All Comments on 'Forbidden Love!'

Great beginning. Dress Janet up in lingerie. Sheer bra, satin garter belt, sheer stockings and heels she leaves on while fucking. Maybe she could talk dirty. Begging for Daddy to cum on her face.

A long paragraph of sentences from two people, run together, is not dialogue. It's written (being kind) by someone that's too lazy to separate the spoken words for each character.

I like short stories, but this was too short. A bit more dialogue would help as well. 4/5

YOU RUSHED THE STORY AND IT WAS TOO SHORT, ONE STAR

Good start - let's hear more.