All Comments on 'Forced Perspective'

The story was a bit over the top, the some characters were despicable monsters and others heroes. There were a lot of errors in the writing but it did have a good ending and was ok for a first effort. Mr Other has done much better with is later stories, certainly much better than I could ever do.

Loved the story with the exception of a few details. One: Dianna not telling Harry that Roger was not his biological father. The whole “not my story to tell” angle made little sense. Why would she not tell the man she’s head over heels in love with the truth? Second: Why didn’t Harry and Dianna have security ESCORTING them instead. They knew Roger and Greg were dangerous and after them. Third: Harry automatically assuming that Diana was cheating on him when she was TIED TO THE FREAKING BED! That’s a poor demonstration of the type of trust that he says he has in her. Last (and most important): why would Diane want to go over to see Martha to get the DNA test in the letter by herself when she knew that Roger, Greg and Joan were dangerous? And why did Harry let her go by herself when he also knew how dangerous his family was? They couldn't have been that trusting, due to their experiences with their respective family members, How could they be so naive?

Mostly, I really enjoyed this story, the exceptions were the rape scene and the errors, such as when the prison officer ‘extorted’ him from the prison.

This is the 2nd story of yours I've reafdand 8 can't read anymore. By the 2nd or 3rd page the MC knows that his wife or family are evil/vile and then is shocked when they do something evil or vile. It makes no sense. You write your MC as smart but at the same unbelievably stupid. I'll keep a look out for your stories and avoid them in future. 0*

Another excellent story, love the way you can evoke emotions in your stories. Well done!

I liked every bit of it . Well except for you not having it edited . The mispelled words and unknown grammar could be a little disrupting . But the story was fantastic and so deep and depraved . Well done .

Superb story. This can or have been your First.

How does a man supposed to deal with teenagers when their social life removes every chance for him to have visitation? I may not like what Sam did, but at the moment, don't have an alternative.

While another anon said you can see it coming. However it's like a train wreck you can't look away from. The story is great. The curve balls you throw make this immensely entertaining. Editing would be nice but that is where I stop not picking since I am not a writer or an editor. I have read your other world and enjoy them all. You keep getting better with each story. I look forward to your future works

Mike

It is my pleasure to vote five. You have a real talent

I think you are a very good writer and you need to learn the value of brevity. This story is about eight pages too long. Thanks for the story.

I haven’t read all 311 previous comments, and I will give kudos to the great story teller you have become. But it only takes a passing familiarity with the the effects of continued abuse such as the MC suffered to know that victims of abuse and neglect have huge residual difficulties throughout their lives. The incidence of alcohol and drug abuse, domestic violence, generational transfer of abusive behavior and divorce is much higher than among the general population. That the MC becomes an always forgiving, loving and.generous multimillionaire that in the end finds he is surrounded by a new loving family seems contrived and completely unrealistic.

Great story!

G

For your first effort,this story is gold. I know that you find an editor after this story, so all is well. I love your many stories and look forward to reading them as soon as they appear on Literotica.

Harry the weak wimp Other....his family treated the bastard like shit yet he still went back for 'mandatory' visits!! Just a stupid asshole

Dianne skank must be fucking his brother and dad kn the side!! His mother is a lying bitch!!

I really enjoyed it and gave it 5 stars, especially for your first effort. I wish I could go higher, but I can't. I thought you did a great job making Harry's life come alive, and meeting his "soulmate" Dianna, and the two of them staying together thru thick and thin, really showed what an amazing couple they were. I loved how you made their honeymoon cruise go, and their time together meeting customers and visiting new plants sound so much like fun (especially for her). Then to later find out he's related to Jack, his best friend who he thought of as an older brother, now his uncle thanks to being his bio father George's brother.

You have a masterful way of tying it all together, and making it seem to flow so well. I've read a couple of your other stories, and it's really hard to believe that this was your first. Kudo's for the work involved, and Thank You for sharing it with us. Great Job.

'you're' is short for 'you are'!

;your' is possessive, as in 'your right hand'!

Similarly with 'we're' and 'we are', and 'there' (place), their (possessive) and 'they're' (they are)

Good story but you take some wild side glances. Big question: After the way he had been treated, why would he continue returning home? You need an editor, but I hope you keep writing.

Two big things were him keeping returning home to that awful place and Dianna not coming clean about what her communications to his stepfather were.

The story is good. I gave it 5 stars. However, the text badly needs editing.

Too long olr wha was said

There are so many inconsistencies in this story that I lost count. The rape scene is so contrived that it is unbelievable. This guy lived at home for how many years and never had an inkling of the incest going on ? These women had to have been gagged while all the rape and fucking was going or the kid was deaf. Nice theme but too much sensationalism in the execution.

Okay, okay. In the few years since I wrote this I have learned a lot. As a first story without an editor I am still very proud of what I wrote here, but yes, it needs a clean up.

I’m going to commit to doing an update and fixing a lot of the inconsistencies. I’m not going to change the plot line, just put it through a formal edit and make it more readable.

It might take a few months, so hang in there.

Cheers

John Other

I love the story. 2nd time. I realize this was your first story here but please have an editor go through it.

The story has a good premise but lacks a good execution. The worst part is it reads as if someone non-English speaking wrote this. It is so had to read through I gave up halfway in. Spell check works use it there is no excuse for poor spelling or verbage usage. It's lazy and makes you look illiterate. I love some of the other stories like double trouble well except the ending letter on that one. I would either delete this embarrassing story a use an editor.

As always, thanks for the story. I enjoyed it very much. Lots of typos, etc. But I was able to work through those without much difficulty. An excellent first effort!

Very good story for a first-timer. I will say, if were Harry, the day I left for college with the scholarship in hand would’ve been the day I told my whole miserable family to fuck off and die. And I would have never gone back. What a sorry excuse for human beings they were.

I still enjoyed the story, O2O1, thanks for sharing.

5 stars.

John, You have evolved so much as a writer since posting this story, I for one, can't wait to see your update. As a fan, I know you're going to wow us again!

You definitely have a talent when it comes to writing stories like this I thought I had it figured out for a second going by the norm for a story posted in the lw catagory but

Positive: The story was great.

Negative: You badly need an editor. Spelling errors, missing words, and wrong words made the story harder to read.

Funny it I usually pick up on each error, but in Other’s stories I read right over them.

5 stars from me.

Bill S.

Lots of mistakes that should have been caught by proof reading. Still it had its good parts, definitely unsurprised by it being your first as it is no where near the quality of your other works.

Got to say that it felt in parts like it should have been set in the 50s, as only back then would a woman put up with such behaviour.

I was also deeply saddened by the fact that the weak easily injured party drive a Mustang. Seems to be the cucks car of choice.

In a humorous aside, I'm pretty sure that it could, with a few changes be seen as a BTB story, if told from Rogers pov. Because I'm sure that there are many readers of the LW section that would see nothing wrong with Rogers revenge on his cheating slut wife.

Not gonna lie but I don't know anyone that after going through that childhood would have ever gone home. He was independently wealthy and had zero need to . Of course, he'd never have met Dianna and there wouldn't have been much of a story, but at least it'd have been realistic.

To post a story so full of easily found mistakes is, to my mind, an indication of either ignorance or, arrogance. Proof readers, either digital or human are readily available. To not do so?

Regardless, compounding the blatant errors with the narcissism, "Mr. Other", compels me to write this comment after reading a few pages. No more.

Good story. Needs editing tho. 5 stars for originality.

OK…which is more absurd - you be the judge.

1. “Let’s break into this old haunted house where a serial killer lives…and the first thing we’ll do is split up.”{

2. “We have 2 psychotic and dangerous thugs after a young gazillionare and instead of giving him armed body guards, we’ll make sure security is 10 minutes away.”

Glaring errors in spelling and grammatical structure aside, this is a well thought out story and quite entertaining. Certainly worth a 3-4 star rating but for the fact this was your first ever attempt at writing. I gave it 5 star.

Sometimes it just best if everyone just died

I don't know if this is fucked up but I would be very angry that Diane kept those secrets from me.

Then instead of telling him, she went to his insane family--knowing they've been trying to get her husband's money--instead of just telling me. If she had just been honest she may not have had to go over there, and maybe could have avoided being beaten and raped by those monsters. I wouldn't like my wife continuously avoiding telling me the truth. She refused even at their wedding. It would be hard to trust her knowing there are major things she refuses to be honest about.

Corny AF

Excellent. Well told, satisfying story.

-I've read a couple of this author's stories and found them entertaining. I had to force myself to get through this; it really wasn't worth the effort.

-I will read his "other" stories, so there is hope.

-Oh, horsepower and kilowatts are not interchangeable. 550 hp doesn't equal 550 Kw.

I enjoyed the story but have to admit that I needed to skip paragraphs of description that were unnecessary, overlook using the wrong words and the mistakes with the grammar. I appreciate that this was one of Other2Other1's first stories written, so have tempered my criticism accordingly. A good "feel good" story with a decent ending so thank you for your writing and keep them coming.

To me, the whole premise of letting his wife go back to the parents house was ridiculous. Tell me what was she supposed to accomplish that wasn't already known or could be explained. Get permission to tell her husband how evil his family was? No logical reason to it, so this whole story fell apart. That said I did enjoy reading up to that point.

That was one of the wildest rides I have ever read. There is so much to unpack here that all I will say is I loved It! 5 big glowing ⭐️.

While I’d feel immensely sorry for the wife, I can’t help but think that trust might be irreparably broken. She had time and time again opportunity to tell him that his family was no good but she didn’t. Then she put herself into harms way.

Let’s be real real. She’s soiled. Those images are never coming out of his head. Maybe if it had been someone else, but not his father, brother, and sister.

Wow. This guy needs an editor really badly. So many careless errors. Missing words, or extra words left in that should have been removed. It was hard to read, and I'm not really sure it was worth my effort.

This is a great story, I know it is your first the poor editing. That did not diminish the quality of the story so PLEASE re edit the story and re submit it as I believe the story deserves it, and to qualify my statement I am a reader not a writer.

Thanks Laurie1941, I am slowly working through re editing this, I’ve got a few other stories to finish first, but this will have an update in the (near’ish) future…

Great story especially being ur first. The only thing I suggest is maybe the big secret that she had could also be she slept with his father BEFORE they got together. Just once though. It will also help sell him running away when his wife was being rapped. Him not being his father I feel is not a good enough reason for his wife to keep it a secret especially with him not being close to his family.

Good storytelling for your first story. I’m a great admirer of your writing. People are so picky about the grammar but they need to relax. If they can’t recognize the word even with one letter incorrectly used then they should take an ambien. I think it hilarious when people criticize your grammar but they can’t use their real names (Anonymous).

Your latest story, Parenthood was exceptional and a tearjerker. Worthy of a box of tissues. Keep up the good work. I look forward to future writings.

For a first story, it was really good. Trying not to be too hard re editing as I know it isn’t the easiest, but generally very pleasantly surprised at the quality of the plot and characterisation. Glad to see it’s being further worked on. Makes me want to try my hand at writing!

Why on Earth would his mother visit Joan? Wasn't she involved in sexually assaulting her own mother? Yeah, I'd be "fuck off, Joan".

improbable but still interesting and heart warming

I kind of think Dianna borderline betrayed the MC by keeping secrets from him. I think a husband and wife should have no secrets, and complete trust. The only people a man can fully, and without reservation, trust are his mother and his wife. Dianna did him wrong by not revealing such intimate details about his life.

I do agree with another reader to a point the MC was betrayed in away by his girl by withholding crucial information from about his past and the people he called his family if would have had that information what happened to her could have been avoided I'm not saying the woman in this story is at fault but I am saying that it shouldn't have happened she should have told him when she found out not keeping it a secret also I feel he was quick to forgive his mother for she also betrayed him she knew as well and never told him and even helped her husband and other son in the attempted rape of her and the drugging of her she could have put a stop to everything by telling her son everything but she chose not to she chose her husband and other children over him so she was just as much as fault and would be an accomplice to the crime that was committed to the MC girl

Great story glad harry stuck it out he’s a son to be proud of

>"Baby, I think I need to go and see your parents tomorrow."

>She sighed, "Cindy called me today and told me about your chat with Jack. Not all the details, but Jack is worried about you. And there is something that I need from them before I can talk to you and clear the air. Besides, if I go there and just talk to your mother without your dad or Greg, it is likely that there will not be any screaming."

Trying to victim blame as little as possible. Dianna is a straight up fucking simpleton. From that day forward every idea she has is ignored. Dumb mother fucker just thought things would go well. Vacation ideas ignore, natural disaster incoming, home renovations ideas ignore will collapse the house. Let the the double digit and above people do the thinking there after.

>You went to that house to get something you thought I should have. Yes, you didn't tell me everything, but in the light I day, I cannot fault your logic

That's just do to lack of trying more than anything else. Not a single wrinkle on that brain.

Thank you.

Turns out I had read this before but had not remembered it. I must say after reading your other stories I can sure tell this was your first. It was a bit drawn out and the dreadful secret wasn't really much of one. The villains were despicable, vulgar and out right depraved individuals but as we all know there are actually people in real life that actually exist that are pretty much like the characters in this story. Your more recent stories have improved dramatically over this one. Double or Nothing comes to mind.

Real People are not 'Politically Correct', nor are Real Life Events necessarily 'plausible'.

I've had things happen to me, and heard about things that other people have suffered, that would seemed so unrealistic and contrived, that I would never put in a work of fiction.

I've found that no matter how much effort I put into a story, there are invariably glaring errors that I only notice after I've submitted.

On the whole I thought the story was very good. Sure, there were things I did not like, but they don't detract from my overall assessment.

(Note, I think that my registered email address for this site may currently be non-functional. Hoping to fix that, at some stage.)

A lot of work. Too melodramatic.

Great story regardless of it being your first.

half way through the story I was glad I was a only child, but all the same a good story well done

A very interesting story and well told. Thank you. 5 stars.

Wow! This was your very first? It's a complex tour-de-force and very satisfying to the reader.

As a fellow writer, I have comment that this work deserves a copy editor. I'm a relic, I knew an actual human copy editor. She went to Radcliff, you know, but was a female and it was the best job in publishing that she could get way back when. She was my landlady for a while.

You probably have better work in progress, but I really want to say that you've got a rattling-good story here. It's vivid. It has great characters. All of good I've seen in your later works is here or foreshadowed here.

I'm so happy to have read somewhere here that you're focusing on new work to submit to publishers--if I read you right. Do it. It's what I would do in your position. I did shop a novel around. At that time one still had to physically mail a couple of chapters and an outline. I did parallel submissions because of the low probability that an over transom ms. would get reading. It was tough then and I'm sure it's tougher now (shrinking book market), but you have the toughness of your characters in you. Go get 'em!

My best,

Eirikur