All Comments on 'Forbidden Passions in a Dark Room'

you need an editor, some weird descriptive language

First page is entirely in italics, second is not. Why? Not a clue. The least of multiple editing issues.

Pure garbage

It is a pretty cool idea for a story and thanks for taking the time to write it and present it here.

I have a few thoughts, which are intended to be constructive and I hope are taken as constructive.

At first, I felt that this young woman’s father was there to molest his daughter. The language you used made me uncomfortable and made me feel that he was lurking at the door and ready to abuse her. The fact that his breath stank, and he was more or less drunk, really undermined any sense that this sexual encounter was going to be a loving encounter.

The young woman was adoring and naïve, which I thought was beautiful and appropriate, but I still couldn’t shake the sense that she was being manipulated or forced into doing something with a drunken domineering father. I think he did become loving.

This may be a tenuous interpretation, but I sensed that you were sort of fighting to transform the story from a tale about power relations into a love story. I think you were trying to strike a balance, but I only ended up with cognitive and emotional dissonance. She is a sensitive virgin, so the language has to be about the love, and the tender and slow way he makes love to her. The way he touches her and talks softly to her is everything.

This function of the stepmother was a bit tricky. They are discovered. The mean stepmom can now have them both arrested and jailed for their incest. She can take everything and destroy them. The closing out of the story hints that the father may violently deal with the stepmom.

There is an undertone of darkness and violence in this story, which I don’t think would sit well with most people, who read incest/taboo stories here at Literotica. Most readers here love the stories where family members fall in love. They like some comedy as well I think.

Italics VS no-Italic is a formatting issue, not an editing issue. Formatting is a product produced in the conversion process between the original word file and the HTML file posted to the page. This is function is out of the hands of the author. I’m not sure what other issues you are calling editing are. That is to say, I don’t know if you mean editing or format.

I can understand if you don’t like the subject matter, word choice, or other writing issues.

While I hear you, Mr. Pure Garbage, I chose to ignore you.

“you need an editor, some weird descriptive language” If the wording in parts of the story is weird to you, well, as it happens, I’m an odd girl.

To the other poster, thank you, I’m trying to learn what loving incest is. In my adoptive home, we had no incest. In my original home, we had no love. I’ll figure out the formula sooner or later. I’m taking your points to heart.

While I do understand the other poster about the icy factor in the opening. Once I realized she idolized her father, and thought a moment on his supposed inebriation I realized his bloodshot eyes could be the glow of the cigarettes, that he may have had only one beer also crossed my mind. To a person who doesn't drink, a person who has one beer reeks of it. I thought this was a sweet story. I find myself wonder what her father does for a living and if the wife was, you know, murdered by him.

This story needs to continue on!

It is by no means complete!

No matter what , the daughter needs to become pregnant, with twins.

Daddy fucking her constantly while she is pregnant and again as soon after she delivers as possible.

Great story.

For a daughter to become her daddy's wife is the best thing in the world. To knowingly get pregnant over and over again is the best thing. I would love to become my father's wife. To get fucked every night and get pregnant over and over. To raise our children who would have our genes, our mechanism, our blood. Incest is the best sex ever because non other sex can beat that pure, heavenly feeling.