. There's a possibility we could work together again. Several other cancer research facilities have already asked us to join them. I can't say for sure, but it's possible."

"Okay, Beltran," I was getting more pissed by the second. "Why did you call - exactly? Surely you can do better than some half-assed apology. And I don't think you're sorry, to begin with. Remember, I saw you fucking my wife with my own eyes."

"All right!" he cried out. "Maybe I'm not. There. I'm being honest. I also have a wife at home and a small child. I love them more than anything. I suppose you're right about the half-assed apology. I enjoyed our brief encounters as much as she... I enjoyed them. I know you're pissed. I don't want to lose my family over this. It would kill me."

"And have you told your loving wife yet?" I spat the question, in my rage. "How is she handling the revelation? Is she considering getting even? I could help her with that. It would only be fair, don't you think?" I only said that to rattle him, I wanted nothing to do with his wife.

"I'm sorry, Kurt," he said very quietly. "Please don't tell her." He ended the call.

I was tempted to call Ashley and go off on her. To let her know, the little scheme didn't work. That wouldn't help anything. On the very day after she begged for a chance to prove I could trust her, she'd already bit the dust. I'm glad I didn't. Not five minutes later, my phone dinged again. This time it was John Paxton.

"What can I do for you, John?" I asked with an edge in my voice. "Calling because Beltran's attempt failed so miserably?"

There was a pause. It seemed to be contagious, these days. "I don't understand, Kurt." He said, seemingly bewildered. "What are you saying?"

"Beltran just called me," I answered. "Cut the crap, John."

"Chad Beltran just called you?" It was a question, but he didn't form it that way. "I'm sorry, Kurt. He shouldn't have done that."

"What can I do for you, John?" My rage with these people was returning.

"I'm calling for several reasons," he stated, more businesslike. "The first is to say how sorry..."

"Stop it!" I shouted. "I'm sick of everyone and their hollow apologies. You aren't helping anyone."

"Okay, Kurt," he said, unmoved. "I understand. Specifically, I wanted to see how things between you and Ashley are."

"Not your business," I said angrily.

"That's fair," he returned. "I asked because I'm looking to see how or if I can help. I'm prepared to do that if it's something you want."

"How could you help?" I couldn't believe I'd even asked. "You helped cause it."

"That's true," he was quick to point out. "I regret that, very much. I'll say in the onset, if my wife ever behaved as Ashley did, the divorce would be in progress before she even returned home. I saw what seeing them did to you that day. I gave you those keys against my better judgment - against my human judgment. Every day until Tom arrived, and accepted the drugs, I feared that the program was toast."

He stopped there, perhaps to let his words sink in. "Go on," I told him.

"You took no immediate action," he said, "so I breathed a sigh of relief. Your brother's system accepted the treatment, and we lined up nine other trials for similar patients. I knew there would be trouble, especially when Ashley went home. That's why I decided to tell them on the last morning before they left."

"I'm not entirely sure your strategy worked," I said as if it didn't matter. "And I suppose now, you're pleading for my silence or some sort of reconciliation?"

"Not exactly," he returned. "The other nine responded exactly like your brother. I'm ninety percent sure this drug, and Ashley's delivery system will survive FDA scrutiny, and be available in less than six months - a year tops. That will affect thousands if not hundreds of thousands of people worldwide."

"And you want what from me?" I was genuinely interested. "Something in writing?"

"Not hardly," he sounded like he surpassed a chuckle. "The only other person that knows what happened in that lab, besides the people who were there, is my colleague, the CEO of RCA. I spoke to him this morning. He was extremely unhappy about my discretion and judgment, and the fact that everyone at RCA knew what was happening. He's given me direction going forward.

"For the success of the program," he went on. "First, I'm offering two full years of marriage and personal counseling, if you want it. Second, every person on that team will be signing an NDA. Third, Ashley will be silently reprimanded, and that reprimand will be entered into her file. That extends to her academic file."

"In return for what?" I asked.

"In return for a chance," he responded quickly. "A chance for your marriage, a chance for all the people who suffer from HDGC, a chance for..."

"You guys to make millions," I interrupted. "Let's not forget that."

"Perhaps," he said. "Not for me though. That isn't my motivation. As the managing director, I make plenty of money, Kurt. The success of this project assures my job into perpetuity."

"Unless I go public, of course," I said emotionlessly. "That's a significant tidbit."

"I'm hoping you won't do that, Kurt," he sure had this well planned. "The team has already been asked to assist with other 'orphan' cancers, including the one we halted research on when we undertook HDGC. Additionally, your wife had become famous overnight. We'll have to keep the press at bay, to continue our work."

"So, let me get this straight," I was back to being angry. "I stay home, keep my mouth shut, worry about what my wife is doing when she gets stuck, especially with Beltran on the team..."

"No, Kurt, he will not be on the team," Paxton spoke determinedly. "The CEO demanded I call him and put him on a sabbatical. The fact that he broke protocol and just called you, makes my task all the easier. Ashley gets disciplined - Chad Beltran is off the team indefinitely. I won't deny it seems like we're trying to cover our tracks, but as I see it, Ashley made horrible choices. I know from talking to her that final morning she regrets her actions. I saw her eyes, just as I saw yours that day you discovered them."

"Ashley gave him my cell number," I knew that was childish, but I couldn't help myself.

"That error will be corrected as soon as I end my call with you." He said matter-of-factly. "Now, what else can we do to help you and Ashley repair this shit show?"

The fact he was down to earth enough to finally use a swear word impressed me - at least momentarily.

"John, here's the issue for me," I said, sighing. "Ashley and the rest of the team cured a certain cancer. That's a big deal, and since my brother was a big part of it, I can only be amazed, and eternally grateful. I can also be extremely proud. Proud of your team, and my wife.

"But now, we're in a personal crisis. She's going to be pulled in all directions. Her time will be taxed. Our ability to solve or fix our personal issues - hell, even to end our relationship - is going to be a slave to the work - your collective work. We'll probably have to make appointments to even see each other. You're a part of the problem on that one, and you're pretending like you want to be the solution. And like Ashley, I've lost all faith in your goodwill. I don't trust RCA to have my best interests at heart."

"I'm sorry to hear that," he was somber. "But I can certainly understand it. Here's the best I can offer and hopefully, it will help assuage some of your mistrust. During any of our scheduled time at any of the labs we're currently contracting with, and during all of our scheduled media appearances, I will be present with Ashley. I'll be with her ninety-nine percent of the time that we aren't sleeping. I give my absolute word that nothing even remotely resembling what took place at RCA will occur. I'll be there, and just in case Ashley hasn't learned a hard lesson, there's still her disciplinary action."

I was absorbing what he said, and in that silence, he offered another thought. "Kurt here's another opinion - take it or leave it - I'm talking man to man and from personal experience. You two have a lot to overcome. That's a certainty. Counseling, if you both take me up on it, will help sort a lot out, but with Ashley's new workload, anything happening quickly is an unreasonable expectation. Instead of getting frustrated, or going to one extreme or the other, perhaps consider a temporary separation."

"I don't know, John, if..."

"Just hear me out, and then I'll shut up," he cut me off. "A trial separation would solve plenty in the short-term, and it would force both of you to be constantly grounded in your relationship, or specifically, repairing it. First, you'd both have to set the terms of the agreement. That could entail what happens when you're together, more importantly, what each of your responsibilities in the relationship was when you're not together. Personal boundaries, personal space, dos and don'ts, reconnection activities, and so on.