All Comments on 'For the Kids'

Great story. It does not make sense to stay for kids. They are far more perceptive than parents give credit.

well on that happy note

This was short and to the point. You never know about the What-ifs in life. The characters did act to the best of their knowledge, if one can say so. Very close to real life, especially the broken nose!! 5*

Even though Selma was the cheater, she never got burned. Kurt took one for the team (to keep the family together). He could have divorced Selma for her infidelity but didn't. He opted to wait till the kids went away to college. I like this story because it plays out like some real life tales that I know of. The characters are believable and the storyline was well written. He understood what he was doing, and was willing to stay with the cheater for 8 years. The trust and love was gone, so there was no real marriage, more of a partnership with benefits. 5 stars for this tale of sacrifice, good job.

....thanx! 5 stars

Loklie

Well written. Good story.

A sad story.

A sad but realistic tale

And well written.

Cheers

A thoughtful story that brought out a lot of important questions. Nicely done.

Well written level headed rumination on the many facets of love. Wife, children, self. Very enjoyable. Thanks much.

Very well written, an excellent and I believe a very true to life tale. To live for years without the trust that should be a given in marriage for the sake of one's innocent children. Not for all but I genuinely think many men do go through this. Thanks ragnorak1 for a serious and well thought story.

A sad but very realistic story.

"Staying together for the sake of the kids" sounds very selfless and like the right thing to do, but it's a mistake.

Instead of showing your children what it's like to be a married adult in a loving relationship, they see their parents going through the motions. The betrayed spouse has had their trust abused and they'll never be able to get back to the way things used to be. When a couple are in love, it's obvious to everyone, and it's just as obvious when one or both of them are unhappy. The kids will pick up on that and just see their parents dragging things out in a shitty dysfunctional relationship. What kind of example is that setting?

Staying together actually damaged their kids. Now Jason can't commit to a long term relationship for fear of betrayal and Ashley doesn't want to risk having kids in case her marriage fails and they're forced to experience the same unhappy childhood as her.

The dad in this story should have taken enough time to recover from Selma's betrayal, then focused on finding a replacement. When he found someone great, drop the hammer on the slut wife and walk away, living happily ever after. This shows the kids that if you cheat on someone, you're going to end up heartbroken, and your spouse will leave and trade up. It turns her infidelity into a positive life lesson for the kids and he wouldn't have wasted 8 more years on a woman that disgusted him.

Everyone makes their own choices: chest or not. Divorce or not. Forgive...or not. He never forgave her and that, more than anything, likely contributed to his children being idiots. BUT, abs this is important: they make their own choices. They can choose to dwell in the past, assuming the worst of their relationship or they can choose to hope.

In the end, he made his choice, he wanted out, he just made sure everyone knew it for 8 years.

But you described my life. Well written, 5*.

Well written and realistic story it makes you realize just how fragile love is. I liked how you emphasized how love can still remain even though the trust is broken. I don't believe that there is a real answer to how you deal with divorce. I'm from a broken home my parents divorced when I was entering my teens. I was a Daddy's girl and suddenly he was gone and yeah it's had a negative effect on me. Do I hate my Mom for not forgiving him or do I hate him for what he did? Tough question.

I agree with @Whackdoodle...However a good story...4*

Tough story and extremely well written. I think God everyday that I never had to make that decision. I did tell my wife if something ever happened between us that I would just put a camper in the backyard and that I would be in my children’s life on a daily basis. The decision to stay or go has to be made on the given circumstances. I don’t think you would know until the situation actually arises.

Selma is a terrible, amoral person, a selfish whore who has ruined her marriage and family.Selma's betrayal contributed to the fact that her children were unable to build a family. Terrible woman

Unfortunately, Kurt. acts like a robot, staying 8 years in a mock marriage without love, respect, trust.,didn't save anything

Brilliant. Just need to say that right off the bat. I need to absorb this story more. It’s too true to real life (my parents stayed married “just for the kids” and separated within weeks after the last of us graduated university, which works out to ~11 years, so I know of what you speak/write).

Thank you.

This was a very good story about the aftermath of cheating. It seems to me that what you do after someone cheats on you is dependant on what kind of person you are. Kurt chooses to live a half life for 8 years. He gets a shell of familiarity to exist in but it's clear that his existence, especially with his wife, is hollow. He justifies it by keeping his relationship with his kids and their continued "happy home" until they graduated from high school. It is only at that point that it becomes clear that NO ONE is that good of a faker and it was obvious to his daughter that things weren't so "happy" after all. His son, possibly because he is male, seems to have been more obtuse about the situation, but is impacted after he finds out.

Was his decision the "right one"? For the kids, there is probably no definitive answer. Sheila's kids had a problem right off the bat but stabilized later. Kurt's kids were "OK" for 8 years and then hit by the impact and haven't "recovered" yet. IMO, they would have been better to get it over with and move on. No matter what, TIME is required to deal with such disruptions. Kurt postponed the impact but did NOT forego it. I might suggest that dealing with it might have been better when his kids were younger but there are no guarantees. Certainly, when they were younger, Kurt could have had more positive impact on working through things. Now, as adults, he has far less capability to smooth out the impact. Staying together "for the kids" is, not a clear winner.

What is a clear winner was pointed out by Sheila. "And you, Kurt. Don't forget to take into account what is best for you.". Self sacrifice for your kids is noble but it is still self sacrifice. When you mix in the reality that the kids may not be better off for your sacrifice, the decision may be pushed in a very different direction. Instead, he suffered his half life for 8 years. Living like that amplifies the impact. It took him a long time to get past it. He could have moved up the recovery to right after Selma cheated and gotten 7 or more years of his life back.

Kurt's "right" answer would have been to move on ASAP. The kids would have had some problems and he would have had to deal with them. That's life.

All in all the story is a view of the "wrong" decision for Kurt. He comes out OK in the end but has to pass through the long wilderness first and no one seems better off for his suffering.

Like someone said: love is fragile. I will like to add something to that:

His Love may be fragile, but his ego isn't fragile... if you can understand what I am trying to say (8yrs)!

However, that is how you presented the story.

As close to real life as it gets around this genre. Not bad.

It is one of the first stories I have read that seriously takes on the issue of staying together for the kids and asks if that is the best course of action. Nice job.

There is nothing even remotely likeable about the husband. As fundamentally emotionless as he is, he only thought he loved his wife before her affair; he in fact doesn't feel any 'real' emotions about anything.

The problem is that his wife didn't recognize this when she married him, which indicates she had emotional issues of her own. The only reason I gave this story 2*s instead of one is because it is well-written.

It was interesting and well written. The one thing that stands out to me is the husband and wife must have had terrible therapists. Marriage counseling isn't a cure all to marital troubles but the one thing it does is put the relationship into perspective. A friend once commented that good couples therapy places the relationship as the patient not two individual people. When a relationship is broken or damaged, understanding what brought it there is as important as what can be done to fix it. As such it is never one side that must fix everything. That doesn't mean situations such as infidelity are glossed over. Ultimately it the decision to trust cannot be forced but it can be helped. The notion of harmless fun might well be stated (and repeatedly in my experience) and so too might the offending spouse want to rug sweep the affair as if it really didn't matter. This attitude does not foster forgiveness and trust so the therapist will take steps to encourage some introspection on the part of the wayward spouse to understand how his or her betrayal was indeed harmful to the relationship and to their partner. It is a fine line between being seen as taking sides and encouraging discussion to allow conclusions to be drawn. I know that sounds one sided where I stated it is not. Understanding how infidelity harms intimacy is necessary to build trust which must start with the betrayed spouse with help from both.

Basically, unless the wife in this story was so intransigent in her belief that she could not understand how her actions destroyed trust and robbed intimacy, there could never be a full reconciliation. Rug sweeping rarely works. Sure, here are cases where counseling will not work. I don't see that here because it seemed the husband craved her understanding of what she did. She in turn wanted the marriage to work but failed to fully understand why it didn't.

Good therapy people... if it's not working fine another counselor. This marriage had possibilities.

Different take on the "for the children" theme than I have read previously and I think you have presented as accurate a scenario as has ever been attempted.

As has been stated previously, children are perceptive and the lessons they learn will affect them both positively and negatively throughout their lives. You addressed the age old question of "Do I stay or do I go" from the man's perspective and shown one aspect of the ripple effects of that decision. Powerful stuff there Rag. Nice job.

Thanks for the story Rag, I have always enjoyed your work and hope you will continue to bring us more.

Doc

Totally real and I understand completely. My dad was the one that wanted out, he traveled a lot with his job and there was someone else. My mom and he stayed married until my dad died at 76 which was about 6 years ago. Both my sister and myself had relationship issues as result of their bad relationship example. My parents didn't share a bedroom for the last 20+ years of their marriage. I wasn't living at home or close by when they started sleeping in separate beds. My sister was but it took her nearly 20 years of her own marriage and catching her husband cheating that she forgave my mom. The sad part was sis who was 15 months my junior died of a heart attack about 9 months after my father. She was discussing with my mother and I about moving back home we my mom and I as I never married and moved back in with .mom to take care of the house and help her out with expenses. My former brother-in-law married the woman he was cheating with about 4 months after sis died. There are no winners when there is an absence of forgiveness regardless of whether the couple stays married or divorces. The family unit is frozen in time without forgiveness I could spend hours talking of the various aspects of growing up in a home where there was no forgiveness nor did it include any semblance of love from my mother and father towards one another much less towards my sister or myself. It still rears its ugly head I'm when I do something that reminds Ma of a negative trait of mine that I inherited, then I will hear the you are just like your father. It goes on like this periodically. Oh I definitely can relate to this story.more than I care to admit. Good story well written thank you for your submission.

Thoughtful and 5*

5* Well written and thoughtful. The lying, cheating slut never apologized until 8 years too late. Yes, the MC should have divorced immediately since the bitch didn't think she did anything wrong. Narcissitic sociopath.

The author needs to learn how to use quotation marks.

I really like the point of view and unique questions this posed. From my own experience and that of others I believe your premise has a great deal validity. Thank you for bringing it up and sharing it.

"Any cheating on either of our parts meant that the cheater walks away with nothing" - Since Jim was a two-time loser, there should have been some leniency for cheating on her part.

/

Nice twist having her announce the divorce. I was about to say that the "delayed divorce" had been done before, you found a new way!

/

"So, when Jim stopped by one day when I was out, it was no big deal to sit and talk." - Maybe I'm different, I don't just drop in on friends to talk. If I need to talk about something, I'll call and ask if I can come over and talk about "X."

/

@Mrhappy4aa, I think it depends on how you define burned. She's alone, likely never to have the grandchildren she always wanted. Meanwhile, he's happily remarried, with grandchildren to spoil.

So real I can feel parts of your story in my life, good writing a*4* stars on this one from me!

Interesting and well-written story. Selma obviously created the problem by her adultery "for fun." But Kurt then made his marriage what it was. He could have accepted that no one is perfect and people do stupid, even evil, things, and then tried to marriage work. Here, Kurt apparently made no such effort, but wallowed in pity and bruised ego. His children were damaged, and, instead of learning to accept reality and forgive, they turned out as they did. The answer was not to divorce 8 years ago, but for Kurt to have made a real attempt at saving his marriage.

It did feel real enough. I don't think I would remarry. Date the lady an enjoy your time together.

I do wish though the kids tell Selma, their mother, why they decided to stay single (son) and not have children (daughter). Let her know how her 3 months of fun harmed them as well and not just the husband.

As for hubby, I get hanging around but honestly I would have looked for a replacement wife or partner during that time. She had her fun so you have yours. If she divorces you then fine. You are a part time dad. But if you are happy and close to the kids that is far better than living with a cheating wife.

Well written but a very sad story. If she had shown a bit more contrition early on maybe things would be different. 5 stars

Life is all about Choices and Consequences of our choices. Not only how they effect us but also how they effect the people in our lives. Why do people cheat and put at risk their marriage, relationship and family all for a little fun on the side? Entitlement!

The wife felt entitled to cheat and it was the same for her cheating partner who was also married.

Not only do cheaters feel entitled to cheat they also feel entitled to reconciliation and forgiveness. The wife in the story as it was told showed no remorse or sorrow for her actions towards her husband and her children. Oh, she was sorry that she was found out but she had the expectation that reconciliation and forgiveness was a given right and that her marriage and relationship would just continue on as if nothing had ever happened. The marriage and relationship was broken and its not something you can easily fix and expect everything to be the same. Any relationship that follows will be a new relationship and its unrealistic to expect it to be the same let alone that it will somehow be better and stronger than the one before. You may still love the individual that betrayed you but don't trust them. Distrust is a coping mechanism to protect yourself from being hurt again. Trust once broken is an extremely hard and long road to regain which may take years if not a life time to achieve.

As the story showed, staying together for the sake of the kids is not necessarily in their best interest. Kids are perceptive they can tell if you're faking it in a relationship. The lesson you teach them about staying together may not be the one you intended.

Full five from me. It sets up a very real situation that is, unfortunately, all too common. The questions posed regarding the kids are all too valid. The answers will vary case to case. And the worst part of all is that no one ever knows if the answers they gave were, in fact, correct. Who can say if his kids’ decisions on marriage and kids would have changed if he divorced his wife 8 years earlier? You can’t. But those niggling doubts eat at you forever. And that’s just one of the multitude of consequences when a spouse decides to “just have a little fun”.

Very thoughtful, insightful, and moving. A big 5 stars!

of what happens when one person in a marriage forgets that they are married.

Excellent and well-written. Hope there will be additional chapters by yourself or others. 5*'s

Once again WOW!

From the experiences of friends, family, and coworkers I can say that this story is more true to life than any other I have read here. Luckily I have never had this experience.

Keep it up!

Five stars.

RSKY54

There is a good case to be made that he did do more damage to the kids by sticking around. Kids sense, feel, when parents love each other and when they don't. It is apparent from cases where parents nearly broke up, for whatever reason, and then successfully reconciled, the period of strife makes a HUGE impact on kids. They notice, they remember. Though not concrete, it is plausible that remaining together "for the kids" can be a bad idea.

Well done 5 stars.

You always know that there is a major problem when one side says, 'It was just a bit of fun'. First off, who was it fun for? Hindsight is 20/20, but you still have to take off the rose colored glasses. This wasn't two people torn apart, it was eight and they all went in different directions.

I would have to wonder if Selma couldn't find a new mate because of fear she would do it again and no one compared up to Kurt. Love hurts.

Yep, keep it real and forget about staying for the kids. You need to save yourself first and then the kids. Authors on Lit love having spouses st@ying together for the kids.

It never works!!!!

4/5

It hit me as I read the comments after, this was the first time a well thought out and written story was followed by equally intelligent comments!

The wrap up here bugged me because my father *did* stay for several years in order to be there for the children, and the years he stayed were the last good years for us. Most of my best memories of time spent with him are from those days.

Once you move to every other weekend visits, you can’t help but grow apart a bit. For a child, two weeks is an eternity of “what happened today” stories you never share, jokes that you forget without passing along, proud moments you relay long after the pride has tempered, and questions you have to ask someone else instead.

For the record, all four of us kids ended up happily married with children.

After suffering the worst possible pain from betrayal, that's got to be the worst situation to deal with in one's life.

Good thoughtful story. I can see why she never remarried - she wasn't capable of devoting herself to a loving marriage since she just kept dating.

Well thought out and well written. Looking at the both options, staying or leaving was a excellent ending.

It's said, approx. 50% of the first marriages end in a divorce, and in the case of 2nd marriages the numbers are even higher. Ragnarok1's story centers in infidelity and its consequences in the marriage and the family, mostly from the husband's standpoint. An event like adultery changes a marriage, and its ripples will affect the dynamic of the whole family in unpredictable ways. One of the questions is always: is it better to try to save a marriage for the children's sake, when trust, respect, and love have been tarnished? There is no simple answer to this question and of course, every cheated spouse has to find his or her own way out of this. Personally, I think counseling is overrated, although it will help couples to communicate better. Whatever the final decision, cheating is never harmless. Some marriages will survive it, others won't. That's life. Thanks for the story.

This story rings so near to my life. As my wife had an affair at our ~10yr mark, my sons were 9 and 6 then. If divorced I'd never see them again as I was already living paycheck to paycheck (and she would have been a pure bitch to me). My first wife, high school sweetheart, left me while I was in Vietnam. It tore me up thinking of being a two time looser - with young kids, I had no real choice, so I stuck it out - the biggest mistake I've ever made. With all our adult maturity we were too arrogant to understand --- we harmed our kids in trying to do the right thing, keeping the family intact !@#$%^&*

/

We imprinted a faux-pas of parental 'love' on our kids when we only tolerated one another. We were harming our kids - in how to perceive a loving relationship. My 'skepticism' looking for her to cheat again was now my new normal. The lack of any romantic touches/kisses/passion, her never giving me b-day or xmas presents, was showing them a 'normal' relationship - not. She cut me off until she wanted the dust removed, I went years with notta. She never initiated, anything, I tried as I'm a hopeless romantic (ask Hallmark TV where a kiss solves all; but I ask what is a kiss). We just wore loving faces for our kids.

/

How do I know of my harm?.... My youngest, at 38, just got married endured some past romances with some pure bitches (his mother - boys marry their mother). As dad I better NOT tell him what to do, just watch, help pick up the pieces, and open my wallet. But now he found a jewel, a fine lady, who suffered her own nasty cheat/druggy EX. She lovingly dotes on my son.... They are very happy and I finally see a smile on his face! Life is good...

/

My other son has finally found his life, at +40, and a lady firecracker who he will soon marry.

/

It took my two boys that long to recognize their parents ABNORMAL relationship. Hence, it took them so many years to trust women. When they figured it out they came to me and asked, I told them the truth to their amazement but I saw understanding in their eyes. They still love their mother but I can see some trust/respect is missing, she still dotes on them so they smile and accept it at arms length. I'm complacently comfortable now days but with recent medical issues why move on now? 15yrs ago I started writing a story titled 'A Wasted Life' I hope to post it soon.

/

4*, hooyah, with sad painful salutes.

Very well done.

I often wonder if 'staying for the kids' is the right thing even when both parents are trying but cannot seem to 'fix' the marriage. Kids aren't stupid, and teenagers can be observant. How does a damaged relationship impact the kids? I don't know.

Kudos for bringing that out in this tale.

Thanks for the effort and sharing.

Excellent story. Raises a lot of questions and issues in a realistic way.

Classic tale that many of us are living as I write this comment. I would have liked a little more dialogue/narrative on meetings with the kids and how it went when the two went to joint events, but solid story telling with believable plot. 5*

He couldn’t let his pride go and therefore ruined his life and the life of his kids.

He didn’t get hurt in any way and never tried to put his marriage back together. I just don’t understand men who SAY they love their wives but can’t let that love have an ounce of forgiveness. That is no love. That is selfishness.

Why care if she is fucking around when she is out of town. It takes absolutely nothing away from him as long as she is loving and giving him everything he needs. This is just a condition of the mind to think that that would be an issue. Maybe he should think that he is not giving her everything she needs if he feels that way.

I am not trying to condone cheating however being inflexible is just being idiotic.

At the end, I truly could not answer the question “Should I stay or should I go?” that Kurt was faced with.

If forced to choose...he should have taken Shiela’s advice to do what was best for HIM.......and that was probably to divorce the bitch.

Great writing!

Something to really consider and I have yet to know anyone who stayed or divorced with kids didn’t look back and wonder “was it right?”.

Great tale and one that shows while it may have been with good intentions, it was the wrong move for the kids.

Fait accompli.

It’s always about the mom and kids. Never dad’s piece of mind

great story , really enjoyed it. very real feeling to it. thank you

Thoughtful, genuine. Real heartbreak and consequences.

THANK YOU!

And I support all those positive comments. Thank you for your effort.

There was something missing, or niggling, that took me a few minutes to figure out. Given all the other aspects of this marriage, its destruction, and its limping last 8 years, it is unbelievable that Kurt and Selma did not know, did not discuss, that the marriage would be dissolved once the last child left for college. How could they both not know that the marriage was a dead man walking? It was the one weak plot device in the whole story, obviously used to create Kurt's supposed surprise at Selma' announcement. It is compounded by the coincidence that Selma also has a perfectly timed promotion to a better job in a different city. How convenient. Her expectation that they would continue to sleep together until she moved out was kind of ridiculous in retrospect.

OK, the other weakness in the plot is that Kurt apparently was never told by Selma that their good friend started coming over to visit, then taking her out to lunch, for months, before they started fucking. Didn't Kurt and Selma discuss their day, their conversations, news about their friends and their friends children? Didn't Kurt and Sheila see each other when the four "best friends" got together for dinner, drinks, to have the kids play together? Didn't Sheila, who was already sensitized to her husband's cheating, notice the vibe, the mannerisms and behaviors of her husband and her supposed close friend?

I understand the focus of this story was on the decision to stay in the marriage, and how that occurred and played out in the end. But it weakens the legitimacy of the fallout when you realize the setup doesn't quite make sense.

As to the main focus of the story, that cannot be evaluated in hind sight. Divorce is a great way to end a toxic relationship, but a stupid way to punish someone you want to stay married to, even if not forever. Kurt and Selma did what appeared to be right for their children, and as the story indicates there was no evidence during the 8 year hiatus that they should have divorced sooner. Once divorce did become the right thing to do, they did it. Good choices given the best information they had to work with at the time.

Kurt is remarried at age 50. He could easily be married to Jackie for over 40 years, and that 40 years would be more than twice the happy years he experienced in his first marriage with Selma. That is a successful life.

His children have their own demons and their own healing to accomplish. Their stories could end better or worse than their parents, just like all children. Comparing Sheila's children to Kurt and Selma's, or to Jackie's is pointless. People chart their own course, make their own choices, and parents need to accept that, good or bad.

A very thought provoking story. Congratulations. And thanks again, for the effort.

Everybody will have a different opinion on what was or is right for a person in his position. Stay "for the kids" or divorce and try and find happiness. Does he live a miserable existence and affect his kids through that decision? Or does a happy "part time" parent lead by example? I think each person's circumstances and character determine the right path for themselves. What's right for one person might not be right for the next person. Everyone's different. And while your story was well written, it was both depressing and not very entertaining. Not much emotion except when he punched lover boy in the nose. The rest was just a "play by play" of one couples lives imploding. Where's the sex and intrigue expected from a fictional porn site story? UGH!

Such a thoughtful and realistic story! This is not fiction. This is reality. There are no bats to the knees, no sniper's bullet, and no video sent to all the friends and relatives. The closest thing to fiction was the discovery and I think it seldom happens this way. Mostly, I think it's a confession or they are seen by a friend. I bet punching that jerk in the nose was satisfying! I wish I'd had the chance once. All the rest, the self doubt, the pain, the sacrifice, and the doubt is as real as it gets. We seldom see this in a story here and I am very glad this story was shared with us all. Thank you! Very well done!

My Ex and I split after 10 years. My daughter was just 4 at the time and she was/is a “Daddy’s Girl.” I probably would have stuck around “for the Kid,” but my Ex had other plans. I’m glad she pushed me away because 3 years later I met my current wife of 32 years and couldn’t be happier with her. My daughter became an accomplished young woman and repeatedly said she didn’t want kids. That changed when she met the right guy and had her first child at age 40. Like the author, I often wondered how much my divorce effected her and her life choices. I have to say, my Ex was very fair with me and she even agreed to joint custody. I think that went a long way towards mitigating the damage the divorce did to my daughter.

Very thought provoking story, R1. Keep them coming.

I’m posting a comment before other Anonymous comments have been made public. This is half of what I felt was missing from GeorgeAnderson’s “February Sucks.” GA’s reconciliation story ended as if everything would be hunky-dory, and most of us just couldn’t accept that. Even if the FS couple had stayed together, this kind of doubt would have been a constant drag on the marriage. It would have been an unhealed injury that cropped up at inconvenient times, like a bad ankle or a trick knee. Over years, that would wear on the relationship.

Others tried too hard to change GA’s facts instead of reasonably dealing with the consequences of those facts.

Now, what is still missing (in this story, too) is the process by which the wife slowly recognizes the real consequences of her actions and comes to the conclusion that she is responsible, through her own selfishness, for the erosion of the relationship. That’s what no one has been able to really capture.

I think ohio is the one author that has the ability to sympathetically get into the minds of both characters to see the motivations of both characters.

A strong story very well told. My cheating ex-wife of long ago had no interest in saving the marriage, for the kids or otherwise. My life soon blossomed with a fantastic new wife who made lots of room in her heart and our home for my children. I have wondered whether — had it been an option at the outset — I might have stayed married just for the kids’ sake. In hindsight, I hope I would have said no. A marriage of pretense looks backward, not ahead. Parents don’t need to be apart for a home to be broken.

Gotta disagree.

1.) sometimes the kids aren’t as perceptive. I sure wasn’t

2.) so what if the kids are perceptive. Oft times its still better to have two NON-ANTAGONISTIC parents around, than a busted up marriage.

That was a solid story with believable characters and actions. Nothing else to say but that I really enjoyed it.

I think you answered your own question. In this case the couple should have divorced right away!

5

Sadly, an accurate and well written story that plays out all over the world every day.

Well written, believable introspective tale.

When it comes to things like this it isn't always easy. Why couldn't they reconcile, was her attitude too dismissive, was his inability to trust her right? Since it is written from his viewpoint where he is a stoic we never really see her or his emotions in this. I can understand why therapy might not work, when working through stuff you have to confront and feel emotions, it sounds like neither one did really, he is still angry and betrayed and she never really explains why she did what she did,I think she couldn't confront it.

And yes the idea of doing it for the kids doesn't always work out, kids are able to read their parents better than what we thing, they catch the attitudes and the like. Sheila's kids act up but they are no longer around parents who are pretending, there is short term impact but they deal with it. The two kids of selma and kurt picked up the tension, they sensed their parents were not the same and it influenced them. Kids are resilient, it is true, but it doesn't mean they don't experience unintended consequences. Personally if people stay together for the kids they would be better trying to reconcile and make a real relationship or divorce. I have been in the position of selma and kurt, not over cheating, but where I was forced to not take a path bc of our kid,I hope and pray the path I took didn't impact them.

Very well written, not a cheery story, but well written.

An insightful study on real, long term consequences.

I do agree with one other comment though.

A little bit of insight as to how the ex had processed her actions, and come to some form of enlightenment, some self-realisation, would have added another dimension. It may, though, have also muddied the overall message.

This was his story, and as such, complete... albeit sad.

Very thoughtful piece. Thank you.

This was so heavy heated, and beautiful in its raw emotion. Very sad, but beautiful. Thank you for your story.

Sad

Achingly sad to me.

This one landed high on my list of "Best Of" on LW (granted most aren't worth some used toilet paper).

Very realistic, actually a bit sad, and a bummer that there wasn't a tad more, page wise, to it.

He's left playing the "What if?" game in his head which, of course does not have answers. Maybe if he divorced the wife he'd have been so financially destroyed that college or other support wasn't available to his children. Maybe they would have both grown up hating their dad, as mom would have been right there to possibly poison their minds. Maybe they would have ended up 10 times worse than Sheila's kids.

BUT, maybe what's really needed is for him to continue being their dad and try to talk to them. Help them realize that infidelity is not a given, and that trust is possible... he found it again. 5*s

That was good. Felt authentic. 5 Stars.

Make sacrifices to shield someone and be proud of making someone less able to deal with real life. 8 years for a worthless cunt. And you did irreparable damage to your kids.

Congrats you sniveling weak shit. You must be so proud turning yourself into a martyr. Pat yourself on the back for taking one for team every time you see your stunted kids growth.

You know what a martyr is 90 percent of the time? A weak person that feels they need to carry the burden just to protect something that is better off dealing with the reality and moving on.

4.5 for the writing and the effort

2 for the pathetic excuse of a man you portrayed.

reading this story brought back memories. yes i was in that same place several years ago.my family is in such turmoil. my life is full of regret.

I think staying for the kids is important. They need the stability of two parents while growing up. I have people in my family that both divorced and stayed together after infidelity. The ones that stayed had those issues, but their kids have well-adjusted lives. The divorced ones are the opposite. The son drifts jobs and the daughter drifts men. Divorce sounds good to some until they go through it. They think of what is best for them over what is best for the kids. I would choose my kids any day over me. And did. I have no regrets in that regard. As parents, our job is to be there to raise them. And as fathers to be there to protect them. Kids living alone with their mothers are more at risk in their teen years and even before. I know some people think divorce is better, but in my view, that's the ego speaking, not the obligation to the kids. The kids did not ask to be born or to have parents who made a mess of things. You owe them an upbringing. Not to just see them on Saturday and every other holiday.

very deep, very good questions being asked. Thought provoking. Thx for your efforts.

Just as the author said, no erotica. Submit this to cosmo.

Psych studies show that all kids are damaged by divorce and most seriously. About 1/4 are damaged so badly that they are considered psychologically abnormal. There's no guarantee that kids will simply have a hard time for a little while and then handle it. Much more likely it will impact them and their future relationships for many, many years.

My take on the story was that he failed himself in the marital counseling. The key to trust was for his wife to totally and completely "own" the damage from her cheating. He could never trust her because she never admitted she did anything wrong. He needed to confront her "harmless fun" bullshit head on. That was critical to any genuine reconciliation, Sadly, they never got it done.

Major fail for the counselor not to insist that she address it, but probably par for the course. Most counselors are weak. Also a Major fail for both parents because it hurt each of them and their kids, too. 'Trickle truth' and 'rug sweeping' damage everyone.

Very serious points brought up.

Which is better for kids? Divorce or staying together?

Tests show differences based on numerous factors.

My take from personal observation of numerous divorces among family and friends is the family issues before,during, and after kids grown.

Toxic relationship before and/or during divorce or within family together.

Bitterness is hard to hide.

Seen well adjusted kids from both scenarios. Same as seen alcoholic,drug, and mental health issues from both scenarios

Answer? Personally agree with ones who say what is best for you.. Especially avoid toxic relationship

jtwheels

Thank you!

A very good story dealing with cheating and the fall out that the guilty and innocent are left to deal with. The only right answer would have been to NOT cheat. THANK YOU FOR ANOTHER GREAT STORY!!

One comment made was that this should be in Cosmo. Obviously this person feels no need to grow but please leave room for the rest of us ( and Literotica ) to do so. Some of the finest writers I've read in the last few years contribute to this site - I only hope that they continue to do so. Thank you ragnarok1 , I look forward to more.

A sad story. But somehow I think the premise of the story is wrong. The husband didn't see the physical cheating, he didn't see his wife having sex with another man and therefore it would be easier to forgive. In some ways it's like you do not think about how many boyfriends had fucked your wife before you married her. For you that doesn't exist. If you couldn't let that go you would never have got married. Similarly not seeing your wife cheating is easier to let it go. If this was a real life situation I would assume that they had problems in their marriage before she cheated and that's the real reason for them separating 8 years later and for her cheating. It really had nothing to do with the cheating but it just was a failed marriage before the cheating.

rag. This story examines a cheating spouse and the aftermath of discovery. A nice exploration of the impact on trust, the family dynamics and the results of incomplete apology with a for-the-kids forced reconciliation. Thank you also for not loading your prose with loads of unrealistic details of electronic espionage and wizardry, physical violence, or financial cleverness. Your story title is so very appropriate.

Keep 'em comin'.

I have a tough time when someone for everything “. It’s a cop out, the person hasn’t admitted any specific infraction. As for staying together for the kids? They’re more resilient than parents realize. The bigger issues are: how the parents behave towards each other; whether the noncustodial parent stays involved in their lives, or just shows up for visitation.

To me the staying together part boils down to one question: is she worth fighting for?

I stayed married for the kids. Still waiting for grandchildren too...

Contrary to the psychobabble of the 60's, most legitamate studies have shown that kids do better with two parents rather than one and a visitor primarily because the non-custodial parent is alienated physically and inconvienenced both by schedule and by the whims of the custodial parent.

Courts have slowly begun to realize that co-parenting is more likely to keep both parents invloved with the kids rather than the traditional every other weekend and a couple of weeks during the summer e.g. the kids stay in the home and the parents cycle thru for two weeks at a time.

Unfortunately, Family court is usually habitated by the least qualified judges and Civil courts can't be bothered with dealing with the judgmental errors of Family court.

The comeuppance is that Kurt gets to spoil grandkids even though they are not his own, while Selma will probably never have the opportunity. A weak revenge if any. Not all grandparents look forward to spending their retirement spoiling their grandkids.

The writing is good. The storyline is fairly common and real enough. The twist is that the outcome in this story in not unreasonable but it is unlikely.

5 stars ✨ but with great sadness. Those poor two children tho...a most excellent piece writer

I was born to a loving family . Sadly Both of My ex wives came from Split Families . Both of my ex's thought Cheating was OK .. To Me I told both of them " No way No How "

Neither divorce nor reconciliation are correct. The best course is what all human beings recognized until about 100 years ago. The penalty for adultery is DEATH! The children are shown that betrayal has serious consequences. The remaining parent has full custody, and is free to find a match that will actually love them.

This story caused me to cry! 41 years ago my wife had an extended affair she took everything she wanted and our 4-year old son and moved in with her lover. I gave her three months to decide. Three months to the day she came back. I/we have stayed in our marriage and have worked hard to make. Then two years ago one day I got a Facebook request from her former lover - when I checked to see who the common friends were it as just one- my wife. At once I realized that just days before I had booked her a flight to an upcoming event that they would both be at - 40 years of keeping it together for the kids all went to shit. When I challenged her about it she shrugged her shoulders and said "we are just friends" - A lifetime invested for what? I focus on my grandkids, we have four and they are the love of my life, I will continue to care for her as I do have a love for her like no one else - but part of me died 42 years ago! Your story covers every emotion that I have had as a man, father, and husband. She has never apologized, gave me an explanation of in anyway expressed that she had wronged me - Too late to turn back now!